The Malignant Narcissist Uses Force To Make Her Victim Submit To Abuse

Forcing Submission

by

Anna Valerious of Narcissists Suck Blog

Every abuser, every narcissist, every psychopath, every rapist, arsonist, every sociopath is after one thing: POWER. Power over others. This is an outgrowth of the narcissistic need to have all attention focused on them. We already understand that attention is the drug that the narcissist pursues at every moment. This is the core motivation that moves them. There are natural branches that sprout off this trunk and the desire for power over others is one of them. The intoxicating thrill of absolute power is the biggest high they can get from their drug of choice.

The extent to which an individual will pursue their quest for power is determined only by what they feel they can get away with. No small part of this is how much they fear authority or the law. The narcissist mother will not pursue absolute power to the degree that the psychopathic serial killer will. But make no mistake – both are consumed by the quest for power over others.

[ Indeed, many malignant narcissists will feign victimhood, manipulate authorities and exploit the law in an effort to “force” the true victim to submit. In these instances, “law enforcement professionals” become an instrument of harassment for the abuser. They are serving the malignant narcissist abuser; they are helping her to abuse and get away with it. And what they are doing is very wrong, and very damaging to an already abused victim.]

Unchecked pursuit of power is destructive and merciless as well as escalating. As Proverbs 27:20 says in the Contemporary English Version, “Death and the grave are never satisfied, and neither are we.” The grave never protests when someone dies, “We’re full up here. We aren’t accepting any more death, sorry.” Death is always ready to open up her insatiable arms for yet another. So is the lust that drives the malignant narcissist of all brands and stripes. Never satisfied. Never Satiated. Never full.

[ Ain’t that the truth. The malignant narcissist is a big black hole and she is NEVER full. NEVER satisfied. She’s always in pursuit of more and more and more. The more is handed to her, the more she craves. In terms of power; “unchecked” and “escalating” are key words here. Let’s say a malignant narcissist is power of attorney for 12 years over a defenseless old man (her father). She uses that old man and his money to abuse, harass and aggress her victim (her sister), and then he dies. What then? The malignant narcissist tyrant has been on a reign of terror for over a decade, possibly her whole life, and no one has ever put a stop to her. She has never faced any consequences for her corruption. As a result, her lust for power has grown to grotesque proportions. She’s not about to relinquish any “power” just because her main weapon (her father) died. She is not only going to pursue continual power at all costs, she will attempt to trump her last power position. In other words, she is going to take her pathological need for “power and control” over her victim to the next level. She is going to take her position as tyrant within a dysfunction family and force her will on the outside world – the community. This is where “authorities” and the “law” come in. She knows they occupy a powerful position in society and she wants a piece of that power. So, in the same way she used her wealthy old father and his financial position, she uses the police and the legal system as a weapon to abuse her victim. What the hell comes after that?! The reality is, the malignant narcissist is drunk with power and her intimidation and control tactics only escalates with time and opportunity. Unless of course, someone puts a stop to her and sues her and her cohorts for something like "Malicious Prosecution".]

Kathy Krajco defined what absolute power looks like:

What is absolute power? It’s absolute control, possession. Surely you have recognized the lust for it in bizarre crimes committed by psychopaths. Mike DeBardeleben, a sexual sadist serving a life sentence wrote in his journal that it is “to force her to undergo suffering without being able to defend herself.”

“Without being able to defend herself” are key words. It isn’t enough to torment the victim: this must be done in a way that keeps her from resisting. That’s absolute power, possession…

This is the ultimate in mental cruelty = making the victim bend over for it. Then the sick-o gets to pretend that the victim truly does “want it,” has ceased to exist as a person (with a free will and the most basic human right – the right to self defense) and is but an appendage of his that he thus “proves” his absolute power over.

All narcissists do this one way or another: they don’t merely abuse, they FORCE SUBMISSION TO ABUSE. This makes them God, whose punishing wounds we are to shamefully accept as our fault. We are not to resist: we are simply to hang our heads as deserving of them… “What Makes Narcissists Tick” pgs. 104 – 105

Notice that what is required for this to work is for the narcissist to completely disarm their victim. No right to self-defense allowed! This is what they must strip you of first before they can go on to pretend that you are submitting to them of your own free will. Like they deserve such submission and like you’ve freely given it. Either they will use psychological tactics to get you to feel you have no right to defend yourself, or, as in the case of the serial killer, they will arrange your physical circumstances to make it impossible for you to defend yourself and then break you down mentally.

[ Other malignant narcissists who are adept at playing the victim and utilizing the pity-ploy, will manipulate authorities and the system in order to make it a crime for the victim to confront her abusers, or to show any resistance to abuse. For example, the malignant narcissist can get away with psychologically aggressing her victim and committing fraud and stealing, but the victim isn’t allowed to express any anger over these unrelenting attacks and personal violations. In fact, the victim’s reaction to the narcissist's malice is called into question, NOT the malignant narcissist's predatory and morally repugnant criminal behavior. In the end, the victim’s emotional distress at being a target of exploitation, abuse and high stakes theft is labeled a crime.]

So, for the sake of the victim’s mental health, you must NEVER deny him or her the right to put up a fight.

Denying a person under any kind of assault this right is what theologians call the sin of “extreme perversity,” otherwise known as the Sin of Sodom, which is a certain kind of rape – RAPE, not sex – is symbolic.

It violates the laws of nature and the innate instinct for self-preservation. If the victim knuckles under to pseudo-moralistic pressure to not lift hand or voice in self defense, he or she will become a suicide risk. That is forcing people to commit the worst breach of faith there is – with one’s very self. It’s self-betrayal, what Joan of Arc called the “most wretched treason.”

The victim NEEDS to know that he or she did what they could to resist their abuser! Don’t EVER try to stop the victim from doing that!

NEVER, never, never preach prime-time morality at the victim making it a sin for him or her to yell at the abuser. Though yelling may not be wise in all cases, it IS the victim’s RIGHT! It at least lets him or her preserve self-respect through showing a back bone. --- “Self Preservation Under Narcissistic Abuse” by Kathy Krajco.

I made a point in this post that your most fundamental right as a living being is the right to self-defense. It is this very right which the narcissist will first try to convince you that you don’t have.

“Turn the other cheek” is the pious phrasing far too many victims of abusers have gotten as advice when they desperately have sought for help with their situation. It is essential that victims of narcissists are re-armed with the knowledge of their right to self-defense if they are ever going to be able to resist and break the narcissist’s power over them.

Knowing that the narcissist is driven by their need for power over others, and knowing they are always in search of this headiest drug which is absolute power over others, then you’ll be aware that they must force your submission in order to feel powerful over you.

All this leads straight to the fact that a narcissist must deprive you of your right to defend yourself to accomplish this. THEY WILL ALWAYS DO THIS BY FRAUD, LIES AND THREATS. They will bring in their proxies to help them get you to submit to that which no one should ever have to submit to.

They want to pretend that your forced submission is a real submission… and this can only be done if they successfully deprive you of your ability to defend yourself.

Can you see how incredibly important it is to be fully aware of your right to NOT submit to abuse? I am convinced that no one breaks free of the power of a narcissist over them until they are able to claim for themselves the right to self-defense.

It is important to mention here one very tricky sleight-of-hand that a narcissist does to disarm someone from self-defense. This is accomplished by intentionally mislabeling your defensive behaviors as being “retribution” or “vengeance”. They accuse you of hurting THEM. They pretend to know your motives and lay the accusation that any efforts you make to defend yourself are actually coming from your desire to hurt THEM.

If they can convince you that you are being vengeful, or at least if they can convince you that others see you as being vengeful, then they can shut you down. Force your submission once again.  

"It's another form of Blame the Victim".... and in the "Court of Society" MN parents have stacked the jury, subverted the evidence and paid off the judge. Most of us were well aware of these realities as kids. Another reason why I still believe the "Scapegoat" family member is the healthiest "member" in the FOO mess... generally, we're "the ones who got away" despite their continuing and relentless attempts to sabotage our efforts in every single way."  - Comment by Anonymous

Truth: Not only do they force us to submit to their abuse; they force us to pay attention to them when all we want to be is free of them! 

Narcissist Sympathizers

Narcissist Sympathizers

By Kathy Krajco

What Makes Narcissists Tick

I, for one, am sick of the insult to our intelligence in narcissist sympathizers trying to hand people the line that the poor, poor narcissist doesn't mean to hurt anyone, that they don't know what they are doing, that it just sort of happens, that they think they are behaving normally.

Your brain must be dead if you think that people who abuse ONLY ON THE SLY - behaving like angels when there are witnesses - don't know exactly what they're doing.

To the bullet-headed narcissist sympathizers, I say, "Try real, real hard to understand. Bend a brain cell or two. Repeat to yourself 100 times that "He abuses only in the dark. When other people are watching, he acts like he's full of loving kindness even toward the very one he abuses in the dark."

Maybe if you repeat that simple fact to yourself 100 times, it will sink in. Think. Think real, real hard what it means. Really work at lifting that mental weight. Come on, you can do it. If you try real, real hard you will understand what this simple fact means.

Circumcize your crusty brain, because the average ten-year-old knows that if you hide what you are doing, you know what you are doing and that it's wrong.

Especially when you go to great lengths putting on a phony show of being the exact opposite type of person.

Get a clue: that ain't mental illness; that's just diabolical.

What's more, even the average ten year-old is smart enough to know that if you can control yourself when there are witnesses, you can control yourself when there aren't.

Too complex? Read my lips: that ain't mental illness; that's just sneakiness to get away with wrongdoing.

Sorry, but if you narcissist sympathizers can't see that, no one can enlighten you.

What's more, narcissists are sadistic. The well-known narcissist Sam Vaknin himself often says this. And anyone abused by a narcissist knows it.

Sadism is proof positive of the intent to cause pain.

It is also proof positive of the ability to empathize when the narcissist or psychopath wants to. Unfortunately, the only time they choose to empathize is when calculating what to do to cause maximum pain. You know - the empathy of a professional torturer, used only to feel out what type of treatment will wound most deeply.

The courts know all this too. Psychopaths (who are all narcissists too) and other narcissists flunk with flying colors all the insanity tests. Which is why NPD and psychopathy are no defense and are considered character disorders, not personality disorders.

And the mental health establishment has no credibility on the question, since they call cigarette smoking a mental illness and called homosexuality a mental illness till the day the politically correct wind shifted. How can anyone respect the judgement of a herd like that?

While I won't argue that NPD isn't a mental illness, I see that, if it is, it is far more likely the fruit of thoroughly depraved character, not the cause.

If you must twist your brain into a bowlful of tangled spaghetti to "rationalize" irrational and predatory behavior, you are going to end up with a damaged mind. But it's an EFFECT, not a cause, of vicious behavior.

But, go ahead, narcissist sympathizers. Insult your own intelligence all you want: it's a free country. Just don't expect anything but what you have coming for insulting mine or anyone else's.

PURCHASE A COPY OF HOUSE OF MIRRORS EBOOK AND PAPERBACK HERE! 

The Answer to the Problem of Evil is to Deter it

  

Here's a good, cut through all the bull sh** article by Kathy Krajco... gleaned from the pages of her site "What Makes Narcissists Tick."

The answer to the problem of evil in the world is to deter it. There. See? Did that take an Einstein? Every child knows this. If somebody punches you, make it cost him. If you don't, expect another punch tomorrow.

I have seen total idiocy among school teachers on this. They think that both kids in a fight are automatically wrong. What simpletons. They need their Commandments boiled down to a cheat sheet of literal dos and don'ts, because they have no moral sense and therefore can't tell right from wrong.

They create the perfect world for bullies. You know, like all the bystanders - who have nothing to say about the narcissist's abuse but condemn you the victim for anything you do to try to put a stop to it.

ANYTHING. They condemn you for hitting back. They condemn you for yelling back. They condemn you for countering the character-assassinating lies he is spreading about you - you must let him murder you this way without showing that he is lying by projection, for that would damage the poor little character assassin's good name! Yes, the holier-than-thous are that crazy. They condemn you for abandoning the poor, hurt little dear. If he or she is in your school, after they have condemned you for every other thing you might do to protect yourself, they seal the door to your torture chamber by condemning you for skipping class. In other words, they insist that you present yourself daily to your abuser for more abuse. AND that you submit to it without doing anything in your defense.

Ah, perversity is endless.

When I began teaching, I was shocked (but later understood) when an old colleague of mine said that he never ran to stop a fight. He timed his arrival to make sure the really angry kid got a few licks in. Why? Because he knew that the school administrators were idiots and that both kids would be punished equally with virtually no effort to find out and stop what had caused the fight. Therefore, those few licks were the only deterrent to the jerk who had started the fight by picking on the other kid till he just couldn't take any more (and feel like he had a spine).

In short, we need to speak up and shout down the idiots who keep preaching that self-defense is a sin and that justice is "revenge" and that you must "forgive" the unforgivable = an offense in progress, a denied offense, a continuing offense = an unrepented offense.

Some people, many people, are amoral. They have no moral restraints. Unless you want to be their victim, you had better teach them an object lesson to go find easier prey.

And no, normal people don't get carried away with the freedom to defend themselves. The control-freak religious rulers and social engineers would have us think so, but that is baloney. Normal people HATE conflict. They hate fighting. The only time they are even tempted to fight is when under some sort of attack. We are just like other animals in this. They snarl and snap at an intrusion or offense and two seconds later have forgotten about it.

Why? Because the purpose was DEFENSIVE - to back the other party off. Once that mission is accomplished, it's done. Getting carried away just doesn't happen when DEFENSE is your cause and goal. It's not even a temptation.

The abuser is the one who has other goals, offensive ones that he or she gets carried away with. It's the abnormal people, those who are predators, who get carried away. And what carries them away is a victim lying down for it.

Ironic, eh? Exactly what the holier-than-thous force the victim to do is what causes the victim to eventually snap and go ballistic. I say let people defend themselves. Then they will put an end to abuse when it starts, long before it escalates to such a point.

We need these sanctimonious hypocrites to stop making out people to be evil if they fight back. Or run away. As in divorce or skipping school. You cannot force people to submit to abuse. That is the Sin of Sodom, otherwise known as making someone bend over for it. It violates the Laws of Nature. And common sense.

Beyond that, all we need is for the mental health profession to do its job by making sure the public IS aware of how many predators are out there. Most people have no idea that predators are not rare and that everyone runs into them. If people knew this, they'd be a good deal more careful and would take warning signs seriously.

What a better, safer world it would then be.

A CALL TO ARMS

Anonymous said...

Consider yourself and your blog providing a "Global Service" for sending these purely evil beings off on an "iceberg" somewhere. As long as we-particularly the adult children-start facing AND embracing reality, recognizing we can not instill a conscience where none exists and act on our most primal need for self-preservation, f the label, the DNA relationship and what "others" think: GET OUT NOW. This blog resonates with you? Accept they ARE who they ARE. I can honestly say retrospectively my MN mother did NOT lie per se (although she certainly engaged in horribly duplicitous, nasty behavior throughout her life). I simply could NOT accept for years the implications that my MN mother was just plainly, clearly evil. "The banality of evil" wrapped up in the label "Mother" was horrifying to be raised in; when I stepped away (NC) it became breath-taking in it's manifestations and implications. And as she aged, this apparently "harmless old lady" act continued to pull in others as she lived her parasitic lifestyle, feeding off other people and expropriating their kids-adult or not. By that point I no longer needed or cared about other's perceptions.....and as she burned their asses one after another, I didn't care to hear about it from them either.

When an adult child terminates a relationship with a parent, beware.....be very, very leery about your "opinions" and your involvement with this "poor person....her DAUGHTER (gasp!) no longer keeps in contact/does nothing to help" etc. My MN sharpened her claws, shredded her daughter and manipulated/abused this daughter for years. Put yourself "out there" for these people and MN mother will do you EXACTLY the same way.

So don't cry me a river-I cried my own....and I'm DONE.

I consider your blog more than a clarion call, an excellent source for information on MNs but a "Global Community Service/Public Announcement." Ignore it at your peril....and don't say you "Didn't KNOW." Adult kids just don't go around willy-nilly terminating parental/familial relationships. And if others choose to NOT factor that HUGE statement in their "opinions" and actions here's an OJT Big Time Lesson In Life commin' right atcha. You won't escape unscathed, nor IMO should you: The "Law of Natural Consequences" and the predictable behavior of the MN ensures the outcome.

WARNING: Do Not Appease The Narcissists

In the land of entitlement Narcissists get to act like Baby Huey, lofty Kings and hungry predators and we adjust to their temperament by pacifying the wailing baby so it won’t have a tantrum; obeying his or her majesty so we won’t be banished from court; and backing down to the vicious predator so we won't be attacked.

To continue reading this article and many more purchase
 Breaking Free: A Way Out For Adult Children of Narcissists