Among ACONs

@q1605 There was a girl I used to tag back and forth with whose mother was about as bad as mine and your mother is and one day I was telling her about my 40 something jesus freak neighbors who are so joined at the hip with their parents that they can't have work done on their house without one parent or the other coming over and supervising it for them. And I told her I would rather have grown up with nothing than to have the opposite and be smothered like that. She shot back. BULLSHIT! I could use a little smothering if it meant me not having to worry about next months rent. 

@Lisette I think we're so used to being deprived of any love or attention that something like a parent's interest in our lives would feel suffocating in some ways. If we weren't SO neglected and deprived it might not seem like smothering to us. We would probably learn to depend on the help. 

@q1605 That's an excellent point! My grandmother was a very doting woman and I moved in to live with her at the age of 15 and thought she was going to drive me crazy. I was always respectful to her....I might have been more rebellious if any one gave a fuck but I would have rebelled to a blank slate. My grandmother broke her hip before I was 20 and I drove her to family reunions etc. And took her shopping at the grocery store. We had this understanding about me calling her if I was going to late out all night. I saw that as a courtesy more than an imposition. But she would alter her schedule around mine. Like stay up until I got home and sleep late and fix me breakfast before I would leave for work. But I just didn't know what to do with it. I went from one extreme to the other. Cuz after my father died my mother dropped me off with her and drove off and didn't have much to do with me until I turned 18. THEN she wanted me to move in with her. I told her no because I had found a steady job and was going to junior college and that produced the N-rage of the decade. 

I told my mother I had a good life here without her and continued to live with my grandmother. That's what sparked one of the worst phone berating sessions she ever doled out to me. What you said earlier made me think of something that happened when I was maybe 4 or so. My mom had some guy at the house screwing him while my dad was at work. So she threw me out into the street so they could be alone. I walked down to another house and was climbing on the ladies fence and fell and cut my foot. The lady came out and was sooooooo fucking nice. She put mercurochrome on the cut and called it Monkey Blood and was just like what a mother is supposed to be like. I remember thinking she must be from some other planet because moms are not supposed to be nice and sweet, they are supposed to bitchy, crabby, and impatient. 

@Lisette I bet that lady who mended your foot gave you more kindness and attention in that moment than your mother did in her lifetime. I'm glad you didn't move back in with her. At least you had a few younger years without her. I think with a lot of ACONs, myself included, when people are kind to us it can make us uncomfortable or wonder if they have ulterior motives. The narcs really brainwashed us into having an aversion for kindness toward us, not only from others but from ourselves too. We get trained to treat ourselves like shit and allow others to do the same. I hate them for that. 

@q1605 I wonder if there is any way to convey the disparity of what we might have been if ACON's had truly been left to our own devices? I spend way too much time bemoaning what I might have become...Not just if I had been afforded the opportunities others take for granted, but also if I had not had my mother sabotaging every goddamn thing in my life. From Jobs to Wives to having a father. I mean you had both parents but they formed a symbiotic relationship designed to exclude you. Which is just as bad.......even worse. Especially since your sister chimed in with Sir Lloyd Fuck Tard. My mother just badgered my father and fucked his friends until he took the easy way out. THAT's the shit the Vince's will never see or understand. It's more than an inheritance or them shaming us from the moment we hit the ground until we self destruct. It's this multi prong attack that potentiates and magnifies the things in life that already lay in wait for normal people. I heard it put once that what they do to us is like declawing a cat and throwing it defenseless into a cat infested alley.

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