Being publically accused of a crime one did not commit could lead
a person to jump off a bridge. Once the information is out there, defending
yourself, clearing your name, fighting suspicion and tolerating disdain is a
horrible predicament.
Facing a criminal investigation or prosecution is deeply unsettling. Most people find they can’t sleep at night. They worry continually about what will happen to them. They feel that they stand alone — against the police and the Crown prosecutor and the machinery of the criminal justice system. There are few things in life so stressful and upsetting.
Facing a criminal investigation or prosecution is deeply unsettling. Most people find they can’t sleep at night. They worry continually about what will happen to them. They feel that they stand alone — against the police and the Crown prosecutor and the machinery of the criminal justice system. There are few things in life so stressful and upsetting.
People in positions of authority can form
strong opinions with false information and take unwarranted retaliatory action from
expulsion from the clan to spreading the false word. In Jane Eyre, the cruel
headmaster tells the girls to let no one be her friend, take her hand or
comfort her. You get the sense that this is the worst for Jane, worse than the
head blow and the lack of bread.
If the
accusations are not true, the person is in a situation that is similar to being
bullied. Even if one is rich, successful, famous or “has it all,” the
psychological devastation can be ruinous. If you are not believed, if you
cannot fight back with the true story, if now you are distrusted and under
scrutiny, the sense of helplessness is overwhelming. People with inner
vulnerabilities are easy targets. Others sense the fragility and find it
thrilling to gang up or attack. Having a scapegoat can help a group form a
strong bond and find meaning in what could be otherwise empty lives.
It is widely known that people with certain kinds of pathology are
brilliant at looking like victims when they are actually perpetrators. They can
ruin the life of an innocent person. You can see this on Law and Order, learn
it in Psych 101 or know it instinctively.
When you hear a story, consider the narrator. Who is this person?
Why is she telling this story when she is? What feelings does she convey when
she tells it? If there was true victimization, then the wish to retaliate is
utterly understandable. You as the listener may feel like crying too. But what
if the true story is not as it seems? You might have a strange lack of empathy. Sometimes people
dramatize. Some lie or they feel so injured for rational or irrational reasons
that they come to believe their own distortions. There are those who are at
peace when they lie and those who toss, turn and torture themselves about doing
so. In short, some people lie and some do not.
You might wonder as you listen, is this person truly seeking wellness,
self-protection or justice or is the goal to destroy someone else? If a person
is lying to hurt someone else it is a very aggressive act and the accuser needs
help. Such choices do not foster a healthy existence with generous, loving
relationships.
You might hear a tale of woe, and just have the feeling that the
teller is not all that woeful. Maybe there is a need to blame or malign for
secondary gain: attention, fame, money, importance or drama. Maybe the person
is not in touch with reality and is retaliating against an imagined
transgression. Some seemingly intact people can have paranoid fears at the
core. In order to “defend” themselves they act against others. Maybe the goal
is to take someone else down for competitive, regressed, or even unconscious
reasons. They just want what the other one has.
Making a false accusation in a public way is an aggressive act. In
the movie The Bad Seed, a
sociopathic child has an angelic demeanor and manages to destroy many lives.
Sweet faces, soft voices and tears can hide sadistic impulses.
Source: Psychology Today
One thing I have noticed is when a sociopath, narcopath is on the path to destroy someone it never lets up and they are able to weave stories that most of the world believes and the most terrible thing, is they get others to believe and somehow manage to put a victim in the place that no matter what they say or do, silent, or angry and confrontational, writing letters of pleas as rational as possible, the sociopath succeeds in destroying a large swath of relationships. They can destroy relationships town-wide. I am not sure how they accomplish this, maybe it is the "repeat a lie enough, everyone will believe it" method, but it works. I think of how my reputation was destroyed for decades, so I now have no family left, and no one reasoned out anything or even came to me. They let false smiles and a upper middle class "little old lady" destroy me while she baked them cookies and brought them meatball casseroles. I believe life long they affect us in a way where others see the inner fragility and go easily on the attack or believe the worse. And one thing narcissists always take up for narcissists even ones they previously did not know like my ex-millionaire friend took up for Queen Spider.
ReplyDeletePeep, maybe it is "repeat a lie enough, everyone will believe it." It's mind control by repetition. And since the victim is unaware that behind her back a smear campaign is in progress and she is not around to defend herself, then the lie takes hold in people's minds. Remember too that narcs triangulate and play one person against the other and wreck relationships so no one talks to each other - that's how they control the narrative. The narcissists greatest fear is lines of communication opening up and people sharing their stories. Another thing narcissists do because they have waaaay too much time of their hands, is that they always "get there first" with their story, so no matter how outlandish it may be, it is believed and suspicion is automatically cast upon the target. When they get there first with their calumny, they immediately throw the target on the defensive. Being on the defensive is the weaker position. I have noticed that narcissists never go on the defensive. They are always on the offensive with their projecting, blame-shifting, smearing, accusing, etc. In terms of a viable defense they don't have a leg to stand on so they just blast their assault weapon mouth with weird gossip, lies, accusations, innuendo, irrelevant peripheral nonsense and blame and smear the person who holds them accountable. It's another form of temper tantrum to obfuscate the truth, facts, reason and logic.
DeleteI too believe other predators see inner fragility in abuse victims and go on the attack. It's amazing how many freaky pervs are reading my abuse blog and salivating over my words. Even when I take my blog private they admit to still reading it on Google cache. It's almost like they are standing outside my window with a telescope and when I close the drapes they peer in through an open window. So many Creepsters out there getting off on a blog for victims of abuse who are naturally vulnerable targets. You've got to wonder about people who are peeking in on this blog who side with the narcissist predators. Quite frankly, I find the these voyeurs really bent. But I guess they can't help themselves. As one narc stalker said, "I read her blog and it's hard NOT to read."
Get a hobby!
Yes Queen Spider ruined my relationships with the family, with my lack of money, I could not visit, they also made sure to set the annual family reunion at the time when I was totally housebound in the dead of winter. At the same time she would gaslight me and tell me I was delusional about the timing of the family reunion and would tell me I needed counselors and "was crazy" because I stood up to her smear campaigns. It was a multi-layered attack. She has had decades to practice being a sociopath and she does her work quite well. She's not a weak Cluster B--in fact Trump is a far weaker Cluster B narcissist then my mother, because his narcissism and "me first" antics are too obvious, the masters of the craft are far more subtle. Yes narcissists control the narrative, before I went no contact with cousins I tried to give my side of the story. My brother even reacted with horror, when I told him about what Queen Spider said to Aunt Scapegoat the last time I had visited her at her house, when she was recovering from that surgery, but his actions showed he did not care, I do not know if he believed me or not but he knew I guess what side his bread was buttered on and chose her. Sure narcissists get there first. My mother literally spent hours on the phone or driving 300 miles to be with every two-bit first, second, third cousin, so no one was left for me literally and I always came up last. Sure they never are in the position of defending themselves.
DeleteI considered letters to the whole family showing an email of hers where she curses me out, but then I thought, no you already gave the dumbbells a chance over and over, they have made it clear to you they do not care about you or what happened or your side of the story. Some don't care about evidence, they become in thrall to these assholes.
I do think other predators do see the inner fragility, and one thing about predators is they always defend narcissists and bullies. This is why my ex-millionaire friend defended my mother and "hated" my blog. It is creepy they are stalking your blog so much. I am of the belief now my blog may have never been found by any relatives, which may be a positive, since I don't have to deal with what you have had to. Of course you can get other weirdos beyond relatives too. I have. I had enough narcissists write defenses for my narcissists, and play games pretending to be "relatives". There are tons of "creepsters" who like to mess with abuse victims. Any vulnerability for many narco-paths is an excuse to go on the attack. It's gross and they are evil and gross.