I began my
blog on Mother’s Day two years ago, and marked the annual merchandizing love fest with the post The Malignant Narcissist Mother is Callous and Selfish, followed
by The Malignant Narcissist Mother is Grandiose and Indifferent. Yes, the date
I launched my blog was intentional. House of Mirrors is like one giant “fuck you” greeting
card to the evil Malignant Narcissist Mothers of the world. Hallmark just never seemed to have what I was
looking for.
So it is on
the holy-day of Mothers that I celebrate my irreverent exposé of the cruel woman who birthed me and then systematically
tried to destroy me. Cheers to two years
of unmasking the nasty MN bitch and others like her!
23 years ago
I went no contact with my malignant narcissist mother, so all this Mother’s Day
propaganda doesn’t register with me. The bitch has been out of my life longer
than she was in it. I just don’t care. However, it IS my blogoversary and I
noticed recently that a lot of people have found their way to HOM by consulting
the Google Oracle on such topics as “seeing narcissist mom on mother’s day” and
“how to avoid narcissistic mother on mother’s day” so I figured I would write a
post.
My first
thought was to write the post in the form of a letter to MN mother, but then I
thought “nah” that’s way too personal. Letters
are a form of communication and I don’t want to communicate with her in any way
ever again, and besides, I have nothing more to say to her. She knows that I know
that her only goal as a “mother” was to systematically destroy me, and instill
in me the belief that I have no right to live. She also knows that I hate her
guts, and that I think she’s a malignant narcissist and a cunt. What else is
there to say?
“Betty, you malignant narcissist cunt, I hope
you rot in hell!”
Those were
my last words to her. She knows where she stands. That’s as good as it gets as
far as closure goes with a MN parent. I
have never regretted going no contact and I have never regretted letting her
know what I think of her. By the way,
going no contact with MN mother was not instigated by some great revelation. I was at a geographic distance from her for
many years and when I went to visit her one Christmas I found her crazier and
meaner than the last time I saw her. Common sense dictated that the bitch was never
going to change and that she would continue to be a danger to me so I needed to
stay the hell away from her. It wasn’t
complicated. I treated MN “mother” as I would any bully that was hell bent on
harming me – I wanted nothing to do with her.
Staying the
fuck away from my malignant narcissist mother has never been a dilemma for me,
probably because I have never viewed her as a “mother.” Yes, the bitch gave birth
to me, someone had to, but she never earned the title of “mother” in my eyes. I was never remotely connected to her and
never bonded with her in any way. I
always saw her for what she was: a malicious, sadistic witch who got off on
hurting me and tried to psychologically murder me. I suppose I should consider
myself lucky in that regard; that I had the good sense to separate the title “Mother”
that society blindly adorned her with, to her actual behavior as a dangerous
predator. Call me unsentimental, but the
bitch is just another malignant narcissist to me. And after two decades of no
contact, she doesn't even make it on my list of top three most hated MNs. Those
slots are filled by other MNs whose heads I would love to see bashed-in, including
malignant narcissist sister.
Speaking of malignant
narcissist sister, it was through her MN franken daughter ways that I received
proof positive that my choice to go no contact with that vile woman known as my
“mother” was without a doubt, the right one. After 17 years of complete no
contact with MN mother and MN sister, I made the mistake of contacting MN
sister. My thinking was that maybe she had changed and become normal. Fat
chance. MN sister was even more deranged and corrupt than ever. Indeed she was
simply channeling MN mother. So what happened in the brief time span of me
communicating with MN sister? MN mother got MN sister to send me a message. After
17 years without access to me, MN mother got MN sister to send me an email
saying that I had no right to live.
“You have no
right to live!” That was Malignant Narcissist Mother's Mantra to me. And 17 years earlier, during our final
conversation before I went no contact, that’s exactly what she was continuing
to drill into my head – “You have no right to exist!” Jesus. Is it any wonder I stayed the hell away from that vile bitch? I am now at the age she was when she really ramped-up her abuse, and regardless of my understanding of malignant narcissism, I will never be able to fathom how someone can be so mentally deranged and not be locked-up in an insane asylum. Malignant narcissists are dangerous and crazy, and evil and they really do get worse with age.
So yeah, I
think my mother is a cunt and I know she is a malignant narcissist and my blog
is a testament to what a failure she and other mutants like her are as human beings.
I won’t even give the bitch credit for being a failure as a mother. Her label is CHILD ABUSER/ADULT CHILD ABUSER at which she excels. The sick twisted bitch gets off on humiliating, degrading and terrorizing her own child.
As far as my MN mother goes... dumb cunt pushed
her luck. She fucked with the wrong person. She underestimated me. THIS is her legacy. She will go down in history
as the vile sack of shit that she is – A MALIGNANT NARCISSIST. We need to recognize every malignant narcissist without prejudice. That is to say, we must be able to accept that they are ALL dangerous, regardless of their relationship to us. Once we can grasp that concept, we will not be enslaved by bullshit "family" shackles.
In other words, fuck the DNA relationship! Get out now!
Cheers! Thanks for your blog.
ReplyDeleteBess, you're welcome! Clink clink.
DeleteIt's been many decades since I've been in the physical presence of the tag-team from hell, Psychob and MNsis aside from the ambush at my home by Psychob a few yrs. post NC and a "Summit Meeting" initiated by MNsis on the most transparent of excuses almost a decade ago. MNsis was on a Fact-Finding Mission to figure out how much I knew about "mother's death" and in reality, whether or not I expressed any interest in her Will/Trust. MNsis had not changed a bit, passed with flying colors every N-Test I put out for her and has been intentionally lulled into a sense of security. I've not heard from her since: She may be hearing from my attorney shortly.
ReplyDeleteIt's been over a decade since Psychob's death to this world but in truth, she died a long, painful death to this "DD" prior to NC. DNA in my world means "Do Not Assume" any AC will tolerate Predators or the Conscience-Impaired into the indefinite future in the name of "Family." The "DNAs" can find Prey elsewhere. If my presence wasn't helping I figured my absence wouldn't hurt. NC confirmed in even more spectacular fashion how evil these human-LIKE Predators truly are and no, they're not gonna change.
Particularly with the advent of technology there's no reason for any AC to feel alone or not engage in self-protective measures. But trying to get out while still in contact is analogous to trying to learn to swim when you're already drowning. Time away, complete NC is necessary IMO to start the process of becoming de-FOGged. You can always re-evaluate your decision after a bare bones minimum of a year (preferably longer) of complete NC. You can use that time as an opportunity for self-reflection as well as gauge the response to your request for time-out.
Happy Mothers Day to the REAL Moms: Mine was a disgrace to every last *real* mother, the ones we truly honor, love, respect and enjoy, who have been a genuine blessing to our lives every day, not just on Hallmark Holidays. The rest know damn well what they did despite their protestations. The facade of "Family"/"Mom" must be maintained at all costs including an incalculable cost to the AC.
DNA for an AC still in contact="The Ties That Blind." Life was never meant to be a life sentence.....
TW
TW, right on! No adult child should tolerate predators or the conscience impaired in the name of family. The cost of maintaining the facade of "Family"/"Mom" is at an incalculable cost to the AC. "The Ties That Bind." Exactly. Life was never meant to be a life sentence. These are words to live by.
DeleteThank-you!
I, for one, am sooo grateful that you exist. Happy Mother's day--to the big sister I was always wishing I had,(the one who would protect me from the monsters.) You are helping me so much to heal. Big hug to you. Chin up, your sun is shining, and you are a blessing to the world!
ReplyDeleteLindy, I always wished I had a nice, normal sister. Unfortunately, I got stuck with another version of my mother. Anyway, it's great to hear I'm helping you. Thanks for letting me know. A big virtual hug right back atcha!
DeleteI am sad to say I have a malignant narcissist daughter, and it is more painful than I can ever explain to anyone. Both my father and her father were also MN's, and she learned very young that it was a really great way to ruin my life. It is very difficult when the narcissist is your only child, and she has your only very young grandson. You walk away from one, you walk away from both of them. Throw your Grandson to the MN without any life preserver? Or, face the fact that your MN's constant threats that you will never see your Grandson again will come true, so it is all a waste to hang in there, anyway. All the worse because I grew up with a MN Father, so I am conditioned to take abuse and feel guilty or wrong and her projections and lies and gaslighting make me second guess myself. Oh! Then there is all the writing that a MN is caused because of neglectful parenting, or abuse, and usually by the Mother. Ugh :-(. The knife cuts even deeper. On this Mother's Day we are not speaking, as she threatened me once too often with losing the ability to see my Grandchild and would not let me take him when I went to pick him up for the day.....Does this ever end??? My daughter was forty when she had her one and only child, and he is three now. She is worst than ever, and I fear that her actions will cause her to land up in jail or in some God awful mess, so I need to be connected to my Grandson in case someone calls CPS on her! Does anyone ever write about their malignant narcissist daughter?? Mostly I find writing about MN's Mothers or parents. Sometimes it is the parent that gets abused! She started treating me like my father does since her early teens, and showed a predisposition for the problem as early as eight. I truly believe there is a genetic component, as well as learned behavior. Like a fool when I was young I let my MN Father be her father image, because her father abandoned her. BIG, BIG mistake. However, with all the genetics going on, it could have showed up anyway. My father adored her and nicknamed her the "Princess." A name she believes she deserves to this day.....
ReplyDeleteSo "Anonymous" figured the best place to whine about her malignant narcissist daughter was on a blog written by the daughter of a malignant narcissist mother. Not only that, she chose the Mother's Day post to make a case for herself as poor, pitiful victim. To that I say: Pffft. I'm sure there's a reason your daughter wants nothing to do with you and won't let you near her son, and it IS HER son. Having access to HER child is a privilege not a right, and it sounds like you haven't earned that privilege. I'm not buying your victim status, want to know why? Because you "Anonymous" have posted in a most calculated and oh so transparent fashion. AND, you're hiding behind Anonymous - all Anonymous' instantly lack credibility.
DeleteGet the hell off my blog and don't come back. This is a place for adult children of narcissist. But please feel free to send your daughter here, I'm sure she'd have lots to say about you.
May the nematodes that eat dead dog's eyes come to you in a dream and hollow you inner mass -- may they spare your excess body fat as your one true monument!
You are so on point, very clever. I can tell you smell it a mile away....this tells me you had to be educated after years of torment with your own situation. So happy you help people heal with this page. Thank you justice does exist.
DeleteFinally can live now, thank you for acknowledging this. I received an email from that Anonymous poster asking me for advice AFTER I replied to her comment. Huh? She couldn't comprehend that I had chased her off my blog. The subject of her email was "My Narcissist Daughter" and Ms. Oblivious Anonymous proceeded to tell me that she was attractive, accomplished and her loser daughter who "smoked the funny stuff" accused her of abuse because she was jealous of her. She had no concern for her allegedly effed-up daughter, all she cared about was getting her hands on HER grandson. I smelled a rat right away with her, and her email confirmed that she was a total fraud.
DeleteI also received one hell of an angry comment from a reader with a MN daughter who tore a strip off me for my reply to Anonymous "WRONG ANSWER Lisette!" (eye roll). I've moderated about 2500 comments, and I have confidence in my ability to know when one is not like the others. What some people don't understand is that there are a lot of "estranged" parents floating around these parts whose adult children have gone no contact because they are narcissists. These estranged parents troll ACoN blogs, sometimes stalking their own kids. I don't know what the back story is on that "Anonymous" but I can tell you right now that she does not have a MN daughter. Though, I believe the angry commenter does.
Mothers are NOT victims of their daughters. That is such a bullshit narcissist tale. I am so glad you can see this. It's like being vicariously advocated for against the old lies. Just awesome. I've also just caught up on your former posts in response to the old "she did the best she could" lines and here is my two cents: doing the best you could would mean screwing up and then apologizing and really trying. Vicious, persistent, insane attacks does not equal "doing the best she could." Thank you for everything here. Especially for being so funny and clear. I have a young daughter and all I see is vulnerability and hope and potential. Who deliberately messes with that? Oh wait, that is the entire reason this blog and all its followers exist! LOL
DeleteOops, sorry "Finally can live for me." I'm sure you've always been living... And not just "now." ;)
DeleteYou are hilarious! and absolutely right. And I love the cursing. I'm 45 and just learning how to stop the internalized voice of the MN mother who gaslighted my ass forever. And ramped it up when I turned 12. My problem is that it's all mixed in with things I should be grateful for (paid-for education, etc)... I suppose it's just the rat's intermittent pellet of reinforcement. I don't know. All I know is that I have to take strong antidepressants and to work hard at shutting up an internalized voice that berates me.
ReplyDeleteFINALLY someone who can see the dark humour in all of this - thank you! It really is a mind fuck when the abuse is mixed with material stuff that on the surface looks like we were spoiled or privileged. Severe covert N abuse mixed with lumps of cash really messed with my head for years. I agree that it's all part of the rat game. In the end, I just see it as the Narc's continual manipulation, self-serving agenda and mental abuse.
DeleteI just went back and read your posts on psychotherapy: super fascinating. I have had years of therapy (stopped about 10 years ago) and NOT ONCE did anyone say: your mother has NPD with malignancy. FUCKKKKKK! I would've been free. Maybe.... I used to say to my shrinks, "I'm bad. I was born bad. I'm an awful person."
DeleteAnyway, my favorite image in your blog is of the slithering, tail-dragging monster. Cracks me up. I have been taking NPD so seriously lately: the laughing is helpful. Can you give me one piece of help? The tiny residual feeling of pity I feel for my mother, who had such a bad childhood herself.... What do I do with this? I want to lay the guilt to rest.
D.E.M.,if you can grasp the fact that the narcissist never has and never will feel any compassion toward you, particularly for the abuse they inflicted on you, that may help. Narcissists don't feel an ounce of pity or sympathy toward us, they save it all for themselves. Your mention of therapy, and having pity for the narcissist is something that has been on my mind lately, so I would like to try and address that in a blog post.
Delete"the slithering, tail-dragging monster.." Heehee. Narcs are such lizard people. I'm glad you are able to laugh about this stuff. It's a heavy subject and a sense of humour sure does help.
Thanks for replying. And thanks for the blog. Coming across it this week has been most fortuitous! I never used to laugh this shit off because I didn't know what it was. Then I found out. Now, I'm beginning to find it comical. Your hilarious rage is so helpful. My sister and I now know that what is happening (to her kids; not mine --just hers, in classic GC and SC style) is textbook. You could carry a fucking clipboard around and just check the rancid stuff off as it occurs.
DeleteD.E.M. "She had such a bad childhood herself."
DeleteNow wait one, Little One. Who told you this? If it came out of her mouth, remember: If they're breathing, they're lying. And frankly, I wouldn't trust any of her family and their "background info" either.
Further, none of us *here* had charmed childhoods either. Yet we did not continue their disgusting Legacy nor have we ever used our shitty backgrounds as an excuse for abuse, to compare *our kids* to our "up-bringing" inferring they should somehow be grateful in any way nor pull the "Pity Card" for shitty parenting. We did not manipulate our kids with money, "gifts" thinly disguised as "IOUs" or any other Ties that Blind the AC to the reality that parents GIVE FREELY-because that's what normal parents DO. Food, clothing, shelter, educations? Orphanages do this as well. IMO, the greatest Legacy we have passed on started with protecting our kids from Predators, DNA-related or otherwise.
We did *not* raise out kids in Fear/Terror, Obligation or Guilt. We didn't blame them for our failings. We took responsibility for our own lives and decisions and stopped the Legacy. And we now have adult children who truly love us unconditionally just as we love THEM.
TW
I just saw this TW! Thank you. Your words are incredibly helpful. I am going to read them over and over. The only thing: My MN's mother lived with us for a few years. I saw it first-hand. I know the stories of cruelty. I carried pity for MN around for so long, though. It truly was last year, at 45, when I said to myself: She fuckingWANTED me to carry that around! UGHGH. It was another one of her cruelties. So, I got the cake with the icing: her weird attacks plus her sob stories. I felt totally responsible for making her happy. I felt like a performing monkey my whole life. When she was laughing or smiling, I was relieved and safe. But not for long. You are so right, Tundra Woman. My MN raised me in Obligation, Guilt, and Fear. What still nags at me is the way she saw herself as doing a better job than her parents.... oh fuckit. It was part of her narcissism. Who calls her daughter a whore and then looks at her crying and just sits there with a smirk?
DeleteHave just read the entire blog, I think. So helpful. I'm so sorry for what you've been through. I wish I could've saved you from that rat while you were in your crib :(. I have an early memory, sharp and clear too, of my mother braiding my long hair when I was three or four and then cutting the braid off at the nape. She "liked her girls to have short hair." I remember screaming in horror. She presented me with the braid as my "first haircut" about a year ago. OMG. I remember being seven and my sister and I telling her that people kept thinking we were boys--and I remember she said, "show them your vagina, that'll shut them up" and laughed. It was pure meanness. Pure, distilled enjoyment of dominating little girls.
ReplyDeleteThanks, D.E.M. I told the rat story to a therapist and his response was that I was a hysterical woman with an irrational fear of rats, and that I saw myself as a rat. This therapist also told me that I was "imagining" things. I bolted when he told me, "It's my job to DESTROY you." Talk about abusive. No doubt he was an MN and a sadist. I really hate therapists.
DeleteAs a little girl I had long hair that my MN mother used to wrap in rags so I would have these long bouncy curls, and then one day.... HACK! Both my sister and I had short boy hair cuts. I also remember being told that I looked like a boy. I believe MN mother hacked off our hair around the age where her daughter's looks may have begun to threaten her. Your mother sounds like a piece of work. Oh the symbolism of the braid. Now you can be forever reminded of the traumatic event, and that time in your childhood where you were told to flash your vagina to let people know you are not a boy. WTF?! The insanity of these batshit MN mothers never ceases to amaze me.
Saw yourself as a rat. Pathetic. That's about as pathetic as it gets.
DeleteThanks for replying again :)
Lisette,
ReplyDeleteI believe I owe you an apology. Yes, I'm the "angry commenter" :-) I'm so glad you published the follow-up on "Anonymous". I had no idea she was truly one wacked-out Bitch! Unfortunately, I percieved her as being an ACoN, (she was on the site) who was going through what I am going through with my MN daughter.
Your blogs have been so accurate and straight forward for the past 2 years I have been reading you. I was shocked by your answer to "A" through my inaccurate perception. Your comments speak so directly to what all us ACoNs experience, or have experienced, I believe you are directly addressing me! So, when I saw your reactionary comment, I was hurt - not so much angry. Thank you for clarifying.
Again, my apologies.
Dianne, thanks for this. I understand that you viewed my response to Anonymous through the eyes of someone who IS an ACoN with a MN daughter. Had you written a comment about your MN daughter it wouldn't have been an issue. My "reaction" to trolls is all pretty much the same: you are a fraud, get off my blog! I don't care if they're feigning a MN mother, MN sister, MN daughter or any other MN combo, I'll go after them. Sometimes I watch them for a while, sometimes I unmask them right away, sometimes I just spam them.
DeleteI'm sure there are a lot of sites, blogs and forums that deal with estranged parents who are being denied access to their grandchildren. Anonymous chose a hardcore ACoN blog to moan about her daughter and her grandson. THAT, to me, is very calculating and very crafty and very N. Anonymous wasn't here as an ACoN, she was here looking for sympathy as a mother/grandmother on Mother's Day of all days (cue the violins). I'm not in the business of validating the delusions and lies of wacked-out Bitches. That shit won't happen on my watch.
"That shit won't happen on my watch."
ReplyDeleteThe best.
I so love your site. I always thought I was crazy, but thats what my MN MOM wanted me to believe. She never wanted anything good for me. I have so many stories of her being quick silver, never being able to put a finger on her mean behaviors. I have not had contact with her for going on five years now in person. I get the occasional phone call from her trying to pull me back into her drama, her sickness...but I see through it now as just her way of trying to make me feel bad and also trying to make others see me as a monster. It has caused me to have to seperate from many family members because they are on her side and try to say that I am the one who is cruel...but they don't know what I dealt with my whole life. I have a much better life without my mother in it. That is a sad truth, but I feel like I can finally be free and be myself without the constant nag of a mother who needs to have control of me and be the center of attention at all times. I am finally at peace in most of my life. I do feel bad alot that I don't have family to turn to, but I have made many close friends my family and they are reciprical of love I did not have and do not expect me to do things for approval. They love me for me.
ReplyDeleteTammy, welcome! It sounds like you've got your MN mom's number. No more drama and No Contact all the way. Happy 5 year saniversary!
Delete(that's sanity and anniversary combined, not sure if the word will catch on)
I thought you'd enjoy the fact that my NM bought herself a diamond bracelet for Mother's Day. She always rewards herself on this day...
ReplyDeleteWell, if no one else is going to reward her with a mother's day gift then I guess she has to do it for herself. Diamonds? HA! She's trying way too hard. What a sham!
ReplyDeleteWhy did I not stumble onto your blog until bedtime? I'm so looking forward to reading all of it!
ReplyDeleteI want to say thank you so much happy mothers day to you!! And happy valentines day 2014 I love that you too recognize how it eats you up , the hate towards them. I try so hard everyday to get over it. I too have been destroyed and yes the combination mother and sister both, they never stop. I have asked can narcissists be born or made. I see that I have 3 siblings who all live right by her and yes , I see that all 3 are of her narcissist traits. I finally found out two weeks ago by indulging in every blog written, that I am the scape goat of the fucking circus. My puke of a mother alway's said oh christ , feel picked on, its alway's about you, get the fuck over yourself. These are the mild words. And mind you these are wealthy people. Not educated but wealthy that has made her 10 times more the monster. I am so loving you and needed to here your anger. No one gets it, until your in it. The face this bitch puts on for all others'. And the complete different person she is to her children and are animals (really are poor animals) the fucking burden we are to her and were to her. I am now 45 and I hate her gut's, I love my friends people and my dogs have saved my life for the past two years. But I am broken. Really menatlly broken from breaking me down since the first early years. the un godly things she came up with to say. I killed myself, I killed myself with bulemia, I killed myself with permiscouse behavior, I killed myself for being alive. I had no right. No matter being an elite gymnast, a cheerleader, track , etc. i am still the girl with the watermelon ass. She said it to me again at 42. She said it to me when I was 12, coming into women hood. But still I was 80 lbs and !!! Anyway, I love you , I will keep reading , keep unleashing it will hopefully get her. thank you again and again
ReplyDelete