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ALL
Narcissists are big babies. And like babies, they cannot comprehend being
anything but the centre of the universe – Wah! Look at me! Narcissists never
outgrew the expectation they had as children: that all available attention
should be freely lavished on them. And like babies, they cannot
comprehend being anything but the centre of the universe – Wah! Look at me!
Narcissists never outgrew the expectation they had as children: that all available attention should be freely lavished on them. And they approach EVERY relationship with that same infantile expectation. If you married a narcissist then you married a 3 year old – my condolences. If you’re in an Nship then you’re babysitting. If you were parented by a narc then you were treated as a rival. Narcissists are selfish children trapped in the body of an adult. And they are not just immature; they are spoiled brats who are always jockeying for all available attention.
Narcissists never outgrew the expectation they had as children: that all available attention should be freely lavished on them. And they approach EVERY relationship with that same infantile expectation. If you married a narcissist then you married a 3 year old – my condolences. If you’re in an Nship then you’re babysitting. If you were parented by a narc then you were treated as a rival. Narcissists are selfish children trapped in the body of an adult. And they are not just immature; they are spoiled brats who are always jockeying for all available attention.
And what does always jockeying for attention make them? That’s
right – PREDATORY.
Here’s one of my favorite quotes from Kathy Krajco. If you get
this then “get” the true spirit of the narcissist.
A Narcissist’s need to “have it all” invests him or
her with a spirit hostile to the needs and wellbeing of others.
If you feel a compelling need to have all the
dollars in the world, no matter how many you get, you will compete with others
for every single one; and if you see a dollar in someone else’s hand, you will
want to take it away. Just because he has it. That makes you an ADVERSARY of
everyone else in the world. It makes you view the possessor of the dollar as a
PREDATOR views prey.
Now just replace “dollar” with “attention.”
When it comes to attention, ALL narcissists are predatory; they
ALL go out of their way to con, trick, manipulate, coax, pressure, deceive,
maneuver, fight and compete for their most desired source of supply. They
really are shameless whores in that regard: they will spread their proverbial
legs just to get a drop of the stuff. To the narcissist, attention is nothing
but a form of currency. And you know how some people can be bought with money?
Well, narcissists can be bought with attention. The unscrupulous among us
“bank” on that fact and heap mounds of attention on the narcissist in exchange
for actual cash payments and property.
MN sister preys on aging N father by bombarding him with an excess
of attention in the form of over- the-top concern for his health and safety,
and complete fascination with his diet, bowel movements and every itch or tick
in his body. This scheming MN presents herself to the old N as being utterly
captivated by everything he says or does and he rewards her handsomely with
money, possessions and property. MN sister knows, if she gives N father the
right kind of attention in the right dose; he is putty in her hands and she can
control, manipulate and exploit him. In terms of attention for HER, the
payoff is getting N father to listen only to her, believe only her, trust only
her, and be dependent on her for care, information, and advice etc. MN
sister is a crafty bitch who knows exploiting two aging N parent’s is a win win
situation. She reaps two of her favorite things out of the deal: ALL of her
parent’s undivided attention, and ALL their assets. Narcissists NEVER pay
attention to anyone unless they get a return. MN sister’s feigned interest and
doting on N father – who she resents – is nothing but a business
transaction for the greedy bitch.
So to recap: Narcissists have the mentality of a selfish child
playing keep away, and they predate on others and whore themselves in order to
gain ATTENTION. And if they're getting all of it, you're getting none of it.
They are all alike in this regard: they all have the same goal and they all
achieve it by playing for the right reaction from their environment. But since
they each inhabit different environments, they each have their own personal
strategy: one adapted best to suit the particular attention they crave in
a specific milieu.
For example, the attention an MN mother may demand at home is
Queen of The Castle, and she may achieve that kind of attention by making her
husband and children react to her with fear. But this same MN may crave pity
and sympathy from her cronies, so she will extract that kind of attention by
playing the martyr and poor, over-worked house wife. And maybe this same MN
likes to be respected and admired by members of her volunteer group so she will
pull-off contrived acts of do-goodery to score awe and appreciation. In other
words, narcissists tailor their attention whoring style to reflect the type of
attention they crave in a particular role, rank and position among a particular
group, setting, situation or battlefield.
Now, if the narcissist craves a certain kind of attention and is
deluded enough to pursue it in an inappropriate setting, then the attention she
receives can be downright awkward and embarrassing.
on them.
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