By Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Narcissists beneath it all are cowards and phonies. Despite their psychological shallowness they perpetrate tremendous damage on other human beings—emotional, financial, mental. Pernicious lying, deceptions and manipulations are part of their psychological dna. For most narcissists their image is uppermost in their minds at all times. How they appear to others, how many followers they are accumulating, how much praise and adulation they are receiving and how wonderful people believe they are—these are their touchstones. I have communicated with many of those who were married to narcissists who were stunned by their partner’s ability to maintain a pristine public image while privately causing severe trauma, emotional distress and even terror to members of his/her family, business partners, etc.
Narcissists
who succeed in the world preserve their pristine images by having favored
members of their tight inner circle do their dirty work. Whether it is bringing
down a business competitor by stealth and intimidation, using corps of
attorneys to break down a former spouse who is asking for child support and
custody arrangements, narcissists find the best follower, the most devoted—to
carry out their malicious goals. I have had contact with many of their victims,
especially their discarded and broken spouses, partners and children. The
damage that they do is immeasurable. Part of the insidious problem is that the
current culture rewards narcissistic behaviors–“I’ve got mine; the hell with
you.” The narcissistic style of acting superior, being over-entitled and a
laser focus on outward appearance and “image” has become pervasive in many
stratas of our culture today.
Those who have survived the narcissist and are prevailing by
moving forward with their lives despite all of the pain they are suffered,
deserve our deep respect and empathy. These individuals are real. They come without
facade, artifice or hidden agendas. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com.
Good, to the point article. Narcissists do recruit others to do their dirty work. It’s surprising how many
so-called professional women in positions of authority are so willing to pile on with the MN abusers. Methinks they must be up to no good, and acting in collusion with the sociopath for their own personal gain.
This is how I found out that my dad died - thanks to the scumbag lawyer who has made a fortune taking advantage of a "vulnerable" Estate. I guess after all the money the sociopath sent your way; you owed her a "favor."
I was just informed my dad died.... by a lawyer!
This is how I found out that my dad died - thanks to the scumbag lawyer who has made a fortune taking advantage of a "vulnerable" Estate. I guess after all the money the sociopath sent your way; you owed her a "favor."
I was just informed my dad died.... by a lawyer!
Hi Lisette,
ReplyDeleteThis is a great article by Linda Martinez-Lewi, PhD! I know people often sign on to help the malignant narcissist while the MN is cleverly disguised as their precious-perfect and helpless persona. The MN lays it on thick, especially at times when they might be discovered for particularly horrific misdeeds and crimes. I wonder if the people who agreed to help an MN, ever realize that they're being used in such a devious way. If they ever have the courage to experience that cognitive-dissonance of possibly being duped or even (gasp) wrong for helping to further abuse the target of an abusive MN. Hmmm, I wonder...
I see we can read about you learning of your father's death here, but I won't click on the link; it's sadly, forever seared into my memory.
But, once more I do want to note the impact of the moment when you shared your account of the way you learned of your father's death. That moment for you, represented to me, one of the cruelest of all psychological cruelties. I still can't find the right words to describe the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach as I read your account of that event. It was like falling. It was darkness closing in, which only those who exist in that kind of darkness would, just for fun, sadistically impose on others. It was so painful, reading the words of this incredibly direct woman, you, who had single-handedly pulled my head out of wherever it was as if it was second-nature to do so. Your new books were now out and I could barely contain my excitement at having your work in my possession. We all should have been celebrating! But instead, we were witness to a scene where the evil you grew up with was again wrapping itself around you. It was practically in real time.
It became personal for me because it was familiar; that compounded pain of a loved one's death when you're denied your grief. When you really have no one to turn to as you learn about the end of a significant and beloved person's life. And it was personal because it was directed toward you, the person who had offered me a lifeline.
Your impact on my life through your blog and books has far exceeded anything I ever dared to hope I could do for others. You have a gift that's so significant, it's overwhelming. I hope you'll never waver in your belief in what you're doing. That would be a tragedy.
Here's to the peace of mind we've always deserved, cheers - I Tried
Thank you, I Tried. I don't know what else to write as I'm a little choked-up by your show of compassion. Your post really moved me and means a lot to me. Again, thank you.
DeleteI don't know if the people/monkeys who agree to help a MN ever realize they are being used in such a devious way. My guess is they get a (secret) power high from piling on the target, and if they do realize that they were manipulated and what they did was wrong, I doubt they would cop to it and admit the error of their ways. I think proxy abusers are generally power hungry bullies and of the same ilk as the narc, so they are not about to admit to doing/being wrong. Bullies identify with other bullies, never the victim. They probably all have a secret hand shake or a coded movements to their wings and monkey tails.
Here's to the peace of mind we deserve!