The Malignant Narcissist Uses Force To Make Her Victim Submit To Abuse

Forcing Submission

by

Anna Valerious of Narcissists Suck Blog

Every abuser, every narcissist, every psychopath, every rapist, arsonist, every sociopath is after one thing: POWER. Power over others. This is an outgrowth of the narcissistic need to have all attention focused on them. We already understand that attention is the drug that the narcissist pursues at every moment. This is the core motivation that moves them. There are natural branches that sprout off this trunk and the desire for power over others is one of them. The intoxicating thrill of absolute power is the biggest high they can get from their drug of choice.

The extent to which an individual will pursue their quest for power is determined only by what they feel they can get away with. No small part of this is how much they fear authority or the law. The narcissist mother will not pursue absolute power to the degree that the psychopathic serial killer will. But make no mistake – both are consumed by the quest for power over others.

[ Indeed, many malignant narcissists will feign victimhood, manipulate authorities and exploit the law in an effort to “force” the true victim to submit. In these instances, “law enforcement professionals” become an instrument of harassment for the abuser. They are serving the malignant narcissist abuser; they are helping her to abuse and get away with it. And what they are doing is very wrong, and very damaging to an already abused victim.]

Unchecked pursuit of power is destructive and merciless as well as escalating. As Proverbs 27:20 says in the Contemporary English Version, “Death and the grave are never satisfied, and neither are we.” The grave never protests when someone dies, “We’re full up here. We aren’t accepting any more death, sorry.” Death is always ready to open up her insatiable arms for yet another. So is the lust that drives the malignant narcissist of all brands and stripes. Never satisfied. Never Satiated. Never full.

[ Ain’t that the truth. The malignant narcissist is a big black hole and she is NEVER full. NEVER satisfied. She’s always in pursuit of more and more and more. The more is handed to her, the more she craves. In terms of power; “unchecked” and “escalating” are key words here. Let’s say a malignant narcissist is power of attorney for 12 years over a defenseless old man (her father). She uses that old man and his money to abuse, harass and aggress her victim (her sister), and then he dies. What then? The malignant narcissist tyrant has been on a reign of terror for over a decade, possibly her whole life, and no one has ever put a stop to her. She has never faced any consequences for her corruption. As a result, her lust for power has grown to grotesque proportions. She’s not about to relinquish any “power” just because her main weapon (her father) died. She is not only going to pursue continual power at all costs, she will attempt to trump her last power position. In other words, she is going to take her pathological need for “power and control” over her victim to the next level. She is going to take her position as tyrant within a dysfunction family and force her will on the outside world – the community. This is where “authorities” and the “law” come in. She knows they occupy a powerful position in society and she wants a piece of that power. So, in the same way she used her wealthy old father and his financial position, she uses the police and the legal system as a weapon to abuse her victim. What the hell comes after that?! The reality is, the malignant narcissist is drunk with power and her intimidation and control tactics only escalates with time and opportunity. Unless of course, someone puts a stop to her and sues her and her cohorts for something like "Malicious Prosecution".]

Kathy Krajco defined what absolute power looks like:

What is absolute power? It’s absolute control, possession. Surely you have recognized the lust for it in bizarre crimes committed by psychopaths. Mike DeBardeleben, a sexual sadist serving a life sentence wrote in his journal that it is “to force her to undergo suffering without being able to defend herself.”

“Without being able to defend herself” are key words. It isn’t enough to torment the victim: this must be done in a way that keeps her from resisting. That’s absolute power, possession…

This is the ultimate in mental cruelty = making the victim bend over for it. Then the sick-o gets to pretend that the victim truly does “want it,” has ceased to exist as a person (with a free will and the most basic human right – the right to self defense) and is but an appendage of his that he thus “proves” his absolute power over.

All narcissists do this one way or another: they don’t merely abuse, they FORCE SUBMISSION TO ABUSE. This makes them God, whose punishing wounds we are to shamefully accept as our fault. We are not to resist: we are simply to hang our heads as deserving of them… “What Makes Narcissists Tick” pgs. 104 – 105

Notice that what is required for this to work is for the narcissist to completely disarm their victim. No right to self-defense allowed! This is what they must strip you of first before they can go on to pretend that you are submitting to them of your own free will. Like they deserve such submission and like you’ve freely given it. Either they will use psychological tactics to get you to feel you have no right to defend yourself, or, as in the case of the serial killer, they will arrange your physical circumstances to make it impossible for you to defend yourself and then break you down mentally.

[ Other malignant narcissists who are adept at playing the victim and utilizing the pity-ploy, will manipulate authorities and the system in order to make it a crime for the victim to confront her abusers, or to show any resistance to abuse. For example, the malignant narcissist can get away with psychologically aggressing her victim and committing fraud and stealing, but the victim isn’t allowed to express any anger over these unrelenting attacks and personal violations. In fact, the victim’s reaction to the narcissist's malice is called into question, NOT the malignant narcissist's predatory and morally repugnant criminal behavior. In the end, the victim’s emotional distress at being a target of exploitation, abuse and high stakes theft is labeled a crime.]

So, for the sake of the victim’s mental health, you must NEVER deny him or her the right to put up a fight.

Denying a person under any kind of assault this right is what theologians call the sin of “extreme perversity,” otherwise known as the Sin of Sodom, which is a certain kind of rape – RAPE, not sex – is symbolic.

It violates the laws of nature and the innate instinct for self-preservation. If the victim knuckles under to pseudo-moralistic pressure to not lift hand or voice in self defense, he or she will become a suicide risk. That is forcing people to commit the worst breach of faith there is – with one’s very self. It’s self-betrayal, what Joan of Arc called the “most wretched treason.”

The victim NEEDS to know that he or she did what they could to resist their abuser! Don’t EVER try to stop the victim from doing that!

NEVER, never, never preach prime-time morality at the victim making it a sin for him or her to yell at the abuser. Though yelling may not be wise in all cases, it IS the victim’s RIGHT! It at least lets him or her preserve self-respect through showing a back bone. --- “Self Preservation Under Narcissistic Abuse” by Kathy Krajco.

I made a point in this post that your most fundamental right as a living being is the right to self-defense. It is this very right which the narcissist will first try to convince you that you don’t have.

“Turn the other cheek” is the pious phrasing far too many victims of abusers have gotten as advice when they desperately have sought for help with their situation. It is essential that victims of narcissists are re-armed with the knowledge of their right to self-defense if they are ever going to be able to resist and break the narcissist’s power over them.

Knowing that the narcissist is driven by their need for power over others, and knowing they are always in search of this headiest drug which is absolute power over others, then you’ll be aware that they must force your submission in order to feel powerful over you.

All this leads straight to the fact that a narcissist must deprive you of your right to defend yourself to accomplish this. THEY WILL ALWAYS DO THIS BY FRAUD, LIES AND THREATS. They will bring in their proxies to help them get you to submit to that which no one should ever have to submit to.

They want to pretend that your forced submission is a real submission… and this can only be done if they successfully deprive you of your ability to defend yourself.

Can you see how incredibly important it is to be fully aware of your right to NOT submit to abuse? I am convinced that no one breaks free of the power of a narcissist over them until they are able to claim for themselves the right to self-defense.

It is important to mention here one very tricky sleight-of-hand that a narcissist does to disarm someone from self-defense. This is accomplished by intentionally mislabeling your defensive behaviors as being “retribution” or “vengeance”. They accuse you of hurting THEM. They pretend to know your motives and lay the accusation that any efforts you make to defend yourself are actually coming from your desire to hurt THEM.

If they can convince you that you are being vengeful, or at least if they can convince you that others see you as being vengeful, then they can shut you down. Force your submission once again.  

"It's another form of Blame the Victim".... and in the "Court of Society" MN parents have stacked the jury, subverted the evidence and paid off the judge. Most of us were well aware of these realities as kids. Another reason why I still believe the "Scapegoat" family member is the healthiest "member" in the FOO mess... generally, we're "the ones who got away" despite their continuing and relentless attempts to sabotage our efforts in every single way."  - Comment by Anonymous

Truth: Not only do they force us to submit to their abuse; they force us to pay attention to them when all we want to be is free of them! 

I Was Just Informed My Dad Died Over a Week Ago

I received a phone call yesterday around 3:40 pm. I recognized the first few digits of the number being from the area where my dad lived. I knew my dad was dead. I let the call go to voicemail.

Sheri Yakashiro from RDM Law Firm spoke loudly and abruptly on speakerphone. “There has been a family emergency,” she said briskly. “Please call me back as soon as possible.”

I knew there was no “emergency.” I knew my dad was dead. I also knew that someone was in the office with the lawyer; otherwise why put the call on speakerphone?

I called back the lawyer. In an upbeat tone she asked me how I was. “Fine,” I said curtly. There was silence. Then she proceeded to tell me in a hurried, dispassionate manner that my dad had died and the malignant narcissist sister was in her office.

“When?” I asked. “Last Wednesday,” she said. That was 9 days ago. “Why am I only finding out about this now?” The lawyer stumbled and fumbled and used the long weekend and everyone being "too busy" and burial arrangements as an excuse. Long weekend? He died on a Wednesday. And why did this twit proclaim there was a “family emergency”? Obviously, my dad’s death was not being treated as an “emergency”  if I was being told about it more than a week after it happened.

I asked the dingbat lawyer where he died and apparently he was taken to the hospital on August 31^st and died that same day at 5:00 pm.  I was informed of his passing 9 days after he died. By a lawyer. Who had me on speakerphone so the malignant narcissist sister could get a sadistic power rush from hearing my reaction. There was no reaction. I predicted this would happen. True to form, the malignant narcissist was power tripping, controlling the narrative and spying on me. True to form, the malignant narcissist/sociopath sister planned the entire scenario and used my dad as a weapon, even in death, to hurt me. She was hoping to feed off my pain. She even used estate funds to hire this lawyer so she could have a witness to use against me should the need arise. 

I asked the lawyer if there was a funeral. There was a long pause – the malignant narcissist sister was feeding her, her lines. “No,” she eventually replied.

Interesting that there was no funeral when “burial arrangements” was one of the excuses used not to call the dead man’s daughter to let her know he was gone. The Liar, er Lawyer, contradicted herself left and right. She received another cue from the sociopath. “I know that you and “Linda” (not the sociopath sister’s real name) are kind of estranged..."  "Pfft. Kind of estranged? I’m finding out about my dad’s death 9 days after it happened,” I replied. Long pause and more lines being fed to the Lawyer by the MN/sociopath director. “He died peacefully,” she said.

Yeah right. That’s what they always say. And I call bullshit. I doubt he died peacefully. I bet he felt alone and terrified and knew that he was slipping away, so an ambulance was called to take him to the hospital so he wouldn’t feel he was dying completely alone. At least nurses attending to his needs and doctors and patients milling about would be less terrifying then facing death alone in a dark, dingy apartment.

The lawyer then went on about his estate and how it’s in the hands of a bank. She explained that she is not an estate attorney and that she only called me as a favor to the sister. HA! She lied. She IS an estate lawyer that was retained by the sociopath sister to do her dirty work. The malignant narcissist sister wrote the script for this sick little scenario in advance and hired a lawyer to play a part and deliver lines. PATHETIC. It was a premeditated psychological assault.

I have not shed a tear for my dad. I’ve been grieving his death for years. Three years ago the malignant narcissist sister shoved him in a dumpy, dismal old folks’ home and moved into his beautiful townhouse. She took possession of ALL his property and took control of his finances and proceeded to drain not only his bank accounts and the contents of his home, but his mind as well. She drained him hollow and filled him with herself and used him as an object to hurt me. He ceased to exist as a person. He was dead inside and channeling her. As soon as she had face-to-face access to him, the transformation occurred quickly. Prior to this, she did all her dirty work over the phone and never made the effort to visit him or took the time to see him in person, so her long distance mind control tactics had its limits.

Being a greedy, parasitic opportunist, as soon as she had him locked-up in an oldies prison she swooped-in to hold his property and possessions hostage. She got it all. She even successfully poisoned his mind and destroyed our relationship with her unrelenting slime and malign campaign against me. But it didn’t stop there.

As soon as she had access to his finances, she cleaned out a line of credit I had held for 10 years and left me penniless. A couple of years later, when my dad offered to help me financially so I could get a hip replacement, she put a stop to it. I can barely walk these days.

Did I mention the malignant narcissist sister has never had to work a day in her life because the poor baby had a hip replacement as a teen? Did I mention she is worth millions from parasitically living off my dad and the MN mother? Did I mention she had not bothered to see my dad in over 10 years and only swooped in after she ordered her thug monkey to kick him out of his lovely home and put him in a tiny, cramped, dump? Did I mention she owns a mortgage free condo worth $750,000 AND my dad supported her in a second home (his townhouse) for 2 years while he rotted in that dump? Then she sold his townhouse.  Who do you think cashed-in financially from the sale of that real estate? Did I mention a few days before my dad died, and while acting as power of attorney, she had 2 condos from my father's estate transferred to herself and one to my brother, and I received no condo? Now the MN sister owns 3 properties without ever having worked a day in her life. 

Did I mention that I have been facing homelessness with a disability and chronic pain for the last few years, and if it weren’t for two friends loaning me money, I would be homeless. I had to sell my car to survive and can’t walk more than a block without limping and experiencing extreme pain. Did I mention I was assaulted, left for dead on the street and lost my job because of it? Did I tell you my dad offered to help me financially but the MN sister talked him out of it and spent his money on a "private decorator" and all new furnishings and decor for his apartment. Did I mention all this furniture "disappeared" after my dad died a few months later? Did I mention all the members of this wealthy “family” got a sadistic thrill knowing that I had to endure the intense stress of worrying about my father in addition to my basic food-clothing-shelter-physicals needs while having to cope with harassment from the police that the MN sister sicked on me because I dared to complain to her about her behavior? 

So here’s the kicker. THIS is the epitome of a malignant narcissist/sociopath’s tell-tale pathology: at the end of the conversation, the dip shit lawyer who clearly didn’t possess an ounce of sympathy or compassion and was basically hired to lie and act as a mouth piece for a sociopath said, and I quote: “I know this is really hard…..so… “Linda” brought some information on grief counseling for you if you want it.”

“Pffft. No thanks. I’ll deal with my grief in my own way,” I said.

The hypocricy is staggering.

For YEARS, the evil malignant narcissist sister trying to get me locked-up, drive me to suicide, a break-down or death and she wants to help me with my “grief” over my dead dad who she turned against me and kept me from seeing and then intentionally delayed telling me that he died?! The dad who she systematically brainwashed, abused and exploited until there was nothing left of him.

THAT is the very definition of treachery.

And to all the cowardly relatives who didn’t call me – even if they wanted to – because they were obeying the orders of the malignant narcissist sister – shame on you! 

Meet the callous lawyer who informed me my dad died. See the MN sister's review of the lawyer below.

 

The Malignant Narcissist And Her Silent Partners

THE SILENT PARTNER AND THE SILENT MAJORITY

luke173ministries

"Take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the oppressed.  Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented"......Elie Weisel

The Silent Partner is any relative who stands by silently while you are victimized, or who takes the abuser's side against the victim.  She, or he, is usually the other parent, who abdicates his parental responsibility to protect his children, or, worse yet, sacrifices his children to the abuser(s) in order to make his own life easier.

In most cases of birth-family abuse, there is usually not just one single Silent Partner.  Several, if not many, family members collude with, protect, and cooperate with the abuser, and participate in scape-goating, pressuring, ostracizing, or trying to silence the victim.  I will refer to these evil participants in our abuse as the Silent Majority, although that term requires a bit of clarification.  In many instances they are far from silent.  Although they might be silent about the actual abuse inflicted upon us, they can be quite vehement in insisting that the victim is wrong for not continuing to accept it.

While encouraging an abuser to operate freely in their midst, they will not be silent when it comes to criticizing the victim.  They will look the other way when the victim is being mistreated, never validating her or defending her, and then attack her when she defends herself.  The one that they gossip about, smear to others, judge, and condemn will invariably be the victim rather than the abuser.  In their sick, evil, twisted minds, it is the long-suffering victim who is the family “trouble-maker”, never the abuser herself.   They don’t ever believe there’s anything wrong with her.  They don’t see a problem with her behavior.  Why?  It’s simple. Because birds of a feather stick together.

In our Lord-Of-The-Flies birth-families, the Silent Partner and The Silent Majority don’t bat an eye at betraying an innocent family member who loves them, and serving her up on a silver platter to be sacrificed to vicious, lifelong abuse.  They specialize in re-victimizing the victim.  Although not as open and obvious about it as the “Alpha Dog” abuser, they are every bit as guilty as she is.  By either their silence, or their speaking up against the wrong person, they allow and encourage the abuse to continue. They are PARTNERS with the abuser.  They are abusers, too, and it’s time we give them the credit for it.

The Malignant Narcissist And Her Flying Monkeys

From my experience with MNs, they view their target as holding the ruby slippers (narc supply) or holding a bucket of water (the truth/exposure).

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Malignant Narcissist As Family Bully

I dug up this article from an excellent website in the UK called BullyOnline . The article has MN sister down to the letter. In fact, it’s the perfect description of every Malignant Narcissist that I’ve had the misfortune to encounter in this life – female MNs in particular.

Bullying in the Family

Dealing with a serial bully, psychopath or sociopath in the family

The Violence committed by a serial bully is almost entirely psychological, for psychological violence leaves no scars and no physical evidence. Most commonly the violence takes the form of verbal abuse and emotional abuse including trivial nit-picking and criticism, constant fault finding combined with a simultaneous refusal to recognize, value, acknowledge and praise. Manipulation, isolation and exclusion are other favourite tactics, as is feigning victimhood, persecution, especially when held accountable.

The objectives of serial bullies are Power, Control, Domination and Subjugation. These are achieved by a number of means including disempowerment, the stimulation of excessive levels of fear, shame, embarrassment and guilt, manipulation (especially of emotions and perceptions), ritual humiliation and constant denial. When you live with someone who is constantly denying what they said or did a day ago, or an hour ago, or even a minute ago, it drives you crazy. When the symptoms of injury to your health start to become apparent, the bully will tell others you have a “mental health problem”. You may be mad, but that is not mad insane, that is mad angry.

Control is a common indicator of the serial bully at home – control of finances, control of movements, control of choice of friends, control of right to work, control over what to think, and so on. All are designed to disempower.

A favourite tactic of the bully in the family is to set people against each other. The benefit to the bully are that:

a)      The bully gains a great deal of gratification (a perverse form of satisfaction) from encouraging and provoking argument, quarrelling and hostility, and then from watching as others engage in adversarial interaction and destructive conflict, and

b)      The ensuing conflict ensures that people’s attention is distracted and diverted away from the cause of the conflict

Bullies within the family, especially female bullies, are masters (mistresses?) of manipulation and are fond of manipulating people through their emotions (eg. guilt) and through their beliefs, attitudes and perceptions. Bullies see any form of vulnerability as an opportunity for manipulation, and are especially prone to those who are emotionally needy. Elderly relatives, those with infirmity, illness, those with the greatest vulnerability, or those who are emotionally needy or behaviorally immature family members are likely to be targets for exploitation.

The family bully encourages and manipulates family members etc. to lie, act dishonourably and dishonestly, withhold information, spread misinformation, and to punish the target for alleged infractions, i.e. the family members become the bully’s unwitting (and sometimes witting) instruments of harassment.

Bullies are adept at distorting peoples’ perceptions with intent to engender a negative view of their target in the minds of family members, neighbours, friends and people in positions of officialdom and authority; this is achieved through undermining, the creation of doubts and suspicions, and the sharing of false concerns, etc. This poisoning of people’s minds is difficult to counter, however explaining the game in a calm articulate manner helps people see through the mask of deceit and to understand how and why they are being used as pawns.

The bully may try to establish an exclusive relationship (based on apparent trust and confidence) with one family member such that they (the bully) are seen as the sole reliable source of information; this may be achieved by portraying the target (and certain other family members) as irresponsible, unstable, undependable, uncaring, unreliable and untrustworthy, perhaps by constant highlighting – using distortion and fabrication – of alleged failures, breaches of trust, lack of reliability, etc. The process is reinforced by inclusion of the occasional piece of juicy gossip about the target’s alleged misdemeanors or untrustworthiness in respect of relationships and communications with people. Mostly, this is PROJECTION. The objective is to manipulate the family member’s perceptions and create a dependency so that the family comes to rely exclusively on the bully and see the bully as the sole source of information whilst distrusting everyone else. Any person who is capable of exposing and breaking the dependency is targeted with venom and will find their name blackened at every opportunity.

When close to being outwitted and exposed, the bully feigns victimhood and turns the focus on themselves – this is another example of manipulating people through their emotions of guilt, e.g. sympathy, feeling sorry etc. Female serial bullies are especially partial to making themselves the centre of attention claiming to be the injured party whilst portraying their target as the villain of the piece. When the target tries to explain the GAME, they are immediately labelled “paranoid”.

The serial bully is easy to spot once you know what you are looking at: Jekyll and Hyde nature, compulsive lying, arrogance, narcissism, attention-seeking, etc. – whilst always charming and plausible, especially when impressionable witnesses are present.

Serial bullies can be male or female – the main difference is that female bullies are more devious, more manipulative, more cunning, more sly, more psychological, more subtle, leave less evidence and will often bully with a smile. Female bullies will often manipulate a male into committing their violence for them. Male bullies tend to be less subtle, have a tendency toward physical aggression, and are generally less clever than female bullies.