 |
Annihilating others is essential to the malignant narcissist if they are to continue to feel superior. Public condemnation, affirmation and notoriety give them the attention they crave: being feared, despised or pitied affirms that they exist as “somebody.” So what of the Blogs on the evil of malignant narcissists? Are they a form of public condemnation?
Get informed and find validation HERE
To read article like this one and many more...
Purchase a copy of the House of Mirrors eBooks!
Breaking through the House of Mirrors: Clarity for Adult Children of Narcissists
Get the House of Mirrors NEW 350 page Book!
Get informed and find validation HERE
To read article like this one and many more...
Purchase a copy of the House of Mirrors eBooks!
Breaking through the House of Mirrors: Clarity for Adult Children of Narcissists
 |
| Volume 1 |
Available
for $9.99 at Amazon
To preview the book and buy a copy go HERE
Freedom from Narcissistic Abuse
 |
| Since 2011 |
I can relate. Sharing your story not only helps you but it helps others. Like you, I devoured the information on the web about narcissists. Finally, this insidious abuse had a name. My filter for their twisted lies is finally coming into focus.
ReplyDeleteYou are right, they tried to DESTROY you. They are diabolical but not only did you survive but you lived to expose the truth about them.
Thanks Cheshire. Turning their evil into something positive is the absolute best revenge I can think of.
ReplyDeleteWow!!! Sending lots of support, what an experience. Thanks for sharing what you have learned. xoxoxo upsi
ReplyDeleteDear God, Lisette, that's scary stuff! Good thing they don't know where you are!
ReplyDeleteMy father is a silencer too. Not even remotely to that extent, though. He just routinely read my diary, was enraged when I wrote what he didn't like in it, and decoded my coded secret messages to my mother, then was angry because he didn't like what was said there...
What IS IT with MNs and stalking behavior? Why the perverted interest in OUR lives when we are no longer available to be a source of supply? Perhaps in walking away from the relationship the MNs paranoia and desire to "destroy" the victim really ramps up-or simply becomes more blatantly obvious....not that it really matters other than a sadistic function of continuing to terrorize the "one that got away."
ReplyDeleteLisette, take care of yourself....and in the event you start to get that "feeling" you had when you were posting you'll know they found your blog. And if they do? So what. Their "comments"-if they wish to make any-will not appear due to your very attuned "filter," previous experience and ability to spot 'em (MNs) when you "see" 'em. FWIW, your blog reflects not only years of experience, but research as well. I truly have received more from your observations, examples and well-articulated reasoning than I've ever found in a periodical or book. Stay safe, please keep blogging and know you are helping far more people than you know. Thanks!
Upsi, thank-you for your kind words!
ReplyDeletePronoia, your father's behavior is no different that my mother and sister's. The stalking, watching, spying, violation of privacy, the pathological need to control everything you think, feel, say and do. And the paranoia, Oh the paranoia! They have sooo much to hide!
Anon,
ReplyDelete"Perhaps in walking away from the relationship the MNs paranoia and desire to "destroy" the victim really ramps up." I believe this to be true. By walking away, you're saying to hell with you, you are too warped and dangerous for human interaction. You have essentially made a bold statement about their behavior. You have made it clear that you understand their sinister motivations. You are walking away with the truth and reality of who THEY are. You are on the loose and free to expose them. But what they don't understand is they are NOT the objects of our obessesion. It's NOT all about them. Most of the malignant narcissist's paranoid fears reside in their sick minds. But they come by their paranoia honestly. They have harmed people and they know it, so they must always watch their back. Or, alternatively, destroy the source of knowledge.
If I get that "feeling" so what. EXACTLY! I'm not intimidated by pathetic, impotent internet trolls. Yawn. As far as I'm concerned they just offer themselves as lab rats to study. Predictable lab rats.
I am probably am fortunate, my NM family members gave up on me years ago. I do not how old you are, but when I hit my early 30s, they knew they were never going to turn me into what they wanted me to be. You may one day find more freedom in that. They have no knowledge of where I go or what I do online, I do not even think they take that much interest in me but I have studied the difference between engulfing narcssists and ones who ignore you and it sounds like you have the former ones. Course you are a brave person to even talk about such deep stuff, regarding your family. I suppose everyone running a narc website, {i do not} has to wonder in the back of their mind, what will happen if it is found? It is sad they gaslighted you, sought to hurt you etc, instead of just coming out with it. I know I follow the formula the less they know the better off I am, though I have the occasional fantasty about writing a memroir but then am glad you made the risk to put up this blog, it is by finding places like this that those of us who have gone through this stuff, can at least know we aren't the only ones.
ReplyDeleteAmen. Amen. Amen. I too (now 35) was practically 'given up on' by my MN father around 30 or earlier. I was never going to buy into his lies and couldn't be controlled like my Mother and my sister growing up. He loathed me for it. It has done wonders for me to be able to read all of your true testimony about this stuff - it all seems to ring so true. It's sad but powerful at the same time. I really relate to your comment. I was ignored and felt he'd prefer me to be dead growing up and at times (aside from all the controlling abuse to my Mother) he tried so desperately to brainwash everyone into thinking I was the looney toon. Paranoid, all of it. Lab rats as you said Lisette- predictable LAB RATS. That was so good it was worth repeating.
DeleteAnonymous, I'm not sure if you read or understood this blog post or any other ones here.
ReplyDelete"I am probably fortunate, NM family members gave up on me years ago. I do not know how old you are, but when I hit my early 30s, they knew they were never going to turn me into what they wanted me to be. You may one day find freedom in that."
I knew as a teen that the idea of a "relationshit" with the MN mother and sister meant that I was their obediant underling that they had the right to control, abuse and manipulate. I wasn't having it. I had very infrequent contact with them from 18 - 20, and since 20 on (over 20 years) went no contact. I've seen my sister once in 21 years, and have had no contact with mn mother in 21 years. I sought freedom as a teen. In those 20 years mn mother and sister never made contact with me and I wouldn't have it any other way. What you refer to as "engulfing" is simply not true in my case. My sister and mother are callously indifferent to me and have no interest in my life other than what they can use to exploit me. They are vicious predators. They view me as an "object" to destroy. I'm not sure if you understand what a malignant narcissist is. They are dangerous predators who stalk their prey. They go out of their way to deliberately harm others. They are not safe for human interaction. I knew this at a young age which is why I stayed the hell away. When I made brief contact with my sister after 17 years, I once again had proof that she and my mother are very disturbed and dangerous. That was the end of that. I never looked back. They found me online because I called mn mother a malignant narcissist. They stalked me in order to silence me. Malignant narcissists go into full attack mode if you defy them or speak out about them - even if you do so anonymously.
The internet incident happened over 2 years ago. I have no emotional attachment to the experience, or any others with mn and mother and sister. To me, they are memories and experiences I can use to illustrate the danger of malignant narcissists. My father is an indifferent narcissist and he is safer. There is a huge difference between a narcissist and a malignant one. My contact with Nfather is limited. He and my mother divorced when I was 17. I don't give out any information as - like I said - MN sister is a predator who prys him for information on me. Malignant narcissists need to watch, study and keep up to date on their prey. They see me as little more than their victim who escaped and has loads of dirt on them. They are no different than criminals who want to kill the witness to their crimes.
I suppose there is a large back story to this post which would bring everything into context, but it's impossible to get the whole story out in just one or two articles. I guess what I'm trying to convey - in a round about way - is that I understood damn well, at a young age, that mn mother and mn sister are dangerous. They want me to be is their victim. Period. I view them as no different than grizzly bears. They are predators - that's their nature - and they are unsafe so I stay far, far away. They don't even know what city I live in.
If they found my blog it's because they've scoured the internet looking for information that resembles them. They are paranoids who live in fear of exposure. I will aways be a thorn in the grizzly bear's side, and I am glad of that.
Okay, before I read your reply to the anonomyous reply, I replied that I really related to her comment!!! I completely related with your entire blog- however her post I took the same way she meant it and I know EXACTLY the epitomy of a malignant narcissist and I too found freedom in my teens which is why he aways outwardly told everyone he could meet about how the 'I was out of control since I hit puberty'. I don't think that's what she meant as it's certainly not how I want my own response to come across. Speaking for myself and how I took her comment, I think it was what your MN Mother and Sister did to you most recently that never happened with her after all that time of not speaking, being indifferent toward, seeing you as an object to destroy. I too see myself as very possibly NEVER again hearing from my ''father'' (just fine with me) but could not honestly see him coming to me at this point to terrorize or destroy me (if he found me online for example or for any reason). I think he will cower away from me forever and continue to tell anyone he can possibly talk to (strangers and the like) that he has an evil daughter. Now that I am under no more obligation to remain in contact with him (which i was when my Mother was alive for her sake) I think he will 'ignore' ME forever in his mind and project his evilness onto me to those he meets or talks to (if anyone even left)to make himself continue to be superior. Man major KUDOS to everyone who writes and expresses or shares anything about this stuff- it is SO hard to explain...I feel like, "WHERE DO I BEGIN!!!!!!"
DeleteSorry what you have gone through. Ok I can accept that you are facing indifference too. Maybe I jumped the gun on that one. It is odd, because they can swing from one extreme to the other in some cases.
ReplyDeleteIt does sound like you are dealing with very malignant narcissists, from what you describe on here, they may be on the far end of the spectrum into psychopathy.
You may be right that I may not be as familiar with the definition of a "malignant" narcissist compared to an every day "me first" one. Whatever category those two fit, sounds scary, what do you think of them being psychopaths?
The fact they did dig for your blog, is kind of scary.
Malignant narcissism is in many ways indistinguishable from psychopathy. Both types are sadistic, twisted, malicious and enjoy deliberately inflicting pain. My sister may be a psychopath. She is definitely further along the spectrum than my mother. She is much more dangerous than my mother in that she's far more cunning, calculating and devious. It is my sister who actively tries to dig-up dirt on me and spreads lies, slander, and misinformation about me to the only family member I'm still in touch with. She actively stirs up trouble and places herself in the middle of the family web -the power position. She is also capable of the act of murder. She was born that way. She caused way more grief in my life than my mother. She's always wanted me dead (patholigical envy). I also think my sister controls my mother to such a degree that my mother would want me dead just so my sister would feel better. Yeah, she's a psychopath. I don't know for sure if she has found my blog but it wouldn't surprise me if she had.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking out is I believe what must be done also. It is as if you have lived inside of my shoes. You describe the things that I have yet to get to on my blog. I have touched on the subjects but like you there is so much to say, you can only do it one word at a time. Fear inhabits me still. I spent two years hiding from them, fearful they would try to kill or kidnap me like they did when I was a child. I did not think that I was going to make it and I began to blog so that someone, anyone would know that I existed and had a story, I tried to live, I tried to survive a life of horror. I shared your post on my Facebook page, it is an amazing account of what happened to me today. Thank you for writing your story, I appreciate knowing that I am not alone in this nightmare.
ReplyDeleteKaren,
ReplyDeleteThank you. I read your blog and appreciate your creativity and brutal honesty. You're doing a damn good job of expressing yourself AND exposing your abusers. I believe writing can save lives. Keep at it, one word at a time.
"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you."
"The idea is to write it so people hear it and it slides through the brain and goes straight to the heart."
---- Maya Angelou
Predators. That's what they are. It's awful enough the pain they inflict, but when you try to move on, THEY WON'T LET YOU.
ReplyDeleteYes indeed they are predators: always watching, monitoring, stalking and hunting down their prey. When you try to move on, THEY WON'T LET YOU. And... THEY GO AFTER YOU.
ReplyDeletePredation is a key aspect of malignant narcissism... I'm working on a post about it. Will hopefully be posting soon on this exact subject.
I am looking forward to any new articles you post. You have such a good style of writing. It is like seeing all of my own thoughts carefully crafted on paper. In our minds this story is a jumbled up mess of emotions, depravation and years and years of toxic head games and abuse. I am so sorry for what these types of people have done to your life, and anyone who has lived it understands it all too well. It is comforting to read your words. As victims of these freaks, we are used to a life without comfort from their abuse, because they see to it that we have no support system to escape it.
ReplyDeleteThank you for using your knowledge to make a difference. You never have a childhood being among these monsters. Anything normal families take for granted is stolen from you against your will, from the time you are born. Once you become their victim, they treat you as if you got one shred of love, or breathed one breath, or do anything humans do, they are threatened and must attack, because if you get any of anything, there won't be any left for them. I have absolutely no sympathy for these vile creatures. They know exactly what they are doing, and they enjoy what they do. This is what prompts them to be such pathological liars to cover it all up. That makes them hate us all the more, because we know the truth about them. If they don't destroy us, we might let out their vile secrets. It would never dawn on them, that if they want to be seen as decent human beings, they could do the work to earn it. They are too lazy, so they are of the mindset, they can just steal it, and everything else they want in life from other people. The people they steal it from, are witnesses to their crimes, by their own doings. It makes them hate us all the more. They thoroughly earn our hate and that is all they are worth from us, and not the pity they try so hard to get. What we all need to learn faster, to save as much of ourselves as possible, is that these creatures do not deserve anything back from us. Like the old saying goes, a pig with lipstick on is nothing more than a pig wearing lipstick. These people are nothing but evil, and no matter how many ways they try to disguise it, or how many lies they tell to cover it up, they are just what they are. You will never appeal to their good nature to stop abusing you, because they have no good nature. To think you can appease them, is as foolish as sticking your hand out with a piece of raw meat to feed a wild bear, and expecting it not to rip your arm off. They all have the same MO. They are going to expose their victims for what they are not, so they will never be seen for what they themselves are. If they rob you, you become a theif. If they lie about you, you become a liar. Once they get any hold on your life, they bend you and your whole life like a pretzel. It is a never ending carnival of absurdity to even discuss their sick twisted ways they invent to abuse. Once it starts, they will never stop. The only way to save your health and sanity, is to get away from them. But like you said, from the time you are born, thay condition you for someone to be a magnet to their own vile kind. These same people might speak with a passion about being against abortion, then have children and spend a life time trying to abort them from humanity. That is morally depraved. Thank you for taking the time to use your experiences to try and make a difference to all of us who have been forced to witness their nightmarish existence firsthand. These bloodsucking, life draining parisites need to be exposed and stopped by any means their victims can find. This blog is a wonderful thing for just that.
I am a musician in south jersey who dated another
ReplyDeletemusician who used me for all I was worth to her...
When I was warned I didn't listen until it was too
late. Once I broke it off, she'd gathered ammo on
me(and a tragic secret) then proceeded to ruin me
in circles we used to frequent, & my acquiantances
became her newest Facade Book friends. Must I go
on? Told people I hit her, etc., Gmail's me... to
this day- taunts, threats,(untraceable without a
warrent), and has tried to undermine my career as
her envy knows no other M.O.- She is all this and
more that I've read here. *And she's a psych grad.
Quite a package. She blackmailed me emotionally I
guess. I am leary of chasing my dream now as more
of a success, for fear of being a bigger target as
my star tries to rise. Pretty sad. I should have
listened to the warnings. Sex is powerful, and she
had me blinded to her sick game. I'll never be the
same. I keep telling myself that she's just waaay too wacked not to mess up and do this to the wrong person. She's on to her 4th musician this year! A musician vampirette...she has no (none)
empathy, master liar. Alluring, but so very evil.
Went from caring for her, to loathing her very name. What's sad is she takes most of her own FB
pics, and hides behind the music to seem human.
Maybe if her star rises, I'll expose HER as a much
larger target. Still have emails warning me about her twisted capabilities. I led a double life and she was able to hide all her evil flaws behind my human ones. I carry much shame as her imperfect victim. Yet I remain the perfect cover for her mental diabolics... Adrift at sea...
...To follow up: (didn't expect to get posted so soon) After reading about your experience -within
ReplyDeleteyour own family, and for so very long(having to
endure this) I feel like my experience pales in
comparison. But since I feel like this is the 1st
place where I can have anyone relate, I feel a bit
more compelled to elaborate on being duped by a
professional like this girl who, without an ounce
of remorse, destroys men who have good intentions.
I was pulled out of a crowd, literally, by her in
the beginning and flattered with how impressed she
said she was with my singing and playing. Once she
had my guard down, I opened up to her and I guess
I became a target since I had some money and she
had at least 50K in college debt. Once I became a
sex toy to her, it became easier for her to lie to
me and me to not even care, since I was expecting
to get out unscathed eventually anyway. Wrong. She
calculated every move once I moved to end things.
We were only dating 4 months, but by the end of it
-I was about to spend day 1-until present, totally
wishing that I'd listened to my instincts-and the
red flags. A month in, I began receiving stealth
email warnings from someone about her. Thinking it
was just jealousy, I ignored them. Then they began
to make sense. Her bi-polarness was accurate, and
her intentions to use me became more obvious as I
noticed her lack of normal feelings for me-other
than in bed. By this point, I'd foolishly fallen
for her outward looks-and thought that I'd not be
as unlucky as those previous men she'd hurt prior
to meeting me. I thought that I would win her over
-I was so dumb, so wrong. Then after I'd heard(by
another) that she'd cheated on me on the side with
someone, and after hearing things from a stranger
that only she could have told them, I began to try
and end it. She wouldn't leave. She hated living @
home and didn't want to leave, but I had to take
her as she resisted and walk her out of my house.
Her true temper came forth as she smashed a glass
in my driveway. I thought that was the end as she
sped away. She then sent cops to my former GF's to
search for a type of porn that is the worst kind.
Enough said. They called back after I'd retained a
lawyer, saying there was no merit to the charges-
which there wasn't of course. Then she went after
my rep. All the places that I introduced HER to, I
no longer went because she claimed to everyone in
them, that I'd hit her and was this crazed person
whom SHE broke up with! Unreal. I was warned that
I was going to be confronted if I went-and that MY
temper would be proven to THEM! By this point, I
was extremely mad at her and I didn't trust my own
temper to be around her. So I completely avoided
those spots and her. The so called "friends" that
I'd made there she turned against me by saying all
these things, and that I'd "put them down" as the
musicians that some of them were. Complete BS. Her
tactics are too many to even mention, but this is
a taste of her appetite to destroy anyone that in
her warped mind, opposes or goes against her M.O.
She is currently on her 4th musician this year. I
wonder if they got warned like I did. I know she
goes after older men like me, since as she says to
others, we are "easy to manipulate." I guess I was
too blinded by the wild sex to care that I was in
the process of being targeted by a sociopathic,
narcissistic, relentlessly evil-minded slut like
she is-and may always be. She writes on her Facade
Book page that she's found the man of her dreams-
just like she wrote when she had me, in her web of
deceit.
Thank you for your website is the best
ReplyDeleteSomething that has been going through my mind lately is to why these physcos have kids.Nm said that she wanted four.Ndad said, "don't ever get married and have kids." I believe that there is a commonality amongst these narcs as to why they had kids.Just haven't figured it out yet.
ReplyDeleteSome of them have kids because they're extremely concerned with appearing "normal." They are empty, soulless monsters, and are constantly grasping for outward trappings because there's nothing but blackness inside. I married one. I have two children with him. I left four years ago, and he followed me, snowed his lawyer and his family (oh, he's the victim, poor thing). He siphoned all the money, is crying poor, won't work "I've never worked, I have no intention of starting now." He's a trust fund baby - and wants me to pay and pay and pay. I work 2 jobs. I'm in school full time, and I can't tell my children (because I'm not going to tell them "don't tell your dad" and he'll try to find a way to block it, as he has done the past 20 years.) He is in a N rage because I left. I have been trying to get divorced for 4 years. I've asked for nothing. I just want my kid's baby pictures and things from my dead parents. He refuses. He's brilliant at using the legal system to deny me the one thing I've ever wanted - I just want to walk away with my life. Anyway, some N's see children as pawns and vehicles. My kid's father uses the kids for his own manipulative games. He uses them as a weapon against me. He uses them as an excuse to do things he wants to do, and he lies to them as much as he lied to me - and, come to think of it, to himself. The scary thing is that he actually believes his own lies, and so other people do, too.
ReplyDeleteMy mother had children for one reason that I can tell. And that was to maintain the illusion she projected to my father to keep his head in the game and keep his nose to the grindstone.
ReplyDeleteAs long as he thought she was as invested in their marriage as he was he kept plugging along and handing over his paycheck over to her.
And what better way to buffalo him than to be the doting mother. At least while he was home. The rest of the time we were treated no better that something you would jam under your tire to get your car unstuck from the mud.
She wasn't overtly cruel. We were just objects to be set out on display for him and pushed to the side while he was at work.
"Ann Landers “Suicide Suggestion" My MN mother had a different tactic but wanted the same outcome. I was just a kid 13yrs old, severely depressed, suicidal form the constant emotional brutality. I was near the end, I begged to see a psychiatrist. An appointment was made with a psychiatrist, " a friend of my older MN sibling". One session, I told the doctor about the nightmares, depression and my constant suicidal thoughts. That session ended and there was never another. It was like it never happened. For years after my mother made it a point to tell me every time someone commit suicide how she admired them for their bravery. She wanted me to be brave too. Sorry mom your son is a coward. For survival I isolated myself and called the local helpline when things got bad, to hear a caring human voice on the other end of that line kept me alive. That was thirty eight years ago. Your blog has been a god send, keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteThank you for having the strength, brains and bravery to write something so absolutely TRUE in every single way possible about such evil. I am a happily married 35 year old woman with three kids of my own and so very much like you in almost every single way, I can relate and couldn't even 'scratch the surface' with the story of it all. You know all the spinning it could make your head do, all I can say is I'm happy I'm alive, smart and brave like you through it all. I grew up with a MN father. I swear in the same ways you described, his violence killed my Mother in the most least suspecting (to everyone except me) over 35 years. Again, I couldn't even scratch the surface with it but having witnessed it to her (a codependent but VERY STUCK) and also a victim of him (because I ALWAYS had a voice and an opinion of how f*cked up he was), I was the sick one in the family and pathologically lied about and played against my sister for decades. Through my Mother's death, came divinity. Divinity shone through all of the evil but at our expense and her death. The evil that killed my Mother but undoubtedly made her an angel to watch over my sister and I (now close with each other) and help keep the evil out. Only thing there feels left to do at this point is to expose it to him (it's been exposed to my Mother's family that now also sees clearly that I was NOT the 'crazy' one, rather him in the sickest of ways). I have thought of doing exactly what you said and calling on the phone to say, ''you're a 'malignant narcissist' since I've found out this is exactly what he is!!! I too could NOT get enough of reading and reading and obsessively reading about every ounce of the sickness and evil for the same reasons as you. I just feel it would do nothing- we are all close and have 'won' against the evil in the end. He is alone. Completely alone but happy in his world of misery and no inconvenient family members to screw up his world, like his wife and two daughters and grandchildren. It was one year on March 4ths since my Mother's death a couple of days ago and he showed up at the cemetary when just my sister was there. She had no idea he would show. In a brand new car (bought with her retirement money as he hasn't worked in decades and hasn't brought a since dollar to the table) looked at her and SAT in his car for 15-20 minutes. Didn't get out, didn't wave. She stood at my Mother's gravestone while he just sat in his car. My Mother's sister (our Aunt) had coincidentally (we were all meeting there) pulled in right behind him and got out and stood and talked with my sister. He finally just rolled away after NOTHING. We will likely never speak with him again as that is what he has become to us and we have always been to him.
ReplyDeleteThank you again for writing the TRUTH of it. Again, it is so very brave and so very honest and so very HARD to put all of it into words it's so mind blowing. You have done it so wonderfully as to put truth and understanding into it for all of us, the victims of the evil. You deserve every good thing that comes your way and so happy you have made it out alive. It is the power of reading the stories and seeing so mind blowingly how other people have been the victims of such evil in the EXACT same ways. ''Silence is death''. In the end, the silence my MN 'father' inflicted upon my Mother (and myself) somehow manifested itself into a tumour in my Mother's mouth that left her unable to speak at all (literally) with her family before she died. He was the tumor that started it all- Expression of these experiences undoes the silence and puts the tumors into remission. Where there is evil, there is divinity. I pray that each and every one of us finds the same strenth, brains and bravery to find it and speak up and out. Thank you for being LOUD and CLEAR!!!
Lisette:
ReplyDeleteYou wrote:
"As far as I’m concerned, psychologically terrorizing and emotionally traumatizing someone is no less violent than trying to murder them. By trying to destroy someone by gaslighting them for a YEAR, and causing their psychological injury, you kill that person just as surely if you shot them dead. But it is far more cruel than shooting someone dead. It is evil."
THIS needs to be a t-shirt. No, a BILLBOARD...or a TV SHOW. THANK YOU. I know this is true! I am healing from this type of attempted murder.
I AM SPEAKING OUT TOO.
Lisette, you are nothing less than TRUTHFULLY AWESOME. This type of person is a murderer, only they seem to get pleasure out of knowing you are alive and hopefully dwindling in to a mere speck. When they know the whistle is ready to blow, they get rid of you. I had a family of 3 women who are "N"'s..(father was wonderful )I moved far away over 20 yrs. ago and saved myself with NO CONTACT.. after a final blow of blame. No regrets ever!!! Since then the queen has passed and I am sure I am the only surviving on with the truth. It is not my calling to teach the remainder of them any truth, for they seem to be happier blaming the "scapegoat" and I am quite content being the scapegoat..for I have the TRUTH! I have gone round and round after reading about this viscious way of being and have concluded on my own that these people know EXACTLY WHAT THEY ARE DOING! They have no substance.. no real life! May we survivors march on..L.L.
ReplyDeleteAmen Anonymous! Amen! Truth to power!
DeleteI am quite happy to be the scapegoat as well... for I have the TRUTH. Well said! We don't need their validation because that would mean we are condoning their sick way of being in the world.
May we survivors march on - indeed. Perhaps oneday we should hold a rally? The narcissists survivor walk? This is a social movement as far as I'm concerned. And it seems to be growing everyday.
We all must march on in whatever way we can.
Thank you for your post!
To the author of this blog. BRAVO - I have not been the life long target of a MN. However, I have a Step Sister who is one. She and I have certainly had our show downs. Our final showdown came when she tried to hit me with a car and in that process nearly hit my 5 year old daughter. I would have killed her that day if I could have gotten my hands on her. She knew it and she and I went our seperate ways at that point. However, I have watched her torment our much younger sister for far too long. I am frustrated because I have to stand on the sidelines at times and wait for others to see and acknowlege what I KNOW about this MN-Step Sister. Finally, my baby sister has been getting counseling and also suffers PTSD. She is only coming to understand what she has been up against all these years and why she has reacted the way she has. Your story...... holycow reminded me of my baby sister. My baby sister knows I will lay my own life down for her if that is what it takes. However, the odds of me being there when something goes wrong are so slim. But like you my sister found her stregnth. She went as far as learning to shoot a gun incase she ever had to protect herself. Before she feared the gun could be taken from her and used on her. I applaud the courage you have found. I applaud my baby sister for taking the steps to protect herself and her boys from someone who is just plain selfish and sometimes absolutely irrational and crazy at times. KUDOS to both of you women. Just know there are people like myself out there who have seen it all and know you are exactly right in what you have shared. Only someone who has seen it up close and personal can even comprehend the truth in your words. Thank you for sharing. I am going to share this with my baby sister. She needs to know she is not alone in dealing with these monsters.
ReplyDeleteSincerely,
Lorey Oliver
I dont know what to say about lawsuits, other than that MN will talk a good game, blow a lot of smoke, but for the most part thats all there is. I say that with the exception of the MNs that are actually either attorney's themselves, or have easy access to ones to use for this reason. Other than the MNs that are legally privy and well healed, for the most part, its all smoke. Remember, MNs dont understand how the world really works, so they only survive by carving out a small piece of it, of which they surround themselves with willing minions. Without their minions, they are nothing, and cant get anything done.
ReplyDeleteLawsuits are ugly on both sides of the fence, for the plaintiff, and for the defendants alike. Usually the MNs are more paranoid, and have more to hide, would hate the idea of a lawsuit, more so than the other parties, although I will say, lawsuits are hell for all involved.
They are expensive, they require a lot of time. The law is slow, I think purposely so to wear everyone down so a settlement can be reached.
Sometimes, you need to sue a MN to really put them in their place. Sometimes, thats all they respond to, at least in the short term, and then, when they get out of jail, they act exactly the same as they did before, but they really do pick their targets.
Anonymous,
DeleteThanks for this comment. I agree that a MN will talk a good game, and blow a lot of smoke and usually that's it. They do what they can to intimidate others but rarely do they follow through on their threats. I also agree with you that lawsuits are absolute hell, sometimes more hellish than what you're actually fighting for. That's been my experience anyway. You nailed it when you said it's all about wearing everyone down. Things can be dragged out for years for what amounts to only short term benefits. When the benefits are weighed against the cost to your wellbeing during litigation it usually isn't worth it, unless you're getting a big chunk of cash for damages, and even then it's debatable.
Lisette, I just want to say thank you so much for your blog. Its giving me strength during my five year NC, things have changed particularly malicious and aggressive these past few months, and I am trying to stay strong, this blog has helped.
ReplyDeleteI think since its been so long, my MN is now desperate because she sees that 5 years, can easily turn into a lifetime, (which is the goal).
I have two children, and my younger daughter is who my mother is really after. She was 1 year when we went NC, and how MN treated my daughter was the last straw to go into hiding. These people are scum. They rape, beat, murder, and molest babies, disgusting. My mother is no different, and I am staying away from her at all costs.
In recent times, NM is orchestrating her antics, "sideways" as opposed to direct attacks, as she knows I am on to her. I have called the police on her, etc. I cut off all contacts through proxies that she uses.
The say that as psycho paths get older, they are not as bad out of laziness, and fewer resources, etc, I am hoping that will happen to her. I think she is upping the antie too, because she probably lost supply. In the beginning, NC was easy, as she just dismissed me, and started to lean into my brother, but now that its been five years, I am sure she's pissed him off, and needs more supply.
Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome. It's good to hear you are 5 years into NC.
I think the MNs do panic and become desperate when they realize their target is serious and they aren't coming back. So the narc surfaces again to gain control. Narcissist are incredibly needy, and the thought of losing total control over a certain target enrages them and scares them at the same time.
I'm sure in the 5 years of NC your mother has managed to alienate other people in her life including your brother so she's going back to her old supply source - YOU. From my experience MN/psychopaths get crazier, not lazier with age. They may be slower on the upstart with fewer resources but their antics become more bizarre (yes, they up the antie). The mask crashes to the ground. They don't care about maintaining the pretence of "normal" and they are crazy evil 24/7. They're old, so they feel entitled to getaway with bad behavior, and for the most part they do.
Stay strong, stay safe, and stay far away from that crazy MN. Make sure she has absolutely NO access to you.
I too have a lot to say but fear it would come up in a search and the details are too specific. I cannot go no contact, I have to keep treating this man well because of our child who has said to me he tells lots of lies, that he's not real (from the mouths of babes) and if he's not nice to me (because she is now his object of desire) to find a new daddy. I also have started to see him in my mind's eye at least for what he really is: two-dimensional. No substance. A cartoon character. I also imagined him as a cross between a wild boar and a crocodile! Evil. I have been subject to every form of abuse (on a checklist of 100, about 95!) but had no idea about the psychological and emotional. For years. I realize I had been suffering PTSD after a really harrowing experience that I had, just so happens it was at a very difficult time in my life (known by him and his N-mother). Therapists have said I was subject to deep psychological abuse, another said there was so much abuse she didn't know where to begin, another gasped when I told her what my daughter experienced at the hands of one of them, while trying to get to the bottom of an accusation. They are both toxic to me and so nice to everyone else. And what did it stem from? ENVY! And fear of losing her son (supply). And I guess his own fear of her wrath means that he will never say or do anything that might make her angry (control, both ways). I have to try and protect yet subject my daughter to this sick way of thinking and actions. I am no match to counter their deviousness. I have truth on my side which they try to undermine at every opportunity, making things up, exaggerating, projecting... but it's also dangerous because they fear exposure - again, all image. And when you're so devalued, well... you have no value! So I keep my mouth shut and try to stay on his good side, but because I am in contact, I'm constantly subjected to the pain he inflicts (rejection). I guess I really must heed your advice about your own harrowing upbringing (horrendous - I am so sorry) - and that is, not show weakness. That's when they strike, hard or soft. And it of course hurts more when you're already down. But can't a woman hope for a miracle and appeal to their humanity?! Who wants to live like this? The thing is, they're so disordered they really think they are the ones who are victims!
ReplyDeleteThis is an outstanding BLOG!!! In January 2012 I found "Malignant Self Love" by Sam Vaknin and was dumbfounded. I had finally found descriptions of what I thought I had experienced all growing up with my narcissist mom AND dad. Mom was depressed and malignant, dad was angry and malignant. It nearly killed me, several times. At 26 I was diagnosed with cancer and was given ten years to live. At 31 I beat it, determined to be just as "malignant" to malignancy (cancer and narcissism) as it was to me. At 28 I had moved 2,000 miles away from the monsters I was raised by. Now, at 42, and having JUST discovered the fountain of wisdom on narcissism I am FINALLY healing all that nonsense in my life. Wow. This blog and the others I've found and devoured (I can't stop! It's all so TRUE!!) have really helped me tremendously. I occasionally write/post about "N" on my blog, too, but I have to admit that it's still extremely difficult to read other people's experiences because it VIVIDLY reminds me of all the mental and physical abuse I suffered through -- way too long, way into my twenties, and the "telephone terrorism" (may we add terror-texting?) has continued into my present age (42). After devouring all this newfound information on narcissism and the different types and manifestations of it, I have already started QUICKLY getting rid of people who I thought were my friends (that I would invariably feel awful around -- talk about normalizing pain!!! GAWD!!! ENOUGH!!!) but who are narcissists. It's time to stand up to these destroyers and evildoers once and for all and get them the hell out of our lives NOW and FOREVER -- then we'll work on getting them off the planet. Sheesh! Thank you SOOOOO much for this blog and everyone else who contributes in their own way to warning and educating others -- like me. It DOES help and it DOES heal. This blog and others like it are VALUABLE!!!! Thank you. I am very thankful and grateful for the good, sane, loving people. Namaste.
ReplyDeleteHello David and welcome!
DeleteThank you for posting. It's great to hear you beat cancer AND are cleansing yourself of the malignancy of narcissists. I can relate to what you wrote about having to get rid of people who you thought were friends but invariably felt awful around. I too normalized mental and emotional pain, and found myself having to clean house. Never once did I ever miss these so-called friends. NEVER. In fact, I didn't realize how truly destructive they were until I kicked their nasty asses to the curb.
I'm glad all the information is helping you. It can get kind of intense at times, because it's like one mind-blowing revelation after the other, but knowledge is power and empowering ourselves is healthy and healing.
Namaste.
Of all the things anyone can do, telling the truth may be the most radical act of all. It takes enormous courage. And the Bible is right: the truth DOES set you free - from these terrible, evil captivities that we suffered at the hands and minds of monsters. Go Lisette, heart of ten lions.
ReplyDeleteWell ain't that the TRUTH! Thanks, Anonymous.
Delete