I'm Not Done Yet

Sorry about the break in programming. I've decided not to lay down my sword... at least not yet.

This blog lives on.

Calling A Malignant Narcissist On Their Crap

Malignant narcissism has been described as an extreme form of antisocial personality disorder that is manifest in a person who is pathologically grandiose, lacking in conscience and behavioral regulation, and with characteristic demonstrations of joyful cruelty and sadism.

Cruelty can be described as indifference to suffering, and even positive pleasure in inflicting it. If this habit is supported by a legal or social framework, then it receives the name of perversion.  

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Breaking Free: A Way Out For Adult Children of Narcissists

And The Award For Most Annoying Comment Goes To...

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Breaking Free: A Way Out for Adult Children of Narcissists

                                               

The Malignant Narcissist's PARANOIA

Predatory malignant narcissists come by their paranoia honestly. They’ve earned it. They are out to cause chaos, and wreak havoc. They are addicted to the power high they get from destroying others.

Breaking Free: A Way Out For Adult Children of Narcissists

                                                                    

The Story of Anonymous - 3

Anonymous said...

A little update - I went NC several weeks ago. 

With each passing day away from the bitch, my vision is become more and more clear.  For once I am truly seeing her for what she is, and I am deeply ashamed that I allowed her to remain in the lives of my children for so long. No one should allow their effed-up parents access to their children. HELLO!  If you parents are too toxic for you, they are automatically too toxic for your kids!  

Although it's challenging for me to compose my thoughts at the moment because my PTSD symptoms are flaring beyond belief, I would still like to attempt to address the "why".  Please keep in mind that I'm still trying to figure out what the hell I was thinking, so I'll share with you what I know so far.

When I first made the decision to allow my mother into my life as an adult, I wanted to give her another chance.  I thought that the things that she did to me when I was young were mistakes and that she would never do that sort of thing again.  I had an image in my head of her being a real mother for once, a grandmother to my kids, and that we would all be a big happy family.  

She annoyed the hell out of me shortly after moving in, but my kids seemed happy with her.  She didn't hit them, yell at them, or do any of the abusive things that she did to me.  In my mind, she only got on my nerves, but since my kids were happy, I thought I'd suck it up and try to get along with her.  I tried my best, even going as far as purchasing so many books on communication, studying them at length, and then applying what I learned.  I truly believed that our problems stemmed from a lack of good communication, and I was determined to *fix* it.

Despite using a very validating, non-threatening form of communication, she managed to twist around whatever I said and slap me with it.  Sometimes she denied that some events happened at all.  She told me that I was crazy, delusional, a liar, and too secretive...I believed it.  Something happened to me during this time.  The world became fuzzy; I began feeling like nothing was real; I was a passenger in my own body, sometimes feeling as if I was watching my own life on a movie screen. (I've recently come to realize that these were dissociative episodes) The thing is that I was gaslit from here to hell and felt totally out of control.  My thought at that time was that I was crazy and maybe the best thing that I could do for my kids was to stay away from them.  

As time went on, my eyes began to open.  I began to hear things like, "I would love to let you do that, but Mommy Dearest said no, so we'll just stay home today."  There was an incident where I told my daughter that she could not have a second piece of cake.  My mother opened the container, took out a piece of cake and handed it to her saying, "Here you go."  After that, she just looked at me like what are you going to do about it?  Not wanting to cuss her out in front of the kids, I remained silent.

One of the incidents that came up right before I asked her to leave was when I discovered letters from inmates on death row in my mail box.  Using my *good* communication skills, I approached her very gently, saying something like, "I feel uncomfortable with inmates having this address.  Could you possibly use a P.O. box instead?"  She flew into a rage, throwing the bowl that she was holding across the room.  "You're not going to f*cking control ME!!!  They're on DEATH ROW!  How the f*ck are they going to come here?!!" Still calm, I held my ground, and said, "Listen, I'm not trying to control you, but you need to realize that there are little girls in this house.  What if one of the inmates has a friend or relative who wants to pay us a visit?  I'm just not comfortable."  I hardly remember what she said after that, but she was still screaming.  I lost it and screamed back, "These are the rules of MY house and if you don't like it, you can get the f*ck out!"  She started crying and made me feel horrible for being so mean and unreasonable, so I ended up apologizing for my part in this and she ended up staying...By the way, every once in a while, I still receive letters from inmates from all over the U.S. - apparently they passed my address around.

Shortly after this, I began growing increasingly tired of her b.s., so I pulled back and started keeping to myself.  This pissed her off royally, so to teach me a lesson, she cornered my husband outside and tried to get him on her side.  She also tried to convince him that I was a horrible person and told him that she was surprised that he would settle for someone like me.   

That was the end of it for her.  My husband came to me and said, "This bitch has to go.  Any mother who would say that crap about her own daughter is no good and I don't want her in my house."  So, I asked her to leave.  And as I previously told you, she did leave...with my kids.  She also left a scathing letter here claiming that she was running because she was in fear for her safety and that my kids were in danger of being neglected or abused if they were left with me. Funny thing is that I have subsequent emails from her contradicting herself.  She claims that she took them because they "wanted to go."  She actually ran with them to a homeless shelter, where she stayed for about a month.  After that, she went on to a nasty apartment in a very seedy section of town. (I live in an upper middle class area, so my kids had never seen anything like this).  When they came back, they were dirty in appearance and both had lice.

My kids have suffered emotionally because of my mother; one more than the other.  My oldest is having difficulty coping, and is displaying NPD traits herself.  For this, she is receiving intensive mental health services, and only time will tell if she ends up becoming a full-blown narcissist.  Best case scenario, she is displaying traits that she picked up from my mother, much like fleas that can be picked up from a dog.  Maybe a few years of  'flea baths' will cleanse her enough for her to become a functional adult.

I'm planning on moving to another area to give myself a chance to live for once. Up until now, all I have been doing is merely surviving.

I feel so ashamed that I exposed my kids to this. I am still in shock that I didn't recognize my mother's inappropriate behavior for what it was, and put a stop to this much, much sooner. I have to live with the fact that I didn't protect them from this monster every single day of my life, just as they have to live with their own mental scars that developed as a direct result of being exposed to this.

I still receive letters from my mother which are laced with covert threats, distorted facts, and FOG-inducing statements. 

Fuck her! SHE should read THIS:

I hate the fucking bitch from the bottom of whatever is left of my soul. My whole life, she has tried to destroy me, then she moved on to my children.

When that bitch kicks the bucket, I’ll be shipping a nice bottle of champagne to my friends (only the ACONs) so that we can toast the world being minus one evil-ass MN!!

The Story of Anonymous - 2

This is the second part of Anonymous’ story. She was introduced in the last blog post HERE.  Anon survived a traumatic childhood at the hands of a ruthless malignant narcissist mother who savagely abused her physically, emotionally and psychologically and cruelly sacrificed to her to a convicted sex offender – Anon’s Stepfather.

Anonymous said…

Fast forward to my adulthood.

I'm a married mother of two, mid 30s, living in pure hell and I don't know what to do anymore.  I'm being stalked and harassed by my PD mother...I'm at the end of my rope because I just don't see this ending any time soon.

My journey into discovery of my mother's personality disorder began around November of last year.  I began searching for something, anything to make sense out of my crazy life and what I initially stumbled upon was BPD, so I went to a PD specialist to confirm...He said that my mother sounded like a "malignant borderline with severe AsPD traits."  The malignant part is accurate for sure, but I'm not so sure about the borderline.  After reading through almost every post that you have written, I must say that she seems far more NPD.

I had what seemed like a decent relationship with my mother, so I (STUPIDLY) invited her to work for me as a live-in nanny. Her relationship with my kids was good, they seemed happy, so I ignored my gut instinct that something just wasn't right.  I started finding out that my mother was keeping secrets from me about my kids...If one of them got in trouble, she'd hide it from me, protect them from the consequences.  It was kind of like - I protected you, now you *owe* me.  This dysfunctional stuff that she was doing created some dysfunctional bond between her and my kids...Slowly their views of me started changing...My mother was the caretaker/protector while I was the enemy; the one who would hold them accountable for their behavior. 

My husband had enough of my mother's behavior (which included a lot of other annoying/negative things) and forced me to ask her to move out.  She did, while I was at work, talking her clothes and my kids (she left a letter claiming to be running for her life and also claiming that I and my husband neglected and abused the kids). I didn't see them for months and the best detectives couldn't find her.  I finally reached her via email right as she was running out of money so she was willing to cooperate a little bit. In a nutshell, she demanded ransom in exchange for returning my kids to me.  You may think that I'm stupid, but I did it.  I was so desperate to get my kids back that I would have done anything; besides that, paying ransom was faster than going the legal route, which wasn't going anywhere fast because they couldn't find her.

I have custody of my kids now and she has visitation...She uses her visits to try to turn my kids against me.  If we argue, she tells her side of the story to my kids.  When I tell her that I don't appreciate her sharing adult problems with my children, she'll cop a major attitude and possibly fly into a mini raging session. Her current hobby is to complain to my youngest child that she can't pay her bills and that she may be homeless soon...When my baby comes home from her visits, she's so upset.  She knows that I'm financially stable and wants to know why I can't help her grandma.  I fear that my refusal to do so is driving a wedge between myself and my kids.  In addition, she pumps my kids for information about what I'm doing, so I have no privacy.

PDmother frequently drives by my house and has informed me that she's going to continue to live in my neighborhood no matter what. She also said that if I moved anywhere, she would follow me. I feel like a caged animal with no chance of escape. I also have a horrible case of PTSD along with a dissociative disorder which can't effectively be treated because of regular dealings with my mother.

I have a hard time sharing my story because very few people understand where I'm coming from.  Even within the PD support group that I belong to, people just don't seem to get the level of malevolence that my mother exhibits

Even though I did what I did long before having any knowledge of PDs, there are still so many people who are aware and continue to allow their children to have relationships with their disordered parents because "That's their grandma/grandpa".  It's not only not worth it, it's downright dangerous.