Monday, 2 May 2016

Malignant Narcissist Sister Strangling Me Through Triangulation




The first time malignant narcissist sister tried to strangle me to death I was about 8 years old and she used a skipping rope. Her plan was foiled by an oncoming car that came to a screeching halt. Just as the man got out of his car, she dropped the rope, stuck her nose up in the air, and with an indignant “humph” quickly marched into our cousin’s house. She fled the scene of the crime without an ounce of regret or guilt. I was left gasping for air and struggling to untangle the rope she had tied around my throat. The driver angrily lectured me for playing in the street.

The fact that malignant narcissist sister didn’t express any remorse for trying to murder me wasn’t the worst part. Even her crazy glazed-over eyes that were getting a noticeable drug rush from choking me to death wasn't the worst part. Even the fact that she was visibly enraged that her plan to kill me was foiled wasn’t the worst part. The worst part and the most glaring sign that she was extremely dangerous was what happened next.

I nearly died, and not only was I distressed, I was truly frightened. I needed to tell someone what she had done to me - an adult, a parent, any authority figure. I needed someone to believe me and protect me. Malignant narcissist sister needed to be taught a lesson or she would try to kill me again. I knew telling malignant narcissist mother what happened would be useless. She didn’t care if I was dead or alive. She screamed at me every day “You have no right to live!” and “I’m going to annihilate you!” So she certainly wasn’t going to punish malignant narcissist sister for trying to end me. Malignant narcissist mother would have blamed me for my sister’s violence and punished me for complaining. The only adult that might listen to me and believe me and maybe even punish my psychotic sibling would be my dad. He was the only parent that expressed a modicum of affection toward me and malignant sister knew it.  

What I witnessed when I walked into my cousin’s house, where a family get together was in progress, stopped me dead in my tracks. At the age of eight, I watched a sociopath in the making continue on her quest to strangle me, this time through triangulation.

Malignant narcissist sister almost never paid my dad any attention. In fact, she never had much respect for him. She was always her mother’s minion, so she held him in the same contempt malignant narcissist mother did. He was MN mother’s scapegoat - the bad guy, the one she could blame for everything. But this day was different. He was useful to her.

I stood in the entrance of the living room and witnessed an over-the-top display of malignant narcissist sister’s manufactured love and adoration for her daddy. She was hugging him, joking around with him, fawning over him, holding both his hands and swinging them back and forth. In short, this 10 year old master manipulator was flirting with him and seducing the hell out of him with a whirlwind of narcissistic supply. He was beaming. Never before had the daughter who demonstrated nothing but cold indifference toward him shown him so much attention.

At 8 years old I knew the end result even before it was confirmed: She got to him first. Beat me to the punch. Blocked the kick. Framed me and set me up to take the fall for her crime.

As soon as malignant narcissist sister had finished her performance, I walked up to my dad and before I could explain how she tried to (strangle me) he cut me off and said, “Yeah, your sister told me you got in trouble for playing in the road and the guy driving the car really gave it to you.” Then as a sadistic smirk curled across his lips he said, “You need to be more careful.” And just like that he brushed past me and walked away smiling. 

Absolutely nothing has changed. Malignant narcissist sister is still playing the innocent victim while behind closed doors she is trying to drive me to an early grave or a hospital bed. She is totally capable of physical murder and there's nothing stopping her from using my dad's money to hire a "professional" to take a hit out on me. Maybe she already did. It wouldn't surprise me if her and her seedy thug accomplice dabble in the dark web. What's frightening is malignant narcissist sister sees her attempts to kill me using covert psychological violence as her right. Her psychological violence landed me in a hospital 8 years ago. Now she feels entitled to strangle me to death by triangulation. 

Triangulation can occur in any relationship but it is very common in a relationship with a Malignant Narcissist. It may happen at home, at work, with friends, or within a family of origin. An abuser/narcissist will pit you against any other person she can get to engage in her "victim-playing," who is willing to serve the role she assigns.

She may also temporarily adopt the role of Persecutor to assign blame or Rescuer to maintain control of her image. In the end, this travel around the triangle is how she dumps shame and finds someone to blame for her misery. If there is always a role to play there is always a way to escape responsibility by shifting the position on the triangle. 

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Control by Triangulation:

If all else fails, the abuser recruits friends, colleagues, family members, the authorities, institutions, neighbors, any third party – to do her bidding. She uses them to cajole, coerce, threaten, stalk, intimidate, offer retreat, tempt, convince, harass, communicate and otherwise manipulate her target. She controls these unaware instruments exactly as she plans to control her ultimate victim. She employs the same mechanisms and devices, and she always dumps her props unceremoniously when the job is done.

Another form of control by triangulation is to engineer situations in which abuse is inflicted upon her target. Such carefully crafted scenarios of embarrassment and humiliation provoke social sanctions (condemnation, opprobrium, social exclusion and shame) against the victim. In this instance, society becomes the instrument of the abuser. By clever seduction, through words and posturing, she entices her pawns to do her dirty work for her. Unaware... and being persuaded by the narcissist's rendition of truth, they take up her cause and her right and align themselves against the one she controls.

The malignant narcissist creates perpetual triangles around the one she desires to systematically destroy. She sees through these eyes with no empathy - that perpetuate constant, residual torment, for her victim. Claiming that she is being tormented by her victim, she creates rescuers who then torment her victim, thinking they are protecting her from the "bully." Doing this through her family members, associates and whoever she can entice, she remotely views her operation like a director of a movie. In other words, she will frame a picture and put her secondary narcissistic supply in that frame - the borders always being the shape of a triangle and the picture within being a distorted truth she propagates.

Usually, the claims she makes of her victim are the truth about herself and while hiding behind her victim, she will spin, doctor, and gaslight until she gets her desired result. Defamation of character and destroying the credibility of her victim is her goal. She convinces her pawns that the true victim is the persecutor and she is the victim. The naked eye cannot see this game of illusions and that is why she is able to engage others in her web. They do for her what she orchestrates in secret.

Both the Persecutor and Rescuer are on the upper end of the triangle. These roles assume a “one-up” position over others, meaning they relate as though they are better, stronger, smarter, or more-together than the victim. Sooner or later the victim, who is in the one-down position at the bottom of the triangle, develops a metaphorical "crick in the neck" from always looking up. Feeling “looked down upon” or “worth-less than” the others, the Victim usually rebels.

Starting Gate Persecutors (SGP's), on the other hand, delude themselves into believing they are victims in need of protection. This is how they can so easily justify their vengeful behavior: “They asked for it and they got what they deserved for questioning me," is the way they see it. Their core belief might go something like this: “She/he is on to me so I need to get her before she exposes me.”

This attitude sets-up the malignant narcissist to think that she must strike out in order to defend against inevitable attack, even when there is no attack.  Self-defense against the malignant narcissist’s psychological violence is, in her self-absorbed eyes, a threat.  She sees the victim as a threat to herself, and believes that the victim will possibly expose her hidden true self to her rescuers. The victim may or may not have threatened the SGP, but the chance of being 'found out,' by those looking from the outside...the picture projected is the SGP's denial ploy. She is afraid that the real picture will be seen by all. She cannot face exposure or the reality of what she is doing and must project what she perpetrates. Ultimately there is no regard for anyone here, for all player's involved are her pawns.

Therefore, the victim stands no chance of recovering in this triangulation. Convincing her rescuer(s) that her victim is persecuting her, the narcissist is able to trap the rescuer(s) in her web. And the rescuers all become persecutors for her...while believing they are rescuing her.  

The rescuer(s), unaware of the narcissist scheme, become persecutors of the [true] victim. Believing the perpetrator's deception, they do her bidding and become an extension of her. Without regard for the true victim, they have become her right hand, and very likely, the hand(s) that strangulate her victim. The smugness of the narcissist becomes more intoxicating to herself, in her superiority to manipulate all. How brilliant she feels in the evil she has masterminded. Feeling disdain, for even her rescuers, she is loyal to none. She feeds on her own view of being above all those she puppeteers.

Inevitably, the victim will do one or more of the following:

1. Strike back, in defense and self-preservation.
2. Further submit to the abuse, thinking it must be their fault.
3. Try to negotiate and convince the rescuer(s) that the narcissist is the persecutor.
4. Flee the triangle(s) and leave the relationship.

Another Term for Triangulation is Proxy Recruitment:

Proxy Recruitment is a way of controlling or abusing another person or establishment by manipulating other people into unwittingly 'backing up,' the abuser or "doing their dirty work" for them.

Description: The goal in proxy recruitment is to gain the upper hand in a relationship or in a conflict by getting other people involved. This often takes the form of the perpetrator engaging others to" help" through innuendos, false accusations, smear campaigns or distortion campaigns in which the victim is portrayed as an abuser.

Proxy recruitment can be an extremely powerful way of establishing control over another person. It forces the victim into a defensive posture - justifying or denying their own behaviors to friends, family, neighbors, acquaintances and authority figures. It often attempts to reverse roles in the eyes of others - casting the abuser as the victim and portraying the victim as the abuser. It deflects attention away from the real abuser and provides cover or justification for further abuse to occur.

Proxy Recruitment is much easier if the abuser assumes a position of authority. The infamous narcissist will project herself as an authority figure, speaking as though the victim is incompetent or inferior in judgement. 

Proxy recruitment isn't just the domain of people with personality disorders. It is a universal reaction to recruit allies when engaged in a conflict situation. However, it becomes abusive when the truth is misrepresented or the recipient is being hurt.

Those recruited will partake of the abuser's plan, thinking they are doing the right thing. The narcissist abuser undermines the recruited to demise the one she objectifies. Objectification is when the narcissist reduces the one she controls to an object, having no feeling or empathy for the one she degrades. She influences those around her to objectify the victim as well. Presenting herself as though she is the one whose perception is the only credible one, she masterminds the demise of her victim by using whoever she constitutes will execute her purpose.

Proxy recruitment or triangulation is a form of gas-lighting, otherwise known as covert abuse. It is so covert that unless your eye is trained to recognize this mode of operation it can go unnoticed. This is extreme malignant narcissism - the kind of narcissism that has the ambiance of a murderer per say. I call it "the narcissist web of triangulation by strangulation." She strangles the victim through the hands of her rescuer(s).

The narcissist's denial is what makes her the monster...The victim may be screaming out in pain, yet somehow these persecutors twist a whole series of events to flatter themselves in the eyes of their rescuers. The victim being left no defense and no one who understands what literally is transpiring is murdered, hypothetically speaking. There is a slow killing of the mind and soul in progress. Picking up the pieces of their lives is difficult after this conditioning and most times, in these cases, the persecutor will have taken away all their credibility.

If they cannot paint them as a liar because the victim's character does not lie, then the narcissist will paint their victims as unstable, lacking in judgement, mentally delusional or "damaged goods." The unseen goal, even many times to the narcissist is death to the victim's individualization.

Hence, no matter what the victim does to be heard or believed, the very people who could have intervened don't simply because they have become persecutor(s) themselves. The reality here is that the outsiders join in the narcissist's parade of neutralization/traumatization of her chosen sufferer.

41 comments:

  1. The true victim is always vilified by the malignant narcissist and her recruits. It makes me wonder what's in it for the "rescuers" of the fake victim. They must be total mindless sheep that refuse to question anything. They must be abusers too who get a vicarious thrill hurting an innocent person. Every so-called authority should educate themselves on this triangulation game. It kills people. It destroys lives. The malignant narcissist and her minions should be held legally accountable for the damage they cause to the innocent victim.

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  2. I had this treatment from a neighbour. She and her husband tried to set up the whole neighbourhood against me out of jealousy and sadism. I consulted a lawyer who wrote a warning letter which was hand delivered by the sheriff to the husband's work address telling him and his wife to stop stalking me, stop interfering with visitors and deliveries, to stop slandering me and to cease all contact with me. He had to sign for and open that letter in front of his fellow employees. They have never bothered me since although they would naturally continue to badmouth me, but not to people who might pass that on to me.

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  3. wow did this little creep have any suspicious deaths around her? Just wondering since she felt no qualms in trying to choke you to death with a skipping rope. If a narc is in the room, I have learned most of the other dummies will believe every word coming out of their mouth. I do not know how this works, but they are good at fooling people. I had to realize in my mother's case how she treated me was not how others were being treated. I saw the smiling pictures next to cousins and my nieces and nephews. So wonder I was thrown away by all like yesterday's trash. I have walked from the entire family, when I mean ENTIRE, that's everyone in the last month. Being treated like a radioactive piece of trash by even the "nice" cousins was intolerable and when I discovered a lie told to my recently deceased Aunt Scapegoat, none of these people cared when I told them what happened and how my mother had lied to keep me and Aunt Scapegoat separated. I consider a NC letter with some of these relatives but feel whatever I say doesn't matter to any of these jerks. No one cares. My reputation has been destroy even from the covert and subtle. She has told people I am crazy for years. My mother won the family. Well she can have them. She has the money. I didn't even have the money to visit so there you go. Aunt Scapegoat has been put in an empty cardboard urn probably thrown in the back of my mother's closet, no memorial service as far as I know though I suspect they claim they will "remember" her as the recent Child Trophy graduation, since that comes first and all. She was disrespected in death even banned from the family cemetery. They always had plenty of money to bury everyone else. This told me of my final destiny and gave me more strength to walk for good from the whole lot. I hope one day to live in a place where none of these people know where I am at.

    The fact they are so easily believed by enablers, the cowards, and more grows more sickening year by year. And you can't convince those people of anything different. Even if you bring witnesses like I did with the one ex-narc friend. I think of the ones who helped build the MONSTERS so to speak and who gave them more power. Even Aunt Scapegoat and other aunts spoke of my mother's evils behind the scenes but never confronted her. They gave her submission and obedience. I am the only one who ever fought back.

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  4. Dorothy, I agree that family courts and law enforcement etc. should be educated on this Machiavellian social power-game. Strangulation by triangulation is very real. It's a form of murder and the victim will end up with their life in ruins, dead or at the very least neutralized. It's character assassination and character assassination/slander/libel/bullying/mobbing are punishable offenses.

    Charliechaplin, I'm glad you took legal action against your aggressors. Sounds like it worked.

    From my experience, the malignant narcissist/covert murderer will ramp-up her abuse and put on the biggest performance of her life when she is close to being outwitted and exposed. Her house of cards was eventually going to fall, but being a delusional malignant narcissist she believes she's above the laws of natural consequences so she will make anyone her pawn and use any means necessary to control, or better yet, eliminate her target in an effort to avoid exposure.

    However, sane 'outsiders' running a logic test on this social murder can easily spot the most glaring sign that the malignant narcissist's display of victimhood is total fraud - it's not possible to hold all the power AND exercise total control and be a victim at the same time. It's not possible for the chief abuser/malignant narcissist to DOMINATE everyone and still need to be rescued. It makes no sense that while the malignant narcissist's rescuers/proxies gang-up and attack her target the malignant narcissist is the one crying out to be left alone. There is no logic to the MN's claims that she is being victimized and in need of rescuing/defense - defense against ONE person who in most cases has been completely isolated, banished, shunned and totally disempowered. Nothing adds up. Outsiders looking in can see this, but all the puppets orbiting in the malignant narcissist's pathological space cannot. I guess insanity is contagious. I guess evil is contagious.

    Peep, your family doesn't deserve you and you sure as hell don't deserve them. We are all better off without these abusers.
    As far as malignant narcissist sister's body count, well, she's capable of anything. I've known since I was 8 that she is capable of physical murder, and I know damn well she's capable of psychological murder. Time will tell. The truth will eventually come out.

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    1. The only way to deal with an MN is to play hardball. Take no prisoners. Hit them where it really, really hurts. My neighbors are now utterly terrified of me. They chopped down an ancient, ailing tree in their back yard fearing it might fall on the 3 m high boundary wall I put up against their prying eyes. They know I will sue the shit out of them if they so much as damage one single blade of grass on my property.

      To paraphrase Machiavelli: steamroll your enemy completely. They will show no mercy for you so in return show none for them. An enemy that you keep around is like a half dead viper that you nurse back to health. If you allow them to recover they will retaliate and it will lead to your downfall. Crush them totally and give no further opportunities. Do not sympathize, do not show pity or hope, do not negotiate. Crush them totally and toss them aside.

      I have the same annual birthday as Machiavelli - May 3rd - and my own life history has taught me to think much along his lines. Be a friend only to those who deserve it. Kick the rest to the kerb.

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    2. I've read the 48 Laws of Power and The 33 Strategies of War so I know of what you speak. Crush them totally. The same holds true for the narcs. If their victim has even one ember left burning in them they can rise up from the ashes like a Phoenix and destroy THEM.

      You have the same birthday as Machiavelli? I hope you use your powers for good. :)

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    3. Maybe one day your sister will be caught Lisette one day, one can only hope. She definitely is guilty of psychological murders if she hasn't done actual ones. I've had daydreams of some of the narcs I had to deal with led off on a perp walk.

      With crushing them totally, fighting sociopaths especially you have to remember they have no limits that a normal human being does with a conscience.

      Mine has had years of practice to craft her art. In a scapegoats case too they have a whole army while a scapegoat may have only a few at their back or are on their own.

      I've never seen my lose with ANYONE in her entire life and that does scare me but time is on MY SIDE. Now I know why I got hired in my 20s to work with teen sociopaths, gang bangers and violent criminals, I already had lots of "practice" dealing with a sociopath.

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    4. "I've had daydreams of some of the narcs I had to deal with led off on a perp walk."

      Me too! I've fantasized seeing them cuffed and led to the police cruiser while cameras flash, the crowd jeers and the media shoves microphones in their face. Then the cop pushes their head down and they are seated in the car. The cop car slowly drives off while they sit in the back seat glaring out the window.

      A specific visual I have of the MN sister is seeing her on the news cuffed and being led to a police cruiser. She has no shame at all. She doesn't hang her head. She is haughty as usual with her nose up in the air and her red face raging. She's filled with indignation and as the cops motion her into the back seat of the cruiser she angrily jostles for position - she must always be in control. Again, there is no shame, only indignation. As the cop car drives off she leans back in her seat and heaves an angry "humph" and glares straight ahead. As I watch the drama unfold from the safety of my beautiful beach house it's now my time to smirk. I quietly say to myself, "I win."

      A friend of mine gave me a book on the power of visualization. Perhaps, I should run this footage in my mind everyday and make it happen in real life.

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  5. Thank you Lisette, nope they don't deserve me not at all. I agree we are better off without them. You may see your sister hauled away one day, she sounds crazy enough for them to find buried bodies on the property.

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  6. Peep, MN sister lives in a condo so the bodies are probably under the floor boards, or in her freezer. She also has a working fireplace so maybe her neighbours smell roast chicken a lot (apparently humans taste like chicken, or is it pork?) In any event, the crazy MN is greedy so it's likely the bodies are buried under all the piles of stuff she's hoarding.

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    1. LOL nothing would shock me with these people. I hope no poor soul found themselves locked in one of her closets to be melted in a vat of acid a la Walter White, but someone like her definitely would be more than capable of it.

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  7. Lisette, forgive me for saying this but your father sounds like a despicable man. When you were an 8 year old child your sister tried to murder you!! You went to him for comfort and protection and he offered you anything but. By the sounds of things, he was amused at your sister's attempted murder of you and also found amusement in your suffering and helplessness. He sounds like a sociopath too. Your sister and father deserve each other. Good god. History has proven it wouldn't be a stretch if he gave her money to take a hit out on you. I hope you are safe.

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    1. Weak men make me sick. What is a weak man to me? One that doesn't defend kids and others who need help. There's too many men who are entranced by narcs and do every little bit of their bidding. I guess I was fortunate the GC and my N father hated each other. I suppose my abuse could have had another layer added to it. My N Father would never do anything to the GC with my mother calling the shots, but they ignored each other.

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  8. DP, thanks for recognizing the severity of the abuse. There's a difference between kids just playing around and a kid determined to actually kill their sibling and knowing, in some dark way, that they will be able to get away with it through lies and manipulation. Sociopath sister always knew she would be believed no matter what, so she could get away with whatever she wanted. Both my parents are her accomplices. My dad IS a disgusting and despicable man, but he was the "nice" parent. You should meet my mother. Between malignant narcissist mother using the power of suggestion on me to pressure me to harm myself/commit suicide (it didn't work) and MN sister trying to physically murder me, and my self-absorbed alcoholic dad ignoring the abuse because he didn't want to be inconvenienced, well, it's amazing I made it out alive. They all deserve each other and they can all rot in hell.

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  9. Hi Lisette I've been reading your blog for some years now but never commented before. I'd like to thank you for all the effort you put into it, its been extremely useful and validating. I was wondering if any of your contributers have any knowledge on rh negative blood type as its said to be "non-human" amongst certain researchers. My narcissistic mother has this rare blood type and always boasts about her "royal blood" I wonder if anyone has any experience with this or its just a crazy conspiracy theory.

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    1. This is a blog post about triangulation, not narcissist blood type. And, as far as I know, they don't have blood, they have venom.

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  10. Dear Lisette, like I have said before, "I love this blog!" Just started reading it a few months ago and just can't get enough! Thank you for allowing me my anger... Never before has that been said to me and it was well needed. Anywho, I am writing this time to tell you that I love the graphics/illustrations you use ... Spot on! From reading your blog and many of the comments I seem to notice that a lot of acons seem to see things emotional very visually. I personally believe this is because what has happened to us is so crazy making, we see and feel things we can't explain visually. An example of this is my perfectly perfect MN sister who I must admit is very pretty (from the outside), I see as a wart hog ... My apologies to wart hogs. And my other MN sister has always reminded me of a spider, a term I have also heard here on your blog. My ex husband was just a talking mouth. I have also heard many references to an evilness and demons. Well anyway, this all made me think of Near Death Experiences that I have read about in the past where near deathers claim to have seen demons and Satan. First of all, I want you to know that I am not sure if these stories are true and I don't consider myself religious ... My religious belief is basically, " don't be an asshole", but there seems to be something scarry real to these stories. Like I said And can't stress enough, I am in no way religious or born again, but I wanted to share this article with you and ask you your opinion on the true evilness of these narcissistic fuckers ... You only need to read the part about demons to get the idea of what I'm talking about. Also when I was at my lowest and of course surrounded by MNs, I truly felt there were demons all around me ... It was quite frightening. Anyway, I need to go sage my house for even talking about this stuff. If you don't want to put this comment in your blog, I will understand . Thank you. http://www.near-death.com/religion/christianity/howard-pittman.html

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    1. Hi Glad, thanks for the thumbs-up on the blog. I'm happy to hear you're enjoying it. Not so happy to hear you have TWO MN sisters! Yikes! Though I can relate. My MN mother and MN sister channel each other, so it's like I have two MN sisters and two MN mothers. Now, due to MN sister's influence or "possession" of my Dad, he is channeling the two of them. So there are now 3 evil-ass sisters, and 3 evil-ass momsters occupying this earth.

      Which brings me to demons and demonic possession. I read that article you suggested and found it really interesting. I approached it more as a piece of fiction, but hey, fact is usually stranger than fiction so who knows what lurks in the unknown! The part about the demons is really interesting as it relates to evil malignant narcissists. It kind of reminded me of Voldermort in Harry Potter. I'm also not religious but I do believe in evil and have witnessed and experienced some eery things. I tend to believe evil is a choice and it's some kind of entity that we all have to fight one way or another. Also, I've learned from experience that these evil fuckers do like to feed on vulnerability. So if you are at your lowest more than one is going to find you. They're like vultures swooping in on a "nearly" dead animal. These malignant narcissists have actual feeding frenzies. I mean, they truly need to feed to sustain their life force. Why evil manifests in some and not others is anyone's guess. But one thing is certain, evil (in the true sense of the word) is not created by a shitty childhood where some wounding occurred. Evil is not a byproduct of repressed shame.

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    2. Thanks Lisette, I have a MN mother, two MN sisters (who hate each other) and am now confused whether the one brother I thought was a total N (he is arrogant as hell but was really just a flying monkey for mom and sis) is not one and the other brother ( who was the family scapegoat like me) is one ... ???? Yes confused. There was also a suicide in my family by my eldest perfect sister 26 years ago, which I always felt should have been me. After all I was the loser drug addict who should have ODed ( a miracle I am even here) but the fact that it was (one of) my perfect sister threw my family into an uproar cuz they just couldn't explain it ... Btw there were six children in our family and I am the youngest. I feel I have come a long way in my life but still have many blocks and forms of PTSD. I have horrible insomnia that makes normal life quite hard. Also in my last job I worked with so many Ns and flying monkeys that I feel unable to find employment for fear of being around these fuckers ever again and I need money! Hopefully I will overcome and become financially steady again ... Your blog is really helping. Thanks again :)

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  11. Right on Lisette, as usual! That last part, "if they can't paint their victim as a liar, the narc will paint them as lacking in judgment, unstable, mentally delusional or as "damaged goods".
    I believe the latter must have been how my MNM portrayed me to the rest of the family. It would have been an easy fit since I left home (her outrageous ass) when I was 14, with a man many years my senior. He offered me a hand and I took it. We had just moved to his area, and he was "hosting" the move. In short order I guess he didn't like what he saw because he said, "you are in a master/slave relationship and it is beneath you.". We soon ran off together, and she filed kidnappings charges against him. The FBI caught up with us about a year later, and I was forced to go back with her. In true narc fashion, she showed up to the airport with "flowers in hand" to welcome me home! I guess she was believing her own drama by then of her being the "innocent mother/victim" of a child abduction by an obvious "pedofile". His charges were reduced by on lookers to "custodial intereference," and after doing two months of his ninety day sentence he was released for "good behavior."
    My mother agreed to let him come to where we were living at the time, then later lost it again, had us both arrested, and refused to let us see one another. We snuck around, and finally split again. I was 15. When I turned 18, he seemed to think it "important" that we get ahold of her and "mend things" between us. I told him I had no interest in it, she had been nothing but bad news. He seemed bent on it (felt guilty I guess) so he invited her back in our lives. And a very nice life it was! Within a year, she was instrumental in having him arrested again (this time on a charge she was aware of because she was complicit in) and she smashed our lives to smitherines once again. (He was a pilot, and it was a drug charge). I walked away (after I fought like hell for his freedom) with the clothes on my back. Because of the "friend" she brought with her, he ended up getting life in prison for having a "conversation" about flying some drugs. It's called a "dry conspiracy" meaning nothing has to actually take place, you just have to agree to do it, or potentially do it. He got life without parolebfor that.
    So after he was sentenced, I picked up the pieces of my sanity and set out to make a new life for myself. (I don't think she ever imagined I would accomplish it on my own, without his help. Later, after he died in prison, and she saw it on the internet ....

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  12. Later, after he died in prison, and she saw it on the internet, along with pictures of his beutifulbart he did with pricetags all over it, she "got in touch" with me to see "how I was doing with Hus death and all .." Talk about a pedofile! Like an ass I decided I could "hold my own" with this pervert. I thought I was "all grown up"band could face her head on as a woman.
    Who would want to right? But I did have a reason. The ACON in me still wanted to believe that she had some "motherly" motivation for her vicious and cruel behavior. I had reasoned that if she "truly believed" her own propaganda of him being a "pedofile" then there was plausible method to her madness ... I would have been getting "too old" for a pedofile by that time, and because we lived remotely ... well you get the picture! I just wanted to give her this final opportunity to "explain it to me". What I got was an Eagles "Get over it" albumn for Christmas instead!
    Then she went to work on separating my brother and I. We had been reunited as a bi-product of her getting in touch (obviousely because she thought it might be profitable or entertaining to her in one way or another). It was her mission to come between us before she died, and she did! It took her about a year once again, with many dramas being orchestrated by her being the scenes (I'm guessing because every time I took the stage after that all I got were crickets!) and so she managed her goal and was instrumental in blowing our relationship to smitherines before she died on September 11, 2015!
    The thing is, by screwing over me once again, trying to come between me and any love or support in my life, she completely screwed my brother too ... He had been diagnosed with cancer -

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    1. WOW... just wow! You have drawn a nice "outline" of what these "sweet little mothers" are capable of. I say "outline" because what you've told is some of the big stuff and the whole story is always colored in with smaller cruelties, betrayals, exploitation, lies, malice, manipulations, dramas etc. And they're only small in comparison to egregious stunts like FBI involvement, arrests, courts and framing and jailing your love (and rescuer) for life. These malignant narcissists ALWAYS involve the authorities and LIE LIE LIE when their target is no longer controllable and they risk exposure. In their eyes, they own us.

      I'm glad to hear the crazy bitch is dead. I guess that happened fairly recently. But it probably didn't bring much relief as she managed to destroy your relationship with your brother on her way out. So sad.

      I really relate to what you wrote: "The thing is, by screwing me over once again, trying to come between me and any love or support in my life, she completely screwed my brother too... He had been diagnosed with cancer."

      My MN sister/MN mother (they are one person) has done this to me too and screwed my dad in the process - he has terminal cancer - and the only person in his life is MN sister who doesn't give a damn about him.

      MB, you survived a life of terror at the hands of a raging lunatic, but I guess the Eagles album she gave you made-up for all the trauma she caused.

      You just can't make this stuff up.

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  13. He had been diagnosed with cancer and was in the late stages of liver disease because of his chronic hepatitis c. I was in a position to help him access affordable and excellent care that was not available to him. In fact, I was very much in the process of it when she started her decisive crap. Why would she want to come between us at a time like that?
    Precisely because of what Lisette points out here, everyone is a pawn and cerimiousely dropped at the end of the game! There is no love of family ... it's a ruse, an illusion to be used for their sole benefit. There is no mother-child connection when dealing with a malignant narcissist as a mother! There is only the "fact" that we are "her property" because "she made us", and we are only here insofar as it suits her purpose ...
    My brother died Jan 1st of this year. I had stood on my head trying to convince him to get treatment, but he didn't have any time for it or me. He was too busy in the "awesome" newfangled relationship with his mother.
    He called me and told me of the news in late December, and when I called back to check in a week later to see how he was, and it seemed I had called at yet again an inopportune time. He told me he was "busy eating a waffle" and those are the last words he said to me.
    Later, in talking about service arrangements etc., his wife said in answer to a query I made, "I know your mother loved you, but she played you all (sister too) against one another and kept you apart. Instead of bringing you together as a family, she kept you separated. I of course took issue with the tired old, " I know she loved you ..." thing, and pointed out that her actions were in fact the polar opposite of love.
    I'm sorry to hear things have not improved between you and your Dad, Lisette. Your sister is obviously still doing the same thing she did that day when you were eight. It's a shame he hasn't wanted to see or admit the truth about things in all these years, and time is no doubt running out. The participants in this sick narcissistic game are like stubborn mules who just don't want to look or see in fear they would have to admit the truth about the wooden prop being passed off as a delicious orange carrot. All the while ignoring the garden of carrots tended with love by another. It,s truly dark! And I think I'm getting hungry!

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    1. "There is no love of family... it's a ruse, an illusion to be used for their sole benefit."

      Absolutely. IF there was love of family, you're mother would have wanted her dying son to have the love and support of his sister. In fact, she went out of her way to make sure that didn't happen. Same thing with MN sister and my dad. It's sad your brother was conned by your mother. It's sad my dad is conned by my sister. They were both vulnerable pawns that could be used for the malignant narcissist's sole purpose - to hurt her target.

      I agree that the participants in this sick narcissistic game (in my case, my dad) is fearful of admitting the truth about the wooden prop being used to lure him. He's past the point of no return. Facing the truth about how he is complicit in evil MN sister's sick game obviously frightens him more than dying as her accomplice to my metaphorical death.

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  14. Lisette,
    I'm sorry to hear that your Dad is terminally ill. It's especially sad knowing that time is running out for him to mend things or at least give you the acknowledgement that you deserve. There really isn't anything you can do regarding whatever might be left of his free will, but you CAN do whatever you need to to be okay. Because, the fact of the matter is, that after all the bad acting, he (like my mother and brother) gets to go off and die and you will be left holding the bag. You deserve to at least be okay as you can be with its contents.
    At least, that is what I decided for myself, late in the game. I decided I'd had more than enough suffering with them in life, and didn't intend on more for eternity. So I checked myself. I checked myself when my brother told me my mother was terminally I'll, to be sure that I would be okay to remain with my decision to stay no-contact with her, and I was. When my brother was treating me passive a aggressively, as he he literally left me standing alone fighting his illness with everything I had, I checked my attitude and finished the job, so that I could at least know that I had done everything I could for him and therefore have no regrets regarding my part. But after I did that, I also told him exactly how I felt about his treatment of me. I left nothing unsaid.
    This situation with your sister is enough to piss off the good humor man! I'm sure you could blow the little psychopath right out of her shoes without any thought for her whatsoever, as you breezed by her on your way to get what is rightfully yours! Screw her and the pony she rode in on!
    Long before my grandfather died, he made a will ...

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    1. I'm glad you decided to take care of you. These sickos try and intimidate us not to do that. They want to be holding all the cards right up till the bitter end. I'm glad the passive-aggressive tactics didn't work on you.

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  15. You said yourself that your sister does not care one bit about your Dad, so what does she care about? My point is, that I urge you that If you do decide to let her get away with her shenanigans, that you do so because it was what YOU DECIDED was best for you! And if you need to talk with your Dad do it. Whatever you need, do it!

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    1. Sound advice. Thanks, MB. I agree that I need to do what's right for me in order to have no regrets about how things are left with me and my dad and the intentional infliction of emotional distress he and his malignant daughter puppet master have foisted on me.

      What does my sister care about? Herself - her wants, her needs, satiating her greed and lust for power, control and domination and most of all her overwhelming desire to to hurt the object of her irrational envy - me. Obviously, I haven't revealed what has gone on, or is going on, but at this point - in an effort to remove the threat of MN sister and protect myself - I need to change the circumstances from both a moral and legal stand point. I am very motivated to take a stand and how far I will take it is up to me. The little psycho has already gotten away with a lifetime of lies and exploitation. She needs to be stopped because at this point there is nothing deterring her from seriously harming me. I have people in my life that are genuinely worried about my safety - mental, emotional, financial and physical.

      MN sister's malicious acts against me are escalating and she has become more outrageously cruel and vicious in her effort to destroy me - but it's not working! So, like all MNs, when all else fails, she goes pathetic. The power hungry control freak can't destroy the fight in me - she can't control me and this drives her insane because as you know, all malignant narcissist's feel it's their right to control the world and everyone and everything in it. So now she's playing the victim of the very person she has spent a lifetime victimizing - me.

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  16. I'm glad your fired up and ready Lisette! It's obvious to me, based on my own recent experiences that it is no coincidence that your sister has ramped up her abuse of you at this particular moment in time. I finally figured out that it was no coincidence that I began having such a surreal experience with my mother, sister and brother right after he was diagnosed with cancer. While I didn't see it then, it's crystal clear to me now that the two crazy bitches (three including his wife) were throwing me under the bus with all their behind the scenes dramas because they were maneuvering into position to take whatever my brother had to leave behind! I didn't want any of his things, and was not even in a position to receive them, but these bitches don't think like that! They obviously became instantly consumed and possessed by their pathological greed and went on autopilot as to their normal modus aperendi. (excuse if that is spelled wrong). But even had they taken their heads out of their pathological asses long enough to see the true light of day with respect to me and my intentions, they still would not have wanted my "good" influence near my brother messing with their plans!
    I'm glad you are taking the necessary steps to protect your physical self as well as your rights as a daughter and a human being in general. I hope all goes well. It's time it did!

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    1. Thank you for the support, MB. It means a lot to me that you can relate to what I am going through and you are willing to share your own experiences. And this:

      "But even had they taken their heads out of their pathological asses long enough to see the true light of day with respect to me and my intentions, they still would not have wanted my "good" influence near my brother messing with their plans!"

      Yes, exactly this! This is precisely what I am dealing with.

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  17. Lisette, you are in a classic DARVO situation.

    "DARVO refers to a reaction perpetrators of wrong doing, particularly sexual offenders, may display in response to being held accountable for their behavior. DARVO stands for "Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender." The perpetrator or offender may Deny the behavior, Attack the individual doing the confronting, and Reverse the roles of Victim and Offender such that the perpetrator assumes the victim role and turns the true victim -- or the whistle blower -- into an alleged offender. This occurs, for instance, when an actually guilty perpetrator assumes the role of "falsely accused" and attacks the accuser's credibility or even blames the accuser of being the perpetrator of a false accusation.

    Jennifer Freyd introduced the term "DARVO" near the end of a 1997 publication about her primary research focus, "betrayal trauma theory." In that paper Freyd explained that DARVO responses may be effective for perpetrators. "...I have observed that actual abusers threaten, bully and make a nightmare for anyone who holds them accountable or asks them to change their abusive behavior. This attack, intended to chill and terrify, typically includes threats of law suits, overt and covert attacks on the whistle-blower's credibility, and so on..... [T]he offender rapidly creates the impression that the abuser is the wronged one, while the victim or concerned observer is the offender. Figure and ground are completely reversed... The offender is on the offense and the person attempting to hold the offender accountable is put on the defense.

    By denying, attacking and reversing perpetrators into victims, reality gets even more confusing and unspeakable for the real victim. .... These perpetrator reactions increase the need for betrayal blindness. If the victim does speak out and gets this level of attack, she quickly gets the idea that silence is safer." (Veldhuis & Freyd, 1999. p 274)."

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    1. DP, thank you for reminding me about DARVO. In my situation I am both the victim and concerned observer. I am being victimized by MN sister and her gang of thugs and my dad, but I am also aware that he too is being victimized/exploited by them. It leaves me very conflicted. On the one hand, he is complicit in the abuse of me and that makes me hate him, but on the other hand he too is a victim and being used as a pawn in MN sister's game and a tool to carry out her will. He is being exploited every way conceivable you can exploit another human being and it is wrong! Only a malignant narcissist can create such a tragic ending to a person's life.

      I was reading-up on DARVO and think one of the most important points is that it's impossible to be a victim while simultaneously being aggressively on the attack. Perhaps MN sister should run a logic check on that.

      Thanks for the comment. It's good information!

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  18. Hi Lisette,
    Do we have the same family?
    The only difference is that my Mom was the N and my Dad the MN.
    Psychopath sis got POA of Moms assets when she was ill and literally harassed her to death.My Mom may have dug her own grave by her alcoholism but my sister gave her a swift kick into it.
    Like your Dad was the only one for you, my Mom was the only one there for me but had started smearing me to everyone when I went NC.
    I loved my Mom regardless and her death was a horror show with my sister as the star.My Mom who was beautiful had turned into a demonic looking bloated caricature of herself,when O tried to intervene my sister called the cops on me.
    Now Mom is dead. I wish I could have saved her,I wish I hadnt been so stubborn with NC.
    She left us the house 50-50 and now my sister is after that.I fear for my life but have hired an attorney.
    I know what she did, she murdered my Mom.I am too scared to file a criminal case because I am a single mom with limited resources, she is wealthy and has my Dads money as well.
    I feel bad for not helping my Mom, bit I truly had no idea what she was doing to her.
    I am still traumatised by the whole spectacle.
    Your blog, especially because our stories are so similar has helped me a lot.Thank you.

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    1. Anka, I feel your pain. It really is devastating to see a MN sibling brainwash, abuse, exploit and harass a parent during the final months, years of their life. The only word to describe it is evil - a callous disregard for human life. It's even more heart-breaking if you loved that parent and the MN sibling poisons the relationship so the parent ends up hating you. When this happens, the safest thing to do is stay away to protect your psychological health. Of course, this is all part of the MN sister's master plan - to keep her hostage (in my case, my dad) isolated, dependent and unable to think for himself. It is a very traumatizing experience. I feel like my hands are tied. Because of the MN sister, the last memories of my dad will be horrific ones. It takes a long time to get over this type of thing. I've been grieving the loss of my dad for almost 3 years and he's still alive. Well, his body is alive. The MN sister lives in it. Truly scary. I hope you can find some resolution to your horror show through the law. Maybe your sister will be held legally accountable for her crimes. I'm glad my blog has helped you and I'm so sorry for what you have gone through. Having a malignant narcissist as a sibling is hell on earth.

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    2. I I went through the same horrific show while my dad was in his final years. Very true Lisette the best thing is to let go. That is what I had to do. I was no contact with the narc mother and narc sister five years when my father passed away. I remember the reply from you. It read like " I bet your narc sister enjoyed showing you how far down the pecking order you are" I didn't take those words as harsh. I took them as validation of the truth. I knew then that I had made the right decision not to visit him in his final days. When the narc sister ordered me to be there at a certain day and time.

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    3. I sat in horror and watched how the narc mother and narc sister never visited my father when he lay very ill in hospital back in 2010. Then after a few weeks they both showed up together. Unknown to me they were both decorating my mothers house throwing out stuff and buying new things. While also having control of my fathers bank cards. Then they would tell my children that grandad was too sick for visitors anytime my children went down to visit. The narc sister then moved in with them for a year living rent free and in control of their money. When I first went no contact I used to watch from a distance. I would park along he street and watch my disable father try get out the car. My sister would get out from the front passenger seat and open the door for her boys and walk on up the pathway Then my narc mother would get out from the back and carry in the groceries. Then last but not least my poor dad would try get up from the drivers seat and hobble on up the pathway. It was just so bloody shocking. There she was like the Queen of bloody Sheba.

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    4. TheKathie20 Smith, I remember your comment about being ordered to visit your dad at an exact time and date. Yes, they must always be in absolute control and they never miss an opportunity to let us know where we sit in the pecking order - at the bottom, where we have to bow and scrape to her majesty(s) and they have all the rights and we have none.

      That is very sad that you were kept from you dad while he died surrounded by nothing but greedy vultures. And you WERE kept a part. The MN sister has done everything in her power to interfere with my dad and I having a relationship. No one even told me he has cancer. I found out because I had a friend who lives near him deliver a package to him (he lives over an hour away from me, I don't have a car and my bad hip has rendered me house bound). He wasn't there to receive the package and the staff at the assisted living home told my friend he was taken to the hospital the day before. I tracked-down my dad at the hospital and he told me about the cancer. He sounded so happy to hear from me. I told him I would come out to see him and called him a day later and he was back to being hateful. The MN sister got to him and stirred-up bad thoughts in his head. And even though she is POA and lives over an hour away like me, and has a car, she hadn't even bothered to visit him. So, I told my dad when I would be coming out to see him and guess who SUDDENLY hopped on her broomstick and swooped in to destroy our visit? I didn't see MN sister but N dad basically told me to get lost because she was coming soon. I hadn't seen him for a year and a half and got a 5 minute visit with him. Plus I had to travel by Greyhound to see him and then turn around and go home.

      I have not seen the MN mother in over 26 years and yet the evil creature has found a way to continue on with her systematic destruction of me. My dad is no longer himself. He has zero free will. He is channeling MN mother and MN sister and this is how they are hurting me - through him. MN sister/MN mother has drained my father hallow and filled him with their selves. It is truly frightening to see a man who was never vindictive ( he had two horrific evil ex-wives and never bad mouthed them once and gave them everything they wanted) never devious, never overtly sadistic etc, etc. become a carbon copy of the MN mother and the MN sister. These malignant narcissists truly seek "possession" of another person as the ultimate power rush. They are getting an even headier power high seeing my dad join in on their abuse of me. Sadly, short of an exorcism, there is no getting through to him. MN sister has been working him over for at least a decade and she really sunk her fangs in once he became ill. The evil bitch coerced him while he was in the hospital to give her POA. She's a sick predator who responds to vulnerability with exploitation. My dad's POA with MN sister is basically a pact with the devil. I'm sure she signed it with her hooves.

      I hope there's a special place in hell for people like my MN sister and MN mother.

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    5. She *suddenly* hopped on her broomstick because she is paranoid and has something to hide. The sadistic little witch is evidently up to no good and doesn't want to lose control over your dad's mind. If the thought of you spending 5 minutes with him sends her rushing to his bedside then you can only imagine what she has been up to in the last 1 1/2 years. Lisette, things may look very bleak at present but please hang-in there. I honestly can't see things going in your sister's favor. She can't hide behind your dad forever and time is running out for all of them. Your MN sister's fear and paranoia must keep her up at night. Sounds like a miserable existence to me.

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    6. Lisette, I apologize for the use of "hang-in" there. Probably not the best choice of words given your blog post title, the image and your story about your disturbed sister trying to strangle you. I would like to say, stay strong and know that the walls are closing in on them, not you.

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    7. DP, now that you mention it "hang-in there" is kind of funny. Something the real Dorothy Parker might say. No offense taken. Thanks for your comment. I tend to agree that the walls are closing in, in more ways than one. Yeah, I certainly wouldn't want to be that malignant creature living in constant fear and paranoia.

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  19. I'm so glad to see this post. It clarifies my thoughts on a recent incident involving one of my sisters.
    She is a woman who is 5 years older than myself and who bullied me relentless as a child but who I'd thought had turned over a new leaf and was now my "friend". She lives 2,500 miles from me & we've had no significant interaction in past few years so I was beginning to suspect she was returning to her bullying ways.
    A week ago, she came for a visit. She made a huge deal over giving me a belated birthday present. A few days later, I heard that she was spreading a lie about me to my extended family designed to make me look bad and to set off gossip and ill-will.
    I felt so betrayed but I'm also glad the veil is finally dropped off her face. I've thrown her "gift" into the rubbish where it belongs... it wasn't even fit to donate with the stench it had acquired. Good riddance to her and her trash.

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