Why We Should Expose Narcissists

Malignant narcissism is a dark subject. And blogging about it is intense.

It takes going to an uncomfortable place to find my rage. It requires mental and emotional face time with bad memories. And in the case of this blogger, it's requires embracing my own darkness: my unadulterated hatred of what passes as human. If this seems extreme to you then you've probably never stared into the dead eyes of a smirking malignant narcissist.

Blogging about narcissism and the more malignant variety isn't just about the writing. It's also about the reading. The interacting. It's about the environment where we are "free" to express our truth. And it's about maintaining that freedom by keeping watch over our environment and fighting for our convictions. It's a battle in the real and online world.

Hey Narcs, you stop lying about me and I'll stop telling the TRUTH about you.

The bull-shit never ends.

I'm not done exposing them... doubt I ever will be. I can't just switch my bull-shit detector to "off." It doesn't work that way. It's not about  "healing" or "recovering" from N abuse and then becoming complaisant. Now wouldn't the narcissists love that? For all of us to miraculously "heal" from their atrocities - Hallelujah! - and fade away into the background. That must mean you're "well", right? When you are no longer outraged by injustice.

As long as there is a personality disordered abuser or some other unspecified fuckhead getting all up in my grill in real life or online, I will challenge them. It's the narcissist’s nature to harm others and it's my nature to go after bullies. My desire to speak the truth, my truth, will remain long after I stop blogging. It's my passion.

I tell you this because I am damn sick and tired of people labeling truthful blogs, vulnerability, authenticity and righteous anger as a sign of weakness or being "stuck", or not "healed" or not "recovering" or "playing the victim" or being "vengeful" ... blah de blah blah. Does it ever occur to this pinhead that maybe some people are natural fighters, truth tellers and supporters and that’s why they're writing about this stuff? Does it ever occur to these scaredy cats that these bloggers and commenters are brave? Airing so-called "dirty laundry" is about exposing the nuances of abuse. It's about participating in a dialogue and keeping the information on narcissists alive and out there? Does it ever occur to these "silencers" that the movement to expose the pathologicals among us is bigger than the sum of its parts? When people march in a rally are they doing it just for themselves? No. They're doing it for the cause, the greater good. I know all of this sounds idealistic. But frankly, I don't know where the hell I would be if it weren't for the brave souls who first took to the net to carve the way. A difference is being made. For me, blogging on this subject is about activism.

You're either part of the problem or part of the solution. So what's the solution? So much exposure that being able to spot a narcissist and run like hell before they bite becomes second nature to all. And if you can't run before they harm you, you expose their sorry ass because it's the societal "norm" to do so. I look forward to the day when emotional abuse is considered a crime punishable by law.

 

Narcissist Sympathizers

Narcissist Sympathizers

By Kathy Krajco

What Makes Narcissists Tick

I, for one, am sick of the insult to our intelligence in narcissist sympathizers trying to hand people the line that the poor, poor narcissist doesn't mean to hurt anyone, that they don't know what they are doing, that it just sort of happens, that they think they are behaving normally.

Your brain must be dead if you think that people who abuse ONLY ON THE SLY - behaving like angels when there are witnesses - don't know exactly what they're doing.

To the bullet-headed narcissist sympathizers, I say, "Try real, real hard to understand. Bend a brain cell or two. Repeat to yourself 100 times that "He abuses only in the dark. When other people are watching, he acts like he's full of loving kindness even toward the very one he abuses in the dark."

Maybe if you repeat that simple fact to yourself 100 times, it will sink in. Think. Think real, real hard what it means. Really work at lifting that mental weight. Come on, you can do it. If you try real, real hard you will understand what this simple fact means.

Circumcize your crusty brain, because the average ten-year-old knows that if you hide what you are doing, you know what you are doing and that it's wrong.

Especially when you go to great lengths putting on a phony show of being the exact opposite type of person.

Get a clue: that ain't mental illness; that's just diabolical.

What's more, even the average ten year-old is smart enough to know that if you can control yourself when there are witnesses, you can control yourself when there aren't.

Too complex? Read my lips: that ain't mental illness; that's just sneakiness to get away with wrongdoing.

Sorry, but if you narcissist sympathizers can't see that, no one can enlighten you.

What's more, narcissists are sadistic. The well-known narcissist Sam Vaknin himself often says this. And anyone abused by a narcissist knows it.

Sadism is proof positive of the intent to cause pain.

It is also proof positive of the ability to empathize when the narcissist or psychopath wants to. Unfortunately, the only time they choose to empathize is when calculating what to do to cause maximum pain. You know - the empathy of a professional torturer, used only to feel out what type of treatment will wound most deeply.

The courts know all this too. Psychopaths (who are all narcissists too) and other narcissists flunk with flying colors all the insanity tests. Which is why NPD and psychopathy are no defense and are considered character disorders, not personality disorders.

And the mental health establishment has no credibility on the question, since they call cigarette smoking a mental illness and called homosexuality a mental illness till the day the politically correct wind shifted. How can anyone respect the judgement of a herd like that?

While I won't argue that NPD isn't a mental illness, I see that, if it is, it is far more likely the fruit of thoroughly depraved character, not the cause.

If you must twist your brain into a bowlful of tangled spaghetti to "rationalize" irrational and predatory behavior, you are going to end up with a damaged mind. But it's an EFFECT, not a cause, of vicious behavior.

But, go ahead, narcissist sympathizers. Insult your own intelligence all you want: it's a free country. Just don't expect anything but what you have coming for insulting mine or anyone else's.

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A Malignant Narcissist Mother's Day

I began my blog on Mother’s Day two years ago, and marked the annual merchandizing love fest with the post The Malignant Narcissist Mother is Callous and Selfish, followed by The Malignant Narcissist Mother is Grandiose and Indifferent.  Yes, the date I launched my blog was intentional. House of Mirrors is like one giant “fuck you” greeting card to the evil Malignant Narcissist Mothers of the world. Hallmark just never seemed to have what I was looking for.

So it is on the holy-day of Mothers that I celebrate my irreverent exposé of the cruel woman who birthed me and then systematically tried to destroy me. Cheers to two years of unmasking the nasty MN bitch and others like her!

23 years ago I went no contact with my malignant narcissist mother, so all this Mother’s Day propaganda doesn’t register with me. The bitch has been out of my life longer than she was in it. I just don’t care. However, it IS my blogoversary and I noticed recently that a lot of people have found their way to HOM by consulting the Google Oracle on such topics as “seeing narcissist mom on mother’s day” and “how to avoid narcissistic mother on mother’s day” so I figured I would write a post.  

My first thought was to write the post in the form of a letter to MN mother, but then I thought “nah” that’s way too personal. Letters are a form of communication and I don’t want to communicate with her in any way ever again, and besides, I have nothing more to say to her. She knows that I know that her only goal as a “mother” was to systematically destroy me, and instill in me the belief that I have no right to live. She also knows that I hate her guts, and that I think she’s a malignant narcissist and a cunt. What else is there to say?

 “Betty, you malignant narcissist cunt, I hope you rot in hell!”

Those were my last words to her. She knows where she stands. That’s as good as it gets as far as closure goes with a MN parent. I have never regretted going no contact and I have never regretted letting her know what I think of her. By the way, going no contact with MN mother was not instigated by some great revelation. I was at a geographic distance from her for many years and when I went to visit her one Christmas I found her crazier and meaner than the last time I saw her. Common sense dictated that the bitch was never going to change and that she would continue to be a danger to me so I needed to stay the hell away from her. It wasn’t complicated. I treated MN “mother” as I would any bully that was hell bent on harming me – I wanted nothing to do with her.

Staying the fuck away from my malignant narcissist mother has never been a dilemma for me, probably because I have never viewed her as a “mother.” Yes, the bitch gave birth to me, someone had to, but she never earned the title of “mother” in my eyes. I was never remotely connected to her and never bonded with her in any way. I always saw her for what she was: a malicious, sadistic witch who got off on hurting me and tried to psychologically murder me. I suppose I should consider myself lucky in that regard; that I had the good sense to separate the title “Mother” that society blindly adorned her with, to her actual behavior as a dangerous predator. Call me unsentimental, but the bitch is just another malignant narcissist to me. And after two decades of no contact, she doesn't even make it on my list of top three most hated MNs. Those slots are filled by other MNs whose heads I would love to see bashed-in, including malignant narcissist sister.

Speaking of malignant narcissist sister, it was through her MN franken daughter ways that I received proof positive that my choice to go no contact with that vile woman known as my “mother” was without a doubt, the right one. After 17 years of complete no contact with MN mother and MN sister, I made the mistake of contacting MN sister. My thinking was that maybe she had changed and become normal. Fat chance. MN sister was even more deranged and corrupt than ever. Indeed she was simply channeling MN mother. So what happened in the brief time span of me communicating with MN sister? MN mother got MN sister to send me a message. After 17 years without access to me, MN mother got MN sister to send me an email saying that I had no right to live.

“You have no right to live!” That was Malignant Narcissist Mother's Mantra  to me.  And 17 years earlier, during our final conversation before I went no contact, that’s exactly what she was continuing to drill into my head – “You have no right to exist!”   

Jesus. Is it any wonder I stayed the hell away from that vile bitch? I am now at the age she was when she really ramped-up her abuse, and regardless of my understanding of malignant narcissism, I will never be able to fathom how someone can be so mentally deranged and not be locked-up in an insane asylum. Malignant narcissists are dangerous and crazy, and evil and they really do get worse with age.  

So yeah, I think my mother is a cunt and I know she is a malignant narcissist and my blog is a testament to what a failure she and other mutants like her are as human beings. I won’t even give the bitch credit for being a failure as a mother.  Her label is CHILD ABUSER/ADULT CHILD ABUSER at which she excels. The sick twisted bitch gets off on humiliating, degrading and terrorizing her own child.  

If she can disintegrate that would be great, but it really makes no difference to me if that witch is dead or alive. I will never stop hating her. How could I ever stop hating someone who tried to systematically destroy me? The hatred doesn't just suddenly go away, it lives in my bones. So for those of you who think it will vanish, think again. You can hate and be indifferent at the same time. You can draw on the hate for protection, and the indifference will keep you focused and grounded. 

As far as my MN mother goes... dumb cunt pushed her luck. She fucked with the wrong person. She underestimated me. THIS is her legacy. She will go down in history as the vile sack of shit that she is – A MALIGNANT NARCISSIST. 

We need to recognize every malignant narcissist without prejudice. That is to say, we must be able to accept that they are ALL dangerous, regardless of their relationship to us. Once we can grasp that concept, we will not be enslaved by bullshit "family" shackles. 

In other words, fuck the DNA relationship! Get out now! 

Malignant Narcissists Are Homicidal

Haven’t you heard? Malignant Narcissists are superior beings, and as superiors beings they don’t follow any rules; they write their own and the inevitable result is corruption.

The Malignant Narcissist And Her Flying Monkeys

From my experience with MNs, they view their target as holding the ruby slippers (narc supply) or holding a bucket of water (the truth/exposure).

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Narcissists Are Attention Whores

ALL Narcissists are big babies. And like babies, they cannot comprehend being anything but the centre of the universe – Wah! Look at me! Narcissists never outgrew the expectation they had as children: that all available attention should be freely lavished on them. And like babies, they cannot comprehend being anything but the centre of the universe – Wah! Look at me! 

Narcissists never outgrew the expectation they had as children: that all available attention should be freely lavished on them. And they approach EVERY relationship with that same infantile expectation. If you married a narcissist then you married a 3 year old – my condolences. If you’re in an Nship then you’re babysitting. If you were parented by a narc then you were treated as a rival. Narcissists are selfish children trapped in the body of an adult. And they are not just immature; they are spoiled brats who are always jockeying for all available attention.

And what does always jockeying for attention make them? That’s right – PREDATORY.  

Here’s one of my favorite quotes from Kathy Krajco. If you get this then “get” the true spirit of the narcissist.  

A Narcissist’s need to “have it all” invests him or her with a spirit hostile to the needs and wellbeing of others.

If you feel a compelling need to have all the dollars in the world, no matter how many you get, you will compete with others for every single one; and if you see a dollar in someone else’s hand, you will want to take it away. Just because he has it. That makes you an ADVERSARY of everyone else in the world. It makes you view the possessor of the dollar as a PREDATOR views prey.

Now just replace “dollar” with “attention.”

When it comes to attention, ALL narcissists are predatory; they ALL go out of their way to con, trick, manipulate, coax, pressure, deceive, maneuver, fight and compete for their most desired source of supply. They really are shameless whores in that regard:  they will spread their proverbial legs just to get a drop of the stuff. To the narcissist, attention is nothing but a form of currency. And you know how some people can be bought with money? Well, narcissists can be bought with attention. The unscrupulous among us “bank” on that fact and heap mounds of attention on the narcissist in exchange for actual cash payments and property.

MN sister preys on aging N father by bombarding him with an excess of attention in the form of over- the-top concern for his health and safety, and complete fascination with his diet, bowel movements and every itch or tick in his body. This scheming MN presents herself to the old N as being utterly captivated by everything he says or does and he rewards her handsomely with money, possessions and property. MN sister knows, if she gives N father the right kind of attention in the right dose; he is putty in her hands and she can control, manipulate and exploit him. In terms of attention for HER, the payoff is getting N father to listen only to her, believe only her, trust only her, and be dependent on her for care, information, and advice etc. MN sister is a crafty bitch who knows exploiting two aging N parent’s is a win win situation. She reaps two of her favorite things out of the deal: ALL of her parent’s undivided attention, and ALL their assets. Narcissists NEVER pay attention to anyone unless they get a return. MN sister’s feigned interest and doting on N father – who she resents – is nothing but a business transaction for the greedy bitch.

So to recap: Narcissists have the mentality of a selfish child playing keep away, and they predate on others and whore themselves in order to gain ATTENTION. And if they're getting all of it, you're getting none of it. They are all alike in this regard: they all have the same goal and they all achieve it by playing for the right reaction from their environment. But since they each inhabit different environments, they each have their own personal strategy: one adapted best to suit the particular attention they crave in a specific milieu.

For example, the attention an MN mother may demand at home is Queen of The Castle, and she may achieve that kind of attention by making her husband and children react to her with fear. But this same MN may crave pity and sympathy from her cronies, so she will extract that kind of attention by playing the martyr and poor, over-worked house wife. And maybe this same MN likes to be respected and admired by members of her volunteer group so she will pull-off contrived acts of do-goodery to score awe and appreciation. In other words, narcissists tailor their attention whoring style to reflect the type of attention they crave in a particular role, rank and position among a particular group, setting, situation or battlefield.

Now, if the narcissist craves a certain kind of attention and is deluded enough to pursue it in an inappropriate setting, then the attention she receives can be downright awkward and embarrassing.

on them.

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Malignant Narcissists Feed Off Your Pain

I used to wonder why the people in my life always seemed to derive some form of gratification from my misfortune. Not only were they devoid of sympathy, support, understanding or a kind word; they always seemed to make me feel worse. 

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