Saturday, 9 September 2017

When Our Abusers Stalk Our Anonymous Blogs

Isn’t it interesting that our narcissist abusers, of which we are estranged for years, even decades, somehow manage to “stumble upon” our ANONYMOUS blogs? Actually, it’s not that interesting or unusual. It’s quite common in the ACON community to be under surveillance by the deranged and the estranged. Malignant narcissists are predators who obsessively stalk their prey. This never stops. MNs must always maintain the illusion of power and control over their victim, even after decades of no contact. Going no contact and wanting nothing to do with them upsets the power balance and makes the narcissist feel out of control. Secretly infiltrating our lives, our space, our online group of other like-minded individuals, violating our privacy and even gaslighting via fake comments gives them the power rush they crave and a strong sense of control. 

Typical of covert abusers, narcissists want to stalk us on the sly but at the same time let us know they're watching us. "I can see you, but you can't see me!" It's a never ending invisible war of domination and control. It's a lifelong game of cat and mouse. "You will not expose me! I will expose you first!" The thing is, we don't want to expose them (unless of course they have committed crimes) - that's the point of writing ANONYMOUSLY. But just to trump us, they will out themselves as our abusers to play the victim and rob us of our anonymity. They expose themselves because they are utterly shameless when it comes to their abuses. They expose us because they want control. It's always about power plays with narcissists. Think: 5 year old trapped in the body of an adult throwing temper tantrums, cajoling, manipulating, coercing, LYING and persuading in order to get their way. Narcissists have the emotional and moral maturity of a child. That's why so much of of their behavior defies logic. 

From what I've read, there have been plenty of premeditated invasions of ACON blogs. These narcissists don't just happen to "stumble upon" our blogs. They are hunting us. Some of the more devious MN perpetrators lay in wait for years stalking, spying, monitoring and observing their prey online. They have feeds of our blogs and they take screen shots of the content and even print-out hundreds and hundreds of pages. They are studying us, gathering intelligence and stock piling information that they will twist and turn and try to use against us at a later date… when it suits their nefarious agenda. They compulsively watch and salivate over their prey in a manner similar to those addicted to online pornography. I believe their perverted voyeuristic behavior even gives them an erotic charge. They are captivated by our lives and extremely possessive of those they believe they own; especially the one who got away. Our blogs are a HUGE supply source to the malignant narcissist – a place where we are captured on screen and available to snack-on whenever they feel the need to feed. Sort of like how the Wicked Witch of the West was fixated on Dorothy's journey and hunted her down through a crystal ball. The calculating narcissist lays in wait carefully studying our every move. She plots and plans and schemes and when the time is just right, she sics "her own personal army" of flying monkeys to attack. 

Can you imagine if it was a crime to write ANONYMOUSLY about the abuse inflicted by narcissists? Can you imagine if some "authority" banged down your door, arrested you for blogging ANONYMOUSLY about abuse and gave you a "No Blogging!" order? Can you imagine every ACON being banned from writing or speaking on any social media about abuse because it offends the abuser? Can you imagine facing jail time if you dare write ANONYMOUSLY about the horrendous violence inflicted on you by narcissists? Can you imagine a world run by narcissists, narcissist sympathizers and narcissist appeasers? Can you imagine a world where the malicious narcissist is protected from your outrage at the emotional, psychological and financial crimes committed against you? Can you imagine a world where the traumatized is disempowered, harassed, bullied, abused and OPPRESSED further by being made a criminal for speaking-out about their suffering? 

What if it was illegal for a blogger to write about her life on her own ANONYMOUS blog? Can you imagine if her sadistic abuser was given the power to police her blog about her life? Well, that would be one hell of a power high for the control freak narcissist. Can you imagine if the blogger wrote about her life and was hauled in for questioning, arrested, and threatened with jail in order to "deter" her from writing ANONYMOUSLY about her life in the future? Can you imagine a system made up of narcissistic clowns who dictate what you think, say, and do? Can you imagine a system where it's dangerous to express your thoughts and feelings and the truth; a system that demands silence? Can you imagine being charged for "thoughtcrime"?

Welcome to the Cult of Narcissistic Abuse - a means of social control permeating sick, dangerous and dysfunctional environments. Welcome to Draconian Canada - an oppressive country that does the bidding of narcissists and criminalizes the victim for speaking out about injustice and abuse; a country that piles on with the narcissist and breaks the victim's back; a country that re-victimizes survivors of abuse by imposing harsh punishments for expressing ideas, opinions and life experiences creatively... and ANONYMOUSLY. 

Maybe you thin-skinned, self-righteous, cyberstalking motherfuckers should spend more time judging the malicious "actions" of the abusers dressed in victim drag and less time condemning the "words" of the true victim.

Read Jonsi’s kick-ass blog post SECURITY BREACH to get an idea of how Narcissist Abusers operate online. Read the comments too. Here are some brilliant quotes:

…. because in the Merry-Go-Round world of the Ciphers and Vandals, they set themselves up to be exposed and then try to shame the Truth-talkers for exposing them: when in reality, the exposure was precisely what they wanted to begin with. 

There isn't anyone more interested in the SHOW of keeping their identities private than the assholes and psychos who know they've got something to hide. In their world, the formula is actually pretty simple: They want to be exposed when, and only when, they feel their followers will still side with them.

In the real world, my formula is simple too: don't give me anything to write about and you won't find yourself subject to my analysis . And if you don't like what I have to say, then move along little doggy.


  1. Hi Lisette. This is a great blog post! I hate the idea that ACON blogs are sought out by the abusers. OMG, It makes my skin crawl.

    Stalkers are the creepiest people, always. As you know, stalking is just another bullying tactic from their freaky bag of tricks. It's always used to invade your space and assert control where they know they absolutely are not welcome. They've most likely even been told to get lost because of their bullying abuses. But since they just can't accept how unappealing they are, they secretly show up anyway. Stalkers want you to feel uncomfortable, you know, the way humans are wired to feel in the presence of a predator. Seems like a pretty bizarre social life to me, since most people would want to move on and hang out with people who enjoy them. But not the stalking abuser. Something has obviously gone haywire during their moral/social development as you mentioned. My Nsil is a stalker, not online, but everywhere else. On top of that, she cleverly turns everyday interactions with those she's secretly targeted for destruction into cases of them stalking her! A story for another day...

    It's surprising that people are still falling for the victim act of an abusive bully, especially when a real victim stands up for themselves and reacts. It only takes a minute to see that the bully has it coming. There's so much information available these days about abuse and narcissistic abuse in particular. People in positions of power should really be taking advantage of continuing education or at least read about the basics on the internet, to educate themselves about how manipulative abusers are. For example, when an abuser gets the ear of someone who might readily sorry for them, they're successful in isolating their victim. They know they can easily get people on their side who aren't real deep thinkers. So abusers can stalk us, bully us, lie about us, steal and take more from us, as long as they get out there with the lies about us first. It's their game. We all want to think of ourselves as people who would stand up for the underdog, but people really should put some thought into who they're defending before putting themselves on the line.

    It's pretty distressing that we need to be so secretive in order to protect ourselves from abusers; it's really inside-out and upside-down. We should be able to tell our stories, and good people should be listening and helping. We deserve to be forthright in talking about what we've lived with; to get help and understanding in order to move through the abuses with the least damage, and on with our lives. People who meet in groups online to discuss familial abuse are people who have transcended abusive childhoods and are looking for help so they can better themselves and put a stop to further abuses. ACONs, ACOAs, decent people in toxic workplaces, people who are dedicated to anti-bullying, etc. are some of the most thoughtful, cooperative, creative and intelligent people I've ever "met".

    You new post here reads exactly as it should, flicking the nose of any stalker who "stumbles upon" an ACON blog. Anyone who's self-righteous enough to trample all over the right to assemble and speak freely, as a support group and even terrorize abuse survivors, might not yet be ashamed, but they really should start questioning themselves.

  2. I Tried, thanks for commenting! Why am I not surprised that your Nsil believes her targets of destruction are stalking her? I would say that's a case of good old fashioned narc projection. They always accuse their target of doing the very thing they are in the process of doing to them. Like saying we have a "nasty tone" when they are in the process of the most vicious, cruel and nasty public attack that you could imagine. Yeah, I'm talking to you Bozo. Speaking of assholes in positions of power, these idiots don't want to educate themselves because they believe they are always right even when they are wrong. It's the narcissistic way of life - power and control. They are absolute liars that will never admit defeat, back down, or cop to their mistakes. These pieces of shit would rather sacrifice us on the alter of their narcissism than do the right thing.

    Deep thinkers they are not. Bullies and cowards is what they are. And it's a bizarre social life indeed to be trolling ACON blogs. Maybe they hang-out on our blogs because there is no one who enjoys them. They are narcissists after all. Unfortunately, anyone who is a control freak bully narcissist is not going to be a.) ashamed of their repugnant behavior or b.) start to question themselves. Narcissists are shameless and totally lack insight into their bad behavior. They just point their talons at someone else and call them the problem.

    When really malignant abusers come across our blogs it makes their fangs come out. They identify with the abusers and they think to themselves, damn, what if all the people I've harmed were writing about my nasty personality online. It freaks them out. So they attack the victim. They try and silence the victims of abuse. They do not, for one moment, even connect with all the stories of abuse and pain and suffering. Like Jonsi wrote, "There isn't anyone more interested in the SHOW of keeping their identities private than the assholes and the psychos who know they've got something to hide."

    I agree that it's all "show" because they will expose themselves as the abuser if it's beneficial to them in some way. Besides, they don't see their evil deeds as abuse, they see it as their right. And hey, if any of you stalkers out there think that I'm writing about you on my ANONYMOUS blog and that you could be identified then you are agreeing with me that you are: a STALKER, a Bozo, an asshole, an abuser, a narcissist, a liar, a power hungry control freak, a dimwit and a coward, shameless, have zero insight into your own behavior, live in bizarro world where it's normal to stalk ACON blogs, you are freaky and have no one to hang-out with because you are so off-putting, you are self-righteous and trample other's right to assemble and speak freely, you terrorize abuse survivors, AND you are in the process of the most vicious, cruel and nasty public attack of a victim of abuse.

  3. Hello Lisette, you explained so well the twisted mindset of the MN when you wrote "just to trump us, they will out themselves as our abusers, to play victim and rob us of our anonymity "
    In the end the narc goes insane because we break away, they then tell on themselves to us because they shamelessly need to lie and pursued other people they are the victim that has to be the center of the universe , the star of the sick drama performance they are acting out. If we are not an extension of them, then we can go burn in hell, but still be a slave to their fucked up world.. The narc just sweeps all reality under the rug, and moves on to the next supply source. The MN monsters act like they can't see our anonymity, like a 5 year old, throwing a fit with their fingers stuck in their ears, going "LA, LA, LA, I can't hear you", or screaming so loud you can't get a word in. Fucking crazy, ass narcs! It's really sad when they are your parents. It's just downright unnatural to have a parent or a family member stalk you as a predator. A predator with rabies
    Thanks for explaining things so clearly Lisette. It's taken me 3 years of NC to understand this.

    1. Hi MG, yes it is downright unnatural to have a parent or family member stalk you and spy on you.

      I remember when I was around 13 years old I had a friend over and she was waiting for me outside in the backyard. I think we were planning to go to her house or to a movie or something and I was inside asking the MNM if I could go. The MNM used the opportunity to have me in front of her with a need (her permission) to feed. Out of the blue she viciously ripped into me over some random non-existent issue and then cruelly denied me “her permission” to hang-out with my friend. It didn’t make any sense because I knew she hated having me around, so why not let me go? What I’ve since learned about MNs is that their need to deny us, mistreat us, control us and abuse us trumps all else. Even if the MNM wanted to get rid of me, her desire to keep me around to abuse was much stronger. Predators need to prey and feed. Naturally I was upset that I was being punished for the MNM’s bad mood. So I went outside and sat next to my friend and spoke to her in a whisper about how mean my mother was and how she won’t let me go to the movie. I was almost in a state of shock because the attack was so cruel and appeared to come out of nowhere. The whole time I was outside talking to my friend, MNM was in the kitchen spying on me. She even opened the window so she could eavesdrop. Eventually my friend noticed and said to me, trying not to move her lips and in a kind of ventriloquist voice, “Lisette, your mother is spying on us.” I looked up at the kitchen window and the MNM mother screamed, “What are you talking about out there?! “ I started to stutter and said, “Nnnnothing.” Then she screamed, “Lisette, get the hell in here!” So I went back inside and she started to interrogate me like a typical paranoid MN and then lashed into me for talking about her. She then ordered me to send my friend home. When I went back outside to ask my friend to leave she was almost in tears because she saw how frightened I was of my mother.

      Fast forward a few years and we are in a house with an intercom system in almost every room. I have a friend waiting upstairs in my bedroom and I am down in the kitchen asking the parents if I could go out to a party, a movie, whatever. It was a Friday night and for some inexplicable reason they said no and started to give me hell for some non-existence crime they said I had committed, like looking at the MNM the wrong way, so all of a sudden, I wasn’t allowed to go out that weekend. Again, this came out of nowhere. Normally, they didn’t give a shit where I was or if I was alive or dead. I go upstairs, again shocked and confused, and told my friend I couldn’t go out. I was mad so I started telling her how mean they (the parents) are and how much I hate them. Then a loud voice, a la Big Brother, bellows through my room, “Lisette, get down here!!” Well, the N parents had been spying on me and listening to our conversation via the intercom system, and stupid me didn’t know I could turn it off. Anyway, they embarrassed the hell out of me, gave me shit for “talking about them” and told me to tell my friend to go home and punished me by ordering me to stay in my room for the rest of the night.

      Nothing ever changes with narcissists. The same violations continue long after we flee.

    2. Nothing ever changes with narcissists. The same violations continue long after we flee. For example, the MNs could stalk and spy on us for years on the internet, and at the same time be in the process of viciously abusing us: stealing, slandering, spreading false rumors, poisoning our relationships and terrorizing us by proxy etc. Then they go back to our anonymous blogs/support groups to see if we write about the abuse. In other words, to feed; to get a power charge from seeing us upset, angry and in pain.

      But then they decide they want to use that anger and pain that they caused in us against us, so they go around town with their assault weapon mouth telling anyone who will listen that they are the victim of the mean blogger who is writing terrible things about them on the internet. They shamelessly out themselves as our abusers. We get punished for breaking the NO TALK RULE. Talking is illegal. Being angry is illegal. Being a stalker and an abuser apparently is not.

      In the MN asylum, the narcissist feels entitled to a.) abuse the living shit out of us, and b.) stalk and spy and monitors us, and c.) punish us for speaking-up PRIVATELY AND ANONYMOUSLY about their abuses, and d.) make it all about poor little old them so they can get a hit of the headiest drug of all - attention. It’s absolutely crazy, and anyone who sides with a MN in this twisted version of right and wrong is just as crazy as the narcissist.

      Another reason I think they want to rob us of our anonymity, besides trumping us and getting all the attention via the sick drama they create, is hardcore covetousness. They don’t want us to have a god damn thing. So, if they see we value something as simple as our anonymity, they want to take it away from us. The “taking” gives a covetous MN a power and control high. She doesn’t give a shit that she will expose herself as an abuser because she doesn’t see it that way. The MN has all the rights. We have none. We have no right to privacy, we have no right to complain, we have no right to talk. The MN predator has the right to abuse us, stalk us, spy on us, and then punish us for talking about HER crimes ANONYMOUSLY while she is in the process of committing more crime against us.

    3. Lisette, when you described your experiences with your MNM , you captured the essence and aura of growing up in the MN family asylum. It's a atmosphere of oppression, it follows the MN parent, and when you have to live with them and they have control over things in your life, the oppression seeps into your body. I think ACONS try to repel it from childhood. I think this created a constant tension in my muscles.
      They do try to covet our souls to abuse. When we have something good in our lives, watch out, an attack from MN parent is right around the corner.
      When I was as young as a kindergartner I knew how to hide from my stalking, oppressive parents. I could sense, hear and see them coming from a mile away, with their aura of fear and oppression following them. I became a master avoider at a very young age, hyper aware. I never shared anything special to me, with them.
      It's crazy your MNM had an intercom in your room, I'm so sorry you had to go through those experiences.
      Thank you to all the bloggers who have written about these monsters. This info can save your sanity and your life

    4. MG, you were wise not to share anything special to you with your parents because if you had, you would likely have set yourself up for disappointment. I suppose ACONs learn at a young age to protect themselves emotionally. I was hyper aware too - always closely navigating the N's moods like a minefield.

      Yeah, we all had intercoms in our bedrooms, but I don't think the idea behind them was to spy. The MNM listened in on me that time because she was paranoid and needed to know what I might be saying about her. She had this pattern of always being mean to me or just plain weird around my friends. Her behavior made me uncomfortable and she knew it. She also knew I would probably talk to my friends about it, so then she would spy on me and punish me for talking about her. It was a fucking set-up. Everything these freaks do is premeditated. I have to say, my dad was not a stalker or a spy but he did go along to get along when under the influence of the MN duo.

      Oppressive is the perfect word to describe the N family dynamic. What's really sick is when the MN's need for absolute control continues decades after no contact, and you end up, EVEN AS AN ADULT, still under their control and are oppressed via social systems that the MN's manipulate. The "social system" continues where the MN left off - punishing us for breaking the NO TALK rule.

      I'm experiencing some real oppressive Big Brother shit in my life right now. But I am not allowed to write about it. If I break the NO TALK rule imposed on me about the abuses inflicted on me, I will be harassed, terrorized and punished with even more severe abuse. I'm under a MN HAG order.

  4. Having my blog was a way to have a voice. A voice they denied me for too long. If anyone tried to stop me from blogging, that's a rule I would break on principle. Probably in the book 1984, I'd end up being sent to the gulag with Winston. Narcissists are probably now working hard to figure out how to shut up their victims in the Internet age of Information and FULL DISCLOSURE. I'd open up new websites even.

    I wonder if I am getting stalked on my blog, it's hard to tell. I suppose I made the decision long ago to write what I want no matter who is reading. I suspected Queen Spider had paid a few visits, but it could have been other nuts. I think I have been written off and she's taken an eraser to my existence in general. I agree if their rotten behavior gets them a mention, tough crap, they should have treated us better! They can recognize themselves on there then not named by their real names.

    One thing I notice, with narcs who stalk blogs, or complain about them, is none of them never look at themselves and think "Hmm maybe I could have treated this person better", it's still all about them.

    1. Yes! A voice they denied us for too long. That's why so many of us write - to finally be heard. I'm glad you would break a no blogging order just on principle. Ordering a blogger of abuse, an ANONYMOUS blogger of abuse, to stop writing about ongoing abuse is the very definition of narcissistic abuse - SILENCE! Put up and shut-up! You have no right to think, to feel, to talk! And it's right on point with what Orwell predicted.

      Just so Canadians are clear, here's a blurb about our charter rights and freedoms from the Canadian Civil Liberties website:

      Freedom of expression is a core part of the right to dissent and a basic feature of personal development. It is only through exposure to different ideas and opinions that each person can make their own informed choices about their core beliefs. In Canada, section 2(b) of the Charter of Rights and Freedoms protects “freedom of thought, belief, opinion and expression, including freedom of the press and other media of communication”.

      When government actors are allowed to decide which opinions can be expressed and which cannot, an open, vibrant and diverse society quickly breaks down. Similarly, when our court system is used to silence those with unpopular views or those who oppose powerful actors, we all lose the opportunity to hear all sides of an issue and come to our own conclusions. Freedom of expression is the right to speak, but also the right to hear.

      Peep, you sure are right when you say the narcissists would never think "Hmmm maybe I could have treated this person better." I wonder if it occurs to them that if they stopped abusing us we would have nothing to write about? I have taken my blog down a few times with the intention of deleting it, then the MN sister pulls one malicious stunt after the other so up it goes, and up it stays. She will never stop abusing. It's not in her nature. No one aspires to write about abuse. It's something that is forced on us by our abusers whose lives are a crime in progress.

  5. Aw jeez. Wouldn't you know it. As soon as I posted my comments, the stalkers came out in droves. So I am going to say this:

    This is MY neighborhood! You don't belong here! You are not welcome here! Get the fuck out of my neighborhood!

    And please, please seek help for your psychotic stalking condition.

  6. You can't have anything that's your own. The MN takes it or breaks into it.
    Your own bedroom? Nope; she never knocked. She barged in. Usually when you were changing.
    Your own friends? "I don't like them."
    Your own style? "You dress like a cheap slut".
    Your own mind and body? No fucking way.

    And no matter how far away in space and time we get, we grieve for that youth we once were, who was so confused.

    My MN broke my brain. Not my arm or anything. But my brain. It's taken pills and therapy (and this blog :) to try and piece the poor thing together.

    Big hugs to you all.

  7. I write a blog with my real name. I considered going anonymously, but when I got to You Tube and saw Lisa Romano, Richard Grannon, and others, I decided to join. Not that it makes me free from narc-stalking, far from it.

    There are pluses and minuses to it all in that I can't use abbreviations like NM or GC or MIL or FOO. My personal story is much more hidden and compromised.

    But, anyone who knows me personally knows who is who, it does keep the narcs from full-on attack. The smear campaigns that I was so insane that I needed to be institutionalized back-fired in a huge way especially after I wrote my piece on gaslighting and shared it on my personal facebook. All of a sudden the brainwashed zombies weren't so brainwashed any more.

    So I'm sure the narc is having an existential crisis over that one.

    The thing is, I don't know anything that is happening beyond that it is a bit more "silent" -- but whether their mirror is cracked a little or not, I do not know. I do know that I'm being talked about a lot less, at least "the persuasion" stuff has halted to some degree.

    But this subject is an interesting one, and not covered a lot. So thanks for writing it!

    1. Hi Lise, it appears we have to compromise either way. You use your real name but don't use abbreviations so your personal story is more hidden, and other bloggers use a pseudonym and use the abbreviations but no one knows who's who, including who the blogger is. I think we are screwed either way if the narcissist is determined enough to cause a commotion. Those ACONs that Vlog must have less predatory narcs in their life or maybe their narcs are deceased. All I know is that most people come on ACON blogs to help themselves; they have no interest in knowing the true identity of the narc abusers. But of course, narcissists are the center of the Universe and it's all about them, so they are going to find a way to make people care one way or another.

      I'm impressed you were able to reach the brain washed zombies through a blog post. I find all MNs and their ilk resistant to enlightenment. In my experience, their obtuseness is invincible.

    2. I'm in total agreement that MNs are totally resistant to enlightenment, they blame shift, pretend to be victims, indulge in word salad excuses for their behavior, and all the rest. The people who they try to convince that they are victims tend to fall for it, but the "falling for it" seems to be tenuous. It is human nature to look a little further into something when that little bit of something does not add up. That is what happened in my case.

  8. In my experience, the narc just retreats into her own victim-status. No cracked mirror.

  9. Hey Lisette,

    I'm not around much anymore in the blog world, but occasionally I step back in to catch up. This post caught my eye - I was thinking, "Hey, totally happened to us!!"

    I can't tell if our stalkers still read our blogs, since Stat Tracker is a little more fickle these days and I think some online privacy laws have changed. But I wouldn't be surprised.

    Also, not surprised that narcs find us and stalk us online. They do it in real life, so why not here too? And then, even if we aren't writing anymore, there is still that creepy sense that they are out there, stalking, reading our blogs, being the creeps that they are, in general. I've learned to live with it, there's nothing I can do about it, and in some ways it was kind of a relief (at least for me) that they found my blog - I'm not a fan of giving narcs "inside information" but man, if ever they had excuses for their bad behaviors, they can't (honestly) claim now that they "don't know why" DH and I chose to do the things we've done (namely, going NC - which is still the best decision we've ever collectively made.)

    Anyway, great post. I feel like this happens to most of us eventually.

    1. Hey Jonsi,
      Thanks for dropping by. It's always great to hear from you. Oh, and thanks for writing that kick ass blog post. I'm so glad I found it. It was exactly what I needed to read.... and share with my stalkers.

      I'm not a fan of giving narcs "inside information" either, but as you know, blog or no blog, they are predatory and intrusive, nosy and snoopy and they will dig-up info on us any way they can. Like you said, they stalk us in real world, why not the virtual world too?

      From my experience, it doesn't matter if the narc has our blog memorized; they will always deny, blame shift and play the victim. We are toaster ovens to them and appliances don't matter. I get that narcissists see us as objects with no rights and have zero insight into their own behavior and are out of touch with reality, but what really boggles the mind is how they are able to convince others that they are the victim. When it comes to the truth about abusive and dysfunctional families, a conspiracy of silence still prevails.

      I'm glad NC is still working for you and DH.