Forcing
Submission
by
Anna Valerious of Narcissists Suck Blog
Every
abuser, every narcissist, every psychopath, every rapist, arsonist,
every sociopath is after one thing: POWER. Power over others. This is
an outgrowth of the narcissistic need to have all attention focused
on them. We already understand that attention is the drug that the
narcissist pursues at every moment. This is the core motivation that
moves them. There are natural branches that sprout off this trunk and
the desire for power over others is one of them. The intoxicating
thrill of absolute power is the biggest high they can get from their
drug of choice.
The
extent to which an individual will pursue their quest for power is
determined only by what they feel they can get away with. No small
part of this is how much they fear authority or the law. The
narcissist mother will not pursue absolute power to the degree that
the psychopathic serial killer will. But make no mistake – both are
consumed by the quest for power over others.
[
Indeed, many malignant narcissists will feign victimhood, manipulate
authorities and exploit the law in an effort to “force” the true
victim to submit. In these instances, “law enforcement
professionals” become an instrument of harassment for the abuser.
They are serving the malignant narcissist abuser; they are helping
her to abuse and get away with it. And what they are doing is very
wrong, and very damaging to an already abused victim.]
Unchecked
pursuit of power is destructive and merciless as well as escalating.
As Proverbs 27:20 says in the Contemporary English Version, “Death
and the grave are never satisfied, and neither are we.” The grave
never protests when someone dies, “We’re full up here. We aren’t
accepting any more death, sorry.” Death is always ready to open up
her insatiable arms for yet another. So is the lust that drives the
malignant narcissist of all brands and stripes. Never satisfied.
Never Satiated. Never full.
[ Ain’t that the truth. The malignant narcissist is a big black hole
and she is NEVER full. NEVER satisfied. She’s always in pursuit of
more and more and more. The
more is handed to her, the more she craves. In
terms of power; “unchecked”
and “escalating” are key words here. Let’s say a malignant
narcissist is
power of attorney for 12
years over a defenseless old
man (her father).
She uses that old man and his
money to abuse, harass and aggress her
victim (her sister),
and then he dies. What then? The malignant narcissist tyrant has been
on a reign of terror for over a decade, possibly her whole life, and
no one has ever put a stop to her. She has never faced any
consequences for her corruption. As a result, her lust
for
power has grown to grotesque proportions. She’s
not about to relinquish any
“power” just because her main weapon (her
father) died. She is not
only going to pursue
continual power at all costs, she will attempt to trump her last
power position. In other words, she is going to take her pathological
need for “power and
control” over
her victim to the next level.
She
is going to take her position as
tyrant within a dysfunction
family and force her will on
the outside world – the community.
This is where “authorities”
and the “law” come in. She knows they occupy a powerful position
in society and she wants a piece of that power. So, in the same way she used her wealthy
old father and his financial position, she uses the police and the legal
system as a weapon to abuse her victim. What the
hell comes after that?! The reality is, the malignant narcissist is drunk with power and her intimidation and control tactics only
escalates with time and opportunity. Unless of course, someone puts a
stop to her and sues her and her cohorts for something like "Malicious Prosecution".]
Kathy
Krajco defined what absolute power looks like:
What
is absolute power? It’s absolute control, possession. Surely you
have recognized the lust for it in bizarre crimes committed by
psychopaths. Mike DeBardeleben, a sexual sadist serving a life
sentence wrote in his journal that it is “to force her to undergo
suffering without being able to defend herself.”
“Without
being able to defend herself” are key words. It isn’t enough
to torment the victim: this must be done in a way that keeps her from
resisting. That’s absolute power, possession…
This
is the ultimate in mental cruelty = making the victim bend over for
it. Then the sick-o gets to pretend that the victim truly does “want
it,” has ceased to exist as a person (with a free will and the most
basic human right – the right to self defense) and is but an
appendage of his that he thus “proves” his absolute power over.
All
narcissists do this one way or another: they don’t merely abuse,
they FORCE SUBMISSION TO ABUSE. This makes them God, whose punishing
wounds we are to shamefully accept as our fault. We are not to
resist: we are simply to hang our heads as deserving of them… “What
Makes Narcissists Tick” pgs. 104 – 105
Notice
that what is required for this to work is for the narcissist to
completely disarm their victim. No right to self-defense allowed!
This is what they must strip you of first before they can go on to
pretend that you are submitting to them of your own free will. Like
they deserve such submission and like you’ve freely given it.
Either they will use psychological tactics to get you to feel you
have no right to defend yourself, or, as in the case of the serial
killer, they will arrange your physical circumstances to make it
impossible for you to defend yourself and then break you down
mentally.
[
Other malignant narcissists who are adept at playing the victim and
utilizing the pity-ploy, will manipulate authorities and the system
in order to make it a crime for the victim to confront her abusers,
or to show any resistance to abuse. For example, the malignant
narcissist can get away with psychologically aggressing her victim
and committing fraud and stealing, but the victim isn’t
allowed to express any anger over these unrelenting attacks and personal violations. In fact, the victim’s reaction to the narcissist's malice is
called into question, NOT the malignant narcissist's predatory and morally repugnant criminal
behavior. In the end, the victim’s emotional distress at being a target of exploitation, abuse and high stakes theft is labeled a crime.]
So,
for the sake of the victim’s mental health, you must NEVER deny him
or her the right to put up a fight.
Denying
a person under any kind of assault this right is what theologians
call the sin of “extreme perversity,” otherwise known as the Sin
of Sodom, which is a certain kind of rape – RAPE, not sex – is
symbolic.
It
violates the laws of nature and the innate instinct for
self-preservation. If the victim knuckles under to pseudo-moralistic
pressure to not lift hand or voice in self defense, he or she will
become a suicide risk. That is forcing people to commit the worst
breach of faith there is – with one’s very self. It’s
self-betrayal, what Joan of Arc called the “most wretched treason.”
The
victim NEEDS to know that he or she did what they could to resist
their abuser! Don’t EVER try to stop the victim from doing that!
NEVER,
never, never preach prime-time morality at the victim making it a sin
for him or her to yell at the abuser. Though yelling may not be wise
in all cases, it IS the victim’s RIGHT! It at least lets him or her
preserve self-respect through showing a back bone. --- “Self
Preservation Under Narcissistic Abuse” by Kathy Krajco.
I
made a point in this post that your most fundamental right as a
living being is the right to self-defense. It is this very right
which the narcissist will first try to convince you that you don’t
have.
“Turn
the other cheek” is the pious phrasing far too many victims of
abusers have gotten as advice when they desperately have sought for
help with their situation. It is essential that victims of
narcissists are re-armed with the knowledge of their right to
self-defense if they are ever going to be able to resist and break
the narcissist’s power over them.
Knowing
that the narcissist is driven by their need for power over others,
and knowing they are always in search of this headiest drug which is
absolute power over others, then you’ll be aware that they must
force your submission in order to feel powerful over you.
All
this leads straight to the fact that a narcissist must deprive you of
your right to defend yourself to accomplish this. THEY WILL ALWAYS DO
THIS BY FRAUD, LIES AND THREATS. They will bring in their proxies to
help them get you to submit to that which no one should ever have to
submit to.
They
want to pretend that your forced submission is a real submission…
and this can only be done if they successfully deprive you of your
ability to defend yourself.
Can
you see how incredibly important it is to be fully aware of your
right to NOT submit to abuse? I am convinced that no one breaks free
of the power of a narcissist over them until they are able to claim
for themselves the right to self-defense.
It
is important to mention here one very tricky sleight-of-hand that a
narcissist does to disarm someone from self-defense. This is
accomplished by intentionally mislabeling
your defensive behaviors as being “retribution” or “vengeance”.
They accuse you of hurting THEM. They pretend to know your motives
and lay the accusation that any efforts you make to defend yourself
are actually coming from your desire to hurt THEM.
If
they can convince you that you are being vengeful, or at least if
they can convince you that others see you as being vengeful, then
they can shut you down. Force your submission once again.
"It's another form of Blame the Victim".... and in the "Court of Society" MN parents have stacked the jury, subverted the evidence and paid off the judge. Most of us were well aware of these realities as kids. Another reason why I still believe the "Scapegoat" family member is the healthiest "member" in the FOO mess... generally, we're "the ones who got away" despite their continuing and relentless attempts to sabotage our efforts in every single way." - Comment by Anonymous
Truth: Not only do they force us to submit to their abuse; they force us to pay attention to them when all we want to be is free of them!
"It's another form of Blame the Victim".... and in the "Court of Society" MN parents have stacked the jury, subverted the evidence and paid off the judge. Most of us were well aware of these realities as kids. Another reason why I still believe the "Scapegoat" family member is the healthiest "member" in the FOO mess... generally, we're "the ones who got away" despite their continuing and relentless attempts to sabotage our efforts in every single way." - Comment by Anonymous
Truth: Not only do they force us to submit to their abuse; they force us to pay attention to them when all we want to be is free of them!
