Sunday, 10 February 2013

Narcissists Are Greedy



One of the most disgusting characteristics of malignant narcissism is insatiable greed. Add to the Narcissist’s gluttony, an appallingly stingy nature, and you’ve got one revolting creature. They are parasites, scrounges, users, moochers and vultures of the human race. Narcissista are always on the make, always on the take, and always at the ready to swoop in and sink their filthy claws into whatever they can get.
It’s safe to say ALL narcissists are exploitative and opportunistic and they are all cheap and greedy, but not all narcissists are cheap and greedy in the same way. For example, the lesser narcissists (non-malignant) are not always free-loading leeches, hunting and scavenging to get a hold of your property, material possessions and “stuff.” They’ve got their own stuff, but their greed drives them to make sure it is always bigger and better than yours. Some narcissists spend to impress, lavish others with expensive gifts, always pay their way and often “treat” others.  But these same narcissists, who appear to be gracious and even generous at times, selfishly crave, grasp and hoard all the available attention, all regard, all emotional support, all the care, concern and adulation they can drain out of you without giving you a drop in return.

A narcissist is selfish and withholding by nature. They don’t really reciprocate. They don’t know how to share, and they never “give” out of the goodness of their heart. They are the original even-steven, tit for tat, and they keep track of all they “give” out, and make damn sure that more comes in than they gave. To a narcissist, “giving” is an investment and often a covert form of manipulation. They give a little and expect a huge return in the form of “narcissistic supply.”    
Malignant narcissists, on the other hand, are the original what’s in it for me? What have you done for me lately? They are revoltingly stingy and greedy for EVERYTHING… ALL-OF- IT... All -THE- TIME. Malignant narcissists want to get their grubby paws on your personal property, they want to steal your material possessions, they want to rob you of your job, your home, and your relationships, your good name and virtues, and they want to take-away the things you’ve worked hard to attain such as your accomplishments, talents, and social standing. The grubbing malignant narcissist wants to snatch ALL your valuables, AND they want to pilfer your time and energy, and exploit you for attention, care, concern, support and regard, AND they want to destroy you in the process by taking away your mental, emotional and physical health. Sound like a good deal to you?


Narcissists truly don’t see themselves doing anything but getting, and they don’t see anyone else doing anything but giving… to THEM.  I would say greed is a driving force behind malignant narcissism and one that relentlessly fuels ALL their despicable behavior.
In the post At The Core of Malignant Narcissism is Envy I looked at the malignant narcissist’s constant state of envy. Envy and greed are closely related but there are distinct differences.

Envy is best defined as a resentful emotion that occurs when a person lacks another's perceived superior quality, achievement or possession and wishes that the other lacked it. Not only is the envious person rendered unhappy by his envy, but they also wish to inflict misfortune on others.

When a malignant narcissist envies you, they not only want to take away or destroy the very thing that they believe is the cause of their envy (your marriage, job, reputation) but they also want to harm YOU in the process. 

Greed is a selfish or excessive desire for more than is needed or deserved, especially of wealth, money, food or other possessions.

A narcissist’s greed has nothing to do with necessity, it’s all about want… a want to grasp for, obtain, and hoard more and more. It’s about acquisition and consumption, not destruction. However, the narcissist doesn’t give a damn who he hurts in the process of getting what he wants. Indeed, when it comes to malignant narcissists, their greed seems to be motivated by the fact that it will hurt others. For example, the malignant narcissist sibling who steals her sister’s inheritance. The MN isn’t doing it just for the money, she doesn’t “need” more money, she has tons. The malignant narcissist is screwing her sister out of her inheritance because she knows her sister is struggling financially and she wants her to continue to suffer. Seeing her sister suffer gives the MN more of a thrill than rolling in all the cash. But here's another thing, the malignant narcissist's lust to get it ALL, every last drop of it, is so strong that it is excruciatingly painful for them to see anyone get anything. The way they see it; if they're not getting all of it, someone is getting some of it, and just the thought of that incites their  malicious envy.   
A narcissist’s greedy and miserly nature is no small matter. It’s a symptom of overt and covert hostility towards others. It is an incredibly dangerous aspect of their personality and one that we should be especially cautious of. What starts-out as a nasty kid stealing your present at Christmas, escalates in time to a nasty adult embezzling your life savings at retirement.  A person of strong moral character is neither cheap nor greedy.  Greed is a red flag of devious people – narcissists – and a sure sign that there is more ill will to come.

And when you order-up a “Cheap & Greedy Combo Platter” you will always be served a toxic narcissist, along with many poisonous side-dishes. No, you do not get to “choose” your side-dishes. All of the items on the following menu come with your narcissist. NO SPECIAL ORDERS!



ENTITLEMENT:  All narcissists believe they are special. And because they are so special they feel entitled to preferential treatment, privileges and indulgences. Indeed, they EXPECT others to gratify them at all times, but are not concerned with gratifying anyone else. EVER. Narcissists feel entitled to exploit others without any interference or any trace of reciprocation.
Since day one, MN sister has had a pathological sense of entitlement. Her EXPECTATIONS about what she’s “owed” boggles the mind. When we were still in high school she told me that she wanted to start a video company but first "needed" to get a steadycam. I asked her how much a steadycam would cost, and she told me, matter of factly, $30,000. I said to her, "Where are you going to get $30,000?" She said, matter of factly, “Dad.” I was floored. I didn’t even expect to get tuition for University, and this greedy bitch felt entitled to $30,000 for a camera that she WANTED for a stupid pipe dream. And yes, her business ventures were failures, and “Dad” often footed the bills.    

As for reciprocation, some more socially astute narcs, on the rare occasion, are capable of presenting a shabby facsimile of it. These narcs are fully aware that they have been taking and taking for a long time, and if they don’t step-up with a “gesture” sometime soon, the gravy train is going to end. In other words, they are going to lose a generous friend and an easy mark.
For example, you have a new acquaintance who is a narc – let’s call her Miss Greedy Guts – she is conveniently always short on cash and can never pay her share. So after treating the narc to countless coffees, drinks from the bar, a few meals and many car rides out of your way to take her home, the narc says she wants to take you out for lunch and asks you where you would like to go.  Well, you’re just floored at the narc’s “seemingly” generous offer. You didn’t think she had it in her, and maybe, just maybe you were wrong about her. So you tell the narc that you’re craving a good burger and suggest an average priced restaurant that makes an amazing burger and fries. The narcissist says, "well… maybe… I’ll call you tomorrow to confirm."  The next day the narcissist calls you to confirm the lunch date and asks you to meet her at a sushi bar. Now the narcissist knows that you had sushi recently and you are not even a big fan of it. But of course, the narcissist loves sushi and the narcissist is CHEAP. So you reluctantly meet the cheap, selfish, self-serving narc at the sushi bar of her choice: the grossest place in town. It has a quickie lunch special and no tables or chairs. You have to stand-up at this dive and eat your sushi over a counter. Plus, because the place is so small it stinks. And you are completely turned-off your food when you notice that the guy rolling the sushi has alarmingly hideous sausage fingers!  

All and all, the narcissist’s offer to reciprocate is a horrible time, but the narcissist doesn’t think so. The narcissist now thinks they are ENTITLED to continue exploiting you without any reciprocation for months to come, and they actually up their demands. When you put your foot down and set boundaries, the ungrateful malignant narcissist gets pouty and petulant and mean. You end the acquaintanceship and the narcissist slanders you to others calling you "negative." Ever wonder why narcissists only have acquaintances and no long term friendships? I don't.   

IMMATURITY: Narcissists have not matured past the psychological mind-set of a child. And like a child, they believe the world revolves around them. Children live in a constant state of need and want and take. They are in a constant state of hunger and they EXPECT to be fed and cared for by others exactly when they want, without giving anything in return. So does the narcissist. They are big babies who have never learnt how to share. All they know how to do is make sure their needs and wants are met and they do this by sulking, and becoming angry and jealous and throwing nasty fits and temper tantrums to get their way. The narcissist wants it ALL, and they will whine and cry and scream and make your life miserable if you don’t capitulate to their every greedy demand. Like children, narcissists are perversely wilful. They will not let-up until they get their way.


ENVY & COMPETITIVENESS:  Narcissists want to establish their superiority over others through competition. Rising above others reinforces their self-esteem making narcissists feel more desirable and worthy of admiration. They create rivalries where none exist. “I’m better than you.” “My so and so is better than yours.” Narcissists feel that unless they are better than everyone else, they are worse than everybody in the whole world. All of the narcissist’s activities are geared toward winning the competition which is always at the back of their minds. Their opponent – YOU – usually has no clue that they have been entered in a contest.
Malignant narcissists are GREEDY PIGS who instinctively sniff-out opportunities. They are in a constant state of seeking it, obsessively securing it, compulsively acquiring and hoarding it and preventing others from obtaining it. They are extremely HOSTILE and ENVIOUS toward anyone who has anything they want and feel entitled to, and WINNING to them means getting it. Getting it mean trumping their opponent. In the malignant narcissist’s deranged mind, their greed is an achievement, a sign of success that puts them at an advantage in the game they are always playing.  

Bad intentions lurk behind everything a malignant narcissist does. Even when a narcissist pretends to reciprocate, the person at the receiving end of their deed is the one who pays. NEVER the narcissist. In the case of Miss Greedy Guts, she never would have chosen the restaurant I wanted to go to because that would be too much like sharing and it would wreck it for her.  It would mean she didn’t “win.”

The malignant narcissist also criticizes what is generously offered and available, and blames others for failing to provide enough. They are the real deal when it comes to ungrateful brats.

Christmas, over 20 years ago, is the last time I saw MN mother and MN sister. I hadn’t been in their pathological space for 5 years so MN sister’s all-consuming greed, and MN mother’s extreme stinginess was very noticeable. I have many more examples to come, but the one that stands out for now is when my brother and sister and I all received a $500 cheque from N father for Christmas. I honestly didn’t expect anything from him that year.  I said to MN sister “isn’t it nice we all got some money?” She was visibly irritated and huffed, “I was hoping to get a $1000.”

GREED is not a secret vice and MN sister is now a full-on hoarder who has to tunnel her way through newspaper stacks to get around her condo. Her patio, with a million dollar view, is covered in junk. She’s been leeching off N parents all her life, and is still on the take, be it a piece of furniture she can’t fit among her indoor crap and ends-up outside on the patio, an old TV, electrical cords, boxes and wires, or clunky sports equipment she will never use. She takes not because she needs it.  She takes to prevent others from having it. Preventing others from getting something that might make them happy, to this sick bitch, means that she is in CONTROL of the world and everything and everyone in it. She takes to WIN.

SUPERIORITY: Narcissists are not concerned with what they have because they enjoy it, but because it makes them feel superior. They feel comfortable around people only if they feel superior to them in some way, either because the other person has less than they do, or because the narcissist has beaten them in some covert or overt contest. In other words, having it all means that they are WINNING!! And this makes them feel superior.

For the malignant narcissist, harming others is essential to continue to feel superior. All their stingy withholding maneuvers and greedy evil deeds are motivated by a constant need to regain superiority and stay on top. The malignant narcissist simply doesn’t want more than you, they want to screw you out of your inheritance and bring you to financial ruin so that you will experience insurmountable stress and get a life-threatening illness and continue to suffer.
CONTEMPT:  Exploiting people reveals the contempt in which narcissists hold others. All narcissists are cold and calculating, and as they see it, EXPLOITATION of some sort is necessary to continue to project a superior self-image. Their need to exploit others stems from a general lack of empathy and manifests in a dismissive attitude towards other people’s feelings, wishes, needs, concerns, standards, property and work. And the irony here is that when you give to a narcissist and satiate their greedy nature, they become even more greedy and contemptuous of you. They see you as an easy mark and they EXPECT more and more, and if they don't get  it, they become dangerously hostile.  

I’ve always believed that contempt was the biggest issue at play when it came to the malignant narcissist’s stingy nature and greed, particularly in relation to them taking/stealing my belongings. They held me AND my property in utter contempt. MNs are scumbags who will plagiarize your work, grab your brand new hat off your head, and wear it and walk away.  They will “borrow” you favorite DVDs and never watch them, and when you ask the MN to credit your work, or return your property, your request is met with hatred and disrespect for what they stole from you, but refuse to give back. 
You see, the greedy narc’s twisted interpretation of “giving” is allowing you to lavish them with not only gifts, but gratitude for being given such an honor. These are all part of the narcissist’s RULES that you can read about in the post WARNING: Do Not Feed The Narcissists. So when you don’t lavish the narcissist with gratitude for using and exploiting you then you don’t reinforce their narcissism, and this makes these douchebags incredibly hostile and contemptuous. The malignant monsters growls, “What’s the big deal about a cheap hat?!” “Why do you care about obsolete DVDs?” “Your creative ideas are crap, and you’re a bully for expecting credit!” Of course, they covet the “cheap” hat, the “obsolete” DVDs and the “crap” creative work. They covet it not because they value it, but because you do. Don’t expect anything in return from the greedy, selfish, stingy malignant narcissist. To them, you are merely a provider of supply, and supply, to an effed-up narc, could simply be a feeling of smug superiority for stealing from you, frustrating you, and defeating you in a personal interaction, as well as CONTROLLING your property, under the delusion that they are also CONTROLLING you.

I have walked away from a long inventory of property stolen by narcs. A small price to pay to get those vultures out of my life.


LACK OF EMPATHY:  Malignant narcissists have no capacity to empathize with anyone, so nothing restrains them from seriously harming others. In their quest to satisfy their greed, they cause a lot of loss and suffering and grief to others.

Narcissists just don’t care about you… AT ALL. They don’t even know you. The only reason a narcissist will even look at you is to see themselves in your reflection.  They don’t know who you are, or what you like or want. This makes narcissists terrible gift givers. Even if you tell them what you would like, the narcissist purposely denies you. Giving you something that would make you happy means that the narcissist is giving you positive regard, and the demented narcissist can NEVER do that. They hold you in too much contempt, and they would not feel superior if they were sharing and caring and acknowledging you as more than an object of supply. To the narcissist, reciprocation in relationships = LOSING.
I had an N friend whose elderly N mother used to make weekly trips to the dollar store. This old bitty accumulated quite a stash of cheap junk and the N friend always relied on her mother’s stash for presents. This N always had a “gift” for every occasion, but they had dollar store written all over them. I know for a fact, that this N never actually took the time to go out of her way to buy a specific gift for anyone; she just rooted through her mother’s hoard. This narc was always trying to make herself look thoughtful and generous by giving out useless dollar store gifts, but when it came time to give something that you really needed, like one night on her sofa because all the affordable hotels were full, and your plane was leaving in the morning, she would callously DENY you. The pleasure for this narc was knowing that you were in a bind, and it was going to cost you in terms of stress and inconvenience, and you would have to scramble to find a hotel and then pay through the nose for it. Denying something that was so easy to give made this narc feel powerful, and it demonstrated how mean and stingy and withholdng she actually was. “I wouldn’t worry about $250.00 dollars.” She said, and I quote. When I later asked her why she wouldn't give me one lousy night on her sofa, given my situation. She snapped "Did you ever think about MY situation?!" This narc, who I had known for 20 years, had no "situation." She was a big, spoiled, over-grown baby who lived a cushy, stress-free, pampered life. She was just a narc. It was all about her. Seeing other people suffer made her feel good, and having a hand in their suffering made her feel even better.



AMORAL/CONSCIENCELESS:  Narcissists use deception to get what they want. So where there is greed, there are pathological lies. Narcissists have no principles other than what works for them, and because they have never developed a conscience, they do not feel guilty for exploiting others. They are hustlers, opportunists, people on the make, always ready to take advantage of a situation and callously use people without the slightest thought to their welfare. Narcissists think nothing of taking whatever others have to offer, and leaving them disappointed and rejected. The downfall of others gives malignant narcissists pleasure. They must ALWAYS frustrate, out-wit, or defeat others in personal relationships… even after they are dead and buried.

Greed and stinginess is a red-flag of poor character. I’m not talking about people who are thrifty and good with managing money. I admire those people. I am talking about the insatiable hunger of the greedy narcissist who wants and wants and takes and takes because enough is never enough. All the riches in the world, especially the ones you can't buy, will never fill the empty soul of a malignant narcissist. So don’t even attempt to fill their bottomless pit.  And when you truly understand what bubbles beneath the surface of the narcissist's ferocious greed - contempt, superiority, lack of empathy, lack of conscience, immaturity, envy, opportunism and constant competitiveness – why would you want to? Now that you know what the narcissist's game is, why would you ever let them win?  

19 comments:

  1. Ok here is a narc food story, i can relate to your post. I just remembered this. I had been helping a MN I know years ago by driving them around and running errands (this was one of MANY times) with our kids. The kids and adults were hungry so the MN offered to treat us to Mc Donalds. The narc ordered and brought our food to the table. Even though we were in our 20's the Narc bought me a HAPPY MEAL. Im not sure if I am just tripping out, but that must be a MN move. I can relate to this post A lot. I have had MN's in my life take idea's, places, happy moments from me. Only to be gaslighted w/ "Gifts". The gift part used to really confuse me. But it is a lot clearer now. The superiority/compitition thing is really creepy. I hate how narcs start a competition with you even if you are totally not aware. They really try to draw you into it. So glad I am on to these MN tactics. My MN mom used to buy me gifts every once in a great while. When I was a kid/adolecent it would really confuse me because it totally contradicted all of her other behavior. Since I have gone NC no more gifts. What a coincidence. A really good point on how Narcs feel such a sense of triumph when they think they have out competed you. I have seen that in my life one to many times. SOOOO true If you think being nice to a MN narc will change them watch out!!!! The more you try to be nice to them and show them compassion the more they will hate you and laugh at your ignorance. That was a twist that took me a while to get.It seems anti life/human. Now I know better. Thanks 4 the very informative post Lissette . MG

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. MG, you're welcome!
      McDonalds - ugh! That's the restaurant of choice for the cheapo narc who's "buying." I had a Narc boyfriend way back when, before I knew better, who was sooo exploitative and sooo cheap. One day he acts like the big shot and says he would like to take me out for ice-cream. Well, there was a nice ice-cream parlour in my neighbourhood, but does he take me there? Hell-to-the-no! He takes me to... wait - for - it... wait - for - it... McDonalds! Seems McDonalds had a .5 cent special on their soft ice-cream cones. So we get to McDonalds, he hands me a dime, and tells me that he wants vanilla and he goes and sits down. The worse part is, I have more McDonald Narc stories. I cringe at the thought of all the narcs I have put up with over the years.

      "Gifts" from a N parent are often a way to buy the kid's love so they won't be abandoned. Basically, they are a form of manipulation and yes, these "gifts" can be incredibly confusing when their behavior says, "I don't give a shit about you." And then they lavish you with a generous gift. How can you fully hate them when they make such a grand gesture? I think it's a way for them to keep us in a FOG (fear, obligation, guilt). Nothing is "free" in a relationship with a narc, you're gonna end up paying one way or another.

      Delete
    2. I just realized how DEMEANING that narc McDonald's ice-cream experience was. I felt so degraded as "I" stood in line for those .5 cent cones. Then it occurred to me that anytime a MN has played pretend at "gift-giving" it has been a demeaning experience. It's amazing how these narcs can make you feel like shit, even when they are "pretending" to do something nice. They have an omnnipresent hatred of us normals.

      Delete
  2. "they don't know who you are or what you like or want" So true. They all think that they know you very well. They don't freaking know me at ALL nor do they care to. Being the scapegoat, the only thing nparents and family members saw was them projecting their evilness towards me and misinturperated it for me. But what they were really seeing was themselves.

    Glad to have you back, Lisette!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's for sure. You can really see the narc's paranoid fear of what people might figure out about them by all the things they smear onto us. They never see us, they only see their lies, gossip, slander and projections on us. So according to MN sister who is a hypochondriac, a hoarder, a delusional shut-in, and schizoid... I'm apparently "a schizophrenic who isn't coping and "needs" medication." Apparently, the sicker, and crazier and more evil they become, in their demented minds, WE become. It's almost laughable how they broadcast their Achilles' heel.

      Thanks for the welcome back, Anon!

      Delete
    2. "Apparently, the sicker,and crazier and more evil they become, in their demented minds, WE become." Yeah, it is laughable. I can only imagine what is being said about me and my family now and the stupid people who believe it.It's funny how they have so much to say about us, still and we haven't been around them for years.That should give the hearers a clue.

      Delete
  3. Another phenomenal Post, Lisette and you've absolutely nailed all the salient points. I have examples that would go on for pages re: Psychobitch (MN "Mother") and MNsis and a few other MNs I've had the unfortunate experience to encounter aside from the fore-mentioned Tag-Team-From-Hell.
    "...their greed seems to be motivated by the fact it will hurt others." EXACTLY. It's not simply enough to take from others, but to ruthlessly destroy them in the taking. I believe it's the annihilation of their targets, the scorched earth policy of War that separates them from the more garden-variety Narcs. The MNs will track you to the ends of the Planet with their hell-bent destructive agenda. It's quite easy to "provoke" an MN and their unabashed Greed and Retribution campaign. You can be certain any "infraction" will forever remain in their Book of Retribution, aka, "Reasons Why You Deserve To Be Destroyed." Every interaction with them is dangerous as a result. Lacking conscience, they leave in their wake a trail of wreck and ruin and are equal opportunity destroyers typically starting with their family members. Nothing they do is without Predatory/Exploitative intent. Their Terrorist Tactics from "gift-giving" to offers of some sort of assistance is never what it appears to be: They have planted an IED designed to maim /destroy perhaps not immediately, but sometime in the future. The reality is many of them never have contact with the Criminal Justice System; however, their Crimes Against Humanity in their on-going "Gotta Have It ALL" War with anyone/everyone is very real and certainly just as criminal. Their Greed is insatiable and perverse. Their sadism in filling their bottomless pit of "Me-Me-Me!!" eclipses any overt manifestation of generosity, empathy etc.-all the truly wonderful human qualities-rendering them "Human-LIKE" rather than truly human. In my experience, their Greed is manifested through their ability to use their target's naievity, their best personal qualities as a weapon of mass destruction: There is NO area of your life that will remain intact after encountering MNs. Just as they planned. They will despise you for your freely given assistance perceiving you as weak and they will despise you for refusing to cooperate with their agenda. Consequently, either response will encourage their "talents" and absolute delight in destroying ALL of you. Nothing less than a "Death Penalty" courtesy of your MN Judge, Jury and Executioner will suffice generally initiated by a horrific denigration/smear campaign, recruitment of other Minions etc. followed by *years* of retribution custom designed by the MN to ensure as long as they walk this earth, you will suffer. If they can engineer your physical death without getting "caught"/unmasked (their *only* fear) they will not hesitate to do so.
    Just one example from MN Psychobitch: Years Post NC she continued to snail-mail bomb me regardless of how frequently I moved. (I've already spoken to the Stalking/Stalking-By-Proxy/PI's/destruction of my first career post under-grad etc.) Typically, these missives hit the trash unopened, unread-except for the obvious crap written all over the outside of the envelope-as soon as they arrived. However, per the instructions I received from the Risk Assessment analysis, I did open and read these snail mail bombs if the pattern changed. Some years later, the pattern did change so I opened a letter and read it: The contents contained her typical MN histrionics, ranting/raving/denigration of me, my father, references to some cheap/broken shit she had "gifted" me with years before etc. Most notable?
    -I had at that point been totally NC for 15 yrs.
    -Dad had been DEAD for 10 yrs.
    -They had been divorced for 25 yrs.
    Affront an MN and their relentless greed-wittingly or unwittingly-and they *never* forget or forgive. How interesting they demand WE do exactly that for them!
    TW

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. TW, thank-you for this comment. I too have examples that could go on for pages. I ended the post abruptly because if I hadn't it would have gone on and on and on. I was thinking of doing it in 5, 10, 50 parts to get it all out, but in the end it can be summed up in a few words: malignant narcissism = Greed. You nailed it in your words below.

      "The reality is many of them never have contact with the Criminal Justice System; however, their Crimes Against Humanity in their on-going "Gotta Have It ALL" War with anyone/everyone is very real and certainly just as criminal."

      They harm EVERYONE in their War to "Have It ALL." They feel entitled to exploit and control the whole world and everyone and everything in it. And to the most evil MNs that means ravaging their children's entire life. Your MN mother had to be one of the most demonic psychos out there. What strikes me most about the crazy evil bitch is that she tried to destroy your career, your reputation, every aspect of your life... she tried to destroy YOU! And at the end of the day the demented bitch was still seething about some cheap/broken piece of shit she had "gifted" you! And THEY never forgive and forget. Yeah, DEMANDING WE DO is just part of the insane injustice of it all. I hope our refusal to forgive the unforgiveable MN eats away at them like an internal acid, like all the other petty shit they cling to. They are such fucking clones. My MN mother called me up once, no hello, no nothing... just screaming into the phone about a piece of fucking lawn furniture I had taken years ago to furnish my apartment after she and N father had abandoned their children who were minors. She should have been worrying about us ratting her out to child welfare instead of a fucking lawn chair.

      These MNs should really try and prioritize their crimes. But I guess a disorganized mind is part of their insanity.

      Delete
    2. Yes, that's exactly how I described it to narc foo when at the time I didn't know what I was dealing with(pathological people/socios). I told them that I didn't know why they were ALWAYS at war with me. Of course, it went over their loser heads.

      Delete
  4. Another experience: As very young children, MNsis informed Psychobitch I "was good enough for the hand-me-down clothes from (her)." I'm not gonna get into that, but fast forward to many, many years later. I'm an adult, had been out on my own for many years, had not seen/spoken to/had any contact with my MNsis for a few years (I was very LC as it's called now) with both of them.
    Out of the blue one day this huge box arrives at my residence-like the size of a large footlocker-from of all people, MNsis. I open the box and guess what's in there?! All her USED clothing! WTF? No note/letter accompanied this mess. I never mentioned needing anything, never mind clothes. Think of how much thought, planning and trouble not to mention expense she went to in her effort to drive her *real* "message" to me: She lives in Manhattan, had to find a box large enough, load it up, get transportation to the Post Office, stand in line and pay to send it-WOW! Both she and Psychobitch were, as my Aunt the poetess/wordsmith described, "parsimonious" towards everyone else and particularly me. The word "parsimony" is defined as "stinginess; extreme unnecessary economy. SYN: niggardly, grasping" In all the years I had known MNsis, she never so much as sent a letter never mind a package/gift of any kind to me. Ever.
    The clothes went to a Thrift Shop. The message was "delivered" and received. No "Thank You" note or "acknowledgement" was forth-coming (gasp!) A few months later, I received a letter from Psychobitch inquiring why I had not "responded" to MNsis's "generous donation" and chiding me for my "apparent lack of manners." I did not respond as I should have: "When MNsis acknowledges the most recent $100. I sent her for an alleged 'emergency' (that wasn't and was never acknowledged/returned) conjured up by the two of you to shake me down for more $$$, I might acknowledge her "offering." More likely, I won't."
    Nothing is EVER what it appears to be with MNFOOs. Anyone who did not know the background, the history involved in this "gesture" might think, "Wasn't that nice." No, it wasn't: It was meant to remind me where I always stood on the family "Hierarchy"-and don't you ever forget it, TW ;)
    They never forgive, they never forget-but YOU better, right this second-they demand while stomping their over-sized feet in their over-sized adult tantrums and all over you if possible.
    TW

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Parsimonious is too elegant sounding for these vile MNs. They deserve stingy, niggardly, mean! Your MNsis truly was the ugly step-sister to your Cinderella... a role that SHE and your Psychobitch MNM assigned to you. Miserable cows! I can just see the two of them conjuring up the plan to send you a massive box of hand-me-downs. Without the background, I would know from experience, that it was just a large footlocker sized INSULT and REMINDER of where you stood on the family "Hierarchy" and don't ever forget it! And to think of all the effort she had to put forth to send you the message. I think these fuckers would trek through a blizzard to remind us of where we stand on the family hierarchy.

      I had a similar experience except I actually needed help. I was around 21, 22 and I had just moved back to my home city. I was looking for work, and struggling to pay my rent. It took a while to find a job and all my money went to rent and that meant none left over for a sufficient amount of food. So I started losing weight, and I was already on the thin side so there wasn't much to lose. Meanwhile MN sister is living comfortably - room and board - in MNM's large 3 bedroom townhouse. MNM is laid-off from her part-time job that she did for fun, so she is receiving unemployment cheques. To her that's "free" money so the tightwad bitch just uses these cheques to buy, buy, buy. One day the two bitches leave the key "under the mat" for me so I can get in to pick-up some mail that was sent to me. I remember I was fucking starving. I go into the kitchen and I see this note left on the fridge from MNM to MNsis. It's telling her to have a wonderful weekend (she had gone away for the weekend to a resort) and her credit card is attached... the note goes on to say to buy whatever she likes. Love Mom. Gag! The credit card was for a department store that had an amazing food floor and was conveniently located near their townhouse. Did I grab the card and get whatever "I" like? No. But I did go upstairs to peek in MNM's bedroom. I was astonished. It was like a shopping scene from a 1950's movie had exploded. There were boxes EVERYWHERE. Really nice boxes. I didn't even know retailers boxed stuff anymore. There were Hat boxes, shoe boxes, clothing boxes, jewelery boxes. Some of the items were spilling out of the boxes and on display, strewn across chairs and on the bed. It looked like a shopoholic had gone on a major bender. MNM was so cheap, she NEVER bought like that for herself, so it was this "free" money from the government - that she didn't need - that had incited her greedy spending spree.

      Fast forward a couple of weeks. By this time I had lost a noticeable amount of weight. I see MNsis one day, and I guess she reports back to MNM that I look skinny. So the two evil bitches accuse me of being anorexic. Next thing I know I'm having to defend myself to them. Yup. They just decided that I've got some kind of eating disorder. Finally I tell them I can't afford food. So the two evil witches conspire around their bubbling brew of poison to present to me a "gesture" of their "concern" and "good-will." MNM sister drops by my apartment with a bag of "food" for me. Now is it nice, healthy, fresh stuff from the department store food floor? Hell to the no! It's all crap. And all the stuff I hate and have always hated. There was some dusty old cans of pork 'n beans, ancient boxes of mac and cheese, powedered soup... it was all the shit that no one ever eats, but that just sits and gets dusty at the back of the kitchen cupboards... and maybe... is given for donation for food drives at Christmas. And among the goodies was some cheese. But not a block of cheese in its own package. It was a small slab of cheese choppped from their large chunk. Even the powdered soup wasn't a whole box, it was 2 individual packages taken from the box.

      Need I say more?

      Delete
    2. Reading your comment, the thought popped up that your MNM staged the entire scene at her place before having you pick up your mail there in her absence. Oh, and if one single charge had been made to her card or any item taken from her staged hoard, word of it would have been heard around the world!

      Delete
    3. Oneheart, I never thought of that, but these MNs are SO devious it is highly likely the entire scene was staged not only to make me feel bad, but to try and tempt me to use the credit card or steal. She was trying to frame me. MNM is incredibly stingy and withholding, so even the note and credit card for MN sister seemed a little over the top.

      When we analyze their behavior and peel back rotten layer after rotten layer, it's unbelievable how scheming and calculating they are - every word, every action is premeditated for effect. Their evil is deep rooted and there is no bottom to it. Thanks for you comment, it made me think.

      Delete
  5. In my opinion the worst thing that these disgusting people try to steal and destroy so mercilessly is your soul. My dreadful mother made me feel that I was totally worthless and in her own words as I was growing up, the sow who should never have been born. I'm so sorry that I have been unable to understand what has been going on, because if I had, then she would never have been given the chance to hurt me for so many years.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. SiennaRose, you made a very important point. The epitome of the narcissist's greed is to steal another's soul: an individual self, a person's essence, everything we are. That is the ultimate score for these disgusting, greedy creatures.

      Many of us feel this information comes to us too little to late. So you're not alone in that regard. I'm just hoping that one day a time machine is invented.

      Delete
  6. It almost seems like you interviewed my evil-ass mother to write this post...Guess that's probably not necessary because they're all the same.

    "The pleasure for this narc was knowing that you were in a bind, and it was going to cost you in terms of stress and inconvenience, and you would have to scramble to find a hotel and then pay through the nose for it. Denying something that was so easy to give made this narc feel powerful, and it demonstrated how mean and stingy and withholdng she actually was."
    This part made the hair on my arms stand up. It made me remember a time where I was a teenager and in an abusive relationship (wonder why that happened *insert eyeroll*). Anyway, I had not graduated college, had no money, and was desperate to escape. After being turned away by numerous women's shelters, I begged my mother, who was living in a large town home at the time, to allow me to stay there just long enough to save some money, which probably would have been a few months max. After that, I would be out on my own. She agreed, so I moved in.

    Fast forward a week or so. This evil bitch came up to me and snapped, "You are not going to be living here for free. You are going to have to pay rent!" I responded with, "Okay, how much do you want?" Whatever answer she came back with exceeded the amount of my paycheck, so I explained the situation and asked her to work with me a bit, then reminded her that I'd be out soon. She proceeded to inform me that this wasn't her problem, and that if I wanted to stay there I would come up with the money.

    I saw no other way out and ended up going back to my abuser. I put up with being battered physically, sexually, and emotionally just to complete enough classes to obtain a low level position in my field...and then I left his sorry ass and got an apartment of my own, but that's another story. :)

    This evil bitch may have tried to murder my soul, but like everything else she's attempted in life, she failed. I'm here, and may be bent, but I'm not broken.

    ANON

    ReplyDelete
  7. "This evil bitch may have tried to murder my soul, but like everything else she's attempted in life, she failed. I'm here, and may be bent, but I'm not broken."

    You prevail ANON! You have not succumbed to her evil. You are doing the exact OPPOSITE of what she wants you to do... you are walking tall and strong and moving forward and leaving the crazy evil bitch in your dust! I hope it gives you even more satisfcation to know how much this pisses her off.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Good god Lisette you are spot on gifts. My N wife despises video games, my young son loves them (no surprise him and 100 million others). She takes every opportunity to denigrate and mock him for this. Trust me he gets his school work and other responsibilities done first, is in great shape, all that.

    One month when she must have felt she was really losing her grip. That is, I think her behavior was getting so selfish she couldn't even lie to herself. That and she maybe noticed the kids and I have a life and relationship with each other that is totally lacking with her. She takes him out to pre-order a video game. There is nothing out he wants, but she insists. To show her generosity.

    My son and I talk, and he knows this is weird since mom hates video games. May be why this game still sits at the store and he couldn't care less.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Lisette, thank you for writing about your experiences (as painful as the memories may seem). I can resonate with a lot what you have gone through and its a comforting thought that you are not alone. I grew up with a mother quite like yours and am only now separating myself from her. Nothing I did was ever good enough and she reminded me of how ungrateful I was (even though I did the best I could to be a good daughter).

    To add insult to injury, I started dating a man who is a narcissist five years ago. The five years was such an uphealving battle. His lies, cheating and selfish ways were picking at me until I finally flipped. I know they say not to get angry with a narcissist but damn it felt good and he didn't even say ONE word afterwards! Not only that, but I send a lovely anonymous email to his girlfriend in letting her know what the situation was. Too many men get away with cheating because women don't want to be the ones to do anything about it. I'm tired of these narcissist thinking they can get away with everything.

    ReplyDelete