Monday, 19 October 2015


In many communities lurkers are still seen as free-riders. They are perceived as a drain on the public goods since they “take without giving back.”

Lurker Costs
Lurkers can negatively influence other community members. If community members can see that someone is lurking rather than participating, they may feel that they are being spied upon. Lurkers might also take pieces of content featured in communities without seeking consent, violating the rules of the community.  As a result, while individuals in online communities may feel that they are experiencing private interactions, a lurker may see it as a public space for observation due to their reduced feelings of belonging.

Lurking is just one form of free-riding that can happen within an internet community, and is similar to asking questions without responding or gathering information without distributing it. Lurking is seen as undesirable to communities because of the risk free-riding can have on the community if every member does it. A public good is something that is impossible to exclude someone from and has a joint supply within the community. An internet community is seen as a public good because it is a pool of data to which people may, if they choose, separately contribute information. The survival of the community is then dependent on the contributions of the members. Since it is impossible to exclude members from sharing in the benefit of the public good, people are more motivated to free-ride on the work of the other members and not contribute themselves.  

Tuesday, 6 October 2015

The Malignant Narcissist And Her Silent Partners


"Take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the oppressed.  Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented"......Elie Weisel

The Silent Partner is any relative who stands by silently while you are victimized, or who takes the abuser's side against the victim.  She, or he, is usually the other parent, who abdicates his parental responsibility to protect his children, or, worse yet, sacrifices his children to the abuser(s) in order to make his own life easier.

In most cases of birth-family abuse, there is usually not just one single Silent Partner.  Several, if not many, family members collude with, protect, and cooperate with the abuser, and participate in scape-goating, pressuring, ostracizing, or trying to silence the victim.  I will refer to these evil participants in our abuse as the Silent Majority, although that term requires a bit of clarification.  In many instances they are far from silent.  Although they might be silent about the actual abuse inflicted upon us, they can be quite vehement in insisting that the victim is wrong for not continuing to accept it.

While encouraging an abuser to operate freely in their midst, they will not be silent when it comes to criticizing the victim.  They will look the other way when the victim is being mistreated, never validating her or defending her, and then attack her when she defends herself.  The one that they gossip about, smear to others, judge, and condemn will invariably be the victim rather than the abuser.  In their sick, evil, twisted minds, it is the long-suffering victim who is the family “trouble-maker”, never the abuser herself.   They don’t ever believe there’s anything wrong with her.  They don’t see a problem with her behavior.  Why?  It’s simple. Because birds of a feather stick together.

In our Lord-Of-The-Flies birth-families, the Silent Partner and The Silent Majority don’t bat an eye at betraying an innocent family member who loves them, and serving her up on a silver platter to be sacrificed to vicious, lifelong abuse.  They specialize in re-victimizing the victim.  Although not as open and obvious about it as the “Alpha Dog” abuser, they are every bit as guilty as she is.  By either their silence, or their speaking up against the wrong person, they allow and encourage the abuse to continue. They are PARTNERS with the abuser.  They are abusers, too, and it’s time we give them the credit for it.