Thursday, 22 June 2017

Proxy Recruitment and Abuse By Proxy

Abuse By Proxy:

And Other Tools of Torture for the Machiavellian Sadist

An effective technique that’s often deployed by the sadist is what is known as abuse by proxy. This is when the perpetrator of the abuse recruits Lieutenants to, sometimes unwittingly, do his bidding. The benefits of this strategy is that it allows the abuser to enjoy the sick pleasure he finds in the pain of his target, while simultaneously feeling the gratification that comes from getting away with cleverly manipulating others into doing his dirty work. It keeps the abuser further and further away from the target’s sight and keeps the target’s focus on the second in command rather than the source of the abuse. For these kinds of people, power trips like this are irresistible.

Proxy Recruitment

Proxy Recruitment - A way of controlling or abusing another person by manipulating other people into unwittingly backing “doing the dirty work”

Sometimes attempts to control someone or abuse them are fairly obvious, with Proxy Recruitment however, manipulation of others is used to achieve the same aim in a highly secretive way.

Friends, colleagues, family members, acquaintances and authority figures may be drawn into the perpetrator’s game plan through false accusations of abuse, smear campaigns or distortion campaigns, and these people are then encouraged to take up the perpetrator’s cause against the victim.

Flying Monkeys
In an iconic scene from The Wizard of Oz, the Wicked Witch sends a troupe of Flying Monkeys in pursuit of Dorothy. The term Flying Monkeys has evolved to represent any proxy, recruited by an abusive person to assist them in controlling their victim.

How it Works
Proxy recruitment can be an extremely powerful way of establishing control over another person. It forces the victim into a defensive posture - justifying themselves or denying false claims to friends, family, neighbors, acquaintances and authority figures. It often attempts to reverse roles in the eyes of others - casting the abuser as the victim and portraying the victim as the real abuser. It also deflects attention away from the abuser and provides cover or justification for further abuse to occur.

Proxy Recruitment is much easier if the abuser assumes a position of authority. Yale University psychologist Stanley Milgram demonstrated that people will often perform an irrational act if instructed to do so by an authority figure, even if that act is unkind or cruel to another person.

Proxy recruitment isn’t just a tactic used by people with Personality Disorders. It is a universal reaction to recruit allies when engaged in a conflict situation – however when it involves misrepresenting the truth or causing deliberate harm, it is a form of toxic and abusive behavior.


  1. This was what a narc neighbour did to me: I raised the height of the boundary wall to keep her prying eyes out of my property. She then rounded up her other neighbour and a visitor to my house who is a friend of the other neighbour, to persuade me that the wall must come down again. The wall is legally legit so I just ignored them but I was stung by my "friend" being co-opted into the smear campaign. I ultimately sent her husband a nasty lawyer's "no contact" letter and they stopped pestering me. I do realise that their door is always open and they would love to start the harassment and fights all over again. As my lawyer said in his letter, it is their "mission in life". If you are anywhere near a narc you need a lawyer on speed dial. They break the law at every opportunity and then accuse you of being the problem.

    1. Yup. They break the law at every opportunity and then accuse you of being the problem. What's worse is they use the law and the courts as part of their harassment campaigns. Narcissists use everyone, no mattered how heavy-handed, to bring down and squash a target. These tactics are so fucking sinister that most people don’t realize that they are being exploited; even people who have seen enough of life to know better seem to be oblivious to these Machiavellian power plays. And while the minions are out roughing-up the target and doing the narc's dirty work, she just gets to sit with her feet up, painting her toenails, (or using an angle grinder on them; it depends, I guess) waiting for her thugs to report back. If you are anywhere near a narc you need a lawyer on speed dial - been there! The lawyers that I have been forced to contact because of problematic MNs say, "They have way too much time on their hands." It's true. These narcs need to get a hobby that doesn't involve wreaking havoc on the lives of others.

  2. Be mindful sometimes some of the narcs will recruit entire families to do their dirty work.I have seen mine pontificate on her enemies, and she did a better job then a world leader whipping up hatred for war almost with entire groups of people shaking their fists in the air. I got to watch vendettas against my brother's ex wife years ago, and then realized those SAME hate fests were going on for me behind my back.

    Sure the most skilled narcopaths know how to use the concern trolling, fake tears and more to even turn friends and neighbors against their target. Always avoid living in the same town or city if you can pull it off. Sadly many have learn to use the legal and court system in their behest, and know how to play martyrs and basically LIE and play victims to gain court officials and others on their side. The rich ones can buy their justice.

    One thing about our society is if someone has more money, or higher standing or "Status" they will believed over their victims from these superficial outer trappings, and yes narcissists definitely make use of that. I agree with having lawyers on speed dial.

    Hey I had aunt who got her own guardianship taken, and I watched relatives get committed when I was a child. I know the length my family will go. I always thought I may need the paralegal schooling one day, I tried to become a paralegal before I was disabled. Oddly it's helped me survive others who tried to crush me in this world. is a good website to learn legal defenses and protection.

    1. Oh yes, they LIE. They have zero boundaries when it comes to lying. They are so out of touch with reality that they have no idea how insane they look to people who are indeed sane, reasonable and rational... and moral.