For people who are incredibly self-obsessed, narcissists are very nosy about others. But theirs is not an idle curiosity; it’s the instinct of a predator sniffing around for an easy target. Narcissists are habitual snoops, spies, busybodies and gossips. They are essentially voyeurs; always trying to dig up dirt that they can use to frame, blackmail, hurt and humiliate others. They will use information, any information they can get on you to tarnish your good name and come between the things and the people you love.
Getting dirt on others makes malignant narcissists feel good… really good. They salivate over a juicy piece of gossip. They get a drug high from hearing about another’s failures and indiscretions. They are energized by people’s pain, sadness and misfortune. Pretty sick, eh? But what do you expect from people who contain zero genuine goodness within? How else is a vicious, cruel, morally bankrupt liar supposed to feel good about themselves? Doing actual good and being good is not an option for them; it’s simply not in their nature. But being actively bad and doing bad IS in their nature, so they are very skilled at digging up dirt and spreading it while not incriminating themselves as the sly and devious creatures they are.
Malignant narcissists go out of their way to snoop and spy and meddle in people’s lives because dirtying up others is priority number one in their campaign to “appear” good. By sullying you and your reputation they get to look good by comparison. Remember; they don’t care about being good. Appearances are all that matter to the malignant narcissist. They truly have nothing nice to say about anyone whose back is turned. Unless of course they can compare you unfavorably to another person and make you feel bad in the process. But to your face? Well, we’ve all witnessed their nauseatingly effusive displays. I contend the more they gush over you, the more violent the hatchet job behind your back. So beware. Gathering intelligence on you, controlling the data and spreading the misinformation is how they push you down in the gutter, destroy your relationships, isolate you, obliterate your support system and elevate themselves to lofty heights.
So malignant narcissists need to dirty-up others to feel good on the inside and appear good on the outside – this is what makes them predatory. Here’s some things I’ve experienced while the malignant narcissist is on a not so covert fact finding mission: I’ve been watched and monitored through building surveillance cameras and had my photograph printed off the system and handed to me; I’ve been spied on through the mail slot in my door; I’ve had telephone calls intercepted and listened in on; I’ve been eavesdropped through a home intercom system; had personal journals and letters read and my mail opened – banking records, credit card statements; I’ve been cyber stalked; followed; and had my home invaded illegally. As a result of the trespassing, I also experienced theft and Charles Manson style gaslighting that is so subtle you can’t even accuse someone of it without looking paranoid. For example; an item that was in my bathroom was moved to under my kitchen sink. In each case, the spying, stalking, watching and monitoring was done in anticipation of exposure – I was talking and the narcissists wanted to silence me. Who’s going to believe the perceptions of someone, these evil fucks parading as “concerned” citizens, insist is mentally disturbed? Therein lies the rub. Narcissists snoop and spy and pry and prod because they are paranoid, but they are quick to project their paranoia onto you when you confront them on their intrusions.
In addition to making themselves feel better and appear better than you, the malignant narcissist’s obsession to know all the details of your life – aka, have dirt on you – serves a couple of other purposes. One is they get to project onto you. Projection is the same as dirtying you up, but different. Projections are blasts of unwanted information the narcissists receives about themselves. Unwanted information they spend a lifetime repressing and denying. When this information reaches the level of consciousness they have to quickly dispense of it, and that means smearing it onto you.
For example, the so superior malignant narcissist who is greedy and selfish and has to have it ALL while you get zero, is sitting around in her living room buried beneath her ever-mounting hoard of computers, TVs, electronics, furniture, etc. and she hears you bought a new watch. Well “watch” her go off on a tangent about how selfish, spoiled and vain you are. “Who does she think she is buying herself a designer watch?!” It doesn’t matter if you’ve been saving for the new watch for months and you paid for it. The fact is, the narcissist will use that tidbit of seemingly innocuous information about you, attach a self-serving assumption to it and bend the narrative to support that assumption. That’s why the need to dig-up anything and everything they can on you is so important to the malignant narcissist - they are constantly trying to frame you so you end up with the reputation they should have. And they are so good at mind control and manipulation they generally succeed in fleshing out a false portrait of their victims in the eyes of others.
One of the malignant narcissist’s weapons of choice is the phone. They can hold people hostage on the phone for hours and HOURS while they dig up dirt, make up lies, spread false information, come up with amateur diagnosis, analyze, criticize and pass judgment on about every aspect of you and your life. Believe me, the telephone or any means of communication is a loaded gun in the hands of a malignant narcissist. Too bad there’s so many stupid idiots that listen to their tripe. Don’t these fools realize they are next in line in the MN firing squad?
Finally, the main reason malignant narcissists are snoops, spies and busybodies is power and control. Malignant narcissists are relentlessly aggressive and ruthless – they are dictators, tyrants and bullies. They build a power base through communication strategies and its effectiveness is in proportion to the amount of control it allows them to exert over others. Amassing intelligence on everyone and everything makes them feel invulnerable. If they are in complete control of all the information, they can spin it and disseminate it any way they choose. They are the gatekeepers of the all the secrets and lies and this gives them power over others. Their compulsion to triangulate their relationships fuels their power as they become the spokesperson for the group and the moderator for people they have intentionally driven a wedge between. It’s the whole divide and conquer thing. Another tactic they use is to isolate their victims so they are no longer in the communication loop. Withholding important information is a move as aggressive and devious as outright lying and slander. The malignant narcissist gets a power high playing keep away. For example, they won't contact certain relatives to inform them of a sick parent or a death in the family. This deliberate hoarding and withholding of information is intended to make them feel superior and let you know you are insignificant and inferior. Now you see why the malignant narcissist must know it all. Their paranoid drive to know every last detail of everyone's lives is a preemptive strike to protect them from having what they so callously do to others done to them.
Malignant narcissists see all of life solely in terms of power and its exercise. Every interaction, including "friendly" telephone calls, is a struggle for dominance. They pit themselves against everyone as if the welfare of others automatically means their own welfare must suffer. Rather than help those who are struggling or less strong than they, they take advantage of whatever weaknesses or needs they perceive in others. Weaknesses they hunt for through their spying, snooping around and marathon telephone conversations. And because the malignant narcissist’s power is most effective when they make it their business to have what others need, they will attempt to find out what you need so they can control it and withhold it. They're famous for controlling such necessities of life as food, shelter and security so that people must submit to their abuse. Of course, one of the primary needs of people is money, so having a lot of it becomes an even higher priority to them because they regard money as power - it's the yardstick narcissists use to herd others. Malignant narcissists also may simply use information to advance their interests if someone fails to move first. For example, they hear you want to stay at a vacation home on a certain weekend, but you haven't bought you airline ticket yet. They will jump to purchase their ticket so they can steal the weekend you wanted at the vacation home.
Bottom line; malignant narcissists see the world the way a chess player sees the board – everything is merely a pawn to further their ends. That’s why it’s so important they have no access to you and know nothing about you including any of your wants, needs, weakness or vulnerabilities. My malignant narcissist sister is a shut-in who lives her life over the phone and the computer and the amount of destruction she has wreaked on the lives of others through the telephone, computer and fax machine is stunning. Malignant narcissists do not wish anyone well. They are socially destructive and all their communication strategies are an act of war. Go incognito or feed them false information because any accurate intelligence in the hands of the enemy is a dangerous thing.