The Malignant Narcissist As Character Assassin

If you have been targeted by a malignant narcissist for serious abuse, be aware that the abuse includes character assassination – the annihilation of who you are as a person. Just as through murder a careful criminal leaves no witnesses, a malignant narcissist is careful to abuse on the sly and destroy the victim’s credibility in advance in order to “leave no witnesses.” Character assassination is the premeditated murder of the target’s image, their good name, their reputation and ultimately their life.   

It takes extreme treachery to replace an authentic self with a false image of that person, and who is better skilled to do that than a sneaky malignant narcissist. Take a look at their lives; who they appear to be and who they really are. They don’t connect with reality. They live in a fictitious world of smoke and mirrors where appearances are all that matter. Narcissists only identify with their false image and they expect you to identify with the false image they invent of you. They NEED you to appear to the world the way they NEED you to be. It's your life according to the narcissist's script.

As Kathy Krajco wrote in her book “What Makes Narcissists Tick”:

Narcissists try to make you be what they say you are because, like a psychopath, they view you as an object, not as a human person with perceptions and a mind of your own. They view you as an extension of themselves (like a tool) to control. It is the moral equivalent of control a rapist thinks he has over the body of another, whom he views as but an object, and extension of himself, an executioner of his will. Psychologists call this bizarre behavior “projective identification,” a defense mechanism. The narcissist wants you to identify with the image he projects on you. You are a mirror to reflect his fantasy, so he pressures you to behave as though it is real.

Okay… So there’s that. We are nothing but objects the malignant narcissist feels entitled to use abuse and exploit in any way they please. They use control tactics such as lies, slander, projection, triangulation etc. to create a false image of their target which is always about glorifying themselves and degrading the victim. BUT, they also have motive. They are very invested in the way the target behaves because they have something at stake: malignant narcissists are continually engaged in post abuse cover-up. The key word here is “behave.” Malignant narcissists don’t care what the target thinks or how they feel or who they really are. ALL people are just objects to the narcissist. The malignant narcissist only care what their target thinks and feels insofar as it affects their behavior. And they will do whatever it takes to pressure the target into behaving according to their script.

Like a physical rapist who attacks when there are no witnesses, the malignant narcissist carries-out violent psychological rape covertly. The target, being the victim of the crimes is an expert witness of the narcissist. The narcissist’s greatest fear is a credible witness - the target. So, just as a rapist may use intimidation, blackmail, gagging and threats to coerce the victim to silence; the narcissist abuser does the same. But when control tactics fail to silence the victim, the malignant narcissist goes in for the kill.  

Character assassination is the narcissist’s method of taking a hit out on the target. The idea is to stop the target from reporting the narcissist's crimes to the authorities. Stop the target from being taken seriously by the authorities. Stop the target from taking the stand and testifying. The target is the most credible character witness against the vile malignant narcissist and they know it, so they retaliate like angry vandals smashing-up the target's most precious possession – their character. Character assassination is punishment for unmasking the malignant narcissist and breaking the "no talk" rule. It’s about condemning the target to a life in prison for the crimes the narcissist commits. Character assassination is about scapegoating the target, so the target ends-up with the reputation and the life the malignant narcissist deserves. Character assassination is about DESTROYING the evidence; the credibility of their most damning witness - their main target(s).

I come from a family with 3 malignant narcissist abusers, so I know how they operate. I’ve been observing them in action since I slept in a crib. They ALL abuse on the sly. They ALL slander and discredit me behind my back. They ALL paint me as the “problem.” And they ALL play the victim. You better believe I’m a “problem” to the malignant narcissist mob. I have escaped solitary confinement of “no talk” prison and my mouth is running loose.  

If going no contact is akin to placing yourself in the witness protection program, then what I’ve experienced is like being framed for a crime I didn’t commit, going to prison, breaking out and being hunted with a target on my back. The malignant narcissists will stop at nothing to make their target (me) take the fall. Just as a criminal doesn’t want to do hard time, the malignant narcissist doesn’t want to face the hardcore reality of who they are. As a result, the fugitive of a MN cult is subjected to the same threat as any defector who escapes with a suitcase full of sensitive inside information that could bring down the regime. 

Character assassination, smear campaigns and vandalizing the target’s image are tactics used by the malignant narcissist to avoid public shame of the truth. The malignant narcissist is terrified of having their freedom taken away – their freedom to abuse and exploit others whenever the hell they want. They are complete frauds and are absolutely terrified of being exposed.

Why are they so scared? Because malignant narcissists rely on using, abusing and scapegoating others to feel superior. And feeling superior is the name of the game. If they were forced to acknowledge their debts and dependencies on others (even if their debts and dependencies are through maltreatment) they would no longer appear superior. The malignant narcissist would be completely humiliated if others knew their limitations – that in order to feel good and appear good, they must make others feel bad and look bad.  That’s a pretty pathetic existence. Not only that, they would likely be punished for exploiting others opportunistically. So, malignant narcissists cover their tracks, by becoming cunning and devious, concealing their true motives and actions as much as possible. This is where character assassination comes in. 

The ability to project an image is relied upon more than ever when the narcissist is close to being outwitted and exposed. At this stage, narcissists become completely deceptive and extremely treacherous in an attempt to sustain whatever dishonesty they are guilty of while not appearing to be dishonest.

If you have been on the receiving end of a malignant narcissist post-abuse cover-up/character assassination then you know this can create terrifyingly bizarre scenes that make you wonder if you are living a nightmare.  In fact, things can become so strange and surreal that if you were to try and explain what the narcissist just pulled-off, people would think you are tripping on psychedelic drugs. This is where I have to hand it to those crazy evil fucks; they create scenarios that are so inexplicable their victims are left tongue-tied. Malignant Narcissists will do whatever, and I mean whatever it takes to cover their tracks - including, inflicting MORE abuse on to the victim. In fact, the narcissist's post-abuse cover-up is always more destructive than the original crime. 

Who would believe a “sister” and “mother” would call the police and accuse their victim of doing to them the exact thing they are in the process of doing to her? Who would believe a sister would lie to police and state her innocent sister is schizophrenic and violent just to avoid the embarrassment of being outed a cyberstalker? Who would believe a sister would lie outrageously to authorities and destroy her innocent sister's reputation just to punish her for breaking the "NO TALK" rule of the MN asylum? Who would believe protesting the malignant narcissist’s viciousness, abuse and lies would drive the malignant narcissist cult to even more extreme acts of brutality to dis-empower and silence the victim? For example, the MN sister is given access by the MN father to clean-out her sister’s bank account so she has no money and is forced to endure severe financial stress that’s piled onto to the stress of her trying to obtain employment with a massive road block the malignant narcissist intentionally laid with her calculated slander; slander that was also spread to the victim’s neighbors that resulted in the victim’s home environment being unsafe which forced her to have to pack-up and move. That’s an example of how malignant narcissists use the weight of mounting pressure to try and break the victim’s back. It’s called intentional infliction of emotional distress and it's designed to kill, or, at the very least, render the victim neutralized and to mentally and physically weak to fight back. 

The severity of the malignant narcissist’s crime is of no significance to the MN. Whether they get CAUGHT lying to police or snooping through your sock drawer, the gaslighting and cruelties they inflict to try and silence the witness never match the crimes they are in the process of covering-up. In the malignant narcissist’s eyes, the victim is expendable. For example, the malignant narcissist mother doesn’t give a damn if she destroys her daughter’s life to the point where she ends up destitute and living on the streets, just as long as people never “believe” what the daughter says about her being a bad mother. See what I’m saying? Their maliciousness reaches delusional proportions as they become obsessed with protecting their false image and ruining the victim so they can remain superior... and triumph. It's very important for the malignant narcissist to WIN at all costs.    

Character assassination destroys careers, marriages, and relationships, isolating the victim “to the desert” of humankind. Except for the fortunate who have independent means, it’s usually a trip down Skid Row, with one ramification after another barring every way out and relentlessly crushing and hammering the victim into ---- guess what? Exactly what their assassin says they are. This is where rag pickers and bag ladies and suicides come from. The victim will ask why he bothered to be a good person when what a person is isn’t up to him --- when it’s up to whatever others choose to make of him. --- “What Makes Narcissists Tick”

The malignant narcissist degrades and humiliates others, trashes good names, maligns strong character and ruins reputations because there is a huge pay off for them - protection/cover-up/conspiracy of silence. They will stop at nothing to obstruct the whistleblower from outing their morally repugnant, debauched, and parasitic existence. 

Bottom Line:  If you cannot drop off the grid, go into the no contact witness protection program or lay low then the malignant narcissist better fear you, or you better have some kind of power. Because if you decide to fight back, clear your name and expose the narcissist cult you can expect to be under attack from all sides: finances, career/job, home, relationships, reputation, children etc. It’s unrelenting and it often ends in marginalization of the victim.

For those of you who aren’t convinced of the malignant narcissist’s wrath when it comes to loss of control over their false image and their victim, you might want to ask the question “How exactly did Kathy Krajco die?”

Kathy Krajco, ACON blogger and author of “What Makes Narcissists Tick” wrote under her real name, and she wrote extensively about her abusive malignant narcissist father and sister. Kathy’s mother died in 1992, and her father died in 2004. So by the time she was blogging about malignant narcissism both her parents had passed away.

According to Kathy’s blog, her sister Terese was gainfully employed as a teacher, but lived at home with her parents her entire life. From what I gather, she mooched off her parents while hoarding her own money and even ended up manipulating the MN father into disinheriting Kathy. Kathy was also a teacher and I suspect she was a target of a career smear campaign orchestrated by Terese. Throughout Kathy’s blog and book there are numerous accounts of Terese’s bullying and abuse. For example, Kathy had a heart condition and one day Terese, who lived across the street, hired a snow plow guy to block Kathy’s driveway with snow. This meant that Kathy would have to go out and shovel in order to get her car out of the driveway. It’s would appear that Terese wanted to induce a heart attack in Kathy. Only a malignant narcissist could dream-up a scheme like that.

Kathy died unexpectedly in her home on May 9, 2008. She was 56 years old. Her sister Terese was the one who discovered her body. After Kathy died, her blog started being mysteriously dismantled. The only way that could happen is if someone had access to it. I know from experience, that I can leave my blog sitting around dormant for months without it being tampered.

I remember when I read online that Kathy had died, I cried. It was a huge loss to the ACON blogging community. And for years it bothered me that this brave woman who championed for the victims of narcissistic abuse was taken from this world, while an evil malignant narcissist (her sister) lived on.

Anna V of Narcissists Suck blog ordered Kathy’s death certificate to find out the cause of death. There didn’t appear to be anything suspicious in the report. Apparently Kathy died of natural causes – her heart may have given out.

Despite this information, there has always been a part of me that was left speculating whether or not Kathy’s sister played a hand in her death. Perhaps it’s because I have a malignant narcissist sister who is capable of anything, and wants to obliterate me for breaking the “no talk” rule. I have witnessed how out of control a malignant narcissist can become when they lose even an inch of control over their target and their precious image.

A couple of months ago my curiosity got the better of me and I read Kathy’s online obituary and Googled her sister’s name. What I discovered is this: Terese Krajco retired from teaching in 2012, and died in her home 5 years to the day that her sister Kathy died. I find it significant that Terese Krajco died on the anniversary of Kathy’s death.

Unlike Kathy’s obit that stated she died “unexpectedly,” Terese Krajco’s obit simply said she died alone at home on May 9, 2013 at the age of 59.

Is the date of Terese Krajco’s death a coincidence or an indication of a disturbed personality carrying out a ritualistic act? Did Terese assassinate Kathy? Did repressed guilt and shame finally surface to the conscience of a malignant narcissist and prompt her to off herself? Or, was she just fresh out of narc supply and saw no reason to carry on? I don’t know, but I know this:

I know if I were to die “unexpectedly” and under "suspicious" circumstances, I would want my sister to be a person of interest and be thoroughly investigated. The bitch is totally capable of murder. Or at least, hiring a thug to do it for her. 

I’m living proof (no pun intended) that my malignant narcissist sister is capable of character assassination which is just as violent, if not crueler than a physical assassination.

How To "Play" A Narcissist in Robot Mode

I titled this post “How To Play A Narcissist” because based on the most popular key search words listed in my blog stats, that’s what people want to know – how to fuck with a narcissist, how to mess with a narcissist, piss off a narcissist, squash a narcissist, get back at a narcissist, destroy a narcissist, drive a narcissist insane, and beat a narcissist at his own game.

The general public isn’t searching for information on how to “relate” with a narcissist because narcissists don’t relate – narcissists play games. Every interaction with a narcissist is about mind control and manipulation. In every interaction, the narcissist is calculating formulas to come out on top. Figuring this out - that a “normal” human interaction/relationship with a narcissist is impossible because you are merely a chess piece in the game a narcissist is always playing and must always play to win - is the first step. The second step is playing the game by NOT playing the game. THAT’S how you mess with a narcissist, that’s how you “PLAY” a narcissist. At least it’s one way, and it will be the focus of my post.

A narcissist once said to me, “Lisette, I’m finding you very difficult to read.” With a blank expression, I looked him square in the eyes and shrugged. He turned away from me, and shook his head in confusion. One the outside, I may have looked like an unemotional automaton, but on the inside I was air punching and giving the N a devious smirk. Not being able to “read” me was EXACTLY what I was aiming for. This particular N got his jollies keeping women off-balance by making them feel inadequate and insecure. I knew his game well. It had been “played” on me a million times. Now I knew better. Before his eyes, I morphed into “Robot Mode” and threw him off his game. Growing-up in a family with three full-blown narcissists, where I was not allowed to feel anything or express anything – even on my face – enabled me to perfect the art of Robot Mode.  I can’t tell you the number of times MN mother and father sniped: “Wipe that look off your face, or I’ll wipe it off for you!”

But the Robot Mode I’m talking about now is not the same hiding place I retreated to as a child or a young adult. It’s not a mode of mental or emotional withdrawal, in fact, it’s just the opposite. It’s about conducting yourself like a sharply honed machine that takes in data from the narcissist, quickly assimilates it and responds accordingly. It’s about staying very present around a narcissist, and focusing on the narcissist’s behavior, not how the narcissist makes you feel. Sure, the narcissist may very well succeed at making you feel insecure, angry, guilty or ashamed but in the presence of a narcissist, you cannot focus on your feelings because then you will emote. Feel it, you’re only human, but don’t reveal it… to a narcissist.  

Actors are trained to “emote” for the camera so they can convey to the movie audience what they are thinking and feeling. But because film screens are so huge, actors must learn the art of subtlety so they don’t look like they are over-acting. They show the audience what’s going on inside of them with understated clues. For example, a squint, an arched eyebrow, a hand gesture, a scratch, a change in posture etc. – these are all “tells.”

In the game of poker – and remember narcissists are always playing games – a “tell” is any physical reaction, change in behavior, demeanor or habit that gives clues about your hand. A player gains an advantage if they observe and understand the meaning of another’s tell, particularly if the tell is unconscious.

Narcissists continually play this clandestine game of me versus you, and they never stop scanning their (unsuspecting) opponent for verbal and non-verbal cues that they can exploit to gain the upper hand. Playing people is what they do. They play to win and they don’t like to be challenged. Never let a narcissist know what’s in your hand.

How do you challenge a narcissist in this game? Like I said, by giving them nothing – zero, zip, nada. Play your cards close to your vest, put on your poker face, and don’t give away any “tells.” The narcissist’s game is mental. It’s all about controlling and manipulating your THOUGHTS. Your emotions and behaviors are connected to your feelings and your feelings are connected to your thoughts, so the narcissist pays very close attention to people’s reactions and to everything they say and do. They are manipulation machines that constantly regulate your reactions so they can plant thoughts into your head that you think are yours. But these THOUGHTS are not yours; they are nasty seeds of doubts planted by the narcissist game player who wants to control your mind. Yup, thoughts planted in your head by someone else is plain and simple mind-control. It’s the basis of narcissistic abuse.

Narcissists are essentially technicians who search for a precise technique that they can turn into a formula for success. They are programmed to do what works. The narc machine knows to get “Y” kind of reaction, do an “X” kind of behavior or to get “Y” kind of reaction say an “X” kind of thing. Narcissists know that certain types of behavior elicits a particular type of response. They acquire these stock behaviors as children and then they become habits. These nasty habits soon become second nature, and eventually ARE the narcissist’s true nature. Narcissists all seem to be hard-wired the same way. Maybe that’s the reason they all seem to follow the same set of instructions – what many ACONs have referred to as the “Narc Handbook.”

You need to distance yourself psychologically and emotionally from narcissists. To beat a narcissist machine, you must think and behave like a machine. In Robot Mode you do not respond to emotional and psychological stimuli. Robots are detached. They don’t emote. Robots don’t react. A Robot’s hard drive (your mind and emotions) cannot be tampered with. Remember; despite the narcissist's unfeeling nature, they are very aware that YOUR emotions fuel how you see and experience your reality, and your perceptions ultimately drive your behavior. When our emotions are out-of-control, our perceptions become obscured and this can drive us to self-destructive acts. Bingo! The scheming narcissists wants you to self-destruct, and an emotionally uncontrolled target with combat fatigue is ripe for a hijacking.

The Narcissist's lack of affect is particularly valuable to them. They can respond to situations without being constrained by principles, morality or feelings. They can callously use people without the slightest thought for their welfare, and at the same time smile to their face while “playing” them, which usually involves exploitation of some sort, and plotting and scheming behind their back. So, as you can see, a lack of affect works well for the narcissist, and a lack of affect can also work for you. Particularly, when the narcissist machine is trying to get the desired reaction from you. In other words, “information” (verbal or non-verbal, conscious or unconscious cues) they can use to EXPLOIT you. 

So, the narcissist learns formulas to achieve the desired effect:  to get a certain kind of reaction from you. The old saying “they do what works” is very true. All that matters to the N is how they appear in the mirror of your face. Nothing else is any consideration. Not morality, consequence, or the good of the other person. Narcissists only look at others to see how others are REACTING to them. The narcissist is not connected to themselves in any real way. They are connected to an image that is reflected back to them. The face doesn’t matter – you don’t matter – only the expression on the face does. The narcissist is someone who goes through life fixated on images, which amounts to the “right” kind of looks on other people’s faces. And you aren’t even responsible for the expression on your face… or the “right” look. The narcissist is! By sheer manipulation, the narcissist has manufactured in you, his/her desired mirror image.

Essentially, narcissists have figured out a formula to get you to unwittingly collude in their game of delusions and lies. They are shady tricksters who adjust their image and manipulate you in order to meet the demands of their narcissism. So what kind of impression does their narcissism demand?  What is the most potent reflection in their mirror?  POWER. That’s what the narcissist lusts after – POWER. Nothing makes a narc feel grander. Nothing gives a narcissist a bigger high than POWER.  Even if that power is reflected in the frightened eyes of a vulnerable child. Pretty sick – huh?

Power can look like many different things in each of the narcissist’s mirrors. One that comes to mind is confusion. The evil narcissist gets something akin to a drug rush seeing confusion reflected back. Confusion means that the narcissist has gained access to your mind, and mind-control is the name of the game when it comes to narcissistic abuse.

At the beginning of the post I mentioned that I confused a narcissist because he found me hard to “read.” Narcissists use sneaky, subtle ways to aggrandize themselves, and get you to reflect back to them their desired mirror image. This particular narc was playing me so that I would bounce back a look that would make him feel psychologically dominant. But I wouldn’t engage/react and this confused him. Psychological domination is the most glorious form of power for the malignant narcissist.  In fact, any negative reaction the narcissist elicits in you makes him feel powerful. For the narcissist, it’s all about destroying his opponent bit by bit, piece by piece. Engaging in the narcissist’s game is like offering up your juiciest vein and letting the narcissist stick a needle in it, and feed his poison to you intravenously. Drip, drop, drip, drop. Slowly but surely the narcissist destroys his victim.

Now real power for a narcissist is seeing people miserable and heart-broken and begging for mercy.  I’m not saying morph into an expressionless Robot and stand there and take abuse and not fight back. I’m suggesting you give the narcissist nothing, no reaction, and get the hell away from them. Narcissists are black and white, Jekyll and Hyde and sometimes that’s how you have to react to them. In other words, all or nothing. If it’s safe to do so, give it right back to them, get away, or give them nothing at all. It’s your call. Every situation is unique.

Feeling good? Feeling fine? Feeling happy? Well, that’s out of line. Unless the narcissist is the cause of your happiness, they don’t want to see it in your face when they look at you. Narcs hate you for being happy, so they will do whatever it takes to make you unhappy.

Narcissists see no value in people other than what they can get from them as supply. There is an inner emptiness, a massive dark void beneath their slick machine-like operating system, and as a result, they are cold and calculating and everything they say and do is systematically premeditated for effect – to get the desired look, reaction or behavior from you. I would rather give my toaster oven a big hug over a narc. If I want comforting, I will turn to my toaster. So give your toaster oven a big hug because that piece of metal has more feeling for you than a narcissist ever will. And it will also broil cheese on toast for you. Now that’s comforting.

Morphing into Robot Mode around a narcissist is not about numbness, and disassociating. It’s about applying cold calculating machinations on someone who is trying to get into your head and mess with it. It’s about “appearing” to be an unfeeling machine toward the narcissist, just like the narcissist is toward you. Robot Mode is essentially disengaging from the narcissist’s game. It's about being self-controlled and alert because a lack of emotional control will always make you vulnerable to a narcissist. 

Now those who have had the life sucked out of them by a narcissist really are hollowed-out zombies. They are the people that’s souls have been murdered but their body is still living. They are dead inside. They are the people who we regard as having the lights on, but no one’s home. I say dupe the narcissist into believing they have erased your brain. Your lights may appear “out” but someone is most definitely home; placing booby traps, setting alarm systems, and standing by the door in the dark with a baseball bat ready to bash-in the head of the narc intruder.

Narcs have a way of controlling and manipulating people’s emotions without even trying. Not letting a narc “read” you is like refusing to let them know where you live, or where you hide your house keys or what your home security code is. Don’t give it up to a narcissist. Invalidate them. Have you ever gotten a reptilian stare back and zero response from a narc while you’re having a face-to-face conversation with one, and after you’ve told them something that was important to you? I have. That dead air is a way for them to invalidate you. That weird silence is a way for them to communicate that a response to you is not worth their breath. They outright ignore you like you aren’t even there. And the N machine doesn’t even flinch while he does this. Well, I say we invalidate and ignore the narcissist right back. When they look at the mirror of your face to gaze upon their reflection, reflect nothing back. Let the narcissist see nothing, let the narcissist feel like he does not exist. So how do we do this? Robot Mode.

Robot Mode is about reflecting NOTHING back to the narcissist. It’s about taking away the narcissist’s mirror.

So, here’s how I am when I am visiting planet narcissism – without witnesses - in the presence of the only narcissist I have a relationship: I am a Robot. Yup, that’s right. No noticeable joy and happiness, no sadness, no anger, nothing much in between. No emotions, period. No reactions, no reflections. I don’t want to give the narcissist any ammo. I refuse to engage. I keep a low profile and don’t draw attention to myself. Sadly, this is exactly what the narcissist wants: for others to be mindless automatons, a non-person who won't make them feel bad or usurp their attention. The thing is; I give the narcissist nothing. I've grown completely indifferent to them. No attention, no regard, no reason to attack. Hell, I’m a Robot; just like the narcissist and I’m not capable of a normal human interaction on planet narcissism and I’m devoid of all supply.

Be your own Robot Commando. Obey YOUR every command, NOT the narcissist's. Be in charge of YOU.