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| MN sister's reaction to e-books |
You can use the narcissist’s addiction and their grandiose delusions of invincibility (aka STUPIDITY) to control them, manipulate them, and steer them down a path of legal problems, criminal charges, financial troubles, social shunning, paranoia, reclusion, mental illness, or all of the above. You can use the narcissist’s addiction, in all it's various manifestations, to expose them and bring them down. You can turn the tables on the narcissist. Are you game?
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We face the challenge of not becoming evil like them. I think every ACON in their mind has thought of ways of "fighting back" and even "revenge". I choose not to go down revenge highway for religious and other reasons, but definitely it is a temptation many face. One has to be careful because they would react with glee. I still remember when I was young in my teens and early 20s, and I would lose my temper, screaming, cussing and throwing things and THEN and only THEN would she back down and be NICE to me. It creeped me out then, and still creeps me out to this day. In my case, when I fought back she would use it, either to call me crazy or to do this congratulatory glee, "now you are becoming more like me".
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure all of them go down self-destructo highway. The ones with histronic and borderline wings do. They throw caution to the wind to "win" at all costs and often times will get caught or bring themselves down as they seek to destroy their enemies.
However there are more the cold and calculating sociopaths, who never get caught, and never fail in the eyes of society. They endear everyone to their side, their scapegoats are seen as the "losers". They keep their cool, and never falter. They may be addicts too but they never lose CONTROL. This is a game they have practiced and excelled at for decades.
I do realize mine has never failed to "win", and that puts me on notice. It is a strange thing to know a person who has never lost one battle in their entire life and always came out on top over other people with the inability to feel fear. Even her creepy cards were the epitome of "control".
I just want left alone for the rest of my life. She has the family, but then I wonder does she still see me as a "threat" for being the one who broke away? The one she didn't manage to buy the soul of? The one who knows what she is. To protect myself I had to cut off FORTY people. Does that tell you the length she was willing to go. No loose ends for that one.
No one who knows them is a "SAFE PERSON", I learned this the very hard way with BETSY, the other day. I would have told you 26 years ago, to ditch the father too and anyone else who has anything to do with them and not look back. It sucks, because they use other people as tools, and do so without hesitation.
I had the illusion of fighting to have a few family members in my life [extended cousins, nieces and nephews] but even that was doomed for failure and just caused me more pain. I am done there too. She has marked me as the ENEMY and the BORG family has obeyed. My only choice is to walk from them ALL. A few remain on my Facebook but it's easier to just ghost.
I am not under any illusions though in the fact, she has always won before and I am a "loose end" out there. I have the advantage that she is growing old, and getting to the age where her energy will have to fade if it hasn't already.
I hope with the father, you can report your sister and get somewhere. If you find the legal and social work world not helping, it's better to just cut your losses and walk and have nothing to do with anyone that knows any of those people. 40 people in my case that's a lot. I learned the hard way they infect people like a virus.
I want a decent life for whatever few years I got left free of narcissists and their enablers and bootlickers. At this point in the game I'd rather be alone then ever deal with or talk to a narcissist ever again.
In my case, I do not expect my mother ever to lose control. She never has. Old age could change the game, but I'm not hanging around to play wait and see. The others had their chance to be decent people and weren't.
Peep, your mother is a good example of a malignant narcissist that has never been challenged and because of that she has managed to keep her cool. The point I'm trying to make in the blog post is that challenging them and fighting back does push their buttons (their compulsions) and the more their buttons are pushed the more evident it becomes that they are acting with malicious intent. They do more and more outrageously cruel things to gain the upper hand. So what was once covert now becomes overt. Intentionally harmful behavior that can no longer be ignored. If you have nothing to fight for, I agree it's better to just walk away. But if someone is trying to shred you and your life, you should do everything possible to protect and defend yourself. At least that's where I stand on the matter. I do believe your mother sees you as a loose end, the one that got away and the one she can't control. But make no mistake, your "disobedience" likely fills her with rage. You will forever remain a thorn in her side despite what she has done to you. And I'm convinced that if people like your mother weren't so well insulated their true nature would be revealed in due course. It usually takes one determined individual to begin the process of exposing them and it isn't easy. If your mother is keeping her exploits confined to the "family" then she'll just continue her reign as cult leader. But, she does have one defector on her hands - you. And look how she retaliated - she had you exiled. Who even knows if that's enough for her or if she has anything else up her sleeves. In any event, the lengths she went to to hurt you, to me, points to a very sick and disturbed woman.
DeleteYou are right, she never has been challenged. Even my brother's ex wife got "beaten" when money came in the mix. She has always been able to keep her cool. Even when I walked out I wrote a letter like a lawyer and never had one screaming match. There had been enough of those in years past in my 20s. I think you are correct in your theory that if someone challenges them and fights back, they will raise the ante and go from covert and overt and many will break the law and cross all sorts of societal lines. Some are very cunning and would never get caught but some do get sloppy and decompress.
DeleteGlad you think it's better to walk away if there's nothing to fight for. Just be careful if you do fight. I do believe in your case using some legal channels is good, but remember these monsters have had decades of time perfecting their screw-overs and manipulations and are willing to cross every line. I worry about your safety too since they have crossed some serious lines. Just be careful.
Yes my mother sees me as a "loose end", and the one she can't control. I am sure she is filled with rage too, even the "second daughter" snippet to Betsy was to annihilate me and make me "nothing" like I don't even exist. I did try exposing my mother to others, before I walked from the rest of the family but it was a wasted effort. None dared to speak even one word against her, not even the most mild. She is the cult leader in every sense of the word. Her money, lack of emotion and cunning shields and insulates her. Perhaps the exile will be good enough "revenge" for her but I doubt it. I have no family left but after watching this woman for many years, I don't have any delusions that I will be left alone for good so I do watch my back. I agree she is a very sick and disturbed woman.
Peep, I read your post about the "second daughter" snippet and found it so incredibly cruel, but so typical of a MN mother. Yes, even though you are out of the picture because she's ordered the tribe to shun you, she's still trying to annihilate you and show you any way she can that she thinks you are "nothing." This will never stop. If she is able, whether you are near or far, she will find a way to annihilate you. I have not seen the MN mother in over 26 years and she and the evil sister are still trying to annihilate me. But what I'm certain of is this: nothing will ever satisfy them. They can try and hurt us, even exile us but it will only be a temporary fix. They will always default back to being empty and miserable and craving another hit of their drug. Hurting us will NEVER make them feel better about their pathetic selves. It only provides them with temporary relief. That's why they never stop.
DeleteAs for the MN sister and the other goons, I am well aware of how low they can go and how dirty they play. I lived through my parent's divorce and I know how ruthless and treacherous the MN mother/MN sister are. The MN sister's entire life revolves around trying to screw me over and hurt me. She's literally operating a "control room" devoted to destroying the object of her envy. She has nothing else going on in her pathetic life, so she has lots of time to research ways to try and screw me over. Then she goes to the dad and coerces him into carrying out her plan. Even a screw-over of epic proportion will never satisfy her. Sounds like a miserable existence to me. In fact, the lengths she will go to, to harm me just speak volumes about sick, disturbed, empty and miserable she is. She will never be happy no matter how much she has or what she gets away with.
My mother was very vicious with open intent. She would tell you she would kill you, call you horrible names, stuff like that, but still have everyone on her side. Even those who she was exploiting, they would say she was just like that, that was her, no need to be worried or concerned, she can't help herself. And other narcs I have encountered have all the lovey dovey fan base, and I have nothing.
ReplyDeleteI would love to have a way to fight back. I can scare them off, then they come back at me with even more fans. More destructive power. Although, lately I have been less afraid of them as I have in the past, when I didn't know, and I blamed myself. Nowadays, less scared of them, but their power still rages on, even knowing, it has not helped me in that regard.
I can make a MN spin their head and spit pea soup even, in a matter of speaking, I just did it not all that long ago, and there I was defending myself to the fans, that I hurt so and so, your a bad person Joan. I was, "you can't hurt her feelings, it was an act," fell on deaf ears. I don't think I should have said anything though, so sick of defending myself.
My mother is dead and I still have to go on, its the narcs other than my foo that has me scared now. I'm still left as frustrated as I was before I knew about them. In a job where I have to focus on the work, and keep an eye on them too, its terrible. I'm a targeted source of supply, and they are dangerous, and regular people seem to do so well in a world filled with the disgusting lecherous pigs. And regular people join up with the disgusting lecherous pigs, and its like this big group out to get me.
Maybe if we did something about their fans, maybe then some convoluted humans we can show them how what they are doing is wrong. But even then I can't seem to get through to them either. I might just be left with just bashing them on the computer, it feels good, but it doesn't help solve anything.
All we want is the ability to live in peace, not start a revolution, I know. Funny, how I called it a revolution, as the narcs are in charge, and they really are. I feel like they are. We have got to try to figure out why normal people find them so compelling, maybe that is how we can stand up and fight. Expose them to the ones who are keeping their secret in the first place, it might be possible.
Joan, I totally understand your frustration and I agree that one of the biggest problems we face as targets of malignant narcissists/sociopaths is that they have "loyal" monkeys. But are these monkeys really loyal or do they just have a price? There's always something in it for them such as peace at all costs. They don't give a damn who they sacrifice in the process as along as they keep the status quo. I don't believe "normal" people find them compelling. I think anyone orbiting around a malignant narcissist is just as disturbed and destructive as they are, or, at the very least, morally lazy. The only people who will ever be of help to us are outsiders. The narcissists and their minions are all drinking the same Kool-Aid.
DeleteYeah, cause sometimes I'd see some people walk away from mother. but I remember that mother relished the times when someone would confront her, it happened rarely, maybe twice I can remember, and she was chomping at the bit for it. I figured out that she was able to make someone wrong and they weren't wrong, and they would give up way too quickly.
DeleteWe had some neighbours sell out to get away from us. The husband confronted mother about some gossip mother was spreading about his wife. Mother turned this full time homemaker and mother into the biggest tramp around, and the husband got wind of it, and came after mother. I was so young but I remember her enjoying this so much, and said she didn't start anything, that maybe he should realize his wife is a tramp. To his friggin face, she did. Now, I knew the family, and the wife stayed at home, she didn't drive, and she wasn't having men over, I was there so much, and all it was homemade cookies and cakes. Mother tried to destroy that family. For no reason.
But the husband did not buy into it. He experienced the viciousness of a MN and he did not relent in going after mother. to no avail, however, and mother didn't mind, she enjoyed it, it gave her another chance to stick it to them. More people like him I would say. Unfortunately, I never met another like him in my whole life.
It sounds like your mother loved to toy with people. To confront a narcissist is an exercise in futility. They don't have a leg to stand on logically or factually so they resort to petty mind games, or they rage and have temper tantrums to shut down their opponent. I'm sure your mother confused and frustrated people so much that they decided they were better off walking away. I bet she got a huge power high off of these type of interactions.
DeleteAlso, I believe your mother had a reason to try and destroy that family - sheer envy. The homemaker sounds like she was a loving wife and mother and very happy in her domesticity. And her husband clearly loved her and wanted to protect her and his family. They were a happy family unit, and they embodied everything your mother was not. This likely pissed her off to no end so she tried to take a sledgehammer to them. Too bad they gave in and moved away, but I guess they figured-out that your mother was a miserable wretch and disturbing their peaceful existence was something that gave her pleasure. In other words, the war would rage on as long as she was their neighbour.
I so agree with you Lisette. MY mal N is a litigious bully and the calmer I stay and simply give the courts an easy way out, the easier it is for them to see for themselves; this guy is a berserker and not anything else. If I defend and ask for help keeping him from me, the response is: you allowed him into your life, learn to get along and leave us alone. Basic victim blame. But if I simply name the actual actions he is employing and allow the courts to decide what such obsessional litigation means about HIM, then I am not blamed for never ending bullying DONE TO ME.
ReplyDeleteYou shouldn't be blamed for any of it, but the world is not a fair place. Yes, it's the pattern of obsessive behavior to keep the victim attached to them in some way that proves that they are the aggressors. Actions speak louder than words and patterns don't lie.
DeleteHello Lisette, I've been reading for quite some time and want to express my gratitude to you and all the posters here for sharing your experiences regarding Narcissists. This blog has been an invaluable resource for me. The support that this blog provides and the validation it has given to me has, I think, saved my sanity. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Rose. I too appreciate the posters who take the time and energy to share their experiences.
DeleteLisette, my gosh, this is a brilliant post. I always read everything you post. I haven't talked to my Malignant Narcissist mother close to 5 years now, and she's still critisizing me to others. She can't help herself. Her last criticism was about me donating money to a battered women's shelter and how dare I help out the shelter. She had criticized me to a relative, who informed me of this. So I thought to myself, after all these years, she's still hell bent on destroying me. No contact is the best thing I ever did with her. And your post really hit home, because I realized that she will NEVER stop until she destroys me. It's winning at all costs, until I cease to exist. Well, I'm fighting fire with fire and will be relentless. I have the truth on my side and I'm not staying quiet about her behavior. Whoever mentions my mother to me, I tell them she's mentally ill and fire off examples of her psychotic behavior. Exposing the Narcissist for the predator they are, is what re-establishes the balance of power. The more people know she's crazy and psychotic, the less power she will hold over them and the less she will be able to control them.
ReplyDelete"Exposing the Narcissist for the predator they are, is what re-establishes the balance of power."
DeleteGood line! I'm with you on that! I'm glad you like the post and thanks for commenting.
You are my hero! This blog post is so incredibly relevant to my current situation with Grendel. He's now taken to running about town trashing his sons name to anyone who will listen because son has had enough and is now standing up for himself. He's braver at 15 than I ever have been. Grendel is within days of completely unraveling and for that I do fear what the collateral damage might be. He will get physically violent when he's absolutely cornered, and this time he is because he knows, we know what he's been doing.
ReplyDeleteThanks again, Lisette...you just rule!!!!
Glad I could help. Hope Grendel is contained and you are safe.
DeleteI want to thank you for sharing your experience dealing with narcissistic family members. My mother is what I now know is a malignant narcissist. I always knew she was nasty, mean, sneaky, and liked to trash talk me had a superiority delusion (from my father allowing her use if his income and to ride his reputation as a surgeon). Once I started reading uo on narcissism after a therapist droppedal subtle clues it was the most liberating feeling, like 'oh shit, I knew something was very wrong and it was not me like I've been told'. I think your writing on the subject is probably the best I've been blessed enough to stumble upon. I connect and can relate to most everything you have to say and it's been a godsend. When my mother starts her shit and the 'flying monkeys' come out I sit and read your writing and it gives me strength , calms me down and instead of being self destructive (drinking, Drugs falling into what she wants by being a 'loser ) I can close my heart and mind off to her. You just are very analytical and describe things I know and have seen but could not formulate in words like you are able. Sorry to ramble but just wanted to say how you being brave and sharing and doing it in a very intelligent way has really changed my life.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Adam. The way you've articulated how my blog helps you, gives me strength. You really made my day. I'm happy I could help.
DeleteYour blog is amazing. I feel some semblance of mental relief just reading it tonight for the first time...after 39 years struggling under the smoke of my mother's narcissistic rages, in a family crawling with narcissists and enablers. Thank you. Do you have an email address?
ReplyDeleteHi Narc's Daughter, thank you for posting and I'm very glad to hear you have found some relief. If you want to talk narcissists the best way to communicate with me is via blog comments. Unfortunately, I don't have time for private emailing.
DeleteW"ithin a month I will finally have my video blog channel up and running. The title of the vlog will be "JV The Antique Autistic." I already had 17 videos in my camera and had been planning to start the channel as soon as I had 20. Well, a few weeks ago we had an armed robbery invasion in our home. We all thought we were going to die. We are okay but not sure whether or not we will be able to move back as my son is terrified at the thought. Anyway, along with everything else my camera was stolen.
ReplyDeleteOriginally, about 90% of the focus was going to be on aging in Autistic people. And most of it still will be. But the trauma from the armed robbery only intensifies the flashbacks from my psychopath families actions. Because of this, and the fact that so many autistics grew up in monster families, and so many have PTSD, I plan to spend a much greater amount of time talking about that then I had originally planned.
My son has started EMDR therapy [eye movement. it is based on neurology, not psychobabble] ] which many feel can actually CURE PTSD, or alleviate it more than any standard therapy could. I will start it as soon as I have the money.
I started retaping when everything was still raw [still is] and I am coming across as one raw nerve, which is about right. I will not edit it to appear that I am doing alright because I am not. BUT I will be able to show on my vlog if EMDR helps[at least for my son and myself] while at the same time sharing very openly about specifics of my evil family. they will be SOOOOO angry, but they will also be embarrassed and humiliated. Maybe they will implode, which I suppose is the destruction of a city [shrug] More importantly, maybe others will be helped and what a beautiful city that would be.
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!! And I mean all of you!! :) I didnt know there was a name for my horrid sisters lifetime abusive and absolutely horrific conduct. What a monster she is!! And although I love my mom so much, she absolutely enabled the monster...a groupie of sorts. Glorify the loser!! I love all of the fabulous writing here too...so nice to discover there are others who have lived through this...I am cutting her off completely (and have the last few.months.) I FEEL SO FREE to be away from the monster and oppressor!!! I will be my.sweet and.get the self.with my mom and am.also letting her know I cannot participate in this abnormal conduct any longer. Only took me 52 years! Best best best wishe'd to you all! ♡♡♡
ReplyDeleteThis is a fantastic piece. "Self-control usually translates to power." It's spot on. I also loved "you can't continue to do right by people that only do you wrong." That's a lesson I learned years ago that helped me greatly. Your writng explains these monsters better than anything else I've read.
ReplyDeleteHi. I've been following your blog since Jan. 2014 because it's the best thing out there to explain these monsters. You write from the point of view of someone living through it, which is much more helpful to others living through it than any so-called professional could ever be. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteHi Lisette...Ive been peakin and not speakin for 2 years now..I have wanted to and tried to write of some of my story here..but I cant seem to ,It takes me into spiral down down and then I burst into flames ..burn like a forest fire for weeks and months ..again.
ReplyDeleteI went NC from MN mummy and MN brother 7 years ago ..just couldn't take it anymore..but I only found out 2 years ago of the Truth of what they really are ...Thanx to you..it is so true as Todd said in the above comment 'your writing explains these monsters better than anything else I have read'..you are blunt and full of fire and its the Truth and I thank you for helping me and many others see that Truth.I have found no matter what I tried bad and then only good there was no healing at all until I found and faced the Truth..sometimes its not enough to say 'you are a very bad ,nasty person' ..sometimes you gotta say 'Betty ..oh I mean Marg and Adrian you are a malignant narcissist cunt' Keep it going on Lisette ,I often think of you and the Truth when that forest fire starts to rage in me ..it used to make me feel weak ...not anymore ..feel stronger.
soulaflame, glad you started speakin! See? You didn't burst into flames. Hopefully Marg and Adrian will! Sometimes all you gotta do is speak it, even if it's just a couple of sentences, but keep speakin' it. Never stop speaking it!
Delete7 years NC is quite a milestone - congratulations. Sounds like you've "known it" a long time. Like most ACONs you just needed validation of your perceptions. I was NC with MNM "Betty" for almost 20 years before I learned about NPD. Boy, what a relief it was!
Thank you for you comment, it made me laugh and made my day!