Saturday, 15 March 2014

The Malignant Narcissist Parent's Final Curtain




This is a comment from my blog post At the Core of Malignant Narcissism is ENVY. The comment was published about a year ago, and it's something to think about for those of you who have dealt with, are currently dealing with, or are anticipating the death of a malignant narcissist parent(s). In light of my life circumstances with a greedy, exploitative MN sister who is Power of Attorney to two cruel, hateful, demented narc parents (with money), this comment by Anonymous really hits home. I believe this is a very succinct "tell like it is" reality of what to expect when a MN parent takes their final curtain bow. Thank you for your honesty, Anon. You've helped prepare me - and maybe others - for the hardcore reality of the death of a malignant narcissist parent. They will stop at nothing to abuse us from beyond the grave. Proving once again that their first, last and only love is the sadistic power high they get from destroying their heirs - even after their death! These pieces of shit never leave the stage. Their legacy of hate lives on long after the curtain comes down and their corpses turn to dust.



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26 comments:

  1. Who ever posted this surely knows of what she speaks. It's like she is reading a template of how my mother spent her dying days. The only thing different is that I am a son and not a daughter. Even the fear of god won't change these fuck ups way of dealing with life and death. If we could equip hearses with luggage racks we could make out like bandits.

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    1. "Equip hearses with luggage racks." Yeah, I would love for these MN mothers/fathers/parents to take the baggage they have burdened their daughters and sons with to the grave, but that's not how it works. As you know, Q, what they do on their way out is shove an extra heavy load on us to carry for the rest of our lives. As Anon wrote, "they do the most lasting damage before the curtain comes down."

      Anonymous surely does know of what she speaks: the MN mother's ever present fear of exposure; getting her monkeys to continue her dirty work beyond the grave; her delusions of being "joyful in heaven" after she's plotted up until her last dying breath to ruin her child's life; and giving ALL control to the Golden Child/Accomplice after she's gone.

      Makes me sick. Rings true for me. I can see the future.

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  2. they make me sick too. Oddly I had the premonition mine is supposed to go senile before she dies, I don't know if this was wishful thinking or something God wanted me to know before I went NC but even the GC was complaining about her talking about nothing but the weather to her, maybe dumbing things down because she couldn't keep track of her lies anymore. I hate wills. I wish they had moral obligation laws so my father was not able to leave her everything and leave me in poverty for the rest of my life. [I am disabled] I already know the GC was made the executor. One day the GC sis bragged to me she had a copy of my mother's will. I asked her for a copy to see if I was in it, and she refused. My aunt had warned me that me and my brother were really written out of it, but then as a flying monkey changed her tune later. I don't like being lied to. I also feared having the GC sis made a trustee over any money I may receive, I refused. I am sure I am written out now. Sometimes I hope the US economy will collapse and the dollar rendered worthless like the Weiner Republic, I may lose a whole hell of a lot of weight and die of infection and feel sad for my friends but I would have a smile on my face knowing the narcissists were suffering what I did so much of my life. Let them pick in the trash pile for once, instead of lording it over people. I think mine's evil spoke for itself, I have a couple cousins, who aren't surprised I walked though sadly they will feel the pressure to go pay homage at the family events. I am sure the funerals are a whole lying escapade. I didn't go to my N grandmother's funeral. Why would I cough up 500 bucks for gas and hotel to visit a woman who made sure to inform me that another cousin was her favorite grandchild, and I wasn't on that list and who never put my picture on her family wall?

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  3. My a-mom became a less convincing actress over time, which my therapist tells me is normal. While she gave a truly vindictive performance on her deathbed, no one believed it anymore. Here's what I blogged about her funeral:

    There were no flowers. A lot of people came to the viewing just to look in the coffin. The preacher's eulogy (no one else spoke) was a masterpiece of it's genre -- "She always had strong ideas about Heaven. I'm sure she's learned a lot since then," and "When her Sunday School class heard she was in the hospital a fight broke out among the ladies over who would go see her." Even at that the back row was ducking for cover, afraid the Lord would strike him down for lying from the pulpit on her behalf. (I always wonder why people pay good money to see black comedy. Don't they have families?) No one will repeat what she said about me and my family on her deathbed. All they'll say is to go on with my life and think no more about "that evil, selfish witch".

    I got real mad at that last bit. It would have done me a world of good if somebody had had the nerve to call her that to my face back when I was a child trying to understand why the center of my universe, her, was so off-kilter.

    Because if adults who didn't live with her reacted that way, then you can imagine what life with her was like for her children.


    Excerpted from: http://lionesshomeschool.blogspot.com/2012/01/past-vs-present.html

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  4. I like to leave religion out of it. It adds too many unrealistic outcomes for me to deal with. Let religion in and I start wondering if my mother got her comeuppance/saw the error of her ways after she crossed over. It's so much easier to realize what matters is what she did and felt on her deathbed. Which is what she felt and acted on her whole life. And that is a totally irrational hatred of her children and their lives. Period. End of story. She is worm food. And so shall I be. All the existential bullshit belongs in the realm of 19th century philosophers. I don't need it mucking up my life anymore.

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  5. I agree about the religion thing - I'm not into it. That's not what the post/comment is about and I won't entertain discussions on religion. What matters is the reality of the narcissist's destructive behavior over the course of their life and right up till the end of their life.

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  6. From my experience these dying old MN parents aren't much of a threat unless they have monkeys/accomplices or an MN spawn to carry-out their dying orders, and carry-on their legacy of hatred and cruelties. In my case, my psychopathic sister, along with her thug monkey, is the one plotting and scheming and influencing the aging narcs to continue their abuse of me, give everything to her, all of it, including control. And as usual, both N parents have given her what she demands, and are aiding and abetting MN sister in her pathetic attempt to try and destroy the object of her irrational envy (me). So unless the MN has at their disposal someone as corrupt as they are, they can't do much damage when they are old, frail, bed-ridden and demented.

    I often wonder what will happen to MN sister when both parents are dead, and the game of using them as weapons to try and destroy me is over. I believe she'll end up in a straight jacket.

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  7. I plan on doing the ultimate-Simply and completely ignoring my N parent for the rest of her life and most certainly her death. I'm an only child, a grandmother myself-and over time the blindfold slipped from my eyes-I see who I really am, and I see her for what she is. I have decided that any family member that seeks to give her information about me-or give me input on my choice about absolutely not acknowledging her existence or demise-will likewise be on the no contact list. I am filled with contempt for the thing that tried to destroy me from the moment of my birth. I returned home as an adult child due to health problems, and operating under the illusion that Mother really wasn't as bad as I had suspected she was & then, proximity and observation, plus intense work on clearly defining fact vs opinion in order to build my self esteem-made it clear. I may be a bit crippled, and I may be in constant pain-but I am no longer wasting my time around a nasty creature under the excuse of a genetic obligation. I really ruined her game-when I took a vid of her abusive behavior & posted it publicly on Facebook! I also learned from this post-who condoned such behavior and who didn't. Amazing! I know who else to avoid! She now has perpetual anxiety about who will buy her image illusions, and who wont.

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    1. Christy, thank you for your comment. I wanted to put some thought into what you wrote before responding. What stands out to me is that you returned home as an adult child due to health problems. I've heard this before, and there's no doubt in my mind about the link between parental/family narcissistic abuse and stress related illnesses. It seems so many of us suffer health problems that THEY caused! Autoimmune diseases, anxiety, crashed nervous systems, depression, strokes, you name it. We get sick and go "home" to get better, but what we are really doing is returning to Chernobyl, except the toxic disaster that we experienced as children, and manifested as physical illness as adults, was no accident. It's as if these monsters trap us. They literally and figuratively makes us sick and we are forced to return to them because they are financially secure and then we become more ill... or wise up.

      Once we've had some distance from them, we can observe them from a perspective that allows us to see that they are dangerous and toxic. Frankly, I would rather be in constant pain and living on the streets than in constant pain and living under the rule of a malignant narcissist. On the streets I would have a chance at getting better... or at least, not worse. That's how toxic the MNs are to me.

      I've been NC for 24 years with my MN mother so ignoring her takes no effort. However, my psychopathic sister Colleen is actively abusive, channeling MN mother (Colleen has no identity), and looking for action so I have to ignore that morally insane bitch. I don't do Facebook, so I can't help but wonder if having a Facebook page leaves you vulnerable to the spreading of information to your N mother. Though I'm all for having any MN experience perpetual anxiety. I would love to fuck-up the nervous and immune system of all narcissists.

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    2. Put up a Facebook profile using an alias and post photos of your sister Colleen. Express condolences on her failed plastic surgery but reassure her that real beauty is more than skin deep.

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    3. Dachshund, I'm more old school. When I was staying at my dad's, I penciled in a Hitler moustache on a photo of Colleen, then I put the photo back in the frame and placed it on the shelf. I hope Colleen discovered it when she was pilfering the contents of my dad's home.

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    4. Tell her beauty is skin deep but ugly go's all the way to the bone.

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    5. Eventually they look on the outside what they are on the inside, like the portrait of Dorian Grey.

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  8. My malignant narcissist father had his own little band of flying monkeys, unrelated by blood, who only decided to become "concerned" about him once a) they learned he had money, and b) he was terminally ill. When he could no longer abuse me himself, he actually had the nursing home give the FM my address so they could show up at my place demanding his financial things... credit cards, bankbooks, you name it. It's the only way they could have found out where I lived.

    My father died more than five years ago and they're *still* at it, trying to take what little I have left. I am going after them in court, and my lawyer is trying to get the documents they have withheld, but their latest salvo is to demand even more money before they will hand over anything. Fortunately, it can be proven that while they were nowhere around, and long before I knew about malignant narcissism, they had no involvement whatsoever with my father during the years I looked after him after my mother and brother died.

    If I had truly understood what he was, I would have gone NC with him upon finishing high school and begged my mother to move out with me as well. But I only learned about malignant narcissism last fall, and am still trying to deal with the effects of everything he did to me and to my mother throughout his life.

    The day he died, he was in a coma but woke up briefly; the nurse in the room asked him if there was anything he wanted to say to me, and he said no. I'm sure he felt good about that. But what struck me was the expression on his face at the moment he died... a look of unspeakable horror. Wherever his soul went, it wasn't to heaven. He has a lot to answer for to God.

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    1. Cynicalcat, thank you for your comment. Your hateful MN father sure left a nice mess behind. Typical MN behavior. When ever a MN exits anything (a marriage, family, job, LIFE) they leave a massive trail of ruin in their wake, and their victims are left to clean-up their mess. Throughout their lives and in the end, they selfishly shit on everyone and everything that doesn't support their narcissism.

      Did you have any legal documents that protect you, or did your father's nasty ass monkeys get him to sign everything over to them? I'm really sorry you have been left with such a mess to clean-up. Five years is a long time to go through any legal battle and I understand how draining and stressful that can be.

      In the end, your dad was surrounded by seedy people just like himself. In my experiences, it's scum of the earth vultures that surround a MN at the end of their life because they have no emotional connection to the MN, and they can't be hurt. They're simply waiting for the MN to die so they can ravage what ever he leaves behind. Also, the MN does a spectacular job of pushing away the good as they near the end. Maybe they're preparing themselves for hell. I'm not a religious person and I really don't believe in heaven or hell, but I think these evil MNs fear death more than the average person and that's why they live so long. Maybe they fear what may be coming to them. I've heard of people dying with peaceful expressions on their face, and your father clearly was not at peace. These MNs die the way they live - terrified of losing control. Death is the ultimate loss of control.

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    2. Thank you for this...for 2 years I didnt get it. Your last paragraph, so clear about my mum death and her band of monkeys. And how at 59 I must start over because my mum choose to leave the family money to her gigilo boyfriend as stated in an earlier comment. Im coming every day to read. Btw I had my first NP boyfriend...running

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    3. tish, I hope you get your fair share of the inheritance, otherwise known as "damages" for being subjected to a lifetime of parental N abuse. These wealthy old narcs are sitting ducks to swindlers who understand that a little supply can get them a lot of money. Often it's an "inside job" with the malignant narc adult child manipulating and exploiting the elderly parents. In any case, when these narc parents leave everything to a hustler they are just confirming their own moral debauchery.

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  9. I had to wait for both my MN parents to die before I got married for the second time at age 46 and even then my flying monkey brother tried to give my husband "advice" on how to handle me. This twenty years after my MN father got stuck into the first marriage telling my then-husband to beat me up as that was the only way to handle me. I walked out of that situation. I keep my distance from my brother who is retired now and gets bored, wants to poke around in my life, tell me how much more fantastic his life was than mine. That sanctimonious pratt who wrote telling you to "let go" of your MN relatives and "live in peace" talks so much crap. They will never, ever leave you in peace, you have to keep your defences up all the time. The stress of my MN family left me with neurological damage that can never be undone, it messed up my life, I married late the second time, didn't have children - the MNs would have clawed their way into my family, possibly had me institutionalised, at least severely medicated to keep me subdued.

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    1. Dachshund, I agree they (MNs) will never leave us in peace and that they force us into a position where we always have to keep up our defences and take measures to defend ourselves. Even if we drop off the grid for years and years, and they have ZERO information on us, their slanders, lies and smear campaigns never end. The escapee of the MN cult will be vilified for the rest of their life and beyond because the MNs need to justify why anyone would run like hell from someone as wonderful as them - blech! As far as their never ending smear campaign goes, my position is if someone swallows their lies then they are just as demented as the MN, and I don't give a damn what they think. However, if the malignant narcissist's lies and character assassination affects my life (in any way) personally, professionally or financially, I will go after them, take back what they stole from me and do everything I can to expose them for the bullies and abusers they are. They want us to lay down and die. Surviving and soldiering on from their never ending war of power, control and destruction kills them. The best revenge against the MNs can be summed-up in one word: LIVE.

      Dachshund, I hope you can change your phone number or do what ever you can to severe all contact with your abusive brother.

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    2. WOW blown away..I went from 257 to 118 pounds after my mother died, I felt safe for the first time to be normal...taking back my life! Poor temporaraly but I was born with my NP brains and just have overcome.....thinking my inherdience was my payoff for putting up with them....

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  10. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    1. WOW! How many fake personas can YOU come up with? YOU must be running out of aliases. I enjoyed your empty blog.

      No matter how hard you try to disguise your identity or pass yourself off as legit, you just can't contain the crazy. YOU sound like the narcissist and your sister (real or imagined) sounds more like the scapegoat.

      Get a hobby.

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  11. My NP mother upon her dealth, her last strike of abuse, signing over $26M over to her gigilo boyfriend and leaving me a dollar. I was her only daughter and my brother had passed away from heiron od. So all the family money went to a poor gigilo who threw her ashes with my brother and father in a trash bin some place outside LAX....good going mum!

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  12. I think its timely that I read this. I have decided some time ago not to attend my MN mothers funeral. I was back and forth on this, because my brother's funeral, she enjoyed too much. That smirk was on her face all day. That was her son. Whom she never let out of her sight. She loved him too much.

    I have had no contact with her for 3 years now. That is mainly due to my husband, when he saw her feed off of me. She can't get no more feed here anymore. Actually it was her choice not to contact me anymore.

    My sister called me and told me mom was crying and if I would call her. That was a line of bull not because my sister is N but she is feeling bad for mom. Sis does not comprehend what is going on, she is still stuck in it and looking for a little help. I know she lies sometimes, but it is a coping mechanism.

    I simply do not want to see my mother again. Just looking at her triggers anxiety attacks. So by not going to her funeral, I would never have to see her again.

    Since my awakening I've been enjoying life. Still those creepy thoughts come in once in a while, I get scared out of the blue. But since my awakening I know where they are coming from. Life will be good.

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  13. Joan, it's very creepy that your MN mom had a smirk on her face at your brother's funeral. It sounds like he was her golden child, so I'm surprised she wasn't putting on an over-the-top performance of the grieving mother. Either way, these MN parents don't feel much when their child dies, and "the smirk" says it all - maybe they are smugly satisfied that it's not them who is dead. Maybe they feel triumphant that they outlived their kid. I wouldn't put it past them.

    I would be cautious of your sister as she may end up being your mother's flying monkey. In fact, it already sounds like she's doing her bidding by trying to get you to call her.

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    1. My mother doesn't do the drama queen stuff. And I have never seen her cry. She likes to inflict pain and feed. Gaslight and lie. Get outraged. Slander.
      The attention my mother seeks is very weird. One time she had us watch her as she was getting weird with her boyfriend. We all laughed, not sure why. The look on her face was gratification. It was like suspended animation. She really watched us and was smiling and almost forgot what she was doing it seems. Just really watched us.

      My sister is really over it I think. She just doesn't know how to get out. NM is always down her throat about something. My sister gets upset. MN really watches hard at that. But that was years ago. I don't think anything has changed.

      That watching is the NM filling up on supply. That smirk, I have programmed in my brain. I'll never forget it.

      Btw, love your blog Lisette

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