Being publically accused of a crime one did not commit could lead
a person to jump off a bridge. Once the information is out there, defending
yourself, clearing your name, fighting suspicion and tolerating disdain is a
horrible predicament.
Facing a criminal investigation or prosecution is deeply unsettling. Most people find they can’t sleep at night. They worry continually about what will happen to them. They feel that they stand alone — against the police and the Crown prosecutor and the machinery of the criminal justice system. There are few things in life so stressful and upsetting.
Facing a criminal investigation or prosecution is deeply unsettling. Most people find they can’t sleep at night. They worry continually about what will happen to them. They feel that they stand alone — against the police and the Crown prosecutor and the machinery of the criminal justice system. There are few things in life so stressful and upsetting.
People in positions of authority can form
strong opinions with false information and take unwarranted retaliatory action from
expulsion from the clan to spreading the false word. In Jane Eyre, the cruel
headmaster tells the girls to let no one be her friend, take her hand or
comfort her. You get the sense that this is the worst for Jane, worse than the
head blow and the lack of bread.
If the
accusations are not true, the person is in a situation that is similar to being
bullied. Even if one is rich, successful, famous or “has it all,” the
psychological devastation can be ruinous. If you are not believed, if you
cannot fight back with the true story, if now you are distrusted and under
scrutiny, the sense of helplessness is overwhelming. People with inner
vulnerabilities are easy targets. Others sense the fragility and find it
thrilling to gang up or attack. Having a scapegoat can help a group form a
strong bond and find meaning in what could be otherwise empty lives.
It is widely known that people with certain kinds of pathology are
brilliant at looking like victims when they are actually perpetrators. They can
ruin the life of an innocent person. You can see this on Law and Order, learn
it in Psych 101 or know it instinctively.
When you hear a story, consider the narrator. Who is this person?
Why is she telling this story when she is? What feelings does she convey when
she tells it? If there was true victimization, then the wish to retaliate is
utterly understandable. You as the listener may feel like crying too. But what
if the true story is not as it seems? You might have a strange lack of empathy. Sometimes people
dramatize. Some lie or they feel so injured for rational or irrational reasons
that they come to believe their own distortions. There are those who are at
peace when they lie and those who toss, turn and torture themselves about doing
so. In short, some people lie and some do not.
You might wonder as you listen, is this person truly seeking wellness,
self-protection or justice or is the goal to destroy someone else? If a person
is lying to hurt someone else it is a very aggressive act and the accuser needs
help. Such choices do not foster a healthy existence with generous, loving
relationships.
You might hear a tale of woe, and just have the feeling that the
teller is not all that woeful. Maybe there is a need to blame or malign for
secondary gain: attention, fame, money, importance or drama. Maybe the person
is not in touch with reality and is retaliating against an imagined
transgression. Some seemingly intact people can have paranoid fears at the
core. In order to “defend” themselves they act against others. Maybe the goal
is to take someone else down for competitive, regressed, or even unconscious
reasons. They just want what the other one has.
Making a false accusation in a public way is an aggressive act. In
the movie The Bad Seed, a
sociopathic child has an angelic demeanor and manages to destroy many lives.
Sweet faces, soft voices and tears can hide sadistic impulses.
Source: Psychology Today
