Friday, 9 September 2016

I Was Just Informed My Dad Died Over a Week Ago

I received a phone call yesterday around 3:40 pm. I recognized the first few digits of the number being from the area where my dad lived. I knew my dad was dead. I let the call go to voicemail.

A lawyer from blah blah blah law firm spoke loudly and abruptly on speakerphone. “There has been a family emergency,” she said briskly. “Please call me back as soon as possible.”

I knew there was no “emergency.” I knew my dad was dead. I also knew that someone was in the office with the lawyer; otherwise why put the call on speakerphone?

I called back the lawyer. In an upbeat tone she asked me how I was. “Fine,” I said curtly. There was silence. Then she proceeded to tell me in a hurried, dispassionate manner that my dad had died and the malignant narcissist sister was in her office.

“When?” I asked. “Last Wednesday,” she said. That was 9 days ago. “Why am I only finding out about this now?” The lawyer stumbled and fumbled and used the long weekend and everyone being "too busy" and burial arrangements as an excuse. Long weekend? He died on a Wednesday. And why did this twit proclaim there was a “family emergency”? Obviously, my dad’s death was not being treated as an “emergency”  if I was being told about it more than a week after it happened.

I asked the dingbat lawyer where he died and apparently he was taken to the hospital on August 31st and died that same day at 5:00pm.  I was informed of his passing 9 days after he died. By a lawyer. Who had me on speakerphone so the malignant narcissist sister could get a sadistic power rush from hearing my reaction. There was no reaction. I predicted this would happen. True to form, the malignant narcissist was power tripping, controlling the narrative and spying on me. True to form, the malignant narcissist/sociopath sister planned the entire scenario and used my dad as a weapon, even in death, to hurt me. She was hoping to feed off my pain. She even used estate funds to hire this lawyer so she could have a witness to use against me should the need arise. 

I asked the lawyer if there was a funeral. There was a long pause – the malignant narcissist sister was feeding her lines. “No,” she eventually replied.

Interesting that there was no funeral when “burial arrangements” was one of the excuses used not to call the dead man’s daughter to let her know he was gone. The Liar, er Lawyer, contradicted herself left and right. She received another cue from the sociopath. “I know that you and “Linda” (not the sociopath sister’s real name) are kind of estranged..."  "Pfft. Kind of estranged? I’m finding out about my dad’s death 9 days after it happened,” I replied. Long pause and more lines being fed to the Lawyer by the MN/sociopath director. “He died peacefully,” she said.

Yeah right. That’s what they always say. And I call bullshit. I doubt he died peacefully. I bet he was all alone and terrified and knew that he was slipping away so he called an ambulance to take him to the hospital so he wouldn’t die alone. At least nurses attending to his needs and doctors and patients milling about would be less terrifying then facing death alone in a dark, dingy apartment.

The lawyer then went on about his estate and how it’s in the hands of a bank. She explained that she is not an estate attorney and that she only called me as a favor to the sister. HA! She lied. She IS an estate lawyer that was retained by the sociopath sister to do her dirty work. The malignant narcissist sister wrote the script for this sick little scenario in advance and hired a lawyer to play a part and deliver lines. PATHETIC. It was a premeditated psychological assault.

I have not shed a tear for my dad. I’ve been grieving his death for years. Three years ago the malignant narcissist sister shoved him in a dumpy, dismal old folks’ home and moved into his beautiful townhouse. She took possession of ALL his property and took control of his finances and proceeded to drain not only his bank accounts and the contents of his home, but his mind as well. She drained him hollow and filled him with herself and used him as an object to hurt me. He ceased to exist as a person. He was dead inside and channeling her. As soon as she had face-to-face access to him, the transformation occurred quickly. Prior to this, she did all her dirty work over the phone and her mind control had its limits. 

Being a greedy, parasitic opportunist, as soon as she had him locked-up in an oldies prison she swooped-in to hold his property and possessions hostage. She got it all. She even successfully poisoned his mind and destroyed our relationship with her unrelenting slime and malign campaign against me. But it didn’t stop there.

As soon as she had access to his finances, she cleaned out a line of credit I had held for 10 years and left me penniless. A couple of years later, when my dad offered to help me financially so I could get a hip replacement, she put a stop to it. I can barely walk these days.

Did I mention the malignant narcissist sister has never had to work a day in her life because the poor baby had a hip replacement as a teen? Did I mention she is worth millions? Did I mention she had not bothered to see my dad in over 8 years and only swooped in after she and her thug monkey kicked him out of his lovely home and put him in a tiny, cramped, dump? Did I mention she owns a mortgage free condo, AND my dad supported her in a second home (his townhouse) for 2 years while he rotted in that dump? Then she sold his townhouse.  Who do you think cashed-in from the sale of that real estate?

Did I mention that I have been facing homelessness with a disability and chronic pain for the last few years, and if it weren’t for two friends loaning me money, I would be homeless. I had to sell my car to survive and can’t walk more than a block without limping and experiencing extreme pain. Did I mention I was assaulted, left for dead on the street and lost my job because of it? The MN sister and dad knew all about this. Did I mention all members of this wealthy “family” got a sadistic thrill knowing that I had to endure the intense stress of worrying about my basic food-clothing-shelter-physicals needs? 

So here’s the kicker. THIS is the epitome of a malignant narcissist/sociopath’s tell-tale behavior: at the end of the conversation, the dip shit lawyer who clearly didn’t possess an ounce of sympathy or compassion and was basically hired to lie and act as a mouth piece for a sociopath said, and I quote: “I know this is really hard…… “Linda” brought some information on grief counseling for you if you want it.”

“Pffft. No thanks. I’ll deal with my grief in my own way,” I said.

The hypocricy is staggering.

For YEARS, the evil malignant narcissist sister has been trying to drive me to suicide, a break-down or death and she wants to help me with my “grief” over my dead dad who she turned against me and kept me from seeing and then intentionally delayed telling me that he died. The dad who she systematically brainwashed, abused and exploited until there was nothing left of him.

THAT is the very definition of treachery.

And to all the cowardly relatives who didn’t call me – even if they wanted to – because they were obeying the orders of the malignant narcissist sister – shame on you!

Acting Like It Didn't Happen
by Kathy Krajco

Acting like it didn't happen, and getting you to act like it didn't happen, is the most diabolical dirty trick in the narcissist's bag of dirty tricks.

If you don't, she will accuse you of "dredging up the past," which is a sin, you know, because you must "forgive and forget."

Even though the offender doesn't admit what she did. Let alone that it was wrong.

Neither does the offender show remorse. What for? since she neither admits that she did it nor that it was wrong. And if she isn't contrite, why should she refrain from doing it again?

Amend the damage she did? What damage? It didn't happen. Hey, even if she ruined your professional career by calumniating you all over town to paint a perfect picture of herself and call it you, she isn't required to repair any damage.

Does the offender offer you assurances that she will never do it again? Hah! Why SHOULD she?

Look again: She hasn't been required to admit what she did, let alone that anything she did was wrong. She isn't sorry/contrite. Quite the contrary: today she is happy as a lark, as though her rage yesterday relieved a bad case of constipation. She incurred no liability, so she pays no price (YOU pay the price for what she did) and isn't held accountable to make amends and repair the damages. So, why should the offender offer any guarantees that she won't do it again? Do WHAT again?

Bottom line: she did nothing wrong = she has every right to do it again. By forgiving the unforgivable, you gave her a carte blanche to.

And before holier-than-thous start regurgitating pious slogans and scripture at me, I challenge them to consult their own theologians on this matter. For, they agree with me 100%.

Notice what's missing there. All the elements of a thing called "repentance." It isn't strictly a religious term: it is just as essential in a secular context.

Without repentance on the part of the offender, there can be no reconciliation between the offender and offendee. A state of war/hostilities still exists, because the attacker attacked, and without assurances to the contrary, PRESUMABLY will attack again.

Hence the existing state of hostility.

What? You must treat someone you know is going to attack you as a friend? We TRUST friends. We must trust an enemy? You must tolerate an enemy in your home? You must be vulnerable to an enemy by allowing her into a close enough relationship with you so that she can get personal information about you? You must let her within arm's reach? Let's get real!

You are nuts if you don't keep that threat at bay and far away from you, deterring her by threatening hostile action in return if she ever crosses the line.

That's not only the only sane thing to do, it's in accordance with Natural Law, and it's your human right to self defense and self preservation and the pursuit of happiness.

Which just goes to show why honesty is the best policy, as the saying goes. By acting as if it didn't happen, you are acting out a lie. It DID happen. And you are not only lying about that, you are lying about the very nature of your relationship with the narcissist: you are portraying it as a friendly relationship when it is a hostile one, a predatory one in which you are the prey.

No sheep is stupid enough to associate with a wolf as though a state of peace exists between them, so why are people pressured to associate with a narcissistic abuser as though a state of peace exists between them? That's not only stupid and crazy, it's a lie in deed.

Why lie?

A forthright enemy, adversary, or opponent is respectable. A treacherous one = one who acts out a charade of being on friendly terms with you, is contemptible human sludge. This is the con artist, the snake in the grass, the parasite, the traitor = the malignant narcissist = the scum of the earth = the sister.

About My Book

My dad died the day before I published my book Breaking Free: A Way Out for Adult Children of Narcissists. Coincidence?

My dad died on August 31st and I published my book on September 1st. I posted advertising on my blog, but then discovered a fatal flaw in the book and pulled the advertising. It remained published, but it wasn’t until this week that it was ready to sell.

What’s weird is this book should have been published a month ago, but we experienced non-stop power issues that delayed everything. I joked that an evil force was at work trying to stop me from publishing the book and that my computer was possessed. One computer died, another computer constantly lost power at crucial moments in the process and needed to be held together with a metal clamp. Then there was a city wide black-out and hour long power outage after the book was finally uploaded for publishing.

Was there some supernatural force working against me? Who knows. All I know is that I believe in the “power” of this book. I believe that something very interesting and very exciting is going to happen with this book. It is what my intuition is telling me.

 And my story isn’t over, so get ready for a sequel!

Breaking Free: A Way Out for Adult Children of Narcissists is available on CREATESPACE and AMAZON .

If you guys like the book be sure to recommend it and review it on Amazon.

Also, if you have any stories to share about the death of a parent please feel free to join in on the discussion. I’m a little numbed out right now on learning about my dad's death. I really feel nothing. Like I said, he ceased to exist once the evil malignant narcissist sister usurped his will. The last few years of his life were hell on earth. I hope he’s in a better place. I hope he's finally found peace. I guess anything is better than being sick, weak and vulnerable and being manipulated, controlled, abused and exploited and used as a weapon by a malignant narcissist.


  1. Sorry for your loss, even when they are evil I know the death can cause pain, you mourn the parent you should have had.

    Get a lawyer, in Canada you have some rights you may not know about. I am not a lawyer but wanted to show you this.

    "The court interpreted the British Columbia Wills Variation Act as creating a moral obligation for a parent to provide for adult independent children, and that “proper maintenance and support” is not limited to the bare necessities of existence. Note: Such a parental duty is accepted as the norm in most of the non English speaking world where testamentary freedom does not exist."

    your hip surgery would fall under moral obligation.

    Did you ever see a lawyer as she cleaned out his bank accounts?

    I understand if you want to stay NC and don't want to see her rotten face in court, I just wanted you know in Canada you have a few more options then America.

    1. Thank you, Peep. You are right about mourning the parent I should have had.

    2. That's what happened to me when my father died. With mother, I already cried enough tears, there would probably be no mourning. I know it is never easy. Considering what you went through, it's a lot.

    3. Peep, I didn't know your father died. Did that happen recently? I'm sorry if you posted about it, and I missed it.

    4. He died in 1998, remember when I wrote about Queen Spider going shopping in NYC three weeks after where I saw her jumping up and cheering on the Today show window, and bragging about her insurance pay-outs?

      "I still am bothered to this day, knowing she took a trip to New York City three weeks to go shopping after his death, and was on the Today show, whooping it up. Remember when they had that glass window and would show the crowds cheering and jumping up and down? There she was jumping up and down, with a smile on her face. She had told us the day, it would air. A chill ran through my body. Of course the time later came when she bragged about how much money she had been left. We never saw a will so she became instantly financially comfortable for the rest of her life, at the time I lived in severe poverty in the ghetto and at my highest weight too. He died in 1998 and I was disabled in 1997. I was still too much in the narc fog to ask too many questions at the time. Even my sister was bothered by the instant shopping trip back then when she still had some vestiges of her former personality back then."

    5. WOW. Just WOW! The woman is absolutely shameless! These narcs have zero respect for human life and zero insight into their own behavior. I hope people rejoice in the streets when she dies. I would personally do a happy dance.

  2. It is sick, that she had the lawyer call you just to gloat. I know we had the discussion about the lawyers and more. I wondered did you get any help from adult protective services or anyone else? What were you told? Her obvious elder abuse seems like something that would have been actionable in America. I also wonder about the legalities of being told when a narc parent dies. In America they have death notices but then even here it seems someone would have to run google all the time to know if they are still alive or dead.

    Good luck with your book, I want to get a copy but having no credit card to use online, I am a bit stumped how to do it. I would have to wait until October too, do any of those websites take checks or Paypal?

    1. Yes, it is sick she had a lawyer call me just to gloat. It was a sheer act of aggression and an intimidation tactic as well as a power trip and a way to satiate her pathological need for control. There was no reason for some random "lawyer" to call me. It was a transparent stunt that once again demonstrates her malice and attempt to intentionally inflict emotional distress, while she sits in the front row smirking and feeding off her sick and twisted theatrics.

      Peep, I would like to get a copy of the book to you. I have an idea how we may be able to get around the credit card thing and I will message you on your blog soon.

    2. Gloating is what they love to do. Mini-Me GC went to London and I had two relatives [this before I cut off the entire family] contact me to gloat over it, hidden message, "you'll never see Europe but the perfect one and her children get to. I wonder if you could file a complaint against the lawyer, that seems to be no real legal business she was conducting just some underhanded garbage for your sister. It is some really sick stuff. I am sure she smirked her way through it all too.

      Thanks regarding getting me a copy of the book, email me at too. I do want to read it very much.

    3. Thanks for the address, will message you shortly.

      The relatives that contacted you about your sister going to London must be narcs too. I have been at the receiving end of a gloating narc parent say, "So and so did this..." I would reply with a blank face, "Oh, that's nice." But they didn't get their desired response from me, so it would continue, "So and so did this and they had such a great time and everyone said they want to go back next year blah blah blah!" I would continue to ignore their poking at me for a reaction, and their garbage would continue and then I would change the subject and with a really happy, enthusiastic tone talk about something that made/makes me feel great. That would shut the fuckers down and they would usually leave the room. If you don't dangle any meat in front of these predators they turn around and walk away.

      Another reason they like to use this "So and so did this, and you never will - nah nah nah nah" shit, is because the only way they can feel good, is to make others feel bad. The only way they can feel superior, is to make others feel inferior - even if the ammo they use is from other people's lives.

      I could file a complaint against that lawyer for conduct unbecoming. Essentially she was hired to abuse me by proxy. Anyone who does "business" with the sociopath sister is either just as sleazy as her, or crazy or borderline retarded or a coward or all of the above.

    4. Thanks, email me soon when you can.

      It was my brother that told me but he was following "mommy's orders. I know I gave him more of a break, but he's just a lower level narc with a limited conscience instead of a nonexistent one. I remember changing the subject too. Since then more of them have gone to Europe. Probably Queen has gone too, for all I know. I don't care. Your reaction was the best one. Yes don't dangle meat in front of narcs. I wish I figured out some of those life lessons long ago, well better late then never. Sure the reason for living for many of narcs I got away from was to make people feel bad. Their entire lives are nothing but competition and whose superior or inferior, it really was all sick. My brother would call me up everytime he bought something or went on a trip. He once showed me 15 indoor pictures of his house when my mother bought him a bunch of furniture, I think that is when I was figuring out NC was needed with him too.

      Yes consider a complaint against that lawyer. Please do talk to lawyer about your rights if you want to go that route, I think you do have a case, many lawyers will take that stuff where the pay-out comes from winning. would do conduct unbecoming case. Agree about anyone who does business with your sister!

  3. I am sorry for the loss of your father. What amazes me is how narcissists are so similar in their sickness. I think the fortunate thing for me was that I lost my parents when I was a child. It was the narcissistic grandmother that raised us. There was no money to inherit, no parent to poison their thoughts, no aging parent to get over on. Wishing you the best. It would be great if you could get an inheritance.

    1. Thank you, Rita. I am numb, and I have done a lot of grieving already. But who knows, maybe down the road a dam of emotion will burst.

  4. I'm so sorry for your loss Lisette and warm hugs to you. I know that your dad was dysfunctional, but it still hurts to lose a parent even if they were crazy. Biologically, we feel the loss of a parent, because that's normal. And don't feel bad for feeling how you feel, just let yourself feel the emotions. With time, it does get better.

    Also, I want to repeat a post I read on a board once. It said: "I may not have had good parents, but I have the best parents in the world now: ME!" That statement really stayed with me forever. So please know that you too can have the best mother and father in the world, YOU!! You can be your own mom and dad, and protect and love yourself. That's how I treat myself, with the kindness and caring that my shitty narcissist parents never did. Take all the time you need to grieve, knowing that you have a tons of adoring fans, like me! And btw, I just bought your book on Amazon yesterday, can't wait to read it and add it to my collection of classics!! Susan xoxo

    1. Susan, thank you for your kind words. It hasn't been easy having two parents that failed me, but I certainly will not fail myself. Like you, I will give myself the nurturance the shitty narc parents deprived me of. It's never too late to love yourself!

      Thanks for buying my book. And, thank you for your contribution to it. I hope you like it!

  5. Lisette, I am truly sorry for you loss. In fact, I am truly sorry for all your losses. Please take care and feel what you need to feel ... All of it.

    1. Thanks for your sympathy :) It's comforting to know there are people out there that get it.

  6. Hi Lisette,
    I,m sorry for your loss, its something i have yet to face and have asked myself many times, how is it possible to mourn a loss when its no loss at all? If that makes any sense? Sending loving thoughts to you Lisette....And can i just say, House of mirrors has been my saviour, i wish i could write like you, i didn't realise how difficult it was until i wrote a paragraph that even i couldn't make any sense of! lol... :) X

    1. Hi Nicky, thank you for your kind message. It's good to know that something positive has come from the cruelty inflicted on me by the MNs - information that has helped people like you. It always makes me feel good to hear that.

  7. I'm sorry to hear that your father died and you did not learn about it in right time. Narcs uses death to manipulate others and tug at heart's string of emotions. It sounds like your sister hired an unethical attorney, a paralegal, or maybe an attorney who has been disbarred. You might want to check on the attorney's status with the bar in Canada and in your province. Hope you will find an information you need.

    Please do yourself a favor by making screenshots of websites providing you information you need. It has been my experiences that website closed, the author or owners of the site changed information or made their sites private since I made some discovery. I saved files and made screenshots before important information disappeared. Also, if you receive information outside computers, take pictures using your cell phone or digital camera. Make sure everything is written or record your phone conversations from your cell phone recording system. If your cell phone runs out of its disc space, get a flash drive for your phone and save files there. Save your digital camera's files in your computer and then save them in your flash drive. Hide your flash drive in a safe deposit box in your bank or someplace safe. You will need these files something. Make sure your banks' employees are not helping with your "sister" or your "MN mother."

    I also want to tell you that there is a law in the United States and Canada stipulating that parents provide for their special needs adult children in their wills and estates. Because you have a money-hungry, financially abusive narc "sister," you will need a good attorney to help you fight for your parent's will and estates. You became a special needs adult when your hip got dislocated. Also, don't let your "special needs, crippled sister" to railroad you into accepting psychiatric "labels" in order to get money. She uses her "disability" to manipulate people and to play victims. I will pray you will find an attorney who has experiences dealing with narcs and sociopaths in court cases. You could tell an attorney that you have been a victim of domestic violence since you became an adult legally and it is still ongoing.

    Here are websites that will tell you about estate planning for special needs adult children. Your parent did not fill out these forms because of your "sister" manipulation and her attorneys' unethical behaviors. There are many more sites that might give you information you need; however, I had a hard time opening some pages. :(

    1. Hi bruinrunninggal75,
      Thank you for all your thoughtful information. I agree that narcs use death to manipulate others. The call from the lawyer with the MN sister in her office was a form of hoovering... among other abuses. Bottom line, she wanted to feed off my emotional state. I'm sure the MN mother and sister planned the telephone call a long time ago right down to the number of days she would wait to have a "lawyer" call me. My dad had many family members, so there were many aunts and uncles and cousins that could have informed me that he died. The MN sister embarked on a smear campaign of me years ago and really went in for the kill when I confronted her on her financial abuse of my dad, so she had everyones' minds good and poisoned. They are nothing but moral imbeciles. As for the MN sister, MN mother and thug monkey, they are threatened by me, period. I can rip their masks off at any time. They don't intimidate me. They are completely insane and their lives are total lies, and once they are forced outside their protective bubble other people will see how crazy and criminal they are. And yes, all this shit is just an extension of the "family" violence that I have endured my entire life.

  8. Hi Lisette,
    So sorry to have to read that the cockroach sister told you of your father's death this way. These people are all so sickening. Having his death announced to you more than a week later and so callously is horrifying, but I guess expected. She's sitting there with a lawyer (witness) portraying herself as the only one who REALLY cared for your father, when what she really did was to isolate him, help herself to his money and stuff while convincing him to trust only her. There are no words to convey my feelings thinking of you having to go through this disgusting, hateful display by the sister.

    You provided actual care for your father, even while knowing all you knew about his inability to hang onto your goodness toward him.

    You've made it clear that you never stopped monitoring your father's care and tried to step in where you could. You have my sympathy for your loss and all you'll go through as you process his life coming to an end.

    I have my own stories of cruel mind-games with my raggedy narc nest family where to maintain relationships you'd need to receive daily copies of interactive psychotic flow-charts... But I think I just want to tell you that I'm very sorry for all you've been put through. You're so brilliant with an uncanny sense of reality and remarkable ability to express it. I have read your blog for as long as I've been serious about looking into these twisted creatures and I hope you never forget just how much your voice has meant to us out here. I bought your kindle books and am awaiting the paperback copy to arrive in the mail. Hugs and support; wish I could do more.

    1. Thank you for your post. You must have experienced a similar kind of hell to understand so well what I am going through. Your post brought tears to my eyes, but the tears are more about being touched by your kindness and compassion than being sad.

      I don't know about other ACONs, but I get pretty emotional when people express compassion and understanding toward me and my situation because it's not the norm. Unfortunately, being bullied, abused and treated with utter contempt or callous indifference has been the norm these days - especially since the sociopath sister swooped in 3 years ago to run a horror show.

      I've come to terms that this is all a game to her. She is a sociopath and it's all about the "win" and dominating, and manipulating and denying others and feeling superior. She's a criminal. She swindled a frail, dying old man and used him as an object/a chess piece/a pawn in her never ending sick little game to WIN at all costs. Yes, he was a narc and dysfunctional and he was a cruel asshole to me in the final years of his life. But he was also a human being and my dad, who I loved, in spite of it all. And If a bunch of strangers swooped-in and did what the sociopath sister, her parasitic thug monkey and the evil ass ex MN wife did to him, someone would have put a stop to it. Why should these thugs get away with what they did? Because the Boss of this organized crime ring is his daughter? Fuck that! We all know full well what "family" is capable of doing to those closest to them... and what they can get away with hiding behind the cloak of family. The MN sister wants a "witness"? Hmmm, is she expecting a court case? Like the sociopath she is, she is probably feeling empty because my dad is now dead and the game is over. Or maybe she fixed the game to ramp-up after his death. Time will tell. Bitch be crazy, and she's dead inside so in order for her to alleviate the boredom and feel something, anything, she needs keep the game of domination over others going and going and going. I suppose this blog post is even feeding her lust to "play". Whatever.

      Gee, I didn't expect to write such a long response. But truth be told, this is therapeutic. Also your post made me laugh - 'raggedy narc nest family and interactive psychotic flow charts' is gold. Thank you, truly, for all your support and thanks for buying the books. I hope you enjoy the paperback.

  9. You're welcome, Lisette. Yes, I'm very familiar with a malicious, destructive hell. It never really ends does it...
    I know what you mean by being moved when someone steps into your space with good intentions. Sheesh, I can get choked up just having a light-hearted exchange with a stranger at the grocery store! Growing up the way so many of us did, it's as if our emotions are still trying to prove to us that they're genuine and useful. It probably is fairly common for scapegoated ACON's in particular to be more sensitive to kind words.

    Hope you're doing OK while you sort out whatever that sadistic charade was with the attorney and "Linda". I have a relative who married into the raggedy narc nest (glad you laughed) who pulls this same kind of shit, although not nearly as dramatically clever, utilizing an attorney prop and all. (I half excepted, as you recounted the event, for you to say you could hear a pit orchestra playing to enhance the cloak and dagger effect.)

    The active players in my world are fuck-wit passive-aggressive types and appear clunky and unpolished in comparison to "Linda". I should tell them that they look like a two-bit roadshow and can't hold a candle to those who really study their craft; it's all a competition, you know, I might stir up some good old-fashioned envy... lol.

    I'm still dealing with the aftermath of my father's death 6 years ago. I really never recovered from the bizarre shenanigans around that. I don't know how to go into it without totally hijacking your blog, so I'll just say, several firm No Contact measures went into effect and many people in my extended family still believe there is something to the stories, implicating me as some interloper, a mysterious, psychotic freak. A sordid stew was cooked up in the cauldrons of relatives who needed money from the quick sale of properties in my dad's estate, using his ex, MNM's lifelong hatred of me as the backdrop for any bullshit they concocted. I guess it's obvious to people here that lies from these pieces of shit get ever more outrageous when the target isn't able to defend themselves, such as a child, the elderly and/or someone who lives far away and is out of the everyday smear loop, or the dead.

    I just hope, in your case, time works in your favor to ease the shock and outrage of this most recent set-up around your father's death. My dad was an asshole too, a lesser narc as you've described, but he wasn't batshit like the others within that nest he called home for all those years. (Even the most basic creatures won't soil their nest...) These freaks ruin everything and every moment.

    My copy of "Breaking Free" has just arrived. The book looks awesome, Lisette.
    I have so much respect for you, your experiences and your drive to do this.
    The book is such an accomplishment. A treasure.
    Take care Lisette.

    1. I Tried,
      Thank you once again for such a nice message. I would have replied sooner but I am busy sorting out the "sadistic charade" that the MN sister and her goons created upon my dad's death.

      What you wrote about "Linda" and the "players" in your two-bit roadshow made me laugh. Maybe "Linda" could hold workshops to teach less polished narcs the importance of the "DUN DUN DUN" factor in psychological terrorism. Though I think you may be giving her too much credit as her casting choice with the "lawyer" was incredibly bland. The woman sounded like the office cow who always complains about people stealing her yoplait yogurt. If "Linda" really wanted to spook me, she should have hired a Vincent Price impersonator and played creepy organ music in the background. You know, the whole haunted funeral parlor vibe.

      I'm sorry to hear that you too experienced bizarre shenanigans around your father's death. I don't think we really do recover from this kind of abuse. A friend of mine said my dad left me with a life sentence of horrific memories because of the way he departed. Even if the misery he inflicted on me was written and directed by the MN sister, he still played his part. The outrage over the MN sister's latest stunt (with the lawyer)has eased-up and I was never really shocked. I expected nothing less than sheer evil from "Linda" and predicted her move. Unfortunately, the last memories of my dad are heart-breaking and that will take some time. I'm sorry that you have been left with the same fall-out. Grieving a narc parent and all the chaos that their death brings is a very complex process. I relate to everything you worte, down to the part where you were implicated as some interloper. I have also used that word to describe the way the narc clan has treated me. If you ever feel up to sharing your story and hijacking my blog, please fee free! I identify with your story. These freaks do ruin everything and every moment.

      You are spot on about the lies getting more outrageous when the target isn't around to defend themselves to the guilty bystanders. And if you defend yourself to the malignant narcs that pisses them off even more and the they ramp-up the lies, the smear campaign and psychological terrorism. In my case, the MN sister is fucking furious I'm still swinging. I'm sure she expected to snuff out the fight in me long ago.

      I am so glad the book arrived. Thank you for buying a copy. Also, thanks for your kind and encouraging words. I have respect for you too. I have resepct for all ACONs for surving these fuckers and living to tell it!

      Ps. If you get a chance, I would really appreciate a review of the book. The reviews are priceless in helping to promote the book and draw attention to our plight.

      Thanks again for your validation and all your support. It means alot to me.

  10. Hi Lisette...I hope you are doing ok..your book arrived yesterday it took a couple of weeks to get to ozstralia..its great..superb..awesome front cover...its the Truth..finally the truth about these morbid conniving creeps has been revealed in black and white..nice work Lisette ..ThanX..take care

    1. Hi Soulaflame, thanks for your message and thanks for buying the book. I can't believe it traveled all the way to Ozstralia - that's so cool. I'm glad it found you and I'm glad you like it :) If you get a moment, please write a review. Reviews really are key to getting people interested in the subject.

      I'm ok. I've got a lot on my plate right now. So I've been laying low. Sometimes I take internet freezes because the blog and all that MN stuff can be triggering and I just need to decompress. Hope all is well with you.

      Thanks again for letting me know you bought the book. Hearing that always brightens my day.

  11. Hi Lisette,
    I'll share the story. Thanks for the space. I want to say first though, I feel for you and wish you could have had at least that one moment at the end of your dad's life where you could grieve the life he shared with others outside the FOO; the complex life of the whole man who was your dad. We need these moments where our lives are related and validated... I had that for my Ndad and it was helpful, but it was the last time I'll have it with the FOO. It was the last family function I'll ever attend. Ever.

    It's hard to write a singular twisted family story (more respect for your writing!). Separated out in isolation, the antics seem tame, especially when I'm so moved by you and others who share on your site. But it is indicative of the pattern in my family and the willingness of others to pile on, like I can just take anybody's shit whenever, over and over and over without breaking. When Ndad died, my thoughts and feelings were complicated as I expected they would be, which should be a story on its own. Instead, thinking back on the event evokes bizarre images, kind of the quality of a badly cast, poorly written anti-drug after-school special; 'an acid trip'. The faces are all distorted and people are laughing really loud and close to my face and their words are all garbled; but they're angry, making no sense, whispering and staring, and I'm trapped on the outside.

    All I really know is that Ndad died and I flew in from 1500 miles away to stay at MNM's house and help my GC older brother who lived nearby with funeral preparations. By the time my stay was over, a mere 4 days later, MNM was accusing me of plotting to have her put out on the street in order to get the money from the sale of the house she was squatting in, er, renting from my Ndad. She'd been divorced from Ndad for decades but was still very financially dependent on him... She had been acting more strangely than usual the whole time I was there, but this accusation was really out of the blue. It was a bit much to take in at the time so while shocked, I still tried to calm MNM down and told her that there were plenty of details to sort out and I wouldn't let her be tossed out; we would figure something out. She was definite in knowing that I was lying because Nsil had told her just before I got into town that the plan was to hurry up and sell the house. (SOMEBODY was after Ndad's money, but it wasn't me.) I got on my flight and headed home, trying to figure out WTF had just happened.

  12. Not long after I left, MNM started having chest pains and called GC brother to come over so she could tell him that she knew he was in on my plan, not just to get her out of the house, but that with his help, I was actually plotting to kill her! You should know, MNM wouldn't have believed for a second that GC brother and Nsil were "in on" anything, she just hoped that if she accused him, he, as executor of the estate, might defend himself by making promises or show her the will or whatever. Sure enough he defended himself against her crackpot accusations and was let off the hook, but not me! And no mention of his wife, Nsil, who I guess we were forgetting about by now. (What in-law takes it upon themselves to secretly interpret "the will" to the mother/ex-wife when all the adult children can speak to it themselves?... Who threatens with homelessness an unstable, dependent old lady who just lost her free money pipeline?...) Rhetorical questions, I mean I do after all have your book, the new desk reference on narcissism. :^)

    Well, MNM goes and has a heart attack, Lisette! Heading in to have bypass surgery, she doesn't know how I did it, but she just knows I'm behind her poor health and fully blames me (maybe I even poisoned her). And people who comforted her during her frightening medical event, couldn't understand what a horrible person I had become to do this to my own mother. That I somehow got her so worked up that I caused her to get this sick! I thought it best to remain home and far away during all this, even though I could have easily come to help her in her recovery. I was used to stepping in and taking care of things when MNM and/or others in the FOO needed help, I didn't mind (lifetime of training). But, I worried her delusions would drift into a full-blown paranoid psychosis if I (Satan) showed up in the flesh. And that raggedy snag of a Nsil then went to people, who mattered to me, outside the immediate family and told them her version of what happened. She got their imaginations all stirred-up claiming she didn't know what I did when I was at MNM's house, but it must have really been something! And LOOK PROOF(!); I didn't even visit MNM when she was so sick! I was also booted as "untrustworthy" from MNM's contact list at a county social service agency. It took me months of digging and people calling me to really put the pieces together and see that Nsil was indeed the person who orchestrated MNM's overstimulated state of mind and helped whip up the crowd against me to cover her tracks, throughout the funeral, heart attack and everything. She continues reworking family alliances and perceptions regarding my character. GC brother protects and channels his abusive wife, a lesser N like the Ndad, playing the role of an unconcerned ingrate/asshole. So that's the story.

  13. I guess I believed I was simply doing what I could for MNM and FOO while in town for the Ndad's funeral. I went out and bought MNM a bunch of groceries (as usual) including cleaning products and I cooked and cleaned for her when I wasn't helping GC brother with the funeral. I enjoyed visiting with other members of the extended/FOO and old friends. I was gracious to people who came to the memorial to pay their respects. My time there, to my mind, was really just that straightforward.

    This story is a mere side-note to how MNM has treated me my whole life, not to take away from Nsil in this case or the rest of the family who only had minor roles. When MNM feels something is wrong, it takes over everything. And it must be me whose behind it. Always. She then mentally alters out loud who I am and what I'm doing to fit the need; blame me. I'm never to be trusted, I'm a poseur, a greedy liar, a wicked traveling magician doing hocus pocus... The cause of clogged arteries. I'm whatever she says I am. Pretty neat trick.

    The funeral itself was actually quite nice and well-attended. Ndad would have expected nothing less and would have smiled at the full house. People liked my Ndad and were lovely to me when they offered condolences and shared their memories. So that was nice. That's something I know I'm lucky to have experienced and can keep for myself as my own.

    I hope you are in a decent space for yourself and have good people around you as you go through the 27 stages of grief over a narc parent.

    Now, back to reading your amazing book. I'll definitely write a review for you.

  14. I Tried,
    Thank you for sharing your story. You articulated it with more clarity than I've ever felt I had in re-telling the convoluted antics of these malignant narcissists. You must be a writer, and if you are not, you should be. I want to hear more. And in no way does your story read: tame. Holy fuck. You story is the perfect example of why trying to do right by people who only do wrong by us is dangerous. ANY contact, no matter how well intentioned will be twisted and turned against us. We are damned if we do, damned if we don't. So it's best to just stay the hell away. Although, I totally understand you wanting to be there to pay tribute to your dad, and I'm glad you got the opportunity to do that. It's just sad that those sick fucks used your presence (to say good bye to your father) to scapegoat you. They are predators. All of them.

    And boy do I relate to your line about the willingness of others to pile on like we can just take anyone's shit over and over and over without breaking. That's the very definition of scapegoating. They want to break the victims back and turn us into everything they say we are. And most of us have a pretty good idea about what these lying scumbags are saying behind our backs - that we are traveling magicians casting spells and inciting heart attacks! Hahaha! Don't we all wish we had those kind of magical powers.

    I'm sorry that in addition to your MN family of origin an outsider joined the crew (Nsil) and has become the orchestrater of your abuse. I know what that is like. The sociopathic sister's parasitic monkey who is nothing but a thieving interloper told my dad's neighbours not to call me when my dad was being taken to the hospital by ambulance, or inform me that he was undergoing an amputation because I was a "problem" that I "cause too many problems." Yup, I'm a "problem" alright. I present a "problem" to the sociopathic sister and the seedy parasitic monkey's plan to swindle an old man. Also, as far as magical powers go. My dad's second wife (an alcholic, drug addict, violent abuser who beat my dad) hated me because I refused to have anything to do with her, and told my dad when they were vacationing in Maui that she saw me there hiding behind a palm tree and I put a curse on her. Your Nsil in and MNM sound just as insane.

    And as far as your MNM goes, you are way more humane than I would ever be. I have the same situation, in that the MNM who had a very nasty divorce from my late father over 30 years ago, STILL feels entitled to his money and property. She would much rather take for herself than see anything go to me. In fact, the evil bitch would love to see me end up on the streets and her and the sociopathic daughter with the parasitic monkey in tow are hell-bent in seeing that happen. So, I would have no problem kicking my MNM AND MN sister onto the street. In fact, I want them to experience everything they have put me through. I wouldn't spit on them if they were on fire.

    Again, I am really glad that you claimed your turf and said good bye to your dad on your terms and can now look forward to permanent NC with those crazies. Unfortunately,I was robbed of that opportunity and am currently dealing with the mess the sociopath sister made of his life. I feel I have been cleaning up her and my parent's messes my entire life. The shit they conjure up truly is the stuff of fiction and surreal after school specials that seems written by aging hippies high on acid.

    I appreciate your kind thoughts about what I am going through. Only 27 stages of greif over a narc parent? LOL. I thought it was 127.

    Thanks about the review too. A friend sent me a link of a kick ass review of the book with a note "send it to Oprah!" If you wrote the review thank you, thank you, thank you! It really lifted my spirits at a time when I need lifting the most. If you didn't write it, I look forward to what you have to say!

  15. PS. Who the hell do these narcissists think we are?

    Do you remember that show?

  16. OMG Lisette! Hahahaha!!! I forgot all about that show! Perfectly fits; you clearly GET IT. LOL!
    This will be short so I hope you keep your shop open here for awhile because I don't have time right now to thank you properly for your compliments, etc... But thank you! You're sooo welcome for the review. I meant every single word of it! You're a stellar communicator and your talent makes reading about this very dark subject palatable. I'll be back.
    PS I almost typed 127 stages of grief too! Funny! I guess we do start grieving so early on, way before the physical death as you've mentioned.

  17. Hi Lisette,

    Thanks for complimenting my story-telling there. I appreciate it since I was pretty uneasy posting on a public blog something I've had so much trouble sorting through. I'm so pent-up, I even surprised myself that I didn't just blurt it out nonsensically in all-caps and take off running! Anyway, I'm not a writer (but I'm more than happy to have it suggested by a PUBLISHED AUTHOR!! lol). I used to work at a job where I was responsible for securing funds and services from tight-fisted government entities and small under-funded agencies for people suffering the onset of serious medical conditions. I sometimes had to get pretty creative in my written pleas for assistance. That was a long time ago...

    I want to thank you for what your work here has meant to me and I'm pretty sure for so many others you've been able to reach. You've filled an incredible need with your blog, challenging the field of psychology and many of its theories on the causes and consequent internal workings of the personality disordered. You've clearly never stopped looking into finding some kind, any kind, of remedy for the reprehensible acts that are perpetrated by these mind-numbingly twisted people. And you've learned so much you became more of an expert than "the experts"! Through your blog, you've practically been the virtual therapist we could never find out here to help us shake off all the layers of bullshit only to discover we're actually NOT crazy. Thank you.

    And now this amazing book! In my opinion, it should crush any other publication, especially anything instructing targets in essence, to prostrate themselves in order to "get along". I can't put this book down; I just can't get over your writing style, Lisette! I mean you've got this David Lynch-esque ability to get me to laugh wholly inappropriately at absurd and horrifying truths. It's quite genius. You're such an interesting person that I'm sure you can find a million and one things to do with yourself, which you undoubtedly do. So, to me, it's way more than commendable that you take the time to share with us what you've had to learn and also translate it for us, marvelously. Thank you.

    A few years ago I had the privilege of hearing Andrew Vachss on a radio talk show. He was a friend of the host, so they wasted no time diving into Mr. Vachss' work and his disdain (to put it mildly) for people who fuck-up their kids through non-stop and horrifying (especially physical) abuse. He had not one ounce of patience for people on the sidelines, either. Callers who found the topic "interesting" but were offended by his unyielding perspective were verbally smacked around a bit, then disconnected. Great radio! It was satellite radio so much of the show was spoken in my native-tongue: Profanity. As I wrote the review for your book, I kept thinking about how much your writing reminds me of the unwavering, tenacious commitment I heard on that radio show. Like Andrew Vachss, you make the message clear: 'Enough is e-fuckin-nough' when it comes to derelict assholes who CANNOT BE FIXED, ruining the lives of good people and getting away with it. My review of your book practically wrote itself. :^)

  18. One more thing about your blog... I can't say enough about the way you 'speak with' your readers and commenters here. You're very sweet and VERY witty and relate so thoughtfully in your responses. Nothing could be more helpful to people who have been called a "piece of shit" and told to "sit down and shut the hell up" their whole lives. Your overall message can be a bitter pill to swallow (it was for me). But, who was I to argue with the truth about the jack-asses in my life? It was also always kind of enjoyable as well to see the "life coaches" and "the higher ground" philosophers unable to resist the urge to spread peace and harmony on your blog. Well, no time like the present when it came to you disabusing them of their little candy sprinkles! Pure unadulterated facts!!! LOL! You're freakin Wonder Woman!

    It's been such a pleasure to correspond with you here, Lisette. Thank you. I'll never forget it. You're an inspiring and awesome lady and I wholeheartedly hope you things can get sorted out in your favor very soon. (Oh, and FU, "Linda", I am NOT one of your fans!)

    PS If you're ever running low on filler, should you continue to pursue writing in the new "fuck you lit" genre, I'd be happy to give you more raw material; I've got a lot of stories. But then, don't we all! Take care.

  19. PPS What I was TRYING to say at the end there was I really didn't expect I'd get the nerve to post a comment, let alone interact with you and you've been lovely to encourage it. Also, in my PS, "filler" was a really, really stupid word choice for "experiences". I'm sorry for the impression of nonchalance; I certainly don't see the lives of people here that way at all, ever.

    1. I Tried,
      Not once did you give me the impression of nonchalance. In fact, I've been so blown-away by your kindness and enthusiasm for my writing that I wanted to bask in all the glory before I responded. I kid! In true ACON fashion, I started to think I'm not worthy of such high regard and started to feel like a fucking imposter. Well... Fuck that and all the narc programming! With hand on heart, I give you a big virtual hug - Thank you!

      The generosity of spirit you have shown has proven to me, once again, how these lousy dark souled narcs ( such as your family) devalue and discard the people that shine the brightest from within. And even though I know full well what these narcs are capable of doing to decent people (because they did it to me) I am always stunned by their "choice" of targets, and how these targets remain decent, kind, gentle and honest people even after horredous abuse. In some ways, it's a compliment for the crazy fuckers to chase us away with their pitchforks. I mean, what would it say about us if they welcomed us into their inner sanctum?

      I Tried, you are also the perfect example of why I wish more people would comment. There are so many people out there with so much to say who never speak-up, and what you've said here on my blog about your own experiences will help others. You have helped me. Truly. Your compassion for me and the way I found out about my dad dying is very touching. And your support for my writing is incredibly motivating and inspiring. Blogs do not survive without a give and take, and you surely understand the give part. Which believe me, is pretty rare. Though I understand that posting on a public blog is a little scary for most people, especially condsidering the personal nature of the subject matter. The first time a comment of mine was posted on a blog, I damn near ducked beneath my desk because I felt so exposed and thought the internet could see me. I laughed out loud about you writing your comment in caps and then taking off.

      Thank you for the rave review of my book. It's a very "indie" book and very rough around the edges and I am thrilled to hear you like it despite its many flaws, of which I am trying to polish, in between legal shit I have to deal with because of fucking "Linda."

      Also thank you for comparing my writing style to none other than David Lynch. "Blue Velvet" is one of my all time favorite films, and I believe I have watched it about 12 times. Also, I loved "Twin Peaks" and took a road trip with my friends to the town where the show was filmed. We ate cherry pie at the actual cafe where they shot the scenes. I still have the photo of all of us digging into our slices of cherry pie. And what can I say about Andrew Vachss, the man is an inspiration and its an honor to be compared to him.

      It has been a pleasure corresponding with you. What you have written has seriously made my year. I could go on, but I don't want to gross-out the lurkers with a mutual admiration society.

      I would love to hear your raw material, and if you are ever up for the challenge, you should get your story about the raggedy narc nest onto the page. You certainly have the writing chops. I didn't start ACON PRESS for nothing. It's an actual publishing company. I have "Linda" to thank for it. Her unrelenting abuse forced me to write a blog, start a publishing company and publish books... about her abuse. In many ways, her evil schemes have backfired on her.

      Again, thank you for expressing your thoughts. Your personality reminds me of a long lost friend, and it's pretty damn heart-warming. If you ever want to contact me by email please feel free :)

  20. I am getting all warm and fuzzy here reading all these comments. It is truly kismet when us ACONs meet. And you Lisette, have done this for all of us! I love all your commenters here but you, "I Tried" truly have the language (like my hero Lisette) for these creature-like humans. After having to go back to LC with the MNs in my life, due to finding out that my father (not a N) was being abused through extreme isolation and verbal bantering by MN mother. I can contest to everyone here that it really is as close to a badly written after school special on LSD as I Tried has described. From their circular conversations that go nowhere, to their completely illogical sentences that make you want pull your hair out and scream, to whatever the fuck else they come come up with ... There is truly no reasoning with these fucks. I mean, one could easily sit back with a bucket of popcorn at all the charades they pull ... if it wasn't their fucking lives being toyed with! But on a good note, because of you Lisette, I have learned to play Robot mode to the hilt ;) In fact I have learned to resemble the perfect image of a bored teenager on her cell phone pretty darn good. Drives them fucking crazy and works like a charm.

    As for the hocus pocus stuff you two mentioned ... gees ... talk about projection. They only wish they had those powers!!! They could just make us disappear with no blood to clean up. Oh how our births have just ruined their lives ... those poor dears. And you Lisette, looking at your dad's wife from behind that palm tree ... you must have made her feel pretty exposed in some sort of way for that kind of accusation (truth to the fact, that behind their facades they know they are pieces of shit). I always think of that old movie from the 80s "They Live". We must have been born with those sunglasses on and they sense it.

    Anyway, so fun describing these N's and hearing others descriptions in all their full horror without feeling the tiniest bit of guilt or forgiveness!! I only wish I could write as well as you two ... I tend to be the queen of typos but oh well, at least I am vomiting it out and not holding it in anymore. I am so done with these freaks, clowns, and sideshow acts! Truly done! Thank you, thank you, thank you, Lisette

  21. Found my first typo .... meant to say "OUR fucking lives they are toying with" ... big difference there ;)

  22. Hi Gladifoundyou - You're so right about the ACON connection. I've learned so much through reading the comments of fellow ACONs who end up here at Lisette's. The knowledge and insight from commenters here, including you, Glad', is just astounding to me. And Lisette, well, she just explodes my entire head!! It was nice to be included in your "warm fuzzies"; I'm still a little shocked that I got the nerve to speak up. This post about Lisette being informed of her dad's death is still one of the more difficult ones for me to read, but it got me to do more than my usual solitary reading of the blog and to just try to say a little something to Lisette. Forty pages later... Ha! (Oh, and FU again "Linda".)

    It's really nice to meet you, Glad'. In real life, I rarely run into people like you who are so thoughtful and open and enjoying the company even though the subject matter gets difficult or frankly, un-fucking-believable. It's a real treat to 'meld'. :) And it's always good to feel welcomed. I know we're all here because we happen to relate to some completely twisted shit, but your added humor and willingness to dive into the acid trip made me smile. Thanks!

    Well, then there's Lisette. I won't go on again, but what an advocate! She sets about digging us out of our self-imposed bunkers, blog post by blog post, comment by comment, and of course, THE BOOK!! Encouraging us to speak and live and firm up those boundaries, go NO CONTACT, get stronger and for God's sake, never ever invalidate ourselves!!! She insists we get rid of the shame, it's not ours to carry! Malignant Narcissists really do lay in wait, plotting at the very least to verbally 'clothesline' us and we can be sure their "monkeys" are legion. I can be a little slow on the uptake, but it's all gradually sinking in... Thanks again Lisette.

    I am sorry for what you've been going through yourself, Glad', and for what's now happening with your dad, stirring up your instinct to act, trying to protect him from 'them'. I certainly don't need to tell you, I'm sure, to be very careful. There's always a cauldron brewing. Keep Lisette's book in your purse and if you have to, hold it up like a cross to a vampire in the event you need to make a quick exit! LOL! Just hoping you always protect yourself the best you can. Take care Glad'.
    PS Thank you for your compliment; your own writing pulls me in very effectively and YOU definitely come through! :) That we aren't expressing in monosyllabic grunts, considering our experiences, is an awesome testament. --

    1. Thank you "I Tried". Yes, I am truly swimming with the sharks here and trying my best not to let my head swim with them. I can't even begin to tell you, but at least I now possess the rulebook on these freaks ... Lisette's book!!! Watching them morph into their different skin suits used to just baffle me. Now I just thank the gods in heaven, and can secretly smile to myself for helping me find Lisette's Blog. These Narcs are truly batshit crazy!!!

      And I am truly sorry for what your family did you at your father's funeral and for your loss (all your losses). These Narcs have not a decent bone in their bodies, and yes FU Linda, and please don't get me started on her mother. I am a mother of three and I could never imagine having a favorite or shunning any of my children ... !!! My children are my true blessings in this life! No Ands, Ifs, or Buts!!!

  23. Hello Lisette,
    I'm new to your brilliant & insightful blog. Thank you & I'm sorry for the loss of your father & the narc rock bottom disgusting tactics form NS. Nothing surprises me about these evil low lifes anymore! I'm just waking up & processing it all...I'm coming out of the narc fog and trying NOT to let more in my life. Like you the whole family mother, father & 2 mean brothers are all narcs. By the grace of God, I think I'm the only normal one with compassion & empathy. I'm no contact with all of them before I even knew that they were in the kingdom of malignant narcdom. Since MN father was always fighting with his side of the family, I had never met them except my uncle when I was 5 yrs. So when I was on the east coast, I decided to surprise them. At the time, I was thinking it was just my sick narc family...well, well, I walked into another malignant narc family unit! Fortunately, I knew to have had my own accomodation. Let's see.. some of the narc highlights...the histronic cousin's wife who I just met decided to exclude me from cousin's birthday party during my visit. And when I asked my uncle for a ride to the airport to leave (the ONLY thing, I asked) He said to me on the phone out of the blue, " You're partying, I know your partying, yes, you are partying, what are you doing in the back room of that single's bar?" So I replied, " Is that what you are doing now?" Disgusting perverse, delusional MN...this is after knowing me only a few weeks. Get the flavor and more happened. I also going no contact with this narc unit as well. Glad I had a bit of narc education behind me to process the insanity! As soon as I have a real job, I would love to purchase your book! Cheers, Kittiestravel

  24. Lisette,

    Your sister is a shithead. I am sorry you learned of your dad's death in such a Narc-infested way. They really are parasites.

    Fifteen years ago I was fast asleep one hot July night. It was the middle of the might. The phone went, startling me out of a deep sleep something I I have not had much of being a lifelong insomniac, but at that time I was working long hours and had actually gotten to sleep. It was my mother. With no lead up or anything all she says after I groggily answer, "Hello?" is

    "Mark is dead."

    Just like that. No emotion. No care. No crying. In fact she said it in such an aggressive , guttural, cold matter of fact statement way that writing it out can never convey.

    "Mark" (not his real name) was my brother-in-law, my Narc sister's late husband. He was 40 years old. I liked him a lot, as did many people. My mother had nothing but put-downs and insults for him, to his face and to my Narc sister who would pass them on to Mark. I was in shock. I could barely believe my ears, but yet there was no mistaking the point blank no mercy, "Mark is dead." I let out a horrified sob, started crying and asked what happened. All I remember is a silence on the other end of the phone. She was soaking up the pain like the evil sadistic piece of shit she is. She was enjoying my shock. "Ask your sister. She is at the hospital." and that was all.

    I could have been notified by many people. I could been called in the morning and told in a compassionate manner. But, no. Malignant Mother could not wait for that. He was barely cold In the hospital ER and she had to get on the horn to me at 2 a.m. to be the one to soak up the pain of someone who actually cares. Can't wait until the run-off doesn't pay out as much and I have had a chance to absorb the shock and not be so raw. Nope.

    There is more to this with Narc sister and how he died and how it all was about her. But, that is too much.

    There are two ways to inflict shitheadeness. One is to treat you with such contempt as to be an afterthought more than a week later on speaker phone, just to stick it to you. The other is to blindside you and take pleasure in your pain. Both are despicable.

    1. So true. They have to inflict pain in almost every interaction. And what better what to do this then by using the death of a loved one - they truly are shameless. Narcissists do not communicate; they play games. So of course, they're going to snatch the opportunity to inform a target of a loved one's passing. This kind of shit makes them salivate; it makes them feel powerful and it's also a fun way to make a nasty move on the chess board of life. Whether they treat you like an after thought or blindside you with sad news, both moves are premeditated and deliberate and designed for them to feed. In these kind of sick family constellations, the most abusive member always controls the information. Again, it makes these pathetic fucks feel powerful. I think life is pretty much over for the narcissist when there is no one left to torment.