Ok here is a narc food story, i can relate to your post. I just remembered this. I had been helping a MN I know years ago by driving them around and running errands (this was one of MANY times) with our kids. The kids and adults were hungry so the MN offered to treat us to Mc Donalds. The narc ordered and brought our food to the table. Even though we were in our 20's the Narc bought me a HAPPY MEAL. Im not sure if I am just tripping out, but that must be a MN move. I can relate to this post A lot. I have had MN's in my life take idea's, places, happy moments from me. Only to be gaslighted w/ "Gifts". The gift part used to really confuse me. But it is a lot clearer now. The superiority/compitition thing is really creepy. I hate how narcs start a competition with you even if you are totally not aware. They really try to draw you into it. So glad I am on to these MN tactics. My MN mom used to buy me gifts every once in a great while. When I was a kid/adolecent it would really confuse me because it totally contradicted all of her other behavior. Since I have gone NC no more gifts. What a coincidence. A really good point on how Narcs feel such a sense of triumph when they think they have out competed you. I have seen that in my life one to many times. SOOOO true If you think being nice to a MN narc will change them watch out!!!! The more you try to be nice to them and show them compassion the more they will hate you and laugh at your ignorance. That was a twist that took me a while to get.It seems anti life/human. Now I know better. Thanks 4 the very informative post Lissette . MG
MG, you're welcome! McDonalds - ugh! That's the restaurant of choice for the cheapo narc who's "buying." I had a Narc boyfriend way back when, before I knew better, who was sooo exploitative and sooo cheap. One day he acts like the big shot and says he would like to take me out for ice-cream. Well, there was a nice ice-cream parlour in my neighbourhood, but does he take me there? Hell-to-the-no! He takes me to... wait - for - it... wait - for - it... McDonalds! Seems McDonalds had a .5 cent special on their soft ice-cream cones. So we get to McDonalds, he hands me a dime, and tells me that he wants vanilla and he goes and sits down. The worse part is, I have more McDonald Narc stories. I cringe at the thought of all the narcs I have put up with over the years.
"Gifts" from a N parent are often a way to buy the kid's love so they won't be abandoned. Basically, they are a form of manipulation and yes, these "gifts" can be incredibly confusing when their behavior says, "I don't give a shit about you." And then they lavish you with a generous gift. How can you fully hate them when they make such a grand gesture? I think it's a way for them to keep us in a FOG (fear, obligation, guilt). Nothing is "free" in a relationship with a narc, you're gonna end up paying one way or another.
I just realized how DEMEANING that narc McDonald's ice-cream experience was. I felt so degraded as "I" stood in line for those .5 cent cones. Then it occurred to me that anytime a MN has played pretend at "gift-giving" it has been a demeaning experience. It's amazing how these narcs can make you feel like shit, even when they are "pretending" to do something nice. They have an omnnipresent hatred of us normals.
"they don't know who you are or what you like or want" So true. They all think that they know you very well. They don't freaking know me at ALL nor do they care to. Being the scapegoat, the only thing nparents and family members saw was them projecting their evilness towards me and misinturperated it for me. But what they were really seeing was themselves.
That's for sure. You can really see the narc's paranoid fear of what people might figure out about them by all the things they smear onto us. They never see us, they only see their lies, gossip, slander and projections on us. So according to MN sister who is a hypochondriac, a hoarder, a delusional shut-in, and schizoid... I'm apparently "a schizophrenic who isn't coping and "needs" medication." Apparently, the sicker, and crazier and more evil they become, in their demented minds, WE become. It's almost laughable how they broadcast their Achilles' heel.
"Apparently, the sicker,and crazier and more evil they become, in their demented minds, WE become." Yeah, it is laughable. I can only imagine what is being said about me and my family now and the stupid people who believe it.It's funny how they have so much to say about us, still and we haven't been around them for years.That should give the hearers a clue.
Another phenomenal Post, Lisette and you've absolutely nailed all the salient points. I have examples that would go on for pages re: Psychobitch (MN "Mother") and MNsis and a few other MNs I've had the unfortunate experience to encounter aside from the fore-mentioned Tag-Team-From-Hell. "...their greed seems to be motivated by the fact it will hurt others." EXACTLY. It's not simply enough to take from others, but to ruthlessly destroy them in the taking. I believe it's the annihilation of their targets, the scorched earth policy of War that separates them from the more garden-variety Narcs. The MNs will track you to the ends of the Planet with their hell-bent destructive agenda. It's quite easy to "provoke" an MN and their unabashed Greed and Retribution campaign. You can be certain any "infraction" will forever remain in their Book of Retribution, aka, "Reasons Why You Deserve To Be Destroyed." Every interaction with them is dangerous as a result. Lacking conscience, they leave in their wake a trail of wreck and ruin and are equal opportunity destroyers typically starting with their family members. Nothing they do is without Predatory/Exploitative intent. Their Terrorist Tactics from "gift-giving" to offers of some sort of assistance is never what it appears to be: They have planted an IED designed to maim /destroy perhaps not immediately, but sometime in the future. The reality is many of them never have contact with the Criminal Justice System; however, their Crimes Against Humanity in their on-going "Gotta Have It ALL" War with anyone/everyone is very real and certainly just as criminal. Their Greed is insatiable and perverse. Their sadism in filling their bottomless pit of "Me-Me-Me!!" eclipses any overt manifestation of generosity, empathy etc.-all the truly wonderful human qualities-rendering them "Human-LIKE" rather than truly human. In my experience, their Greed is manifested through their ability to use their target's naievity, their best personal qualities as a weapon of mass destruction: There is NO area of your life that will remain intact after encountering MNs. Just as they planned. They will despise you for your freely given assistance perceiving you as weak and they will despise you for refusing to cooperate with their agenda. Consequently, either response will encourage their "talents" and absolute delight in destroying ALL of you. Nothing less than a "Death Penalty" courtesy of your MN Judge, Jury and Executioner will suffice generally initiated by a horrific denigration/smear campaign, recruitment of other Minions etc. followed by *years* of retribution custom designed by the MN to ensure as long as they walk this earth, you will suffer. If they can engineer your physical death without getting "caught"/unmasked (their *only* fear) they will not hesitate to do so. Just one example from MN Psychobitch: Years Post NC she continued to snail-mail bomb me regardless of how frequently I moved. (I've already spoken to the Stalking/Stalking-By-Proxy/PI's/destruction of my first career post under-grad etc.) Typically, these missives hit the trash unopened, unread-except for the obvious crap written all over the outside of the envelope-as soon as they arrived. However, per the instructions I received from the Risk Assessment analysis, I did open and read these snail mail bombs if the pattern changed. Some years later, the pattern did change so I opened a letter and read it: The contents contained her typical MN histrionics, ranting/raving/denigration of me, my father, references to some cheap/broken shit she had "gifted" me with years before etc. Most notable? -I had at that point been totally NC for 15 yrs. -Dad had been DEAD for 10 yrs. -They had been divorced for 25 yrs. Affront an MN and their relentless greed-wittingly or unwittingly-and they *never* forget or forgive. How interesting they demand WE do exactly that for them! TW
TW, thank-you for this comment. I too have examples that could go on for pages. I ended the post abruptly because if I hadn't it would have gone on and on and on. I was thinking of doing it in 5, 10, 50 parts to get it all out, but in the end it can be summed up in a few words: malignant narcissism = Greed. You nailed it in your words below.
"The reality is many of them never have contact with the Criminal Justice System; however, their Crimes Against Humanity in their on-going "Gotta Have It ALL" War with anyone/everyone is very real and certainly just as criminal."
They harm EVERYONE in their War to "Have It ALL." They feel entitled to exploit and control the whole world and everyone and everything in it. And to the most evil MNs that means ravaging their children's entire life. Your MN mother had to be one of the most demonic psychos out there. What strikes me most about the crazy evil bitch is that she tried to destroy your career, your reputation, every aspect of your life... she tried to destroy YOU! And at the end of the day the demented bitch was still seething about some cheap/broken piece of shit she had "gifted" you! And THEY never forgive and forget. Yeah, DEMANDING WE DO is just part of the insane injustice of it all. I hope our refusal to forgive the unforgiveable MN eats away at them like an internal acid, like all the other petty shit they cling to. They are such fucking clones. My MN mother called me up once, no hello, no nothing... just screaming into the phone about a piece of fucking lawn furniture I had taken years ago to furnish my apartment after she and N father had abandoned their children who were minors. She should have been worrying about us ratting her out to child welfare instead of a fucking lawn chair.
These MNs should really try and prioritize their crimes. But I guess a disorganized mind is part of their insanity.
Yes, that's exactly how I described it to narc foo when at the time I didn't know what I was dealing with(pathological people/socios). I told them that I didn't know why they were ALWAYS at war with me. Of course, it went over their loser heads.
Another experience: As very young children, MNsis informed Psychobitch I "was good enough for the hand-me-down clothes from (her)." I'm not gonna get into that, but fast forward to many, many years later. I'm an adult, had been out on my own for many years, had not seen/spoken to/had any contact with my MNsis for a few years (I was very LC as it's called now) with both of them. Out of the blue one day this huge box arrives at my residence-like the size of a large footlocker-from of all people, MNsis. I open the box and guess what's in there?! All her USED clothing! WTF? No note/letter accompanied this mess. I never mentioned needing anything, never mind clothes. Think of how much thought, planning and trouble not to mention expense she went to in her effort to drive her *real* "message" to me: She lives in Manhattan, had to find a box large enough, load it up, get transportation to the Post Office, stand in line and pay to send it-WOW! Both she and Psychobitch were, as my Aunt the poetess/wordsmith described, "parsimonious" towards everyone else and particularly me. The word "parsimony" is defined as "stinginess; extreme unnecessary economy. SYN: niggardly, grasping" In all the years I had known MNsis, she never so much as sent a letter never mind a package/gift of any kind to me. Ever. The clothes went to a Thrift Shop. The message was "delivered" and received. No "Thank You" note or "acknowledgement" was forth-coming (gasp!) A few months later, I received a letter from Psychobitch inquiring why I had not "responded" to MNsis's "generous donation" and chiding me for my "apparent lack of manners." I did not respond as I should have: "When MNsis acknowledges the most recent $100. I sent her for an alleged 'emergency' (that wasn't and was never acknowledged/returned) conjured up by the two of you to shake me down for more $$$, I might acknowledge her "offering." More likely, I won't." Nothing is EVER what it appears to be with MNFOOs. Anyone who did not know the background, the history involved in this "gesture" might think, "Wasn't that nice." No, it wasn't: It was meant to remind me where I always stood on the family "Hierarchy"-and don't you ever forget it, TW ;) They never forgive, they never forget-but YOU better, right this second-they demand while stomping their over-sized feet in their over-sized adult tantrums and all over you if possible. TW
Parsimonious is too elegant sounding for these vile MNs. They deserve stingy, niggardly, mean! Your MNsis truly was the ugly step-sister to your Cinderella... a role that SHE and your Psychobitch MNM assigned to you. Miserable cows! I can just see the two of them conjuring up the plan to send you a massive box of hand-me-downs. Without the background, I would know from experience, that it was just a large footlocker sized INSULT and REMINDER of where you stood on the family "Hierarchy" and don't ever forget it! And to think of all the effort she had to put forth to send you the message. I think these fuckers would trek through a blizzard to remind us of where we stand on the family hierarchy.
I had a similar experience except I actually needed help. I was around 21, 22 and I had just moved back to my home city. I was looking for work, and struggling to pay my rent. It took a while to find a job and all my money went to rent and that meant none left over for a sufficient amount of food. So I started losing weight, and I was already on the thin side so there wasn't much to lose. Meanwhile MN sister is living comfortably - room and board - in MNM's large 3 bedroom townhouse. MNM is laid-off from her part-time job that she did for fun, so she is receiving unemployment cheques. To her that's "free" money so the tightwad bitch just uses these cheques to buy, buy, buy. One day the two bitches leave the key "under the mat" for me so I can get in to pick-up some mail that was sent to me. I remember I was fucking starving. I go into the kitchen and I see this note left on the fridge from MNM to MNsis. It's telling her to have a wonderful weekend (she had gone away for the weekend to a resort) and her credit card is attached... the note goes on to say to buy whatever she likes. Love Mom. Gag! The credit card was for a department store that had an amazing food floor and was conveniently located near their townhouse. Did I grab the card and get whatever "I" like? No. But I did go upstairs to peek in MNM's bedroom. I was astonished. It was like a shopping scene from a 1950's movie had exploded. There were boxes EVERYWHERE. Really nice boxes. I didn't even know retailers boxed stuff anymore. There were Hat boxes, shoe boxes, clothing boxes, jewelery boxes. Some of the items were spilling out of the boxes and on display, strewn across chairs and on the bed. It looked like a shopoholic had gone on a major bender. MNM was so cheap, she NEVER bought like that for herself, so it was this "free" money from the government - that she didn't need - that had incited her greedy spending spree.
Fast forward a couple of weeks. By this time I had lost a noticeable amount of weight. I see MNsis one day, and I guess she reports back to MNM that I look skinny. So the two evil bitches accuse me of being anorexic. Next thing I know I'm having to defend myself to them. Yup. They just decided that I've got some kind of eating disorder. Finally I tell them I can't afford food. So the two evil witches conspire around their bubbling brew of poison to present to me a "gesture" of their "concern" and "good-will." MNM sister drops by my apartment with a bag of "food" for me. Now is it nice, healthy, fresh stuff from the department store food floor? Hell to the no! It's all crap. And all the stuff I hate and have always hated. There was some dusty old cans of pork 'n beans, ancient boxes of mac and cheese, powedered soup... it was all the shit that no one ever eats, but that just sits and gets dusty at the back of the kitchen cupboards... and maybe... is given for donation for food drives at Christmas. And among the goodies was some cheese. But not a block of cheese in its own package. It was a small slab of cheese choppped from their large chunk. Even the powdered soup wasn't a whole box, it was 2 individual packages taken from the box.
Reading your comment, the thought popped up that your MNM staged the entire scene at her place before having you pick up your mail there in her absence. Oh, and if one single charge had been made to her card or any item taken from her staged hoard, word of it would have been heard around the world!
Oneheart, I never thought of that, but these MNs are SO devious it is highly likely the entire scene was staged not only to make me feel bad, but to try and tempt me to use the credit card or steal. She was trying to frame me. MNM is incredibly stingy and withholding, so even the note and credit card for MN sister seemed a little over the top.
When we analyze their behavior and peel back rotten layer after rotten layer, it's unbelievable how scheming and calculating they are - every word, every action is premeditated for effect. Their evil is deep rooted and there is no bottom to it. Thanks for you comment, it made me think.
In my opinion the worst thing that these disgusting people try to steal and destroy so mercilessly is your soul. My dreadful mother made me feel that I was totally worthless and in her own words as I was growing up, the sow who should never have been born. I'm so sorry that I have been unable to understand what has been going on, because if I had, then she would never have been given the chance to hurt me for so many years.
SiennaRose, you made a very important point. The epitome of the narcissist's greed is to steal another's soul: an individual self, a person's essence, everything we are. That is the ultimate score for these disgusting, greedy creatures.
Many of us feel this information comes to us too little to late. So you're not alone in that regard. I'm just hoping that one day a time machine is invented.
Another thing i find most disturbing is no matter how much information we have from other victims. The people the MN an I both know ,think i am wrong about how seious this is.
It almost seems like you interviewed my evil-ass mother to write this post...Guess that's probably not necessary because they're all the same.
"The pleasure for this narc was knowing that you were in a bind, and it was going to cost you in terms of stress and inconvenience, and you would have to scramble to find a hotel and then pay through the nose for it. Denying something that was so easy to give made this narc feel powerful, and it demonstrated how mean and stingy and withholdng she actually was." This part made the hair on my arms stand up. It made me remember a time where I was a teenager and in an abusive relationship (wonder why that happened *insert eyeroll*). Anyway, I had not graduated college, had no money, and was desperate to escape. After being turned away by numerous women's shelters, I begged my mother, who was living in a large town home at the time, to allow me to stay there just long enough to save some money, which probably would have been a few months max. After that, I would be out on my own. She agreed, so I moved in.
Fast forward a week or so. This evil bitch came up to me and snapped, "You are not going to be living here for free. You are going to have to pay rent!" I responded with, "Okay, how much do you want?" Whatever answer she came back with exceeded the amount of my paycheck, so I explained the situation and asked her to work with me a bit, then reminded her that I'd be out soon. She proceeded to inform me that this wasn't her problem, and that if I wanted to stay there I would come up with the money.
I saw no other way out and ended up going back to my abuser. I put up with being battered physically, sexually, and emotionally just to complete enough classes to obtain a low level position in my field...and then I left his sorry ass and got an apartment of my own, but that's another story. :)
This evil bitch may have tried to murder my soul, but like everything else she's attempted in life, she failed. I'm here, and may be bent, but I'm not broken.
"This evil bitch may have tried to murder my soul, but like everything else she's attempted in life, she failed. I'm here, and may be bent, but I'm not broken."
You prevail ANON! You have not succumbed to her evil. You are doing the exact OPPOSITE of what she wants you to do... you are walking tall and strong and moving forward and leaving the crazy evil bitch in your dust! I hope it gives you even more satisfcation to know how much this pisses her off.
Good god Lisette you are spot on gifts. My N wife despises video games, my young son loves them (no surprise him and 100 million others). She takes every opportunity to denigrate and mock him for this. Trust me he gets his school work and other responsibilities done first, is in great shape, all that.
One month when she must have felt she was really losing her grip. That is, I think her behavior was getting so selfish she couldn't even lie to herself. That and she maybe noticed the kids and I have a life and relationship with each other that is totally lacking with her. She takes him out to pre-order a video game. There is nothing out he wants, but she insists. To show her generosity.
My son and I talk, and he knows this is weird since mom hates video games. May be why this game still sits at the store and he couldn't care less.
Lisette, thank you for writing about your experiences (as painful as the memories may seem). I can resonate with a lot what you have gone through and its a comforting thought that you are not alone. I grew up with a mother quite like yours and am only now separating myself from her. Nothing I did was ever good enough and she reminded me of how ungrateful I was (even though I did the best I could to be a good daughter).
To add insult to injury, I started dating a man who is a narcissist five years ago. The five years was such an uphealving battle. His lies, cheating and selfish ways were picking at me until I finally flipped. I know they say not to get angry with a narcissist but damn it felt good and he didn't even say ONE word afterwards! Not only that, but I send a lovely anonymous email to his girlfriend in letting her know what the situation was. Too many men get away with cheating because women don't want to be the ones to do anything about it. I'm tired of these narcissist thinking they can get away with everything.
Ok here is a narc food story, i can relate to your post. I just remembered this. I had been helping a MN I know years ago by driving them around and running errands (this was one of MANY times) with our kids. The kids and adults were hungry so the MN offered to treat us to Mc Donalds. The narc ordered and brought our food to the table. Even though we were in our 20's the Narc bought me a HAPPY MEAL. Im not sure if I am just tripping out, but that must be a MN move. I can relate to this post A lot. I have had MN's in my life take idea's, places, happy moments from me. Only to be gaslighted w/ "Gifts". The gift part used to really confuse me. But it is a lot clearer now. The superiority/compitition thing is really creepy. I hate how narcs start a competition with you even if you are totally not aware. They really try to draw you into it. So glad I am on to these MN tactics. My MN mom used to buy me gifts every once in a great while. When I was a kid/adolecent it would really confuse me because it totally contradicted all of her other behavior. Since I have gone NC no more gifts. What a coincidence. A really good point on how Narcs feel such a sense of triumph when they think they have out competed you. I have seen that in my life one to many times. SOOOO true If you think being nice to a MN narc will change them watch out!!!! The more you try to be nice to them and show them compassion the more they will hate you and laugh at your ignorance. That was a twist that took me a while to get.It seems anti life/human. Now I know better. Thanks 4 the very informative post Lissette . MG
ReplyDeleteMG, you're welcome!
DeleteMcDonalds - ugh! That's the restaurant of choice for the cheapo narc who's "buying." I had a Narc boyfriend way back when, before I knew better, who was sooo exploitative and sooo cheap. One day he acts like the big shot and says he would like to take me out for ice-cream. Well, there was a nice ice-cream parlour in my neighbourhood, but does he take me there? Hell-to-the-no! He takes me to... wait - for - it... wait - for - it... McDonalds! Seems McDonalds had a .5 cent special on their soft ice-cream cones. So we get to McDonalds, he hands me a dime, and tells me that he wants vanilla and he goes and sits down. The worse part is, I have more McDonald Narc stories. I cringe at the thought of all the narcs I have put up with over the years.
"Gifts" from a N parent are often a way to buy the kid's love so they won't be abandoned. Basically, they are a form of manipulation and yes, these "gifts" can be incredibly confusing when their behavior says, "I don't give a shit about you." And then they lavish you with a generous gift. How can you fully hate them when they make such a grand gesture? I think it's a way for them to keep us in a FOG (fear, obligation, guilt). Nothing is "free" in a relationship with a narc, you're gonna end up paying one way or another.
I just realized how DEMEANING that narc McDonald's ice-cream experience was. I felt so degraded as "I" stood in line for those .5 cent cones. Then it occurred to me that anytime a MN has played pretend at "gift-giving" it has been a demeaning experience. It's amazing how these narcs can make you feel like shit, even when they are "pretending" to do something nice. They have an omnnipresent hatred of us normals.
Delete"they don't know who you are or what you like or want" So true. They all think that they know you very well. They don't freaking know me at ALL nor do they care to. Being the scapegoat, the only thing nparents and family members saw was them projecting their evilness towards me and misinturperated it for me. But what they were really seeing was themselves.
ReplyDeleteGlad to have you back, Lisette!
That's for sure. You can really see the narc's paranoid fear of what people might figure out about them by all the things they smear onto us. They never see us, they only see their lies, gossip, slander and projections on us. So according to MN sister who is a hypochondriac, a hoarder, a delusional shut-in, and schizoid... I'm apparently "a schizophrenic who isn't coping and "needs" medication." Apparently, the sicker, and crazier and more evil they become, in their demented minds, WE become. It's almost laughable how they broadcast their Achilles' heel.
DeleteThanks for the welcome back, Anon!
"Apparently, the sicker,and crazier and more evil they become, in their demented minds, WE become." Yeah, it is laughable. I can only imagine what is being said about me and my family now and the stupid people who believe it.It's funny how they have so much to say about us, still and we haven't been around them for years.That should give the hearers a clue.
DeleteAnother phenomenal Post, Lisette and you've absolutely nailed all the salient points. I have examples that would go on for pages re: Psychobitch (MN "Mother") and MNsis and a few other MNs I've had the unfortunate experience to encounter aside from the fore-mentioned Tag-Team-From-Hell.
ReplyDelete"...their greed seems to be motivated by the fact it will hurt others." EXACTLY. It's not simply enough to take from others, but to ruthlessly destroy them in the taking. I believe it's the annihilation of their targets, the scorched earth policy of War that separates them from the more garden-variety Narcs. The MNs will track you to the ends of the Planet with their hell-bent destructive agenda. It's quite easy to "provoke" an MN and their unabashed Greed and Retribution campaign. You can be certain any "infraction" will forever remain in their Book of Retribution, aka, "Reasons Why You Deserve To Be Destroyed." Every interaction with them is dangerous as a result. Lacking conscience, they leave in their wake a trail of wreck and ruin and are equal opportunity destroyers typically starting with their family members. Nothing they do is without Predatory/Exploitative intent. Their Terrorist Tactics from "gift-giving" to offers of some sort of assistance is never what it appears to be: They have planted an IED designed to maim /destroy perhaps not immediately, but sometime in the future. The reality is many of them never have contact with the Criminal Justice System; however, their Crimes Against Humanity in their on-going "Gotta Have It ALL" War with anyone/everyone is very real and certainly just as criminal. Their Greed is insatiable and perverse. Their sadism in filling their bottomless pit of "Me-Me-Me!!" eclipses any overt manifestation of generosity, empathy etc.-all the truly wonderful human qualities-rendering them "Human-LIKE" rather than truly human. In my experience, their Greed is manifested through their ability to use their target's naievity, their best personal qualities as a weapon of mass destruction: There is NO area of your life that will remain intact after encountering MNs. Just as they planned. They will despise you for your freely given assistance perceiving you as weak and they will despise you for refusing to cooperate with their agenda. Consequently, either response will encourage their "talents" and absolute delight in destroying ALL of you. Nothing less than a "Death Penalty" courtesy of your MN Judge, Jury and Executioner will suffice generally initiated by a horrific denigration/smear campaign, recruitment of other Minions etc. followed by *years* of retribution custom designed by the MN to ensure as long as they walk this earth, you will suffer. If they can engineer your physical death without getting "caught"/unmasked (their *only* fear) they will not hesitate to do so.
Just one example from MN Psychobitch: Years Post NC she continued to snail-mail bomb me regardless of how frequently I moved. (I've already spoken to the Stalking/Stalking-By-Proxy/PI's/destruction of my first career post under-grad etc.) Typically, these missives hit the trash unopened, unread-except for the obvious crap written all over the outside of the envelope-as soon as they arrived. However, per the instructions I received from the Risk Assessment analysis, I did open and read these snail mail bombs if the pattern changed. Some years later, the pattern did change so I opened a letter and read it: The contents contained her typical MN histrionics, ranting/raving/denigration of me, my father, references to some cheap/broken shit she had "gifted" me with years before etc. Most notable?
-I had at that point been totally NC for 15 yrs.
-Dad had been DEAD for 10 yrs.
-They had been divorced for 25 yrs.
Affront an MN and their relentless greed-wittingly or unwittingly-and they *never* forget or forgive. How interesting they demand WE do exactly that for them!
TW
TW, thank-you for this comment. I too have examples that could go on for pages. I ended the post abruptly because if I hadn't it would have gone on and on and on. I was thinking of doing it in 5, 10, 50 parts to get it all out, but in the end it can be summed up in a few words: malignant narcissism = Greed. You nailed it in your words below.
Delete"The reality is many of them never have contact with the Criminal Justice System; however, their Crimes Against Humanity in their on-going "Gotta Have It ALL" War with anyone/everyone is very real and certainly just as criminal."
They harm EVERYONE in their War to "Have It ALL." They feel entitled to exploit and control the whole world and everyone and everything in it. And to the most evil MNs that means ravaging their children's entire life. Your MN mother had to be one of the most demonic psychos out there. What strikes me most about the crazy evil bitch is that she tried to destroy your career, your reputation, every aspect of your life... she tried to destroy YOU! And at the end of the day the demented bitch was still seething about some cheap/broken piece of shit she had "gifted" you! And THEY never forgive and forget. Yeah, DEMANDING WE DO is just part of the insane injustice of it all. I hope our refusal to forgive the unforgiveable MN eats away at them like an internal acid, like all the other petty shit they cling to. They are such fucking clones. My MN mother called me up once, no hello, no nothing... just screaming into the phone about a piece of fucking lawn furniture I had taken years ago to furnish my apartment after she and N father had abandoned their children who were minors. She should have been worrying about us ratting her out to child welfare instead of a fucking lawn chair.
These MNs should really try and prioritize their crimes. But I guess a disorganized mind is part of their insanity.
Yes, that's exactly how I described it to narc foo when at the time I didn't know what I was dealing with(pathological people/socios). I told them that I didn't know why they were ALWAYS at war with me. Of course, it went over their loser heads.
DeleteAnother experience: As very young children, MNsis informed Psychobitch I "was good enough for the hand-me-down clothes from (her)." I'm not gonna get into that, but fast forward to many, many years later. I'm an adult, had been out on my own for many years, had not seen/spoken to/had any contact with my MNsis for a few years (I was very LC as it's called now) with both of them.
ReplyDeleteOut of the blue one day this huge box arrives at my residence-like the size of a large footlocker-from of all people, MNsis. I open the box and guess what's in there?! All her USED clothing! WTF? No note/letter accompanied this mess. I never mentioned needing anything, never mind clothes. Think of how much thought, planning and trouble not to mention expense she went to in her effort to drive her *real* "message" to me: She lives in Manhattan, had to find a box large enough, load it up, get transportation to the Post Office, stand in line and pay to send it-WOW! Both she and Psychobitch were, as my Aunt the poetess/wordsmith described, "parsimonious" towards everyone else and particularly me. The word "parsimony" is defined as "stinginess; extreme unnecessary economy. SYN: niggardly, grasping" In all the years I had known MNsis, she never so much as sent a letter never mind a package/gift of any kind to me. Ever.
The clothes went to a Thrift Shop. The message was "delivered" and received. No "Thank You" note or "acknowledgement" was forth-coming (gasp!) A few months later, I received a letter from Psychobitch inquiring why I had not "responded" to MNsis's "generous donation" and chiding me for my "apparent lack of manners." I did not respond as I should have: "When MNsis acknowledges the most recent $100. I sent her for an alleged 'emergency' (that wasn't and was never acknowledged/returned) conjured up by the two of you to shake me down for more $$$, I might acknowledge her "offering." More likely, I won't."
Nothing is EVER what it appears to be with MNFOOs. Anyone who did not know the background, the history involved in this "gesture" might think, "Wasn't that nice." No, it wasn't: It was meant to remind me where I always stood on the family "Hierarchy"-and don't you ever forget it, TW ;)
They never forgive, they never forget-but YOU better, right this second-they demand while stomping their over-sized feet in their over-sized adult tantrums and all over you if possible.
TW
Parsimonious is too elegant sounding for these vile MNs. They deserve stingy, niggardly, mean! Your MNsis truly was the ugly step-sister to your Cinderella... a role that SHE and your Psychobitch MNM assigned to you. Miserable cows! I can just see the two of them conjuring up the plan to send you a massive box of hand-me-downs. Without the background, I would know from experience, that it was just a large footlocker sized INSULT and REMINDER of where you stood on the family "Hierarchy" and don't ever forget it! And to think of all the effort she had to put forth to send you the message. I think these fuckers would trek through a blizzard to remind us of where we stand on the family hierarchy.
DeleteI had a similar experience except I actually needed help. I was around 21, 22 and I had just moved back to my home city. I was looking for work, and struggling to pay my rent. It took a while to find a job and all my money went to rent and that meant none left over for a sufficient amount of food. So I started losing weight, and I was already on the thin side so there wasn't much to lose. Meanwhile MN sister is living comfortably - room and board - in MNM's large 3 bedroom townhouse. MNM is laid-off from her part-time job that she did for fun, so she is receiving unemployment cheques. To her that's "free" money so the tightwad bitch just uses these cheques to buy, buy, buy. One day the two bitches leave the key "under the mat" for me so I can get in to pick-up some mail that was sent to me. I remember I was fucking starving. I go into the kitchen and I see this note left on the fridge from MNM to MNsis. It's telling her to have a wonderful weekend (she had gone away for the weekend to a resort) and her credit card is attached... the note goes on to say to buy whatever she likes. Love Mom. Gag! The credit card was for a department store that had an amazing food floor and was conveniently located near their townhouse. Did I grab the card and get whatever "I" like? No. But I did go upstairs to peek in MNM's bedroom. I was astonished. It was like a shopping scene from a 1950's movie had exploded. There were boxes EVERYWHERE. Really nice boxes. I didn't even know retailers boxed stuff anymore. There were Hat boxes, shoe boxes, clothing boxes, jewelery boxes. Some of the items were spilling out of the boxes and on display, strewn across chairs and on the bed. It looked like a shopoholic had gone on a major bender. MNM was so cheap, she NEVER bought like that for herself, so it was this "free" money from the government - that she didn't need - that had incited her greedy spending spree.
Fast forward a couple of weeks. By this time I had lost a noticeable amount of weight. I see MNsis one day, and I guess she reports back to MNM that I look skinny. So the two evil bitches accuse me of being anorexic. Next thing I know I'm having to defend myself to them. Yup. They just decided that I've got some kind of eating disorder. Finally I tell them I can't afford food. So the two evil witches conspire around their bubbling brew of poison to present to me a "gesture" of their "concern" and "good-will." MNM sister drops by my apartment with a bag of "food" for me. Now is it nice, healthy, fresh stuff from the department store food floor? Hell to the no! It's all crap. And all the stuff I hate and have always hated. There was some dusty old cans of pork 'n beans, ancient boxes of mac and cheese, powedered soup... it was all the shit that no one ever eats, but that just sits and gets dusty at the back of the kitchen cupboards... and maybe... is given for donation for food drives at Christmas. And among the goodies was some cheese. But not a block of cheese in its own package. It was a small slab of cheese choppped from their large chunk. Even the powdered soup wasn't a whole box, it was 2 individual packages taken from the box.
Need I say more?
Reading your comment, the thought popped up that your MNM staged the entire scene at her place before having you pick up your mail there in her absence. Oh, and if one single charge had been made to her card or any item taken from her staged hoard, word of it would have been heard around the world!
DeleteOneheart, I never thought of that, but these MNs are SO devious it is highly likely the entire scene was staged not only to make me feel bad, but to try and tempt me to use the credit card or steal. She was trying to frame me. MNM is incredibly stingy and withholding, so even the note and credit card for MN sister seemed a little over the top.
DeleteWhen we analyze their behavior and peel back rotten layer after rotten layer, it's unbelievable how scheming and calculating they are - every word, every action is premeditated for effect. Their evil is deep rooted and there is no bottom to it. Thanks for you comment, it made me think.
In my opinion the worst thing that these disgusting people try to steal and destroy so mercilessly is your soul. My dreadful mother made me feel that I was totally worthless and in her own words as I was growing up, the sow who should never have been born. I'm so sorry that I have been unable to understand what has been going on, because if I had, then she would never have been given the chance to hurt me for so many years.
ReplyDeleteSiennaRose, you made a very important point. The epitome of the narcissist's greed is to steal another's soul: an individual self, a person's essence, everything we are. That is the ultimate score for these disgusting, greedy creatures.
DeleteMany of us feel this information comes to us too little to late. So you're not alone in that regard. I'm just hoping that one day a time machine is invented.
Another thing i find most disturbing is no matter how much information we have from other victims. The people the MN an I both know ,think i am wrong about how seious this is.
DeleteIt almost seems like you interviewed my evil-ass mother to write this post...Guess that's probably not necessary because they're all the same.
ReplyDelete"The pleasure for this narc was knowing that you were in a bind, and it was going to cost you in terms of stress and inconvenience, and you would have to scramble to find a hotel and then pay through the nose for it. Denying something that was so easy to give made this narc feel powerful, and it demonstrated how mean and stingy and withholdng she actually was."
This part made the hair on my arms stand up. It made me remember a time where I was a teenager and in an abusive relationship (wonder why that happened *insert eyeroll*). Anyway, I had not graduated college, had no money, and was desperate to escape. After being turned away by numerous women's shelters, I begged my mother, who was living in a large town home at the time, to allow me to stay there just long enough to save some money, which probably would have been a few months max. After that, I would be out on my own. She agreed, so I moved in.
Fast forward a week or so. This evil bitch came up to me and snapped, "You are not going to be living here for free. You are going to have to pay rent!" I responded with, "Okay, how much do you want?" Whatever answer she came back with exceeded the amount of my paycheck, so I explained the situation and asked her to work with me a bit, then reminded her that I'd be out soon. She proceeded to inform me that this wasn't her problem, and that if I wanted to stay there I would come up with the money.
I saw no other way out and ended up going back to my abuser. I put up with being battered physically, sexually, and emotionally just to complete enough classes to obtain a low level position in my field...and then I left his sorry ass and got an apartment of my own, but that's another story. :)
This evil bitch may have tried to murder my soul, but like everything else she's attempted in life, she failed. I'm here, and may be bent, but I'm not broken.
ANON
"This evil bitch may have tried to murder my soul, but like everything else she's attempted in life, she failed. I'm here, and may be bent, but I'm not broken."
ReplyDeleteYou prevail ANON! You have not succumbed to her evil. You are doing the exact OPPOSITE of what she wants you to do... you are walking tall and strong and moving forward and leaving the crazy evil bitch in your dust! I hope it gives you even more satisfcation to know how much this pisses her off.
Good god Lisette you are spot on gifts. My N wife despises video games, my young son loves them (no surprise him and 100 million others). She takes every opportunity to denigrate and mock him for this. Trust me he gets his school work and other responsibilities done first, is in great shape, all that.
ReplyDeleteOne month when she must have felt she was really losing her grip. That is, I think her behavior was getting so selfish she couldn't even lie to herself. That and she maybe noticed the kids and I have a life and relationship with each other that is totally lacking with her. She takes him out to pre-order a video game. There is nothing out he wants, but she insists. To show her generosity.
My son and I talk, and he knows this is weird since mom hates video games. May be why this game still sits at the store and he couldn't care less.
Lisette, thank you for writing about your experiences (as painful as the memories may seem). I can resonate with a lot what you have gone through and its a comforting thought that you are not alone. I grew up with a mother quite like yours and am only now separating myself from her. Nothing I did was ever good enough and she reminded me of how ungrateful I was (even though I did the best I could to be a good daughter).
ReplyDeleteTo add insult to injury, I started dating a man who is a narcissist five years ago. The five years was such an uphealving battle. His lies, cheating and selfish ways were picking at me until I finally flipped. I know they say not to get angry with a narcissist but damn it felt good and he didn't even say ONE word afterwards! Not only that, but I send a lovely anonymous email to his girlfriend in letting her know what the situation was. Too many men get away with cheating because women don't want to be the ones to do anything about it. I'm tired of these narcissist thinking they can get away with everything.