This is the second part of Anonymous’ story. She was introduced in the last blog post HERE. Anon survived a traumatic childhood at the hands of a ruthless malignant narcissist mother who savagely abused her physically, emotionally and psychologically and cruelly sacrificed to her to a convicted sex offender – Anon’s Stepfather.
Anonymous said…
Fast forward to my adulthood.
I'm a married mother of two, mid 30s, living in pure hell and I don't know what to do anymore. I'm being stalked and harassed by my PD mother...I'm at the end of my rope because I just don't see this ending any time soon.
My journey into discovery of my mother's personality disorder began around November of last year. I began searching for something, anything to make sense out of my crazy life and what I initially stumbled upon was BPD, so I went to a PD specialist to confirm...He said that my mother sounded like a "malignant borderline with severe AsPD traits." The malignant part is accurate for sure, but I'm not so sure about the borderline. After reading through almost every post that you have written, I must say that she seems far more NPD.
I had what seemed like a decent relationship with my mother, so I (STUPIDLY) invited her to work for me as a live-in nanny. Her relationship with my kids was good, they seemed happy, so I ignored my gut instinct that something just wasn't right. I started finding out that my mother was keeping secrets from me about my kids...If one of them got in trouble, she'd hide it from me, protect them from the consequences. It was kind of like - I protected you, now you *owe* me. This dysfunctional stuff that she was doing created some dysfunctional bond between her and my kids...Slowly their views of me started changing...My mother was the caretaker/protector while I was the enemy; the one who would hold them accountable for their behavior.
My husband had enough of my mother's behavior (which included a lot of other annoying/negative things) and forced me to ask her to move out. She did, while I was at work, talking her clothes and my kids (she left a letter claiming to be running for her life and also claiming that I and my husband neglected and abused the kids). I didn't see them for months and the best detectives couldn't find her. I finally reached her via email right as she was running out of money so she was willing to cooperate a little bit. In a nutshell, she demanded ransom in exchange for returning my kids to me. You may think that I'm stupid, but I did it. I was so desperate to get my kids back that I would have done anything; besides that, paying ransom was faster than going the legal route, which wasn't going anywhere fast because they couldn't find her.
I have custody of my kids now and she has visitation...She uses her visits to try to turn my kids against me. If we argue, she tells her side of the story to my kids. When I tell her that I don't appreciate her sharing adult problems with my children, she'll cop a major attitude and possibly fly into a mini raging session. Her current hobby is to complain to my youngest child that she can't pay her bills and that she may be homeless soon...When my baby comes home from her visits, she's so upset. She knows that I'm financially stable and wants to know why I can't help her grandma. I fear that my refusal to do so is driving a wedge between myself and my kids. In addition, she pumps my kids for information about what I'm doing, so I have no privacy.
I have custody of my kids now and she has visitation...She uses her visits to try to turn my kids against me. If we argue, she tells her side of the story to my kids. When I tell her that I don't appreciate her sharing adult problems with my children, she'll cop a major attitude and possibly fly into a mini raging session. Her current hobby is to complain to my youngest child that she can't pay her bills and that she may be homeless soon...When my baby comes home from her visits, she's so upset. She knows that I'm financially stable and wants to know why I can't help her grandma. I fear that my refusal to do so is driving a wedge between myself and my kids. In addition, she pumps my kids for information about what I'm doing, so I have no privacy.
PDmother frequently drives by my house and has informed me that she's going to continue to live in my neighborhood no matter what. She also said that if I moved anywhere, she would follow me. I feel like a caged animal with no chance of escape. I also have a horrible case of PTSD along with a dissociative disorder which can't effectively be treated because of regular dealings with my mother.
I have a hard time sharing my story because very few people understand where I'm coming from. Even within the PD support group that I belong to, people just don't seem to get the level of malevolence that my mother exhibits
Even though I did what I did long before having any knowledge of PDs, there are still so many people who are aware and continue to allow their children to have relationships with their disordered parents because "That's their grandma/grandpa". It's not only not worth it, it's downright dangerous.