Never Show "Vulnerability" to a Narcissist

Never show signs of weakness around a narcissist because when you’re down that’s precisely when they’re going to kick. This is true for all narcissists, from your garden variety straight on up to the malignant.  All narcissists salivate at the sign of a vulnerable target - be it mental, emotional or physical vulnerability.

Narcissists are spineless bullies. They are insecure, jealous, inadequate, attention seeking little brats trapped in the body of an adult.  Have you ever referred to a narcissist as a strong person? I doubt it. Narcissists are immature weaklings and cowards. Their personality disorder makes them so. When they see an easy opportunity to strike they can’t help themselves. 

They are nasty little children and they don’t fight fair.  

Malignant narcissists are predators by nature and predators devour the bleeding and the injured. They can't help themselves; it’s their animal instinct. They respond to your vulnerability like a rabid junkyard dog to a meaty bone: they’ve gotta chomp on it.

So I ask you, are you going to show insecurity around a sadistic little brat who’s always looking for ways to vaunt themselves at your expense? Are you going to show signs of weakness around a vicious predator whose very nature is to attack vulnerable prey? Narcissists are unsafe, period. But they are especially dangerous when you are in a weakened state. Sharks sniff out blood.

All narcissists identify with other abusers, so if you have been harmed by another person – most likely another narcissist - do not tell them. The narcissist will not only pathologize you but defend their fellow narcissist. Feel better now? The narcissist does. You see, narcissists are always scrounging around for validation of their abusiveness. If you offer up proof of another harmful person – in the narcissist's eyes – you have justified their own cruel behaviour. Birds of a feather and all that.

In the most sinister way; the vile narcissist will attribute virtues to your abuser while giving you a good kick. For example, you are in utter distress because a co-worker has been bullying, undermining, and sabotaging you for over a year. He's trying to get you fired; he wants your job.  You are at wits end, losing sleep, nervous, stressed out and ready to quit your job because of the situation. The narcissist - let's call her Sherry - will simply be delighted to hear of your dilemma, and react to your predicament by saying, “Oh, come on. He’s not a bad person. He’s just a hard worker and his job is important to him. Maybe he’s been taking notes on you. You’re just not taking very good care of yourself.”

See what the narcissist did? Sherry just defended her fellow narcissist saying that he’s a good guy, a hard worker, cares about his job and obviously has dirt on you. The narcissist just told you that you are bad, lazy, you don’t care about your job, and that you’re obviously doing something that warrants note taking and the narcissist’s abuse. Furthermore, the narcissist assigned the cause of your distress to you for not taking care of yourself. It’s your fault. Get it? You were asking for it. That’s why the co-worker narcissist abused you, and that’s why Sherry is justified in abusing you. The vile narcissist feels better now.  

Here's another example of the narcissist's callousness. You've been in a serious accident in which you suffered a massive cut to your face. The injury was so bad that it required plastic surgery. You are still in a state of shock from the accident; you are beaten-up, stitched-up, battered and bruised. You are distressed at the state of your face; you are weakened and run down from surgery. Laid up in bed, you make the mistake of sending a fact based email notifying a narcissist of your accident. Let's call the vile narcissist Myra. Myra responds with a one line email that says, "Keep it in perspective." She adds a link to a YouTube video of a guy with no arms and no legs. Feel better now? The vile narcissist Myra does.

Let's take a look at what both of the narcissists did. They placed themselves above you as your judge: "Keep it in perspective." "You're not taking care of yourself." This condescending superiority aggrandizes the narcissist. They denied you any attention and let you know that you don't matter. They blamed you, the victim, and attributed virtues to your abuser. They dismissed and minimized your experience. Let you know that you had no right to even bring up your accident, let alone feel anything because someone out in YouTube land has no arms and legs (as if they care). They justified their outrageous callousness and derived pleasure from you pain.

And get this: Sherry calls you up bawling her eyes out because her date stood her up, and she expects you to comfort her. Myra - a 65 year old woman - calls you up bawling her eyes out because her sister doesn't have time to frame her paintings for her show, and she expects your sympathy.

Ugh! You get it: they're narcissists. They are big babies and parasitic bottom feeders who are always scrounging the surface of every interaction looking for ways to feed. Their entire existence is based on deep rooted selfishness. 

Here’s one final example of a narcissist taking advantage of your vulnerability. You've had a bad fall in which you suffered a massive cut to your face. You are still recovering and you are coming to terms with the fact that your face is going to be permanently scarred. The narcissist knows that you are self-conscious about the scar on your face and how it is healing.

You visit the narcissist and notice that he needs a few things around the house. Although you are the one in need of care, you go out and purchase a bunch of helpful and thoughtful items for the narcissist. You package everything up really nice and with a smile present the big bag of goodies to the narcissist. The narcissist takes the gift bag and with a big smirk on his face and an evil glint in his eye, he snarks, “that thing on your face is really red.”  You can’t hide the fact that he hurt your feelings. The narcissist looks like he is high on drugs.

When you are in a weakened state that’s when the narcissist's fangs come out. Vulnerability makes you the perfect target to abuse, control and manipulate. Never let a narcissist know that someone has done you wrong; never let them sniff out an insecurity; never let them see you sweat. What elicits warmth and compassion in normal people, provokes an act of shocking inhumanity in a narcissist. They will attack when you can't defend yourself and deny you whatever you are in need of: be it serious medical attention, a roof over your head or an ounce of sympathy.

Don’t ignore the twisted aggression inherent in all narcissists. Don’t engage in fantasy and magical thinking. Don't try to penetrate their callousness. When we refuse the truth of what the narcissist really is, we leave the door wide open to abuse.

Whatever is ruling your emotions at the time will be used against you by the narcissist. Don’t involve them in the sensitive areas of your life, don’t let them into your head space, keep them away from your wounds. Protect yourself. If you must be in contact with a narcissist, play your cards very close to your vest. Don't display any signs of neediness. They are the enemy of goodwill and the last people you want around during a time of crisis.

Narcissists are terrorists who invade mental and emotional borders. They are constantly engaged in an invisible war of control.  It's ALWAYS about their boundaries, their terms, their agenda, and their conveniences while you lie dying by the side of the road.