Sunday, 12 February 2017

The Malignant Narcissist Uses Force To Make Her Victim Submit To Abuse

Forcing Submission


Anna Valerious of Narcissists Suck Blog

Every abuser, every narcissist, every psychopath, every rapist, arsonist, every sociopath is after one thing: POWER. Power over others. This is an outgrowth of the narcissistic need to have all attention focused on them. We already understand that attention is the drug that the narcissist pursues at every moment. This is the core motivation that moves them. There are natural branches that sprout off this trunk and the desire for power over others is one of them. The intoxicating thrill of absolute power is the biggest high they can get from their drug of choice.

The extent to which an individual will pursue their quest for power is determined only by what they feel they can get away with. No small part of this is how much they fear authority or the law. The narcissist mother will not pursue absolute power to the degree that the psychopathic serial killer will. But make no mistake – both are consumed by the quest for power over others.

[ Indeed, many malignant narcissists will feign victimhood, manipulate authorities and exploit the law in an effort to “force” the true victim to submit. In these instances, “law enforcement professionals” become an instrument of harassment for the abuser. They are serving the malignant narcissist abuser; they are helping her to abuse and get away with it. And what they are doing is very wrong, and very damaging to an already abused victim.]

Unchecked pursuit of power is destructive and merciless as well as escalating. As Proverbs 27:20 says in the Contemporary English Version, “Death and the grave are never satisfied, and neither are we.” The grave never protests when someone dies, “We’re full up here. We aren’t accepting any more death, sorry.” Death is always ready to open up her insatiable arms for yet another. So is the lust that drives the malignant narcissist of all brands and stripes. Never satisfied. Never Satiated. Never full.

[ Ain’t that the truth. The malignant narcissist is a big black hole and she is NEVER full. NEVER satisfied. She’s always in pursuit of more and more and more. The more is handed to her, the more she craves. In terms of power; unchecked” and “escalating” are key words here. Let’s say a malignant narcissist is power of attorney for 12 years over a defenseless old man (her father). She uses that old man and his money to abuse, harass and aggress her victim (her sister), and then he dies. What then? The malignant narcissist tyrant has been on a reign of terror for over a decade, possibly her whole life, and no one has ever put a stop to her. She has never faced any consequences for her corruption. As a result, her lust for power has grown to grotesque proportions. She’s not about to relinquish any “power” just because her main weapon (her father) died. She is not only going to pursue continual power at all costs, she will attempt to trump her last power position. In other words, she is going to take her pathological need for “power and controlover her victim to the next level. She is going to take her position as tyrant within a dysfunction family and force her will on the outside world – the community. This is where “authorities” and the “law” come in. She knows they occupy a powerful position in society and she wants a piece of that power. So, in the same way she used her wealthy old father and his financial position, she uses the police and the legal system as a weapon to abuse her victim. What the hell comes after that?! The reality is, the malignant narcissist is drunk with power and her intimidation and control tactics only escalates with time and opportunity. Unless of course, someone puts a stop to her and sues her and her cohorts for something like "Malicious Prosecution".]

Kathy Krajco defined what absolute power looks like:

What is absolute power? It’s absolute control, possession. Surely you have recognized the lust for it in bizarre crimes committed by psychopaths. Mike DeBardeleben, a sexual sadist serving a life sentence wrote in his journal that it is “to force her to undergo suffering without being able to defend herself.”

Without being able to defend herself” are key words. It isn’t enough to torment the victim: this must be done in a way that keeps her from resisting. That’s absolute power, possession…

This is the ultimate in mental cruelty = making the victim bend over for it. Then the sick-o gets to pretend that the victim truly does “want it,” has ceased to exist as a person (with a free will and the most basic human right – the right to self defense) and is but an appendage of his that he thus “proves” his absolute power over.

All narcissists do this one way or another: they don’t merely abuse, they FORCE SUBMISSION TO ABUSE. This makes them God, whose punishing wounds we are to shamefully accept as our fault. We are not to resist: we are simply to hang our heads as deserving of them… “What Makes Narcissists Tick” pgs. 104 – 105

Notice that what is required for this to work is for the narcissist to completely disarm their victim. No right to self-defense allowed! This is what they must strip you of first before they can go on to pretend that you are submitting to them of your own free will. Like they deserve such submission and like you’ve freely given it. Either they will use psychological tactics to get you to feel you have no right to defend yourself, or, as in the case of the serial killer, they will arrange your physical circumstances to make it impossible for you to defend yourself and then break you down mentally.

[ Other malignant narcissists who are adept at playing the victim and utilizing the pity-ploy, will manipulate authorities and the system in order to make it a crime for the victim to confront her abusers, or to show any resistance to abuse. For example, the malignant narcissist can get away with psychologically aggressing her victim and committing fraud and stealing, but the victim isn’t allowed to express any anger over these unrelenting attacks and personal violations. In fact, the victim’s reaction to the narcissist's malice is called into question, NOT the malignant narcissist's predatory and morally repugnant criminal behavior. In the end, the victim’s emotional distress at being a target of exploitation, abuse and high stakes theft is labeled a crime.]

So, for the sake of the victim’s mental health, you must NEVER deny him or her the right to put up a fight.

Denying a person under any kind of assault this right is what theologians call the sin of “extreme perversity,” otherwise known as the Sin of Sodom, which is a certain kind of rape – RAPE, not sex – is symbolic.

It violates the laws of nature and the innate instinct for self-preservation. If the victim knuckles under to pseudo-moralistic pressure to not lift hand or voice in self defense, he or she will become a suicide risk. That is forcing people to commit the worst breach of faith there is – with one’s very self. It’s self-betrayal, what Joan of Arc called the “most wretched treason.”

The victim NEEDS to know that he or she did what they could to resist their abuser! Don’t EVER try to stop the victim from doing that!

NEVER, never, never preach prime-time morality at the victim making it a sin for him or her to yell at the abuser. Though yelling may not be wise in all cases, it IS the victim’s RIGHT! It at least lets him or her preserve self-respect through showing a back bone. --- “Self Preservation Under Narcissistic Abuse” by Kathy Krajco.

I made a point in this post that your most fundamental right as a living being is the right to self-defense. It is this very right which the narcissist will first try to convince you that you don’t have.

Turn the other cheek” is the pious phrasing far too many victims of abusers have gotten as advice when they desperately have sought for help with their situation. It is essential that victims of narcissists are re-armed with the knowledge of their right to self-defense if they are ever going to be able to resist and break the narcissist’s power over them.

Knowing that the narcissist is driven by their need for power over others, and knowing they are always in search of this headiest drug which is absolute power over others, then you’ll be aware that they must force your submission in order to feel powerful over you.

All this leads straight to the fact that a narcissist must deprive you of your right to defend yourself to accomplish this. THEY WILL ALWAYS DO THIS BY FRAUD, LIES AND THREATS. They will bring in their proxies to help them get you to submit to that which no one should ever have to submit to.

They want to pretend that your forced submission is a real submission… and this can only be done if they successfully deprive you of your ability to defend yourself.

Can you see how incredibly important it is to be fully aware of your right to NOT submit to abuse? I am convinced that no one breaks free of the power of a narcissist over them until they are able to claim for themselves the right to self-defense.

It is important to mention here one very tricky sleight-of-hand that a narcissist does to disarm someone from self-defense. This is accomplished by intentionally mislabeling your defensive behaviors as being “retribution” or “vengeance”. They accuse you of hurting THEM. They pretend to know your motives and lay the accusation that any efforts you make to defend yourself are actually coming from your desire to hurt THEM.

If they can convince you that you are being vengeful, or at least if they can convince you that others see you as being vengeful, then they can shut you down. Force your submission once again.  

"It's another form of Blame the Victim".... and in the "Court of Society" MN parents have stacked the jury, subverted the evidence and paid off the judge. Most of us were well aware of these realities as kids. Another reason why I still believe the "Scapegoat" family member is the healthiest "member" in the FOO mess... generally, we're "the ones who got away" despite their continuing and relentless attempts to sabotage our efforts in every single way."  - Comment by Anonymous

Truth: Not only do they force us to submit to their abuse; they force us to pay attention to them when all we want to be is free of them! 


  1. I quite legally increased the height of my boundary wall to keep my narc neighbor from spying. So she watched every visitor to my house and eventually managed to arrange a meeting with one of them together with one of her flying monkeys to go "talk" to me about lowering the wall again as she had always enjoyed a view into my garden. I told both flying monkeys to take a hike. As for the narc, I hired a lawyer to have a letter hand delivered by the sheriff demanding that she and her repulsive husband - he of the wifebeater vest with purulent white flesh rolling under his armpits and flabby belly the sight of which used to rape my eyes before I obliterated my view of him forever - lay off the stalking and harassment and stay the hell out of my life. You are right, narcs are terrified of the law. I have had nearly two years of wonderful peace since. Do not feed a narc a single crumb. Do not exchange a single word with them.

    1. I know all about spying neighbors. I took a couple to landlord and tenant court and they had to pay me damages for violation of privacy. But in my experience, narcs are not afraid of the law. These people are delusional. And they are pathological liars. In many cases they not only feel above the law; they feel they can outsmart the law. Most of them, like the little old granny types who appear on the surface to be harmless will manipulate the hell out of the law to abuse their victims. The only way these cocky, arrogant liars ever get exposed is if the case goes to a hearing. They simply can't keep their lies straight when cross-examined.

  2. Lisette, I cannot tell you how much I enjoyed every word of this article. The wisdom and clarity you offer leaves me so empowered. Your question: "Can you see how incredibly important it is to be fully aware of your right to not submit to abuse?" This hit me like a ton of bricks and is the pivotal question when dealing with Narcissists. In my family I have always submitted to the abuse to avoid any conflict with my Narcissistic parents, and that had me ending up in a violently ill condition. They always tried to disarm me and attempt to break my will to live, as defending myself was an absolute crime. You put into words what I felt but couldn't grasp with clarity. It only got me on the brink of insanity and suicide, until I went ballistic and cut off all contact with my parents. Yet again, you have empowered me with your writing. And by the way, I LOVE your book and keep it by my bedside for nightly reading. It has saved my life, more than you know. Susan :o)

    1. Hi Susan. I can't take credit for the article as it was written by Anna V (I wrote some commentary in brackets). But I'm glad you are empowered by her words, as am I. From my earliest memory as a child to my most recent experience as a full-grown adult, the malignant narcissists have been hell-bent on denying me a defense through fear, threats and fraud. In fact, any effort on my part to confront them on their crimes or show any resistance to their abuse, they spin to make it look like they are the victims of big bad me. That's fraud. That's how they try and shut me down. It's all about intimidating the victim into silence. It's all about blaming the victim for having the nerve to show a little self-respect by fighting back. And you know how much these malignant narcissists HATE to see their victims claiming their dignity, human rights, self-respect. They expect us to internalize the self-loathing and contempt they dumped into us. I've said it before and I will say it again; if the malignant narcs want to escalate their abuse of me, then I will rise to the occasion in terms of self-defense, which, when it comes to malignant narcissists, should always be a strong offense.

    2. Hello everyone. I realized that my father is a malignant narcissist just last fall of 2016. My realization came after a series of events, and with the help of my aunt and uncle. My wife had always told me that something was not right, but I felt sorry for my father. My mother passed away from cancer in October 2016, and she acted as the shield between my father and myself and my brother. Once that shield was gone, the fog lifted. And oh boy we never expected what we found. You see, the malignant narcissist is the human manefestation of evil. Dr. Scott Peck would agree with this, as his book The People of the Lie is based on this basic principle of malignant narcissists. From what I have personally experienced, these individuals fell absolutely nothing. They are a human void. No emotion, no empathy, no love, no consideration....nothing. I also found that there is no sense in having these individuals around. The best solution to overcoming narcissitic Just run away from them at top speed and do not look back. They will never change, and if you stick around too long, they will suck the life right out of you. I know this first hand, my father did it to my mother.

    3. Jorge, I wholeheartedly agree with what you have written and Peck's take on malignant narcissists. They are evil. And I have personally witnessed a MN suck the life out of someone and fill that person with herself. They are dangerous and not fit for human interaction.

  3. I know that turn the other cheek is a bible verse, and I know it is for referencing another bible verse and it doesn't mean at all what it says in the convention. The meaning escapes me at the moment, I'll have to go back and research it again.

    I have made my dead mother a promise, seems weird, but I promised that I would not ever put up with narcissism from others. For me, it stands to reason that if I go no contact with my family, then it makes no sense that I would tolerate it from any others. Growing up close and personal with evil and then I see it all around me and we have this "turn the other cheek" philosophy, which I can't stand, so what have I learned? Again, that bible verse is completely taken out of context over and over. We are given reason, and this is one of the riches, and all we have to do is accept and take and study reason. If someone takes away my right to defend myself, then all I have to do is be reasonable. To me, it makes sense for them to chastise the victim, it is easier. Then I walk away realizing that.

    I appreciate Anna's articles. They have been eye-opening, but at the same time, I feel like I knew it all along.

    1. We knew it all along because being abused and bending over to abuse goes against our natural human instinct for survival.

      In my experience "reason" does jack shit to stop a narcissist from abusing others. You can't reason with the insane.

    2. Joan. Here is a bible verse regarding the sinful actions of an evil person...and my view is that the words therin apply to all narcissists.
      “A worthless person, a wicked man, goes about with crooked speech, winks with his eyes, signals with his feet, points with his finger, with perverted heart devises evil, continually sowing discord; therefore calamity will come upon him suddenly; in a moment he will be broken beyond healing. There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord…” Proverbs 6:12-19

    3. Lisette

      I agree with you here 100%!! I have tried to reason with my NARC father, and the results are the same as talking to a wall. So I began to experiment a bit. Upon speaking to him, I treated him in various forms to see his reaction. At times I was nice to him, other times mean, and other times I ignored him. To my surprise, his reaction was the same! It does not matter how you treat them, or if you try reasoning with them....all they need from you in conversation is to be present and to listen to all their garbage. They could care less what you are saying, and will eventually revert right back to themselves. Their sole purpose is to illicit a response, be it positive of negative. You said it accurately about not being able to reason with the insane.

  4. The more energy you invest trying to reason and get these malignants to understand...the more you are unwittingly by default pulled into their realm.
    To continue trying to convince them is a reflection of nievete of you. One must realize this completely, unequivocally and stop trying to teach these pigs how to sing.No emotion of hate is involved. Fuckem. They get a peculiar pleasure imagining your communications are a kind to begging.. for understand and acceptance...they are sadist. Again fuckem, maintain your distance and disentangled yourself. Find healthy social ecosystem. It can be a.lonely crusade to move out of these toxic systems...just shut up and do it๐Ÿ˜Ž