Narcissists Lust For 'Power Over' Others

Forcing Submission

by

Anna Valerious of Narcissists Suck Blog

Every abuser, every narcissist, every psychopath, every rapist, arsonist, every sociopath is after one thing: POWER. Power over others. This is an outgrowth of the narcissistic need to have all attention focused on them. We already understand that attention is the drug that the narcissist pursues at every moment. This is the core motivation that moves them. There are natural branches that sprout off this trunk and the desire for power over others is one of them. The intoxicating thrill of absolute power is the biggest high they can get from their drug of choice.

The extent to which an individual will pursue their quest for power is determined only by what they feel they can get away with. No small part of this is how much they fear authority or the law. The narcissist mother will not pursue absolute power to the degree that the psychopathic serial killer will. But make no mistake – both are consumed by the quest for power over others.

Unchecked pursuit of power is destructive and merciless as well as escalating. As Proverbs 27:20 says in the Contemporary English Version, “Death and the grave are never satisfied, and neither are we.” The grave never protests when someone dies, “We’re full up here. We aren’t accepting any more death, sorry.” Death is always ready to open up her insatiable arms for yet another. So is the lust that drives the malignant narcissist of all brands and stripes. Never satisfied. Never Satiated. Never full.

Kathy Krajco defined what absolute power looks like:

What is absolute power? It’s absolute control, possession. Surely you have recognized the lust for it in bizarre crimes committed by psychopaths. Mike DeBardeleben, a sexual sadist serving a life sentence wrote in his journal that it is “to force her to undergo suffering without being able to defend herself.”

“Without being able to defend herself” are key words. It isn’t enough to torment the victim: this must be done in a way that keeps her from resisting. That’s absolute power, possession…This is the ultimate in mental cruelty = making the victim bend over for it. Then the sick-o gets to pretend that the victim truly does “want it,” has ceased to exist as a person (with a free will and the most basic human right – the right to self-defense) and is but an appendage of his that he thus “proves” his absolute power over.

All narcissists do this one way or another: they don’t merely abuse, they FORCE SUBMISSION TO ABUSE. This makes them God, whose punishing wounds we are to shamefully accept as our fault. We are not to resist: we are simply to hang our heads as deserving of them… “What Makes Narcissists Tick” pgs. 104 – 105

Notice that what is required for this to work is for the narcissist to completely disarm their victim. No right to self-defense allowed! This is what they must strip you of first before they can go on to pretend that you are submitting to them of your own free will. Like they deserve such submission and like you’ve freely given it. Either they will use psychological tactics to get you to feel you have no right to defend yourself, or, as in the case of the serial killer, they will arrange your physical circumstances to make it impossible for you to defend yourself and then break you down mentally.

So, for the sake of the victim’s mental health, you must NEVER deny him or her the right to put up a fight.

Denying a person under any kind of assault this right is what theologians call the sin of “extreme perversity,” otherwise known as the Sin of Sodom, which is a certain kind of rape – RAPE, not sex – is symbolic.

It violates the laws of nature and the innate instinct for self-preservation. If the victim knuckles under to pseudo-moralistic pressure to not lift hand or voice in self-defense, he or she will become a suicide risk. That is forcing people to commit the worst breach of faith there is – with one’s very self. It’s self-betrayal, what Joan of Arc called the “most wretched treason.”

The victim NEEDS to know that he or she did what they could to resist their abuser! Don’t EVER try to stop the victim from doing that!

NEVER, never, never preach prime-time morality at the victim making it a sin for him or her to yell at the abuser. Though yelling may not be wise in all cases, it IS the victim’s RIGHT! It at least lets him or her preserve self-respect through showing a back bone.

I made a point in this post that your most fundamental right as a living being is the right to self-defense. It is this very right which the narcissist will first try to convince you that you don’t have.

“Turn the other cheek” is the pious phrasing far too many victims of abusers have gotten as advice when they desperately have sought for help with their situation. It is essential that victims of narcissists are re-armed with the knowledge of their right to self-defense if they are ever going to be able to resist and break the narcissist’s power over them.

Knowing that the narcissist is driven by their need for power over others, and knowing they are always in search of this headiest drug which is absolute power over others, then you’ll be aware that they must force your submission in order to feel powerful over you.

All this leads straight to the fact that a narcissist must deprive you of your right to defend yourself to accomplish this. THEY WILL ALWAYS DO THIS BY FRAUD, LIES AND THREATS. They will bring in their proxies to help them get you to submit to that which no one should ever have to submit to.

They want to pretend that your forced submission is a real submission… and this can only be done if they successfully deprive you of your ability to defend yourself.

Can you see how incredibly important it is to be fully aware of your right to NOT submit to abuse? I am convinced that no one breaks free of the power of a narcissist over them until they are able to claim for themselves the right to self-defense.

It is important to mention here one very tricky sleight-of-hand that a narcissist does to disarm someone from self-defense. This is accomplished by intentionally mislabeling your defensive behaviors as being “retribution” or “vengeance”. 

They accuse you of hurting THEM. They pretend to know your motives and lay the accusation that any efforts you make to defend yourself are actually coming from your desire to hurt THEM.

If they can convince you that you are being vengeful, or at least if they can convince you that others see you as being vengeful, then they can shut you down. Force your submission once again.