How To "Play" A Narcissist in Robot Mode

I titled this post “How To Play A Narcissist” because based on the most popular key search words listed in my blog stats, that’s what people want to know – how to fuck with a narcissist, how to mess with a narcissist, piss off a narcissist, squash a narcissist, get back at a narcissist, destroy a narcissist, drive a narcissist insane, and beat a narcissist at his own game.

The general public isn’t searching for information on how to “relate” with a narcissist because narcissists don’t relate – narcissists play games. Every interaction with a narcissist is about mind control and manipulation. In every interaction, the narcissist is calculating formulas to come out on top. Figuring this out - that a “normal” human interaction/relationship with a narcissist is impossible because you are merely a chess piece in the game a narcissist is always playing and must always play to win - is the first step. The second step is playing the game by NOT playing the game. THAT’S how you mess with a narcissist, that’s how you “PLAY” a narcissist. At least it’s one way, and it will be the focus of my post.

A narcissist once said to me, “Lisette, I’m finding you very difficult to read.” With a blank expression, I looked him square in the eyes and shrugged. He turned away from me, and shook his head in confusion. One the outside, I may have looked like an unemotional automaton, but on the inside I was air punching and giving the N a devious smirk. Not being able to “read” me was EXACTLY what I was aiming for. This particular N got his jollies keeping women off-balance by making them feel inadequate and insecure. I knew his game well. It had been “played” on me a million times. Now I knew better. Before his eyes, I morphed into “Robot Mode” and threw him off his game. Growing-up in a family with three full-blown narcissists, where I was not allowed to feel anything or express anything – even on my face – enabled me to perfect the art of Robot Mode.  I can’t tell you the number of times MN mother and father sniped: “Wipe that look off your face, or I’ll wipe it off for you!”

But the Robot Mode I’m talking about now is not the same hiding place I retreated to as a child or a young adult. It’s not a mode of mental or emotional withdrawal, in fact, it’s just the opposite. It’s about conducting yourself like a sharply honed machine that takes in data from the narcissist, quickly assimilates it and responds accordingly. It’s about staying very present around a narcissist, and focusing on the narcissist’s behavior, not how the narcissist makes you feel. Sure, the narcissist may very well succeed at making you feel insecure, angry, guilty or ashamed but in the presence of a narcissist, you cannot focus on your feelings because then you will emote. Feel it, you’re only human, but don’t reveal it… to a narcissist.  

Actors are trained to “emote” for the camera so they can convey to the movie audience what they are thinking and feeling. But because film screens are so huge, actors must learn the art of subtlety so they don’t look like they are over-acting. They show the audience what’s going on inside of them with understated clues. For example, a squint, an arched eyebrow, a hand gesture, a scratch, a change in posture etc. – these are all “tells.”

In the game of poker – and remember narcissists are always playing games – a “tell” is any physical reaction, change in behavior, demeanor or habit that gives clues about your hand. A player gains an advantage if they observe and understand the meaning of another’s tell, particularly if the tell is unconscious.

Narcissists continually play this clandestine game of me versus you, and they never stop scanning their (unsuspecting) opponent for verbal and non-verbal cues that they can exploit to gain the upper hand. Playing people is what they do. They play to win and they don’t like to be challenged. Never let a narcissist know what’s in your hand.

How do you challenge a narcissist in this game? Like I said, by giving them nothing – zero, zip, nada. Play your cards close to your vest, put on your poker face, and don’t give away any “tells.” The narcissist’s game is mental. It’s all about controlling and manipulating your THOUGHTS. Your emotions and behaviors are connected to your feelings and your feelings are connected to your thoughts, so the narcissist pays very close attention to people’s reactions and to everything they say and do. They are manipulation machines that constantly regulate your reactions so they can plant thoughts into your head that you think are yours. But these THOUGHTS are not yours; they are nasty seeds of doubts planted by the narcissist game player who wants to control your mind. Yup, thoughts planted in your head by someone else is plain and simple mind-control. It’s the basis of narcissistic abuse.

Narcissists are essentially technicians who search for a precise technique that they can turn into a formula for success. They are programmed to do what works. The narc machine knows to get “Y” kind of reaction, do an “X” kind of behavior or to get “Y” kind of reaction say an “X” kind of thing. Narcissists know that certain types of behavior elicits a particular type of response. They acquire these stock behaviors as children and then they become habits. These nasty habits soon become second nature, and eventually ARE the narcissist’s true nature. Narcissists all seem to be hard-wired the same way. Maybe that’s the reason they all seem to follow the same set of instructions – what many ACONs have referred to as the “Narc Handbook.”

You need to distance yourself psychologically and emotionally from narcissists. To beat a narcissist machine, you must think and behave like a machine. In Robot Mode you do not respond to emotional and psychological stimuli. Robots are detached. They don’t emote. Robots don’t react. A Robot’s hard drive (your mind and emotions) cannot be tampered with. Remember; despite the narcissist's unfeeling nature, they are very aware that YOUR emotions fuel how you see and experience your reality, and your perceptions ultimately drive your behavior. When our emotions are out-of-control, our perceptions become obscured and this can drive us to self-destructive acts. Bingo! The scheming narcissists wants you to self-destruct, and an emotionally uncontrolled target with combat fatigue is ripe for a hijacking.

The Narcissist's lack of affect is particularly valuable to them. They can respond to situations without being constrained by principles, morality or feelings. They can callously use people without the slightest thought for their welfare, and at the same time smile to their face while “playing” them, which usually involves exploitation of some sort, and plotting and scheming behind their back. So, as you can see, a lack of affect works well for the narcissist, and a lack of affect can also work for you. Particularly, when the narcissist machine is trying to get the desired reaction from you. In other words, “information” (verbal or non-verbal, conscious or unconscious cues) they can use to EXPLOIT you. 

So, the narcissist learns formulas to achieve the desired effect:  to get a certain kind of reaction from you. The old saying “they do what works” is very true. All that matters to the N is how they appear in the mirror of your face. Nothing else is any consideration. Not morality, consequence, or the good of the other person. Narcissists only look at others to see how others are REACTING to them. The narcissist is not connected to themselves in any real way. They are connected to an image that is reflected back to them. The face doesn’t matter – you don’t matter – only the expression on the face does. The narcissist is someone who goes through life fixated on images, which amounts to the “right” kind of looks on other people’s faces. And you aren’t even responsible for the expression on your face… or the “right” look. The narcissist is! By sheer manipulation, the narcissist has manufactured in you, his/her desired mirror image.

Essentially, narcissists have figured out a formula to get you to unwittingly collude in their game of delusions and lies. They are shady tricksters who adjust their image and manipulate you in order to meet the demands of their narcissism. So what kind of impression does their narcissism demand?  What is the most potent reflection in their mirror?  POWER. That’s what the narcissist lusts after – POWER. Nothing makes a narc feel grander. Nothing gives a narcissist a bigger high than POWER.  Even if that power is reflected in the frightened eyes of a vulnerable child. Pretty sick – huh?

Power can look like many different things in each of the narcissist’s mirrors. One that comes to mind is confusion. The evil narcissist gets something akin to a drug rush seeing confusion reflected back. Confusion means that the narcissist has gained access to your mind, and mind-control is the name of the game when it comes to narcissistic abuse.

At the beginning of the post I mentioned that I confused a narcissist because he found me hard to “read.” Narcissists use sneaky, subtle ways to aggrandize themselves, and get you to reflect back to them their desired mirror image. This particular narc was playing me so that I would bounce back a look that would make him feel psychologically dominant. But I wouldn’t engage/react and this confused him. Psychological domination is the most glorious form of power for the malignant narcissist.  In fact, any negative reaction the narcissist elicits in you makes him feel powerful. For the narcissist, it’s all about destroying his opponent bit by bit, piece by piece. Engaging in the narcissist’s game is like offering up your juiciest vein and letting the narcissist stick a needle in it, and feed his poison to you intravenously. Drip, drop, drip, drop. Slowly but surely the narcissist destroys his victim.

Now real power for a narcissist is seeing people miserable and heart-broken and begging for mercy.  I’m not saying morph into an expressionless Robot and stand there and take abuse and not fight back. I’m suggesting you give the narcissist nothing, no reaction, and get the hell away from them. Narcissists are black and white, Jekyll and Hyde and sometimes that’s how you have to react to them. In other words, all or nothing. If it’s safe to do so, give it right back to them, get away, or give them nothing at all. It’s your call. Every situation is unique.

Feeling good? Feeling fine? Feeling happy? Well, that’s out of line. Unless the narcissist is the cause of your happiness, they don’t want to see it in your face when they look at you. Narcs hate you for being happy, so they will do whatever it takes to make you unhappy.

Narcissists see no value in people other than what they can get from them as supply. There is an inner emptiness, a massive dark void beneath their slick machine-like operating system, and as a result, they are cold and calculating and everything they say and do is systematically premeditated for effect – to get the desired look, reaction or behavior from you. I would rather give my toaster oven a big hug over a narc. If I want comforting, I will turn to my toaster. So give your toaster oven a big hug because that piece of metal has more feeling for you than a narcissist ever will. And it will also broil cheese on toast for you. Now that’s comforting.

Morphing into Robot Mode around a narcissist is not about numbness, and disassociating. It’s about applying cold calculating machinations on someone who is trying to get into your head and mess with it. It’s about “appearing” to be an unfeeling machine toward the narcissist, just like the narcissist is toward you. Robot Mode is essentially disengaging from the narcissist’s game. It's about being self-controlled and alert because a lack of emotional control will always make you vulnerable to a narcissist. 

Now those who have had the life sucked out of them by a narcissist really are hollowed-out zombies. They are the people that’s souls have been murdered but their body is still living. They are dead inside. They are the people who we regard as having the lights on, but no one’s home. I say dupe the narcissist into believing they have erased your brain. Your lights may appear “out” but someone is most definitely home; placing booby traps, setting alarm systems, and standing by the door in the dark with a baseball bat ready to bash-in the head of the narc intruder.

Narcs have a way of controlling and manipulating people’s emotions without even trying. Not letting a narc “read” you is like refusing to let them know where you live, or where you hide your house keys or what your home security code is. Don’t give it up to a narcissist. Invalidate them. Have you ever gotten a reptilian stare back and zero response from a narc while you’re having a face-to-face conversation with one, and after you’ve told them something that was important to you? I have. That dead air is a way for them to invalidate you. That weird silence is a way for them to communicate that a response to you is not worth their breath. They outright ignore you like you aren’t even there. And the N machine doesn’t even flinch while he does this. Well, I say we invalidate and ignore the narcissist right back. When they look at the mirror of your face to gaze upon their reflection, reflect nothing back. Let the narcissist see nothing, let the narcissist feel like he does not exist. So how do we do this? Robot Mode.

Robot Mode is about reflecting NOTHING back to the narcissist. It’s about taking away the narcissist’s mirror.

So, here’s how I am when I am visiting planet narcissism – without witnesses - in the presence of the only narcissist I have a relationship: I am a Robot. Yup, that’s right. No noticeable joy and happiness, no sadness, no anger, nothing much in between. No emotions, period. No reactions, no reflections. I don’t want to give the narcissist any ammo. I refuse to engage. I keep a low profile and don’t draw attention to myself. Sadly, this is exactly what the narcissist wants: for others to be mindless automatons, a non-person who won't make them feel bad or usurp their attention. The thing is; I give the narcissist nothing. I've grown completely indifferent to them. No attention, no regard, no reason to attack. Hell, I’m a Robot; just like the narcissist and I’m not capable of a normal human interaction on planet narcissism and I’m devoid of all supply.

Be your own Robot Commando. Obey YOUR every command, NOT the narcissist's. Be in charge of YOU. 

Malignant Narcissists Are Homicidal

Haven’t you heard? Malignant Narcissists are superior beings, and as superiors beings they don’t follow any rules; they write their own and the inevitable result is corruption.

Narcissists Are Attention Whores

ALL Narcissists are big babies. And like babies, they cannot comprehend being anything but the centre of the universe – Wah! Look at me! Narcissists never outgrew the expectation they had as children: that all available attention should be freely lavished on them. And like babies, they cannot comprehend being anything but the centre of the universe – Wah! Look at me! 

Narcissists never outgrew the expectation they had as children: that all available attention should be freely lavished on them. And they approach EVERY relationship with that same infantile expectation. If you married a narcissist then you married a 3 year old – my condolences. If you’re in an Nship then you’re babysitting. If you were parented by a narc then you were treated as a rival. Narcissists are selfish children trapped in the body of an adult. And they are not just immature; they are spoiled brats who are always jockeying for all available attention.

And what does always jockeying for attention make them? That’s right – PREDATORY.  

Here’s one of my favorite quotes from Kathy Krajco. If you get this then “get” the true spirit of the narcissist.  

A Narcissist’s need to “have it all” invests him or her with a spirit hostile to the needs and wellbeing of others.

If you feel a compelling need to have all the dollars in the world, no matter how many you get, you will compete with others for every single one; and if you see a dollar in someone else’s hand, you will want to take it away. Just because he has it. That makes you an ADVERSARY of everyone else in the world. It makes you view the possessor of the dollar as a PREDATOR views prey.

Now just replace “dollar” with “attention.”

When it comes to attention, ALL narcissists are predatory; they ALL go out of their way to con, trick, manipulate, coax, pressure, deceive, maneuver, fight and compete for their most desired source of supply. They really are shameless whores in that regard:  they will spread their proverbial legs just to get a drop of the stuff. To the narcissist, attention is nothing but a form of currency. And you know how some people can be bought with money? Well, narcissists can be bought with attention. The unscrupulous among us “bank” on that fact and heap mounds of attention on the narcissist in exchange for actual cash payments and property.

MN sister preys on aging N father by bombarding him with an excess of attention in the form of over- the-top concern for his health and safety, and complete fascination with his diet, bowel movements and every itch or tick in his body. This scheming MN presents herself to the old N as being utterly captivated by everything he says or does and he rewards her handsomely with money, possessions and property. MN sister knows, if she gives N father the right kind of attention in the right dose; he is putty in her hands and she can control, manipulate and exploit him. In terms of attention for HER, the payoff is getting N father to listen only to her, believe only her, trust only her, and be dependent on her for care, information, and advice etc. MN sister is a crafty bitch who knows exploiting two aging N parent’s is a win win situation. She reaps two of her favorite things out of the deal: ALL of her parent’s undivided attention, and ALL their assets. Narcissists NEVER pay attention to anyone unless they get a return. MN sister’s feigned interest and doting on N father – who she resents – is nothing but a business transaction for the greedy bitch.

So to recap: Narcissists have the mentality of a selfish child playing keep away, and they predate on others and whore themselves in order to gain ATTENTION. And if they're getting all of it, you're getting none of it. They are all alike in this regard: they all have the same goal and they all achieve it by playing for the right reaction from their environment. But since they each inhabit different environments, they each have their own personal strategy: one adapted best to suit the particular attention they crave in a specific milieu.

For example, the attention an MN mother may demand at home is Queen of The Castle, and she may achieve that kind of attention by making her husband and children react to her with fear. But this same MN may crave pity and sympathy from her cronies, so she will extract that kind of attention by playing the martyr and poor, over-worked house wife. And maybe this same MN likes to be respected and admired by members of her volunteer group so she will pull-off contrived acts of do-goodery to score awe and appreciation. In other words, narcissists tailor their attention whoring style to reflect the type of attention they crave in a particular role, rank and position among a particular group, setting, situation or battlefield.

Now, if the narcissist craves a certain kind of attention and is deluded enough to pursue it in an inappropriate setting, then the attention she receives can be downright awkward and embarrassing.

on them.

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The Aftershock Of Narcissistic Abuse

“If you're reading this because of problems with someone you know now, the chances are excellent that one or both of your parents was a narcissist.  Narcissists are so much trouble that only people with special prior training (i.e., who were raised by narcissists) get seriously involved with them. Sometimes narcissists' children become narcissists, too, but this is by no means inevitable, provided stable love was given by someone, such as the non-narcissist parent or grandparents. Beyond that, a happy marriage will heal many old wounds for the narcissist's child. But, even though children of narcissists don't automatically become narcissists themselves and can survive with enough intact psychically to lead happy and productive lives away from their narcissistic parents, because we all love our parents whether they can love us back or not, children of narcissists are kind of bent -- "You can't get blood out of a stone," but children of narcissists keep trying, as if by bonding with new narcissists we could somehow cure our narcissistic parents by finding the key to their heart.

Thus, we've been trained to keep loving people who can't love us back, and we will often tolerate or actively work to maintain connections with narcissistic individuals whom others, lacking our special training, find alienating and repellent from first contact, setting ourselves up to be hurt yet again in the same old way. Once narcissists know that you care for them, they'll suck you dry -- demand all your time, be more work than a newborn babe -- and they'll test your love by outrageous demands and power moves. In their world, love is a weakness and saying "I love you" is asking to be hurt, so be careful: they'll hurt you out of a sort of sacred duty. They can't or won't trust, so they will test your total devotion. If you won't submit to their tyranny, then you will be discarded as "no good," "a waste of time," "you don't really love me or you'd do whatever I ask."   ----- Joanna Ashmun   How To Recognize A Narcissist

I would not be writing this blog if my NFOO were the only narcissists to infect my life.  Wouldn’t that be nice? To be done with these pernicious creatures at the age of 18; clean-up the aftermath of their abuse and move forward with my life, narc free.  No such luck!  My narcissist family of origin was pretty much obliterated by the time I was 18, which means I have been out of that sick and twisted system longer than I was in it.  But did I walk out of a world dominated by narcissists into a kinder, gentler one free of narcissists? Hell NO.

Transitioning from a NFOO into adulthood was like surviving a devastating car crash, and wandering away from the scene of the accident in severe shock and with a bad head injury. I entered adulthood traumatized, and I didn’t even know it.  Trauma is not a good foundation in which to build a life. Trauma is not the basis of practical choices and wise decisions. I entered into adulthood with my navigation and response systems compromised, and all my safety mechanisms corrupted. In short: I was brainwashed, with no boundaries and set to fight or flight mode. I had the narcissists to thank for erasing everything in me that would keep me safe in a dangerous world. I was groomed by wolves to be attractive to wolves.

Growing up in a “family” dominated by narcissists is akin to being raised in a cult. I wrote about this in the post Narcissistic Abuse is Soul Murder where I compared it to being imprisoned in a police state a la Big Brother. There is absolute control, invasion of privacy, brainwashing, punishment for original thought, isolation, silencing, secretiveness, group think, fraud and dictatorship to name a few.

Being raised in a NFOO is also like being combat soldiers on the front lines of war:  facing the enemy without back-up, running as bullets fly and ducking for cover as grenades are tossed, and always living in a state of fear and apprehension as we nervously wait for the next bomb to drop. We could never relax.  We were never safe from harm. We were hostages fighting to survive in a war that we didn’t sign-up for. Yup, we ACONs were thrust out into the world brainwashed combat vets and POW survivors with post-war trauma. But no one would know this just by looking at us. Except of course, the enemy… other narcissists.

This most insidious aspect of narcissistic abuse is this: we were groomed by predators FOR predators.  It’s like the trafficking of human souls.  Are all these evil fucks in it together? Is the cult of narcissistic abuse a form of organized crime?  All I can say is; the narcs that trained me have blood on their hands. I was their human sacrifice to the world of predators and they are in collusion with every evil, sick fuck that ever harmed me. My narcissist parents shoved me out into the world with a map directing me toward a life of traumatic events and abusive relationships.  

Having personal boundaries repeatedly trampled by N parents and siblings to the point where the lines of me and others no longer exists, is utterly selfish and cruel.  The narcissist parent TRAINS the child to ignore the warning signs of danger so THEY can gain access and violate us without any interference.  When you make boundary trespassing “normal” you just set the child up to be exploited. Because isn’t that what boundaries are: an early warning detection system to keep out intruders? Yup. Those N parents are as merciless as they come. In addition to the abuse at THEIR hands, the N parent primes the child to be abused by the rest of the world and sets them up for a life of hazardous relationships. And because life among the NFOO is so dangerous, we essentially enter the world alone, as orphans with no support system. We are first rate narc bait without a safety line. We ACONs are simply irresistible to predators. Yum, yum.  Let the feeding frenzy begin.

A few years after I had fled to the opposite end of the country to a city where I didn’t know anyone, and with only $200 bucks in my pocket, I had a long distance chat with malignant narc mother.  I told MNM about a couple of shitty experiences I had starting out in the big city, but there were tons. She became incredibly hostile and snapped, “Why do these things always happen to YOU?!” I remember saying, “I don’t know. Bad luck? It’s not my fault. Why can’t you give me the benefit of the doubt?” She screamed back at me, “I would NEVER give YOU the benefit of the doubt!” It wasn’t long after that, that I went no contact for good. I have not seen or spoke to the vicious, psycho, malignant monster in 22 years. Looking back at that conversation I think of things like, “Yeah ‘mom’ why do these things always happen to ME?” I was fucking set-up by YOU and the other narcs! That’s why! Interestingly enough, malignant narcissist sister has never been exploited and abused as an adult. Want to know why? Because she was trained to be a PREDATOR. 

And as far MN mother callously lacking any and all concern for my wellbeing - what the hell should I expect? She’s a malignant narcissist. Malignant narcissists train you to bend-over for abuse, and then despise you for taking it. It truly is a Catch – 22. 

Even before I discovered malignant narcissism and was FINALLY able to slap a label on the “family” freak show, I was fully aware of N parent’s extreme limitations.  Friends that I made in the big city I fled to were always perplexed by my background. They would ask me, “Do your parents know where you are?” I would answer, “No.” They would ask, “Do they wonder where you are?” I would answer, “No.” They would ask, “Don’t they care how you are?” I would answer, “No.” They would ask, “Why?! Why?! Why?!” My stock response was, “They’re not capable of caring.”  Funnily enough, I even had an N friend say to me, “In all the time I have known you, for the life of me, I can’t figure out why your parents hate you.” I replied, “Maybe it’s not me, maybe it’s them.” And incidentally, I never told anyone my parents hate me. I guess they just equated their indifference with hate, which is not a stretch as indifference is the opposite of love.

So, as you can see; I was no fool. I was onto something. I went NO CONTACT for good with MN mother and MN sister in my early 20’s. I knew at a fairly young age that my NFOO was dangerous and that I was better off without them. But despite my survival instincts, I still got involved with narcissists because of my special prior training.

Being raised in a home dominated by narcissists is not just a case of my family sucks so I’m outta here, and that’s the end of the insanity.  On no. Not a chance. I really wish it was that simple. For me, it was a case of my family sucks and no matter how far I run they continue to suck and suck and suck and suck. Narcissistic abuse is like a gigantic leech that latches on and continues to feed.  No matter where you go, no matter what you do, the narcissist’s voice lives inside of you (that should be a dysfunctional family greeting card). 

Remember all those cults that sprung-up in the 1970’s, and how those poncho wearing, pot-smoking, and sometimes just naive teenage hippies had to be “rescued” by their parents? But the parents didn’t do the actual rescuing.  The parents had to hire people that were specially trained at removing/kidnapping people from cults and de-programming them. I remember seeing documentaries on the subject. The “deprogrammers” would snatch the kid, shove them in a van, and then take them to a hotel room where there were no outside influences – NONE - and the deprogramming would commence.

And therein lies the reason why the adult children of narcissists are not free from abuse simply because they have escaped their family of origin - outside influences; other narcissists. How can you deprogram if members of the same cult keep slithering into your life?  You can’t!  It is IMPOSSIBLE to mitigate the effects of narcissistic abuse if your life continues to be infiltrated by narcissists.

I may have encountered “lesser narcissists” after my NFOO, but they were narcissists just the same. And even if some of these “relationships” were only short lived, there was still damage.  It seemed I was always cleaning-up after these fuckers.  And when I finally got rid of one infestation, there would be another. I swear these narcs are like cockroaches: you can’t leave any tasty crumbs around for them to snack on. NOT A CRUMB. 

The aftershock of narcissistic abuse has been more devastating to me than the original abuse. The "big one" hit in my NFOO, I survived it and walked away. What I didn’t count on was the ripple effect: numerous smaller quakes repeatedly hitting me in the same spot at unpredictable and random intervals. Narcissists on the outside strike like terrorists. At least in a N home, there is some predictability, and if your parent isn't a stalker, there is the possibility of a clean exit strategy.  But when N abuse becomes a part of your adult life - when you can't stop trying to get blood out of a stone - there seems to be no escape. It's never ending. You say to yourself "I guess most people are just like that." Or, "maybe something is wrong with me?" As Anna V said, the only thing wrong with us ACONs is that we tolerate narcissists. So please NEVER confuse being shell-shocked and brainwashed with a busted compass and non-existent security and support system as being damaged or defective. Only narcissists want you to believe that, and it is only narcissists that are truly deserving of the description: damaged, disordered and defective. It is the mutant narcissist who is lacking in everything that makes us human.    

So we ACONs are shell-shocked soldiers walking right into another battle. A battle that never ends until we figure-out the enemy. They say knowing your enemy is half the battle. This is true, especially when you discover it's not you, it's THEM - The Narcissists!  And the only way to win the battle is to closely study your enemy and know your own weakness; the ones that your N parents cultivated in you during narc abuse training camp.  Only when you truly understand the enemy and know yourself will you be properly protected.  That's what this blog is about.

So as I wrap up this post, I notice a fellow soldier has found their way here by asking the Google oracle: what does it truly mean to be narcissist free? 

To me, it means the war is my mind is finally over. It’s the end of battling the narcissist’s influence on my thoughts, feelings and behavior.  I'm happy to report that part of the war is over for me. DONE. Narcissists no longer have any influence on me. Well… except for pissing me off. And I am well aware that narcissists will always exist, they are out there and they are numerous, and there's a part of me that humbly accepts that I will always be vulnerable. The only thing I can do, that any of us can do, is know the enemy and know thyself. 

And while you're at it, throw loads of love at yourself and NEVER love anyone that can't love you back.