Malignant Narcissists Are Homicidal

Haven’t you heard? Malignant Narcissists are superior beings, and as superiors beings they don’t follow any rules; they write their own and the inevitable result is corruption.

Never Let A Narcissist Into Your Head

The survivors of narcissistic abuse are not just strong people. They are strong-minded people.

I truly believe those who succumb to self-destructive acts or suicide have had a malignant narcissist burrow way too deep into their head, and this has led to their demise. I am not blaming the victim in any way; I’m just conveying the severity of the narcissist’s mental torture.  The narcissist is on a psychological killing spree designed to murder life: to leave their victim hollow and under their deadly control. What they do to us psychologically is equivalent to someone repeatedly smashing us over the head with a baseball bat. Not everyone survives this type of violence.

Our mind is our most scared possession. And it’s much too valuable to hand over to someone who wants to trash it – a narcissist.  The gates to our mental garden should never be left open to anyone. My gate was kicked open at a young age, and the narcissists eagerly invaded and trampled my garden. It took years of undoing their destruction to rebuild it and nurture it back to health. I’m still tending to my mental garden and always will be. The narcissist’s taught me a valuable lesson: don’t let anyone into your head.

Our innermost boundary of privacy is our mind. We live there and it’s private property. KEEP OUT! Whoever wants in, wants to make a mess of it. So, BEWARE.

You have the right to control what passes in and out of your mind. You own it.  Your mind is yours alone so take damn good care of it. It’s up to you to keep an orderly mind because you are the one who incurs the consequences of what lives there. You have a right to privacy. You have a right to think and believe what YOU want.

The narcissist is always trying to weasel their way into your head because once they’ve snuck-in they can control you. They gaslight routinely. They plant destructive messages and evil seeds of doubt. They belittle, criticize, embarrass and flatter.  A confused, off-balance and insecure victim is easier to manipulate.

Don’t let the narcissist snack on you mentally. If you give them a taste, they will devour you whole. Malignant narcissists are mental predators who carefully study their prey. They are always watching and listening to you. They badger, bait and trap you. Don’t let out information they can use to exploit you. Don’t let in information they can use to control and manipulate you. Hone that mental filter because the narcissist NEVER means well.  And you can count on this: once you let them into your head, they will never leave.  They’re like mental tapeworms.

All malignant narcissists are inveterate snoops, busybodies, gossips and liars. They are constantly on an expedition to pry information out of you. The information is always used to manipulate you; embarrass you; frame-you; damage your reputation; control you; blackmail you and come between you and the people and things you love.  Zip those lips up tight. Play your mental cards very close to your vest and protect your borders.

The narcissist isn’t about to give away all their personal information. On the contrary, the narcissist is guarded and their boundaries are very strong. The narcissist understands damn well that information in the wrong hands is a dangerous thing. But they feel entitled to know everything about you because they are greedy. Don’t ever let them guilt-trip you into giving-up something they never would.

Malignant narcissists are pathological gossips. The essence of gossip is to dirty-up people. The narcissist wants to dirty-up everyone. Making others look bad makes them look good. They also make themselves look good by placing themselves ABOVE others as their JUDGE, and dumping their toxic projections onto others.  Never believe anything that comes out of the narcissist’s mouth. Their only form of communication is judgment, criticism, gossip, lies, slander, projection and subtle manipulation. Never trust them with one iota of information on you (Read: VERY VERY SNEAKY). NEVER let down your guard at the N's transparent attempts at magnamity. It's all a ploy to draw you closer so you'll be easier to attack and easier to pin as the fall guy for their scum of the earth dirty work.

Healthy, safe people are always direct in their interactions with you. Narcissists are NEVER direct. EVER. Controlling someone mentally means sneaking in and out of their headspace without getting caught. Malignant narcissists are slippery creatures. They slither into your mind hoping to dig-up dirt, and then slither out of your mind intending to spread the dirt. I would describe malignant narcissists as “slimy” mental perverts and voyeurs.

I’ve conjured up a couple of scenarios to illustrate my point.

Here’s an example, maybe something hurtful and humiliating has happened to you. Maybe you found out your boyfriend is cheating on you. You would never tell the narcissist about this, but through the narcissist’s predatory parasitic ways, she has gleaned this information on you, and you KNOW IT.  The resulting conversation with the narcissist might sound something like this. The narcissist will say, “It’s so sad when someone is cheated on and they don’t even know it. God, can you imagine how embarrassing that would be?” I feel so sorry for people who are betrayed. What would you do, if it happened to you?” And the narcissist snake slithers in and out and around your headspace. The narcissist gaslights, humiliates and pokes at you in an effort to break you down so that you will confide in her. She salivates at the thought of obtaining more information to use against you.

Here’s another example; you’ve bought a brand new car and you just love it. You don’t tell the narcissist about this because any information the narcissist has on you just invites the narcissist inquisition. They need to know EVERYTHING. How can you afford that new car? Did you get a raise? Why did you buy that car? What deranged, abusive meaning can the narcissist ascribe to you purchasing a new car? Knowledge is power for the devious malignant narcissist.

Again, through their treachery, the narcissist has discovered that you bought a brand new car. They know the exact model. Instead of saying – like a normal person – “Hey, I heard you just bought a new SAAB.” The narcissist will say, “You know I’m thinking about buying a new car. What do you think of the new SAABS? I don’t think I could afford one. What do you think the down payment and lease would be?”

Do you see how slippery and slimy and deceitful narcissists are? They are the antithesis of up-front and honest. The narcissist is forever hiding. They are nefarious frauds, twirling their thin moustache, and peeking out behind their swirling black cape of lies. Exploiting people in this way reveals the contempt in which narcissists hold others. There is absolutely no reason for the narcissist to be shady and secretive, except to give themselves a narcissistic boost. They enjoy toying with people even if nothing significant depends on it because it makes them feel powerful. They lie and trick to amuse themselves. Successful head-games prove their superiority and the stupidity of others. It’s the way the narcissist operates in the world. It’s how they think they obtain power.

So you call the narcissist’s bluff on the SAAB bull-shit. Remember, you know that she knows you bought a new car. You say to her, “Why do you keep talking about SAABS? Why the sudden interest in SAABS? ” The narcissist explodes in a narcissistic rage. “Why the hell can’t I talk about cars?! What’s it to you?! What’s your problem?! It takes two to have a conversation!”

“It takes two to have a conversation.” Gag. This is a common line the narcissist uses when they’re playing head games during a “conversation” and you make notice of their deception.  Yeah right. A “conversation” is nothing but a game for them. In fact, every interaction with a narcissist is nothing but a game. And it takes two to play the game: a narcissist and an unsuspecting victim, an object – their chess piece. And we are the ones with a problem when we call them on their duplicity.

When I was younger, after hanging out with an Nfriend(s), I would sometimes wake-up a few days after the encounter pissed-off. Usually the N deposited a toxic message into my head, but the assault was engineered so subtly that it just escaped me at the time.  It would usually take a few days, after the fact, to decode their destructive message because they always employed sneaky methods to confuse and disarm me at the time of assault. And, if and when I called them on it, in true N fashion they would deny, dismiss and evade, or say the standard, “You’re too sensitive.”

If you listen real carefully to what the narcissist says, you will find that their thinking patterns are entirely circular. They go round, and round trying to spin your brain into a state of confusion. They hope to make you so dizzy and disoriented that you will give into their demands, whatever they may be.

Narcissists drop shit in your head, they stir up trouble and they take the valuable stuff out. The harder it is for them to get in, and move stuff around, and move stuff out the better. Pay very close attention to your mental and emotional state when you are interacting with a narcissist. Your anger, irritation, confusion, or frustration is like a burglar alarm going-off and it should never be ignored. It alerts you to the fact that you have an intruder present. The narcissist needs to know at the point of entry that they have been discovered so they will stop doing their dirty work.

I remember having one of these annoying, anti-logical, circular conversations with MN sister. I politely tried over and over again to get off the phone with her. She was attempting, in a covert way, to break me down so I would offer to run an errand for her majesty. She was unrelenting in her efforts to get her way and I knew exactly what she was up to. I was not going to give into her scheme.  She was incensed that she was unable to manipulate me, and said, “You know. You sound irritated. Maybe you should take something for your moods. You might have a mood disorder.” Ha! The narcissist would never consider themselves irritating. No, never. They’re perfect.  And once again, our natural reaction to their skeezy personality means that we have a problem. It’s the gaslighting portion of their mental terrorism. 

As an ACoN (Adult Child of Narcissists) I’m done with intruders violating my headspace. It took me decades to exorcise the destructive messages that the narcissists dumped into my mind. I think that’s why I am so adamantly opposed to analytic therapy for victims of narcissistic abuse. I came across two malignant narcissists in my search for answers and they tried to trash my mind. Just like all the other narcissists, they were warped weirdos, gaslighters and projection machines who were terrified of creative thinkers. What the hell gives them the right to enter my headspace?! The “Dr.” before their names?! Fuck that! A predator is a predator. A con job is a con job. The so-called mental health profession is a PROFIT making enterprise and don’t ever forget it. The bad ones are no better than the shady auto-mechanic who you take your car into, to fix a certain problem. The mechanic lifts the hood and tinkers around and creates another problem. You drive off with the original problem fixed, and then you have to bring the car back in to get the problem that they caused fixed. And it happens again and again. The shady auto-mechanic earns a living causing endless problems in your car. 

The mental health industry is a business that thrives on vulnerable people, and it’s filled with mental manipulators and mental rapists - narcissists. You have the right not to answer questions. You have the right to say, “That’s private.” You have the right to ask, “What gives you the right to ask me that?” The thing that I find so suspicious and dangerous about therapy is that this complete stranger has all this information on you, and you know nothing about them. It's not unlike what the narcissist does to you. Talk about an imbalance of power. It is only upstanding, healthy, safe people who will not abuse that power and they are more difficult to find than a trustworthy auto mechanic.

The best advice I ever got was at the age of 21 from a psychic of all people. He read my tarot cards and looked-up and me and said, “Stay away from your family. They’re not lucky for you. They’re crazy just not confined. Your mother is PSYCHO. She wants to get inside your head. She’s very destructive. A brown haired girl, your sister, is extremely jealous of you.”

How’s that for cutting to the chase? How’s that for practical advice? Sure beats the mounds of crap I let into my head from lousy books, support groups, therapist, and doctors. It wasn’t until I discovered malignant narcissism that I had the “why” fully figured out.

I’m done with “psychologizing” myself. When you are suffering from the narcissist’s mental abuse you constantly live in your head. You pick yourself apart. You question yourself. You try to figure out what’s wrong with me, what did I do to make this happen to me. Fuck that! Why the hell did that car careen into that innocent pedestrian? The innocent pedestrian was just minding their own business. The narcissist is no different than an out of control, fast moving SUV that is ready to run-over whoever doesn’t get out of its way.

And what’s with these people who spend years, if not decades, in therapy? Who are they? Woody Allen? They say, “My therapist thinks blah blah blah…” What the hell do you think?! Have you merely replaced the dependency of your controlling narcissist parent with a dependency on a controlling therapist who is buying a beach house with your payments?!

Anyone who wants you to repeat what they say back like a parrot is not to be trusted. They have ulterior motives. They are no better than the devious narcissist.  Isn’t the idea of therapy to go in for a mental tune-up or get help with a life issue and get the hell out? You’re supposed to learn practical tools that you can apply to your thinking and behavior and move on – hopefully – toward a healthier life.

If you let anyone in to your mental sanctuary you are allowing that person to judge you, and manipulate you and decide what you think and believe. If you let a narcissist know what makes you tick, you are inviting abuse: you are giving them the right to control your mind. Pushed to its limits, you are giving the narcissist absolute power over you. Possession of you. Psychological killing is only one step away from physical killing.

Narcissists operate in the realm of the mind. They don’t give a rat’s ass about you. They are only interested in information they can use to manipulate, control, abuse, and exploit you. The narcissist’s point of entry is your headspace. Block it. Barricade it. Fortify your boundaries. Figure out who you are and what you stand for. A strong mind means that YOU are in control of YOU.  And it should give you great comfort to know that the narcissist hates impenetrable minds and are intimidated by them. No supply is given and none is taken. The starving narcissist moves on to feed somewhere else.

We are born a single consciousness and we should live and die a single consciousness.

But don’t take my word for it. Only you have the right to decide what you think and believe.

 

Malignant Narcissist Father: Human Extension, Soul Destroyer, Cause of Mental Illness

I saw Shine when it was released theatrically back in 1996, and to this day, I never forgot the final line of the film.

Standing over his malignant narcissist father’s grave, David is asked by his wife, “What do you feel?”

He answers, “The thing is. I feel nothing.”

When I saw Shine, it had been about six year since I last saw my malignant narcissist mother, and I knew I would never see her again.  Her toxic anger that she had projected into me was slowly dissipating. My body no longer reverberated at the very thought of her.  I knew that time would eventually heal me and release her Demon for good. All I had to do was to stay away from her - forever.  I was starting to “feel nothing.”  I pictured myself standing over her grave and reciting the line from the movie.

I didn’t know what malignant narcissism was when I saw Shine.  All I knew is that I identified with the story. When I saw the film it enraged me.  I wanted to stick my hands in the movie screen and strangled the father.  However, when I watched it recently, I saw it as a very hopeful film; almost triumphant.  As fragile as David was, he made the decision to escape enslavement of his abusive father and ultimately found acceptance, real love and a real family.  Never underestimate the strength of the non-narcissist child’s soul. The poster of a liberated David says it all.

The story of David Helfgott’s relationship with his father is a very good example of a malignant narcissist parent as “human extension,” “soul destroyer,” and “the cause of mental illness.”

The film opens with an adult David’s first intelligible ramblings being, “It’s a lifelong struggle to survive undamaged and not to destroy any living, breathing creature. The point is, if you do something wrong you can be punished for the rest of your life.”

What David is referring to in “doing something wrong” is making the decision to defy his father and go to The Royal College of Music in London. This reminds me of Conrad, who in the film Ordinary People,  says to his psychiatrist, “You just do one wrong thing.” The “one wrong thing” being surviving the boating accident while his brother, “the golden boy” drowned.  here

Conrad is tormented with guilt because he exists. His reaction coincides with the malignant narcissist mother’s mantra: “You have no right to live!”

David is tormented because he salvaged his self. His reaction coincides with the malignant narcissist parent as human extension: denying the child a right to a self.

The film Shine jumps back and forth from young David, to adult David, and teenage David. We see David as a young piano prodigy wowing the crowd while he plays at a music competition. A man remarks, “That boy is great. He’s really good.” David’s father proudly replies, “That’s my son.”    

Early on we find out that David’s father was a victim of his own narcissist father and has carried on the family pathology. When he was young he saved up enough money to buy a violin and his father smashed it, and denied him music lessons. Throughout the story he tries to make up for his childhood deprivation visa vie exploiting and sacrficing David. Sadly, he never transcended his relationship with his own malignant narcissist father; he merely survived it by becoming evil himself.

David’s father is a ruthless tyrant who tells him, “Always win. Always win. You’re a lucky boy. Say it, very lucky. One day you will make me very proud. Next time what are we going to do? We are going to win.”  

When David wins a prestigious music competition, his father shouts, “We won! We won!” The use of the word “we” indicating that his father doesn’t see his son as separate from himself. Also, he always refers to David as my David which indicates ownership.

When David gets an invitation to study at America’s finest music school his Father in enraged. Although he drives his son to succeed, he is spitefully envious at the attention he receives. He wants David to succeed but on his terms: he does not want David to separate from him and lead his own life.

The narcissist father is self-absorbed and his feelings, needs and wants are the most important thing. What’s right for his son, what’s best for his son is insignificant. He continually undermines David's development as a person because it threatens him.

He denies David the opportunity to go to America telling him, “You are lucky to have a family. I won’t let anyone destroy this family. I am your father and I know what’s best.” David’s father says to his wife, “What has he suffered? Never a day in his life. What does he know about families and my mother and father?”

David’s father constantly pulls the “family” guilt card on him. First, by making David pay for the abuse inflicted on him by his narcissist parent, and next by laying claim to David’s soul. “Family” simply means ownership to a narcissist. His father rules the roost and everyone revolves around him. His wife is nothing more than a voiceless slave and his daughters are just pieces of furniture.

David’s father terrorizes him and uses fear to control him and this manifests in David lacking self- confidence and being an incredibly anxious teen that still wets his bed. However, despite David’s fragile state, he is noticeably angry at his father's refusal to let him study piano in America. What follows is a disturbing scene of emotional incest where David’s father cuddles him and says, “David my Boy, it’s a terrible thing to hate your father. You can’t trust anyone, but I will always be here. I will always be with you forever and ever.”

When it comes to the malignant narcissist; a child's healthy reaction of anger to unjust treatment is perceived as hatred toward the offending parent. Naturally, it's always about the poor, hard done by narcissist. The child's assertion of their self-worth makes them feel bad. 

Also, with a narcissist parent there is perverse, engulfing, manipulative “love” to perverse, controlling hatred and abuse. There really is no in between: it goes from one extreme to the other which indicates that their idea of “love” is merely control and manipulation. And, should you fail to follow their script to the letter, apparently you "hate" them. The child's total compliance and absolute obedience means loves; any assertion of will, independence, or self, means hate.  The narcissist parent's emotional level remains in a perpetual state of infancy.

David eventually receives a scholarship to attend the prestigious Royal College of Music in London and this accomplishment incites his father’s jealous rage. He laughs at David and says to him, “So you just think you can do as you please? I am your father who has done everything for you!” He then beats David.

“So you just think you can do as you please?!”

Now this is a very familiar line. I was accepted into a special programme in high school that malignant narcissist mother continually lorded over me.  She constantly threatened to deny me of the opportunity. Some seven years after high school, she screamed over the phone, “You get to do whatever the hell you want!” I asked her what she meant, and she screamed, “You wanted to be in that programme in high school and you got to be in that programme!”

That was the last time I ever spoke to malignant narcissist mother. It was clear that not only was she insane but that she would forever remain bitter, spiteful and envious of my claim to a right to a life.  Needless to say, she abandoned her family - without a trace - during my year in that high school programme.

Behold; the perverse hypocrisy of the malignant narcissist parent: they abandon their parental responsibilities; no one, and I mean no one, takes them to task for the unconscionable act; and in their sick mind, the child "gets to do whatever the hell they want!" Hmm, projection much? The words: "Bat Shit Crazy" come to mind.

Back to David… His father tells him, if he goes to London, “You can never come back to this house again. You will be nobody’s son. The girls will lose a brother. You want to destroy your family?!  My David, if you go, you will be punished for the rest of your life!”

David claims his self and walks out the door. Hurrah!!

Again, I have heard this exact line, “If you leave now, you can never come back!”

Translation: I am a malignant narcissist parent, and you belong to me!  How dare you live a life of your own! My dreams were smashed and now I'm going to smash yours! Don’t you understand what family means?! It means ownership! You belong to me! If you refuse to relinquish your soul to me, you will be cast out into the world with nothing and no one. I will destroy you!

Early in the film an adult David mutters in one of his incoherent ramblings, “Perhaps, I haven’t got a soul? Daddy says, I haven’t got a soul.” Well, Daddy tried to sacrifice his son's soul in an effort to preserve his own narcissistic delusions.

The malignant narcissist parent is perversely willful. They ruthlessly pursue having their own way, all-the-time.  Absolute control is priority number one. Never think for a second that “the chosen one” has it good. For beneath the surface, they are but an empty, soulless puppet hanging by the strings of a controlling narcissist parent. They get what they deserve – psychological enslavement.

The malignant narcissist parent is insanely defensive and if you defy them in any way they will explode in fury, threaten, storm, rage and destroy. Taking ownership of your own life provokes their wrath. They are rendered impotent by a child who exercises their right to self-preservation. further, their bitterness over the child's "perceived" defiance eats away at them like a cancer.

So, David walks out the door and heads to London. The next scene shows his dad “vaporizing” him, a la George Orwell’s 1984. He sets fire to all of David’s scrap books, articles, and keepsakes. This also happened to me. I too was “vaporized” by malignant narcissist mother.

In London, David begins to shown signs of mental illness. He sends his father letters but his father doesn’t respond. During an intense recital he has a mental breakdown and is hospitalized and given shock treatment. He returns to Australia and telephones his father who hangs-up on him.

The malignant narcissist parent is callously indifferent to the child's welfare. They don't care at all if the child is sick, well, alive, or dead. The fact that David is all alone, ill, and homeless is insignificant. His father's only concern is winning the war he has waged on his son's soul.

The child is always better of without the malignant narcissist parent in their life. Had David's father allowed him back into the inner sanctum, he would have destroyed David completely.

We then see David living an adult life in a psychiatric hospital. It is never clear what mental illness he suffers from. He is described as having a complex disorder, and living in his own world. It is clear that all his nonsensical ramblings are all about his father’s destruction of him.  In the hospital, he rambles, “It was a battle ground. A war zone. It just destroys everything. It really does.”

It seems David’s father actually got so far into his head that he took over his thoughts to the point of mental illness. Shock therapy – that was administered to David – is about erasing memories; wiping the slate clean if you will. Obviously, shock did no good in getting David’s father out of his head.

So, David survives in the world, battling the ever present demons of his father’s abuse but eventually through the kindness of strangers finds acceptance for who he is, as well as love, and family.  He befriends a woman who owns a local restaurant, plays the piano for her patrons and eventually marries her good friend. A newspaper article is written about him: “David Shines. Remembering when…” His father reads the article and goes in search of his estranged son.

He arrives at David’s apartment and tells him, “You are a lucky boy David. No one will love you like me, no one. Do you realize what an opportunity you have here? When I was a boy, I bought a beautiful violin, I saved for this violin. Do you know what happened to it?” David is repelled and turns his back to his father. He pauses, realizing that his father has not changed, and he replies, “No. I have no idea what happened to it. What happened to it?” With that, David's father realizes he no longer has control over his son and walks out the door. David watches from his window as his father disappears into the night.

It’s a subtle, yet powerful scene of an adult child of a narcissist taking a stand and not giving in to the repetitive brain washing pattern of the abusive parent. By refusing to acknowledge his father’s violin story, David was letting him know that that chapter is over, and he had moved on. However, David’s narcissist father had not moved on. Indeed, he was forever stuck in the past, as most malignant narcissist parents are. They never change, they never grow as people, and they never get over that moment when a child "defies" them. In some kind of ironic twist of justice, the child’s exertion of independence ends up controlling them for the rest of their lives.

And so, David finds redemption. He embraces his passion for music and creates a loving family for himself.

And as the film draws to a close he says;

“I am here. And life goes on and you just have to keep on going. You can’t give-up.”

The Narcissist's Shock Tactics

Narcissists are mental and emotional terrorists, and like terrorists, they strike when you least expect it.

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Never Show "Vulnerability" to a Narcissist

Never show signs of weakness around a narcissist because when you’re down that’s precisely when they’re going to kick. This is true for all narcissists, from your garden variety straight on up to the malignant.  All narcissists salivate at the sign of a vulnerable target - be it mental, emotional or physical vulnerability.

Narcissists are spineless bullies. They are insecure, jealous, inadequate, attention seeking little brats trapped in the body of an adult.  Have you ever referred to a narcissist as a strong person? I doubt it. Narcissists are immature weaklings and cowards. Their personality disorder makes them so. When they see an easy opportunity to strike they can’t help themselves. 

They are nasty little children and they don’t fight fair.  

Malignant narcissists are predators by nature and predators devour the bleeding and the injured. They can't help themselves; it’s their animal instinct. They respond to your vulnerability like a rabid junkyard dog to a meaty bone: they’ve gotta chomp on it.

So I ask you, are you going to show insecurity around a sadistic little brat who’s always looking for ways to vaunt themselves at your expense? Are you going to show signs of weakness around a vicious predator whose very nature is to attack vulnerable prey? Narcissists are unsafe, period. But they are especially dangerous when you are in a weakened state. Sharks sniff out blood.

All narcissists identify with other abusers, so if you have been harmed by another person – most likely another narcissist - do not tell them. The narcissist will not only pathologize you but defend their fellow narcissist. Feel better now? The narcissist does. You see, narcissists are always scrounging around for validation of their abusiveness. If you offer up proof of another harmful person – in the narcissist's eyes – you have justified their own cruel behaviour. Birds of a feather and all that.

In the most sinister way; the vile narcissist will attribute virtues to your abuser while giving you a good kick. For example, you are in utter distress because a co-worker has been bullying, undermining, and sabotaging you for over a year. He's trying to get you fired; he wants your job.  You are at wits end, losing sleep, nervous, stressed out and ready to quit your job because of the situation. The narcissist - let's call her Sherry - will simply be delighted to hear of your dilemma, and react to your predicament by saying, “Oh, come on. He’s not a bad person. He’s just a hard worker and his job is important to him. Maybe he’s been taking notes on you. You’re just not taking very good care of yourself.”

See what the narcissist did? Sherry just defended her fellow narcissist saying that he’s a good guy, a hard worker, cares about his job and obviously has dirt on you. The narcissist just told you that you are bad, lazy, you don’t care about your job, and that you’re obviously doing something that warrants note taking and the narcissist’s abuse. Furthermore, the narcissist assigned the cause of your distress to you for not taking care of yourself. It’s your fault. Get it? You were asking for it. That’s why the co-worker narcissist abused you, and that’s why Sherry is justified in abusing you. The vile narcissist feels better now.  

Here's another example of the narcissist's callousness. You've been in a serious accident in which you suffered a massive cut to your face. The injury was so bad that it required plastic surgery. You are still in a state of shock from the accident; you are beaten-up, stitched-up, battered and bruised. You are distressed at the state of your face; you are weakened and run down from surgery. Laid up in bed, you make the mistake of sending a fact based email notifying a narcissist of your accident. Let's call the vile narcissist Myra. Myra responds with a one line email that says, "Keep it in perspective." She adds a link to a YouTube video of a guy with no arms and no legs. Feel better now? The vile narcissist Myra does.

Let's take a look at what both of the narcissists did. They placed themselves above you as your judge: "Keep it in perspective." "You're not taking care of yourself." This condescending superiority aggrandizes the narcissist. They denied you any attention and let you know that you don't matter. They blamed you, the victim, and attributed virtues to your abuser. They dismissed and minimized your experience. Let you know that you had no right to even bring up your accident, let alone feel anything because someone out in YouTube land has no arms and legs (as if they care). They justified their outrageous callousness and derived pleasure from you pain.

And get this: Sherry calls you up bawling her eyes out because her date stood her up, and she expects you to comfort her. Myra - a 65 year old woman - calls you up bawling her eyes out because her sister doesn't have time to frame her paintings for her show, and she expects your sympathy.

Ugh! You get it: they're narcissists. They are big babies and parasitic bottom feeders who are always scrounging the surface of every interaction looking for ways to feed. Their entire existence is based on deep rooted selfishness. 

Here’s one final example of a narcissist taking advantage of your vulnerability. You've had a bad fall in which you suffered a massive cut to your face. You are still recovering and you are coming to terms with the fact that your face is going to be permanently scarred. The narcissist knows that you are self-conscious about the scar on your face and how it is healing.

You visit the narcissist and notice that he needs a few things around the house. Although you are the one in need of care, you go out and purchase a bunch of helpful and thoughtful items for the narcissist. You package everything up really nice and with a smile present the big bag of goodies to the narcissist. The narcissist takes the gift bag and with a big smirk on his face and an evil glint in his eye, he snarks, “that thing on your face is really red.”  You can’t hide the fact that he hurt your feelings. The narcissist looks like he is high on drugs.

When you are in a weakened state that’s when the narcissist's fangs come out. Vulnerability makes you the perfect target to abuse, control and manipulate. Never let a narcissist know that someone has done you wrong; never let them sniff out an insecurity; never let them see you sweat. What elicits warmth and compassion in normal people, provokes an act of shocking inhumanity in a narcissist. They will attack when you can't defend yourself and deny you whatever you are in need of: be it serious medical attention, a roof over your head or an ounce of sympathy.

Don’t ignore the twisted aggression inherent in all narcissists. Don’t engage in fantasy and magical thinking. Don't try to penetrate their callousness. When we refuse the truth of what the narcissist really is, we leave the door wide open to abuse.

Whatever is ruling your emotions at the time will be used against you by the narcissist. Don’t involve them in the sensitive areas of your life, don’t let them into your head space, keep them away from your wounds. Protect yourself. If you must be in contact with a narcissist, play your cards very close to your vest. Don't display any signs of neediness. They are the enemy of goodwill and the last people you want around during a time of crisis.

Narcissists are terrorists who invade mental and emotional borders. They are constantly engaged in an invisible war of control.  It's ALWAYS about their boundaries, their terms, their agenda, and their conveniences while you lie dying by the side of the road.